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Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 9:25am On Jul 15, 2019
xavuv:
Be strong @OP. Dont try not to think much about these negagivities from your dad, because, in reality we attract what we fear most.


Thank you boss.
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 9:34am On Jul 15, 2019
ifyalways:
Your dad is old. Memory fails.

He could have misplaced the money somewhere in the house, or even spent it and have forgotten, you are the only person that visited so he's not totally wrong to ask you.

If he outrightly hated you, he won't loan you 20K.

If you can, visit him again and try to make peace with him. He's an old man, people around him are the problem, not him. They feed him bad information about you and he's acting on it.


Thanks for your counsel, Ma'am, but I don't think I want to ever go back there to make any peace. Primarily, that's why I visited him, now look what it's cost me.
And this is not a memory or age problem o. It's a question of trust and disrespect. I lived with this man for 25 years, and believe me when I say even as a younger person, he was his abusive and toxic self.
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 9:36am On Jul 15, 2019
meezynetwork:
I understand how u feel. Just try and work hard and make your mum proud. Make legit money
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 9:39am On Jul 15, 2019
theButterfly:
Whether it's N43k or N63k, try and give it to him and don't accept anything from him henceforth.


It's the 20k loan plus missing 43k. I'd like to give him his 63k and put all this behind me, but my mum and siblings have strongly advised against that.
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Deepfeel(m): 11:27am On Jul 15, 2019
Doyou2019:



Well, this must mean that each one of us is a bastard then, as we all at one point or the other have found ourselves being treated like trash by this man. I'm only enraged because I thought at over 70, he should have 'simmered' down a bit.
Oh he did that to all his kids, well looks like his personality in inbuilt, he will never change it's part of him
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 11:34am On Jul 15, 2019
Deepfeel:

Oh he did that to all his kids, well looks like his personality in inbuilt, he will never change it's part of him


The irony is that he's the one who feels hard done by, especially now that everyone is keeping a distance from him. How do you love a father, who doesn't understand a word of what love means?
Well, this episode is the last straw. I have only my mother to be responsible for. He can keep on spreading falsehood about me. I don't care anymore.
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Deepfeel(m): 11:47am On Jul 15, 2019
Doyou2019:



The irony is that he's the one who feels hard done by, especially now that everyone is keeping a distance from him. How do you love a father, who doesn't understand a word of what love means?
Well, this episode is the last straw. I have only my mother to be responsible for. He can keep on spreading falsehood about me. I don't care anymore.

No matter what you can't turn against your blood man, his an old man now write him a long letter reflect on how he has not being much of the father you all expected him to be, hit those spots that pains you the most role out those mistakes he has done, give him all the time to think about it after reading your letter somehow hopefully he might think about himself

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Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 11:52am On Jul 15, 2019
Deepfeel:


No matter what you can't turn against your blood man, his an old man now write him a long letter reflect on how he has not being much of the father you all expected him to be, hit those spots that pains you the most role out those mistakes he has done, give him all the time to think about it after reading your letter somehow hopefully he might think about himself


Nice try my brother, but with due respect, you don't know this man. My mom and I have done that severally in the past to no avail- many heart-to-heart conversations with strong emotions and he still wouldn't budge.
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by breadplanets(f): 1:39pm On Jul 15, 2019
Bros keep your distance. The closer you get to him the more emotional pain he inflicts on you. Been there done that. Face your life and make something of yourself. He won't change ever unless a miracle happens. Their repentance no dey last. Always comes back worse than it was. Don't ever allow him to make you think down on yourself. You are not the problem. He is!! Nothing is wrong with you he's the one with massive issues. Keep your distance. Bye bye......
Doyou2019:



Nice try my brother, but with due respect, you don't know this man. My mom and I have done that severally in the past to no avail- many heart-to-heart conversations with strong emotions and he still wouldn't budge.

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Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 2:09pm On Jul 15, 2019
breadplanets:
Bros keep your distance. The closer you get to him the more emotional pain he inflicts on you. Been there done that. Face your life and make something of yourself. He won't change ever unless a miracle happens. Their repentance no dey last. Always comes back worse than it was. Don't ever allow him to make you think down on yourself. You are not the problem. He is!! Nothing is wrong with you he's the one with massive issues. Keep your distance. Bye bye......


Many thanks Ma'am. Most appreciate this.

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Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by PoliteActivist: 2:21pm On Jul 15, 2019
xavuv:
Be strong @OP. Dont try not to think much about these negagivities from your dad, because, in reality we attract what we fear most.


@activist. I have read through your comments here on this topic. Im more than impressed. I feel like you are infact addressing what has been been botheribg me all this while.
Now i need more wisdom from you. I would like to share some personal things with you and i want you to advise me on it. Email will be ok, of you don't mind.

Thank you.

By all means. Of course. BTW u don't by any chance happen to be the OP's original moniker wink
Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by budaatum: 4:23am On Jul 16, 2019
Doyou2019:

The irony is that he's the one who feels hard done by, especially now that everyone is keeping a distance from him. How do you love a father, who doesn't understand a word of what love means?
Well, this episode is the last straw. I have only my mother to be responsible for. He can keep on spreading falsehood about me. I don't care anymore.
Of course he feels hard done by. If he didn't he'd change but by not taking responsibility for his own actions he doesn't have to. And the error nice people like you make is you think it isn't their fault so you forgive them all the time especially when they say they are sorry - a trick to pull you in just to hurt you all the more over. You ask your mum whom he beat so often and I bet she tells you he repented every so often until he'd battered the poor woman again and again and she finally had enough and left him. I bet you ask yourself you might find dad was nicer after he'd beaten mum too when you were 5. Its what abusers do, beat you up, blame you for it then compensate by being nice.

I tell people who go through what you're going through to love themselves more. Think of it this way, what would you tell your younger brother if he was going through what you're going through? Wouldn't you tell him his father doesn't love him, he should forget about him? I bet its what you told your mum after he'd beat her and before you stood up to him.

These sort of people tend to destroy a lot and the more he has access to you the more harm he'd do, and unfortunately, we Nigerians, fed on "love your father and your mother", find it very difficult to break away and love ourselves. Their trick is to make one feel worthless and there's nothing more worthless that not loving oneself. So let me repeat myself and say you have a responsibility to take care of Doyou2019 and what you're currently doing to Doyou2019 is not kind of you at all. I bet you'd be more responsible and caring if Doyou2019 was a child of yours. Doyou2019 is your number one responsibility, or number two if you want to place mum at number one, so please love Doyou2019 more and take good care of him. And never ever take anything from that man ever again! He'll just blackmail you everytime. If you start now educating Doyou2019 he should learn to starve first before eating his father's food or take his money. Starving won't kill you and you'd even be prouder of yourself for refusing to eat his food whilst you were hungry and your next meal will taste much sweater too.

I got to tell you with tears in my eyes as I write this that I'm hurting for Doyou2019 already. Please know that all this is very easy to say and harder to actually do, but you owe Doyou2019 a lot already so start now, be strong and stop the harm being done to Doyou2019. While you're at it spend his 20k on ma and something good for Doyou2019. Call it money for plaster and put it over your distress. He can get it back when you throw his smelly corpse in the ground!

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Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by Doyou2019: 4:46am On Jul 16, 2019
budaatum:

Of course he feels hard done by. If he didn't he'd change but by not taking responsibility for his own actions he doesn't have to. And the error nice people like you make is you think it isn't their fault so you forgive them all the time especially when they say they are sorry - a trick to pull you in just to hurt you all the more over. You ask your mum whom he beat so often and I bet she tells you he repented every so often until he'd battered the poor woman again and again and she finally had enough and left him. I bet you ask yourself you might find dad was nicer after he'd beaten mum too when you were 5. Its what abusers do, beat you up, blame you for it then compensate by being nice.

I tell people who go through what you're going through to love themselves more. Think of it this way, what would you tell your younger brother if he was going through what you're going through? Wouldn't you tell him his father doesn't love him, he should forget about him? I bet its what you told your mum after he'd beat her and before you stood up to him.

These sort of people tend to destroy a lot and the more he has access to you the more harm he'd do, and unfortunately, we Nigerians, fed on "love your father and your mother", find it very difficult to break away and love ourselves. Their trick is to make one feel worthless and there's nothing more worthless that not loving oneself. So let me repeat myself and say you have a responsibility to take care of Doyou2019 and what you're currently doing to Doyou2019 is not kind of you at all. I bet you'd be more responsible and caring if Doyou2019 was a child of yours. Doyou2019 is your number one responsibility, or number two if you want to place mum at number one, so please love Doyou2019 more and take good care of him. And never ever take anything from that man ever again! He'll just blackmail you everytime. If you start now educating Doyou2019 he should learn to starve first before eating his father's food or take his money. Starving won't kill you and you'd even be prouder of yourself for refusing to eat his food whilst you were hungry and your next meal will taste much sweater too.

I got to tell you with tears in my eyes as I write this that I'm hurting for Doyou2019 already. Please know that all this is very easy to say and harder to actually do, but you owe Doyou2019 a lot already so start now, be strong and stop the harm being done to Doyou2019. While you're at it spend his 20k on ma and something good for Doyou2019. Call it money for plaster and put it over your distress. He can get it back when you throw his smelly corpse in the ground!


God bless you for this piece, Sir. You sure understand the psychology in play here.

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Re: Fighting False Accusations And Ridicule From A Father by breadplanets(f): 5:54am On Jul 17, 2019
budaatum:

Of course he feels hard done by. If he didn't he'd change but by not taking responsibility for his own actions he doesn't have to. And the error nice people like you make is you think it isn't their fault so you forgive them all the time especially when they say they are sorry - a trick to pull you in just to hurt you all the more over. You ask your mum whom he beat so often and I bet she tells you he repented every so often until he'd battered the poor woman again and again and she finally had enough and left him. I bet you ask yourself you might find dad was nicer after he'd beaten mum too when you were 5. Its what abusers do, beat you up, blame you for it then compensate by being nice.

I tell people who go through what you're going through to love themselves more. Think of it this way, what would you tell your younger brother if he was going through what you're going through? Wouldn't you tell him his father doesn't love him, he should forget about him? I bet its what you told your mum after he'd beat her and before you stood up to him.

These sort of people tend to destroy a lot and the more he has access to you the more harm he'd do, and unfortunately, we Nigerians, fed on "love your father and your mother", find it very difficult to break away and love ourselves. Their trick is to make one feel worthless and there's nothing more worthless that not loving oneself. So let me repeat myself and say you have a responsibility to take care of Doyou2019 and what you're currently doing to Doyou2019 is not kind of you at all. I bet you'd be more responsible and caring if Doyou2019 was a child of yours. Doyou2019 is your number one responsibility, or number two if you want to place mum at number one, so please love Doyou2019 more and take good care of him. And never ever take anything from that man ever again! He'll just blackmail you everytime. If you start now educating Doyou2019 he should learn to starve first before eating his father's food or take his money. Starving won't kill you and you'd even be prouder of yourself for refusing to eat his food whilst you were hungry and your next meal will taste much sweater too.

I got to tell you with tears in my eyes as I write this that I'm hurting for Doyou2019 already. Please know that all this is very easy to say and harder to actually do, but you owe Doyou2019 a lot already so start now, be strong and stop the harm being done to Doyou2019. While you're at it spend his 20k on ma and something good for Doyou2019. Call it money for plaster and put it over your distress. He can get it back when you throw his smelly corpse in the ground!
You understand perfectly well. I couldn't have said it better. God bless you

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