Im sure you undersatnd this question. There are times women despise their husbands, just because of their fathers and mums, especially if the woman's parents are rich and the guy is not. In my candid opinion I think the man is the head of the home and the wife should obey her husband more than her parents, afterall the parents agree to give her in marriage to the man, there should be minimal intervention, especially those that could bring disaffection between the couple.
A situation whereby the wife's mum lives abroad and expects the daughter (wife) to always carry out her errands at her beck and call could hinder a happy home for her daughter, especially if all is not well between the mother and her in-law (husband).

Lets make a lively interaction out of this post. Its very practical, and it sure will teach us one or more lessons.

Dear Poster,
You know a woman should respect her husband at all times. But we women also have to honour our parents and take care of them in their old age.
Maybe if you learn to show your parent IL the same love you show your own parents, you would not find yourself asking this question.
You know older people can sometimes be a bit difficult but we need to show them love and care, they made us what we are today.
This kind of confrontation will cause your wife great pain and put her in a conflict situation.

mutter:

Dear Poster,
You know a woman should respect her husband at all times. But we women also have to honour our parents and take care of them in their old age.
Maybe if you learn to show your parent IL the same love you show your own parents, you would not find yourself asking this question.
You know older people can sometimes be a bit difficult but we need to show them love and care, they made us what we are today.
This kind of confrontation will cause your wife great pain and put her in a conflict situation.

you really made my heart soften with your reply. thanks.

I think a soft heart and the fear of God can hold every marriage and make happy homes.
Your wife may not always react the right way when in such a situation, because sometimes when people are pushed in a tight corner, the just fling out their hands wildly and rational reason does not work. That is why you feel she is confronting you and her parents are in control.
As the man of the house you need to have a soft heart and explain to your wife in a sympathetic way what you want and try to get her to see reason.
Management by love is the right way to lead a home. You need to know that women can say allot of things they do not really mean when they are hurt.
You know when a husband is kind to his inlaws it is the greatest pride of the woman in front of her parents. The joy of having your parents tell you you made the right choice.
It will only make her love you more. I think you are on the right track.
A happy home is the foundation your children will build on.