WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS?
1. Passion is finite in a relationship. If you want it to last, make your presence comfortable, not intense.

2. If your partner wants space, give them that. But if you use “I want space” manipulatively to get their attention, simply stop it.

3. Affection fluctuates throughout all relationships. Grass in most cases isn’t greener on the other side.

4. When trust is broken, putting it together takes a long time and cracks will remain forever. So try not to break it.

5. Flirting, casual or intentional, still counts as cheating in the eyes of the other person. How you define it doesn’t matter.

6. Few people can say no to a flirty charming man/woman. If you want more than instant excitement at the potential cost of your long-term happiness, shut out the irrelevant people completely. Don’t tell your partner nothing will happen.

7. When they already forgave you for a mistake, don’t make the same one again. So you show your partner that you take them seriously.

8. Not everything that went wrong can be made right. Sometimes it’s probably the best to let it go. Plus don’t play victim all the time.

9. The first-time betrayal (any form) might be an accident. Forgive them and move on. If it happens again, walk away and never comes back unless you want a third time.

10. Try your best to be a positive person. Being charming isn’t about looks only. Nobody likes to be treated like a complaints recycling bin.

11. Looks still matter though; even you are together for a long time. (But it’s not everything.)

12. Telling your partner how you feel is silly when you are on the edge of a break-up. Don’t beg, plead, devalue yourself by taking full responsibility for the relationship failure, because a. they don’t give a damn and b. it’s never one person’s fault. If you want to cry, do it secretly.

13. Try to distinguish hating to lose him/her from loving him/her.

14. If you want to break up, don’t tell him/her now. Give yourself a week or a few weeks to think about it.

15. Men think straight. Women say things they don’t mean; mean things they don’t say (ugh).

16. It takes two to communicate. Don’t be a child trying to make the other person yield by emotionally abusing them.

17. There are a lot of things you can’t control, including the other person’s thoughts. Don’t force things. It won’t succeed.

18. Even you can’t force things; you can influence them, positively of course.

19. Right after the break-up you will feel desperate. Try to calm down and reflect on what you had done wrong that contributed to the break-up and what kind of people you really want to be with. Believe that over time, you will heal (more than cliche).

20. Don’t contact your ex (do your best not to). This isn’t the new “hard to get” game. The time disappearing from his/her world is primarily to help you live again as an independent person. You will fail in future relationships if you don’t know how to be alone.

21. Good relationships should bring out the best of us, not the worst. And good relationships don’t just fall from sky. You two should make it good.

22. A failed relationship isn’t utterly bad. Human being selectively remembers the most recent things that happened while ignoring the good earlier memories. (read < thinking, fast and slow> by Daniel Kahneman, fantastic book)

23. Women need transparency; men need space. Try to balance things out a bit.

24. Assumptions made are mostly incorrect (Especially by women, who connect the wrong dots. Again, read the book in no.22)

25. Don’t be self-centered. Nobody is obligated to put up with the ugly/paranoid side of you, all the time.

26. There are other priorities in life that make you a better, more lovable person. They help you make the relationship sustainable, too. (Helpful to overcome no. 25)

27. Either wanting your partner all the time or wanting an affair can be attributed to (not always though) not being busy enough. It’s kinda (actually very) pathetic.

28. If you always act like you can’t live without the other person, chances are he/she will get annoyed and leave.

29. Screenshot those arguments, in the worst communication of text for instance, and review it afterwards. You will realise how damn nasty you were to them. Guys, please, words can hurt really badly.

30. Do you want to be “right”, or do you want to be with the person you love?

31. If you are bitter, don’t expect your partner to be sweet. If you want to question if they love you, question first if you love him/her to a point of equality you are allegedly (sometimes ironically) seeking.

32. Throwing emotions doesn’t love them. Regulating those emotions is necessary but a lot of people don’t know that. I was one of them.

33. Love that person the best you can when you are still together. Because love doesn’t happen all the time.

34. Reading this answer might not eliminate your pain. But it helps you see things clearer.

35. Most people, even after reading an answer like this, will still make some of the mistakes mentioned. I was one of them.


How can you apply this to your previous relationship?




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