KanuSE:


Let me clear my position so you don't get it twisted ok.

If there is physical abuse is any relationship it's a NO for me - the victim needs to move on.

@bolded, you have actually covered most of the issues affecting a marriage & I believe that if the two are willing, infidelity also can be forgiven - I have seen it happen.

It's a relief to know that you also hold the position that many issues in marriage can be fixed - good way to start.

MrBrownJay1:


You sound as if I am saying that the minute ANYTHING doesn't go your way in marriage, you should leave.... you make no sense. What's next? Your wifey and you have a small disagreement, so you should divorce her?!?!?!?

There is a huge difference between having small fixable marital differences and going to open your legs to another, behind your spouse's back.

MrBrownJay1:


I am a realistic...who has a brain and use common sense to view these issues. People get married for a purpose and the minute such purpose ain't there any longer, I believe they should NOT stay married to one another. TRUST RESPECT LOVE and HONESTY are foundation of such purpose

KanuSE:


Even @bolded, I maintain that infidelity can be forgiven if the two are willing.

I admire how you're trying to water down strong stance - skillful.

KanuSE:


Even @bolded, I maintain that infidelity can be forgiven if the two are willing.

I admire how you're trying to water down strong stance - skillful.

KanuSE:


MrBrownJay1 is coming round bit by bit, he/she now admits that many issues in marriage can be fixed - good for a start.

Back to your question @bolded - I share that concern coz I believe in gender equality but we need not shy away from the fact that we complement each other just as we have our respective places in the social structure.

Today's world now tolerates female participation at all levels in our society & we cannot underestimate the importance of same with regards to the rapid growth/advancement in every spheres of life in recent years, particularly in the science & technology, healthcare, politics sectors amongst others.

KanuSE:


Lol

KanuSE:


Let me clear my position so you don't get it twisted ok.

If there is physical abuse is any relationship it's a NO for me - the victim needs to move on.

@bolded, you have actually covered most of the issues affecting a marriage & I believe that if the two are willing, infidelity also can be forgiven - I have seen it happen.

It's a relief to know that you also hold the position that many issues in marriage can be fixed - good way to start.

KanuSE:


We're saying the same thing

- our level of intelligence wouldn't recognize our integral nature coz over the centuries we've formed social standards for ourselves to govern our conducts.

- now there's the knowledge of what's right & what's not right, therefore our consciousness operates in that realm of which creates a conflict between what we are and what we now think we should be.

U gerrit?

MrBrownJay1:


Of course infidelity can be forgiven [s]BY LOW SELF ESTEEM PEOPLE.... desperate to stay married at ANY cost,[/s] in order to keep the charade of "Mrs happily married somebody"

KanuSE:


So they have low self esteem because they choose to forgive their spouses' infidelity. Look here, this world is not a difficult place to live but we humans do all to complicate things. What's the big deal in forgiving your unfaithful spouse if you still want them around & they're sober?

My question to you is - what's the probability of getting it right a second time if everyone subscribes to your method?

Is there a guarantee that it's gonna be greener on the other side?

Can you categorically say that every divorcee is entirely happy?

MrBrownJay1:

Pls, by all means, tell us all why anyone would stay with someone who obviously has NO respect for them OR their union, and who would gladly cheat/deceive/lies to them?!

KanuSE:


So they have low self esteem because they choose to forgive their spouses' infidelity. Look here, this world is not a difficult place to live but we humans do all to complicate things. What's the big deal in forgiving your unfaithful spouse if you still want them around & they're sober?

My question to you is - what's the probability of getting it right a second time if everyone subscribes to your method?

Is there a guarantee that it's gonna be greener on the other side?

Can you categorically say that every divorcee is entirely happy?

Mayflowa:



You seem to believe Americans and others have the right and best attitude to life. They have the largest share of mental and emotional sickness and suicide rate even with all the support system available to them. It is degrading to call anyone low self-esteem for her choice. Don't wear people African garment to curse them out.

Let me give you an instant of difference in cultural attitude: There are many western women who bring younger lovers to bed while their husbands watch. or even pertake. I bet you don't say anything about low-self esteem there.

Toks2008:


And who is safe from HIV?

This is the most laughable excuse ladies give.

Except they will never make love without condom with any other man in their life again then this excuse go make sense.

Pattypatt:
I won't leave him too, rather will give him a packet of condom and also concentrate on my career and kids, a busy woman does not have time to chase her husband around.

Magnoliaa:


Wow.

This is shocking, really trying to get your reasoning here.

So, HIV is everywhere, right? Like, REALLY in every places? If you leave a place, you very well will find yourself in a place with HIV, too? So, there aren't places, men etc that are free from HIV? HIV is constantly around you, on a daily basis that you just shouldn't bother doing something about your environment or well-being?

So, if there's a danger, fire or something harmful around you, don't try to do anything it?

And @ your last statement, beautiful reasoning there. Every guy out there is infected with HIV, so just with the cheating partner you have...

SMH.

So sick.

Toks2008:


I'm trying not to be surprised by your reasoning.

Is there anything hard for you to comprehend in my post or you just want to post for the sake of it.

Ladies give the excuse that they may contract HIV from a cheating man so they leave and as logical as it sounds my question is very clear..."Will they not make love ever again without a condom? If yes fine but if NO then what is the guaranty that the new guy does not have it already? That he shows you q negative test result today does not mean he can't get it tomorrow.

What is the point? The moment you find out your husband is cheating just switch him to booty call mode and start using condom with him rather than running out of your marriage like mumu. Trust me, outside is full of single ladies and it will take the grave of GOD FOR the lady to get q decent guy that will want to be with a divorcee and when the lady already has kids then it makes it worse.

Magnoliaa:



Exactly my point. I was only reiterating your opinion, which is that there's a high chance that the next guy out there is already infected, so just stay with your cheating spouse. Somehow, every guy out there is infected. You're just going to end up with an infected guy.

There's zero chance that you'll find a faithful guy, free from STIs, right? Because HIV/AIDS is that common.



Why are you assuming the lady will be leaving her marriage to get into another marriage again? Is that all there is to do? To life? Herself?

A divorcee doesn't necessarily have to re-marry again and if they choose to, or rather if some kind of men (or women) doesn't want them, well . . . good riddance.

Toks2008:


So is it worth it leaving your marriage to be celibate forever? Let's be frank dearie.. it's not worth it except you just want to argue for its sake.

MrBrownJay1:


Why wouldn't men cheat when women think like the OP?! It's a clear confirmation that, whatever he does, his desperate wife would forgive him and stay by his side regardless.... thus fucking the maid, beat her black and blue etc



The issue is not really about forgiving anyone who is remorseful...it's about a low self esteem woman who is accepting failure before it even happens.

The above you wrote also sends a wrong message out there: just do what evil rubbish you want in marriage, then just say you are sorry, and your desperate low self esteem wife will forgive any act.



Love you too my brotha...

Toks2008:


So is it worth it leaving your marriage to be celibate forever? Let's be frank dearie.. it's not worth it except you just want to argue for its sake.

Toks2008:


Continue writing grammar and not face reality.

If your husband for any reason cheats on you please leave him you hear.. And let's see if you will marry a man that will not even do worse.

Infact I always look at any lady with your opinion with great pity cos I see them as potentially depressed women.

A lady once called me and crying profusely that she is lonely and I told her to go back to her husband that she left cos he cheated on her...4 months latter she called back full of joy to thank me.

Let me tell you this home made truth and it's up to you to take it or continue to live in delusion.

The fact that polygamy is a choice and not a crime means no reasonable lady needs leave her marriage cos her husband cheats on her...rather than leave just switch the guy to a booty call and use a condom to be with him whilst you face your life n that of your child or children...but if you foolishly leave I bet you have just signed yourself into possible misery cos most guys out there will use you as proper intimacy gadget...you will lose your dignity and value in the hands of Randy men and even the one that chooses a to be with you will think he is doing you a favour

Stupid marriage counsellors will tell you leave but I am telling you this minute that if you leave, the guy will move on with his life and whilst he will be having a swell time, you will be their sulking, lonely and depressed.

Let me stop here.

That your opinion with his doesn't align doesn't make him ignorant. Why not educate us?