SirVintageCock:
. I abhor violence and if someone left his or her marriage because they refused to be a punching bag to some half crazed indolent beast who cannot control his or her anger, that person needs to be applauded not chastised.
How many of these abusers talk back or beat up their bosses in their various offices or wherever they are lowest in the totem pole because their Ogas berated them
Abusers especially the serial abusers are often cowards who reeks of low self esteem. Beating up the weak and the defenseless is their only way of feeling good albeit negatively.

God bless you,

Ineedyouradvise:


If you read through my initial post, there was never a time I painted myself to be a saint, there's no perfect human. of course, no one gets married to become separated or divorced later.
When issues arises in marriage, it is imperative that both couples find ways to resolve them, when issues can't be resolved, it's just a time bomb waiting to blow.

Let me ask you a question;
If you had an issue with your wife, would it be enough reason to deny her conjugal rights? Or hit her till she lay in a pool of her own blood? Or refuse to provide for your own home?

I perfectly understand there's no perfect home, every marriages experiences one issue or the other, and your ability to work on it makes you matured. but when you keep making your other half feel like you are doing them a favor by being married to them, probably cause you feel they have a soft heart then that's frustrating.

ma'am your inquisitive mind would have directed you, on what to do initially,before the issues escalated to the extent of him using his hands on you.

first I believe before things gone these bad, you must have been seeing the signs but you chooses to ignore it, when you first notice his strange behaviour, did you care to address the issues lovingly or you chooses to ignore it?

i must tell you different men has their own way of settling their issues, some chooses a life of solitude for the time being, whereas some might start doing some other funny things till they are able to get their minds together.

for him not care about his conjugal right anymore says a lot about the whole scenario, that man might be going through some difficult moments apart from finance,that you didn't care to know. the problem might be partly comes from you, you might not know,his people not calling you till these moment, says a lot about you and the issues, which I don't want to go into details about it. women needs to understand that men are humans after all, they have their emotional moments.

you would have dug deep, and know the root cause of his sudden change in attitude, before leaving the house in the first place.

try and do some recollections, you will definitely see where things went wrong, please for no just cause never use abusive words on your partner, whether jokingly or in a heated arguments.

anyways you knows him better than I do, I wish you good luck in whatever ways you decide to settle the issues.

Mekenz:
ma'am your inquisitive mind would have directed you, on what to do initially,before the issues escalated to the extent of him using his hands on you.

first I believe before things gone these bad, you must have been seeing the signs but you chooses to ignore it, when you first notice his strange behaviour, did you care to address the issues lovingly or you chooses to ignore it?

i must tell you different men has their own way of settling their issues, some chooses a life of solitude for the time being, whereas some might start doing some other funny things till they are able to get their minds together.

for him not care about his conjugal right anymore says a lot about the whole scenario, that man might be going through some difficult moments apart from finance,that you didn't care to know. the problem might be partly comes from you, you might not know,his people not calling you till these moment, says a lot about you and the issues, which I don't want to go into details about it. women needs to understand that men are humans after all, they have their emotional moments.

you would have dug deep, and know the root cause of his sudden change in attitude, before leaving the house in the first place.

try and do some recollections, you will definitely see where things went wrong, please for no just cause never use abusive words on your partner, whether jokingly or in a heated arguments.

anyways you knows him better than I do, I wish you good luck in whatever ways you decide to settle the issues.

Hmmmm...I have read all your accounts through this thread and silently prayed for the woman that would be saddled with you eventually. May God help her. May she be blessed with Job's patience. May she have some serious self defence skills to teach you how to settle dispute without resorting to violence...may God sha help sha...she would need all the help she can get!

Your reasoning is shocking. Your defence or shall I call it absolute oblivion of your ridiculousness is even more shocking. May God bless us all according to the works of our hands fa...it is well.

sisisioge:


Hmmmm...I have read all your accounts through this thread and silently prayed for the woman that would be saddled with you eventually. May God help her. May she be blessed with Job's patience. May she have some serious self defence skills to teach you how to settle dispute without resorting to violence...may God sha help sha...she would need all the help she can get!

Your reasoning is shocking. Your defence or shall I call it absolute oblivion of your ridiculousness is even more shocking. May God bless us all according to the works of our hands fa...it is well.

Amen!!

Mekenz:
you shouldn't have left in that manner, considering the fact that children is now involve, marriage is not a bed of roses, I know of a woman that has issues with her husband to the extent that, they no longer sleep in the same room, in fact they live like neighbours, for some months till they decided to resolve their issues for the sake of the children, she didn't leave her home,rather she gave the husband some distance, she cooks,take care of the children and concentrate on her work only, while praying for her husband to turn a new leaf, I know about it because the woman confided with me, people should not always be in a haste to leave their homes when the going get sour, marriage is for better for worse. if he is beating you at will, then try as much as you could to avoid a situation like that, I believe you didn't get married to the devil, he still has his good sides.

Why is it that we never hear stories of men praying forbtheir wives to turn a newvleaf, it is always women Doing the praying.


I'm sure if Nigeria was like America where The man looses everything during a divorce it is the man that would be fasting and praying.

Nonsense.

donbachi:
she should 4give him.

I hope you also forgive your wife if she cheats, beats you and neglects you if not you are an hypocrite.

what is good for peter is good for paul.

[quote author=generationz post=81821663]


Why is it that we never hear stories of men praying forbtheir wives to turn a newvleaf, it is always women Doing the praying.


I'm sure if Nigeria was like America where The man looses everything during a divorce it is the man that would be fasting and praying.

Nonsense.[/quote

is nature that made it that way, even in the bible so don't get too emotional about it, a good wife take care of her home, support her man. men are not that complicated to handle so to speak.

[quote author=Mekenz post=81822057][/quote]


You are using the Bible to stop support this stupid thing you just wrote God will never forgive you for this. nonsense

generationz:



You are using the Bible to stop support this stupid thing you just wrote God will never forgive you for this. nonsense

sorry are you not a Christian? why shouldn't I back my claims biblically since is God that ordained the institution.

God is not a man....chill you don't order him on whom to punish..... peace.

generationz:


I hope you also forgive your wife if she cheats, beats you and neglects you if not you are an hypocrite.

what is good for peter is good for paul.

lol

peter:
lol

you're free to lols......seriously I have never seen,where a man will dole out a huge sum of money in marrying a woman, with the intentions of maltreating her after, I have a friend he is a weed smoker, which the wife is aware of,before they got married. he is now complaining to me that, the wife no longer respect him unlike before, even going to the extent of denying him sex sometimes, all because he smokes which the wife no longer tolerate. she married him bearing in mind that he smokes,now she wants to change him by force. tomorrow now she might no longer remember, why the husband chooses to ignores her, when he must have moved on to maybe other girls outside. or started being violence on her as the case maybe.

at opp....

if she can look inwards, she will see where the problem started.......

Ineedyouradvise:


I endured a lot, I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to clear my head.

Your husband has laid his cards on the table, unapologetically. The whole world knows he is a violent man. It's left for you to use your God given sense.

My dear, your marriage was filled with spiritual manipulations immediately your dowry was paid.

Take a cue from funke akindele. She married JJC, all by herself far away in UK , without carrying family along.
See where they are now? Married, happy with kids.
Her first marriage she did with her first husband collapsed like a pack of cards after all the asoebis and all.
But JJC who has three baby mama's with how many kids, she got married to him quietly and they are happy.
Know the kind of family u come from and so. U know how to handle the next marriage coming into your life. Cause it's clear your marriage is jinxed already. Only a miracle from a great man of God can restore your home again.
It's a pity both of you are going through such. May God heal your heart and mind towards him in Jesus name amen.


And even the kind of wedding I want. Quiet without much family and friends getting involved. Cos two uncles are already fighting who will collect my dowry and whose house my marriage rites will take place . With such negative energies I don't need it, when I want to start a new home. So I would definitely prefer Somewhere far away from all of them. I can't shout. Let them keep fighting amongst themselves. Anyways I'm even an orphan sef, so it's better and easier for me to move far away from negative energies.

victorian:
My dear, your marriage was filled with spiritual manipulations immediately your dowry was paid.

Take a cue from funke akindele. She married JJC, all by herself far away in UK , without carrying family along.
See where they are now? Married, happy with kids.
Her first marriage she did with her first husband collapsed like a pack of cards after all the asoebis and all.
But JJC who has three baby mama's with how many kids, she got married to him quietly and they are happy.
Know the kind of family u come from and so. U know how to handle the next marriage coming into your life. Cause it's clear your marriage is jinxed already. Only a miracle from a great man of God can restore your home again.
It's a pity both of you are going through such. May God heal your heart and mind towards him in Jesus name amen.


And even the kind of wedding I want. Quiet without much family and friends getting involved. Cos two uncles are already fighting who will collect my dowry and whose house my marriage rites will take place . With such negative energies I don't need it, when I want to start a new home. So I would definitely prefer Somewhere far away from all of them. I can't shout. Let them keep fighting amongst themselves. Anyways I'm even an orphan sef, so it's better and easier for me to move far away from negative energies.

God is there for u sis.

Hmmm.. Whatever happens, i definitely would come out stronger, thanks for the encouragement.

Ineedyouradvise:
Hmmm.. Whatever happens, i definitely would come out stronger, thanks for the encouragement.

Amen, just think about your life and sanity first.

You were not wrong to leave. I'm sure the kids witnessed some of the batterings. Just tell them daddy travelled and he loves them. The story will change when they grow.

comtem2011:
God is there for u sis.

Thanks dear, amen!

Mekenz:
ma'am your inquisitive mind would have directed you, on what to do initially,before the issues escalated to the extent of him using his hands on you.

first I believe before things gone these bad, you must have been seeing the signs but you chooses to ignore it, when you first notice his strange behaviour, did you care to address the issues lovingly or you chooses to ignore it?

i must tell you different men has their own way of settling their issues, some chooses a life of solitude for the time being, whereas some might start doing some other funny things till they are able to get their minds together.

for him not care about his conjugal right anymore says a lot about the whole scenario, that man might be going through some difficult moments apart from finance,that you didn't care to know. the problem might be partly comes from you, you might not know,his people not calling you till these moment, says a lot about you and the issues, which I don't want to go into details about it. women needs to understand that men are humans after all, they have their emotional moments.

you would have dug deep, and know the root cause of his sudden change in attitude, before leaving the house in the first place.

try and do some recollections, you will definitely see where things went wrong, please for no just cause never use abusive words on your partner, whether jokingly or in a heated arguments.

anyways you knows him better than I do, I wish you good luck in whatever ways you decide to settle the issues.

Your brain is filled with fufu, akamu, and every liquid thing imaginable if you blindly cannot accept the fact that domestic violence is WRONG no matter who or where the faults comes from or who started it, I read all your disgusting comments right from the first page and there was bile in my mouth, the urge to pray for your unborn daughter or already existing one to marry a man that will beat her to the extent of pool of blood is soo strong, but I wouldn't do it, instead I will pray for you in my heart, and hope that one day, you will have a fight with a FELLOW man, who will make you swim in your pool of blood, so that you will know how it feels.

Same goes for others who have this insane man's kind of thinking

[quote author=Mekenz post=81822057][/quote]


I am sorry o, but you dey craze.

Mekenz:
sorry are you not a Christian? why shouldn't I back my claims biblically since is God that ordained the institution.

God is not a man....chill you don't order him on whom to punish..... peace.

I apologise once again, but you are not well, God also gave us free will, follow the bible with logical thinking and sense.

Mekenz:
you're free to lols......seriously I have never seen,where a man will dole out a huge sum of money in marrying a woman, with the intentions of maltreating her after, I have a friend he is a weed smoker, which the wife is aware of,before they got married. he is now complaining to me that, the wife no longer respect him unlike before, even going to the extent of denying him sex sometimes, all because he smokes which the wife no longer tolerate. she married him bearing in mind that he smokes,now she wants to change him by force. tomorrow now she might no longer remember, why the husband chooses to ignores her, when he must have moved on to maybe other girls outside. or started being violence on her as the case maybe.

at opp....

if she can look inwards, she will see where the problem started.......

What if that your friends wife wants him to stop smoking cos of the kids? Ask your friend if he wouldnt mind seeing his kids smoking weed at a tender age and telling everyone they copied it from their father, who will be embarrassed?

Mekenz:
are you trying to tell me that, the woman will be on her own and the man will just come and start beating her for no just reason? is it not from series of quarrels and arguments that results in fighting? why can't she try as much as she could to avoid that kind of situation, at least for the sake of her children, she knows her husband better, maybe he is a wife beater. in that case she should avoid any serious quarrels and arguments with her husband. imaging a situation where the husband throws an insulting word's at her, and she replied.... God bless you..... at least for peace to reign.


n.b it take's two to quarrel and vice vasa.

it can happen that the husband can start beating the wife , I have a lot of matrimonial experience even it happened in my face so it could happen for the man to start beating his wife without any interrogation. may God save us from the attitude.

Ineedyouradvise:
Good day nairalanders, I had to use a new moniker.
I was married for 5years, blessed with 2 children, we dated for 1year before we got married. At a point in the marriage, domestic violence became a regular occurrence, after which he would apologize. I wouldn't say I noticed this aspect of him while dating. Of course I know I'm not perfect, but I tried my best to be the best wife to him and mother to the children.

To the main issue, there were a lot of issues that made me leave his house, he wasn't providing for his home, he works and earn well, so money wasn't his problem, I work also so I wasn't totally depending on him for everything, he hardly wants to have sex with me, I am neat as well, keeps late night, and he hits me severally. I left his house with my kids, after he hit me and left me in a pool of blood, this happened about 4months ago, but till now he hasn't called to find out about our whereabouts or to even know why I left.

I loved him so much that I endured a lot of things, but things kept getting worse,i had to leave. It's 4 months I left but only his elder brother has called once to find out what happened.
I am actually surprised he can stay this long without thinking about where his family are, probably that was what he wanted.
I never wished for my children to experience this, they keep asking me where's daddy?

Was I wrong to have left?
What necessary actions do you think I can take for him to be involved in his children's life?

N.B: both families have been involved in settling issues resulting from domestic violence severally.
He grew up with his father as his parents were separated due to some issues, leaving him and his siblings while he was barely 2years old due.

I need matured advice please.

I had to put this here cause i need matured answers too.....I've been dating my man for 4yrs now,i also have a child for him out of wedlock...Lately he has been doing things he never did like smoking,Yahoo Yahoo,sleeping in an hotel ,really bad stuffs that he clearly knows i don't like....The time i caught him red handed with a prostitute,he Didn't apologize,he had to hit me and blame me for all of his actions...I couldn't take it anymore so i left the house to somewhere far,after 3days,He called to apologize about all he did also he said he has realised his mistakes and he needs me to come home with our baby to stay with him...I stayed where i was until the 5th day which was saturday,i told him to send some money to me so i can come back,then we would meet in church the next day so we could meet our pastor..He sent the money and i travelled back home....The next day we met our pastor and discussed,my mom and dad where present,we all said what had happened and how we felt,so the conclusion was we should still stay apart till everybody calms down...He has apologized,and i love him but my feelings are mixed,i wouldn't like a situation whereby i would return to the house and all this fight and restless mind would start again....he also said that the things he has been doing was as a result of the marine spirit disturbing him,he insists that he has changed and wants us back home but i decided with the pastor to stay apart because i really want to be convinced that he has changed before going back....please i need your advice..
NOTE:4yrs now we've always fought like this,am confused,he loves me and i love him too but bis behaviour is something else.

Jessie21:
I had to put this here cause i need matured answers too.....I've been dating my man for 4yrs now,i also have a child for him out of wedlock...Lately he has been doing things he never did like smoking,Yahoo Yahoo,sleeping in an hotel ,really bad stuffs that he clearly knows i don't like....The time i caught him red handed with a prostitute,he Didn't apologize,he had to hit me and blame me for all of his actions...I couldn't take it anymore so i left the house to somewhere far,after 3days,He called to apologize about all he did also he said he has realised his mistakes and he needs me to come home with our baby to stay with him...I stayed where i was until the 5th day which was saturday,i told him to send some money to me so i can come back,then we would meet in church the next day so we could meet our pastor..He sent the money and i travelled back home....The next day we met our pastor and discussed,my mom and dad where present,we all said what had happened and how we felt,so the conclusion was we should still stay apart till everybody calms down...He has apologized,and i love him but my feelings are mixed,i wouldn't like a situation whereby i would return to the house and all this fight and restless mind would start again....he also said that the things he has been doing was as a result of the marine spirit disturbing him,he insists that he has changed and wants us back home but i decided with the pastor to stay apart because i really want to be convinced that he has changed before going back....please i need your advice..
NOTE:4yrs now we've always fought like this,am confused,he loves me and i love him too but bis behaviour is something else.

Sorry to ask, do you mean your pastor is aware of you guys cohabitation and all he could say is to stay apart till situation calms down? He couldn't advice you guys to do the right thing? Na wa o. Even your parents too.

Please, tell the guy to do the necessary thing before you go back. Before he will turn you to single mother. keep in mind.

But I still wonder why your pastor could not scold you guys for cohabitating.

I am sorry if I sound so harsh.

comtem2011:
Sorry to ask, do you mean your pastor is aware of you guys cohabitation and all he could say is to stay apart till situation calms down? He couldn't advice you guys to do the right thing? Na wa o. Even your parents too.

Please, tell the guy to do the necessary thing before you go back. Before he will turn you to single mother. keep in mind.

But I still wonder why your pastor could not scold you guys for cohabitating.

I am sorry if I sound so harsh.

No you don't sound harsh

You did well to leave and abusive relationship, Left you in a pool of blood Where does he stay? lemme go and mess him up, Na joke ooo i no fit fight The only thing left for you to do is File for child support and dictate your price, I wish you the best of luck in your future relationship If any.

Ineedyouradvise:


Funniest thing is he never wanted to have a talk, he kept saying he doesn't have a problem, when I asked what I was doing wrong he'll say I should figure it out myself.

Hmm, some African women experience a lot in their marriage. Stay strong sis!!!

Jessie21:
I had to put this here cause i need matured answers too.....I've been dating my man for 4yrs now,i also have a child for him out of wedlock...Lately he has been doing things he never did like smoking,Yahoo Yahoo,sleeping in an hotel ,really bad stuffs that he clearly knows i don't like....The time i caught him red handed with a prostitute,he Didn't apologize,he had to hit me and blame me for all of his actions...I couldn't take it anymore so i left the house to somewhere far,after 3days,He called to apologize about all he did also he said he has realised his mistakes and he needs me to come home with our baby to stay with him...I stayed where i was until the 5th day which was saturday,i told him to send some money to me so i can come back,then we would meet in church the next day so we could meet our pastor..He sent the money and i travelled back home....The next day we met our pastor and discussed,my mom and dad where present,we all said what had happened and how we felt,so the conclusion was we should still stay apart till everybody calms down...He has apologized,and i love him but my feelings are mixed,i wouldn't like a situation whereby i would return to the house and all this fight and restless mind would start again....he also said that the things he has been doing was as a result of the marine spirit disturbing him,he insists that he has changed and wants us back home but i decided with the pastor to stay apart because i really want to be convinced that he has changed before going back....please i need your advice..
NOTE:4yrs now we've always fought like this,am confused,he loves me and i love him too but bis behaviour is something else.

See aunty wey wan die.... An abusive relationship is hell on earth. Bae, RUN. Don't think u can change a man. A woman's love is a changing love. But u can't change a man. U either accept him this way or move.... Look at it this way, in five years time, if he's still like this, will I be happy? This is the perfect answer to your question. I almost dated a guy, his foul language was topnotch. I almost lost my self worth. I had to live cos I knew the future would be disastrous. It's not by force to be a MRS. Now he wants us back but I'm taken. Lastly love yourself. Spend time treating ursf right. U are worthy. Don't let one man kill u with thinking all in the name of marriage

Does he just come home and start hitting you. I Dont think so. There must be some of your action that produced hitting reaction. If you are sincere with yourself you will stop the action that lead to hitting reaction.

At times sexual issue do cause it when a make a demand for it and the only thing he hears is excuse or demand for all manner of responsibilities at the point of entry it piss off.

You too should have learn to discus and communicate well. Now that you are bold enough to leave your matrimonial home. Dont you think of the consequence.

The solution is to go and reconcile with him using is senior brothers link and subject yourself to your husband. most advocate of feminism are referring now

comtem2011:
Sorry to ask, do you mean your pastor is aware of you guys cohabitation and all he could say is to stay apart till situation calms down? He couldn't advice you guys to do the right thing? Na wa o. Even your parents too.

Please, tell the guy to do the necessary thing before you go back. Before he will turn you to single mother. keep in mind.

But I still wonder why your pastor could not scold you guys for cohabitating.

I am sorry if I sound so harsh.

g.The necessary thing has been done...we stayed apart for two months before doing the right thing....Now its been less that 3months that we got back together officially and serious beating has started again,he even used a wooden chair to hit me repeatedly..... Am finally out though.

benzion72:
Does he just come home and start hitting you. I Dont think so. There must be some of your action that produced hitting reaction. If you are sincere with yourself you will stop the action that lead to hitting reaction.

At times sexual issue do cause it when a make a demand for it and the only thing he hears is excuse or demand for all manner of responsibilities at the point of entry it piss off.

You too should have learn to discus and communicate well. Now that you are bold enough to leave your matrimonial home. Dont you think of the consequence.

The solution is to go and reconcile with him using is senior brothers link and subject yourself to your husband. most advocate of feminism are referring now

I don't do the stuffs you quoted....when I'm always scared of how he misunderstands and react to little things....The things you mentioned are number one thing I dare not do,its already set as default in my brain.