Hey friends i got talking to a friendly and dis was the statment she made

I met me husband when there was noting no job no hope he was just there after i left the university i got a job before NYSC i encouraged him we praid together and after two years God answered us and gave him a job all the while he neva told me his parient has gone to an Habalist place and they where told i will not make a good daughter inlaw to them and they insisted my Husband should not mary me. he did not disclose this to me he was afriad that i might not mary him if he had told me, after threatening dem dat id dey don't allow him to get married to me that he would leave the country and neva returned they agreed unhappily, whe went ahead with the wedding plans but i noticed that my mother inlaw was so sad all thru the traditional wedding when i asked my husband he said she was just tired. I just notice dat for one yr after the wedding when i call her on phone she will just not respond well she won't even bother to return my call i just did not want to start complainging to my husband as i felt that if i do my husband might start feeling i do not love his money.
the Bumb shell happen when i gave birth she came around it was realy hell she started drouble when eva my husband was not home cos i was on maternity leave she will call my husband that i did not cook for and as at that time i was so stronge cos i had a serious tear cos my Baby was too big at a time i had to send for my sister then she started calling her family members that my family has dominated her Son's house and then my father inlaw steped in and infact it was hell at a time my husband has to ask her to go cos the house was becoming unbearble. after she left my father inlaw called me that they will make sure dey break my home that was where the problem with me and my husband start from till date the marriage is still trying to get shape, i no my parient inlaws are diabolical as they don't hide it if not that i am prayerful now the main challenge now is that my mother inlwas brother's daughter in getting married in december and dey plan to stay in my house i mean the whole family of abot 10 and i have being wondering how i will cope cos i no it is going to be hell the man and his 4kids with wife from the uk and my mohter inlwa too i work and i don't have an house help how do i cope with this people i have tried to talk to my husband about dis issue but he is adamat my fear is that there is no way i will please dis people cos they don't like me a beat and dey don't even hide it i feel like just getting an apartment and take my son and walk aways cos this people my manipulate my husband to give me hell that is if the marrigae still suvive after they leave but i spoke to my sister and she insisted i remain in my husband's house this is caursing me so much pains and am so frustrated it is evening caursing issues between me and my husband he has even started calling me names what should do

soft girl:

Hey friends i got talking to a friendly and dis was the statment she made

I met me husband when there was noting no job no hope he was just there after i left the university i got a job before NYSC i encouraged him we praid together and after two years God answered us and gave him a job all the while he neva told me his parient has gone to an Habalist place and they where told i will not make a good daughter inlaw to them and they insisted my Husband should not mary me. he did not disclose this to me he was afriad that i might not mary him if he had told me, after threatening dem dat id dey don't allow him to get married to me that he would leave the country and neva returned they agreed unhappily, whe went ahead with the wedding plans but i noticed that my mother inlaw was so sad all thru the traditional wedding when i asked my husband he said she was just tired. I just notice dat for one yr after the wedding when i call her on phone she will just not respond well she won't even bother to return my call i just did not want to start complainging to my husband as i felt that if i do my husband might start feeling i do not love his money.
the Bumb shell happen when i gave birth she came around it was realy hell she started drouble when eva my husband was not home cos i was on maternity leave she will call my husband that i did not cook for and as at that time i was so stronge cos i had a serious tear cos my Baby was too big at a time i had to send for my sister then she started calling her family members that my family has dominated her Son's house and then my father inlaw steped in and infact it was hell at a time my husband has to ask her to go cos the house was becoming unbearble. after she left my father inlaw called me that they will make sure dey break my home that was where the problem with me and my husband start from till date the marriage is still trying to get shape, i no my parient inlaws are diabolical as they don't hide it if not that i am prayerful now the main challenge now is that my mother inlwas brother's daughter in getting married in december and dey plan to stay in my house i mean the whole family of abot 10 and i have being wondering how i will cope cos i no it is going to be hell the man and his 4kids with wife from the uk and my mohter inlwa too i work and i don't have an house help how do i cope with this people i have tried to talk to my husband about dis issue but he is adamat my fear is that there is no way i will please dis people cos they don't like me a beat and dey don't even hide it i feel like just getting an apartment and take my son and walk aways cos this people my manipulate my husband to give me hell that is if the marrigae still suvive after they leave but i spoke to my sister and she insisted i remain in my husband's house this is caursing me so much pains and am so frustrated it is evening caursing issues between me and my husband he has even started calling me names what should do

Your friend strong oh,how could she allow a MIL that was not on good terms with her to come tend her after childbirth ?done is done sha.
Does she want to run away from her home,leave it for her MIL co?If she ever goes away from that house for them,she might not come back again.
whats the hubby saying in the face of this new arrangment?I dont think moving out of the home is a good idea,she should talk with her hubby and see if they can reach a decision of getting a hotel for the visiting Family,thats the best deal.
Let her talk calmly with her husband,e never reach to fight or quarrell,she needs her husband support now so shouting wont help.
One of the worst devils any married woman can deal with is a whole bunch of cold,unloving,un-coperating in-laws.I wish her luck

Your friend has to do some hard work.
Now it is not unusual for people who are deeply seated in traditional religion to consult a herbalist about serious issues in their family and her MIL cannot be blamed for the answer the herbalist gave her.
This reminds me of an incident with my DIL. She came to visit me with my son and told me she had consulted a fortune teller who had told her to beware of me because when the chips are down I would side my son. I had a good laugh and told her she did not have to consult anyone I could have given her that answer myself. A mother would always stand to her son and go into confrontation if she feels the woman in the house is doing her no good.
Why was her MIL there after she gave birth. For obvious reasons to do the Omugo and help and certainly not to be cooked for. Something must have gone terribly wrong. Your friend might have done something to offend her or hinder her from carrying out those duties.
It was a grievous mistake allowing her husband to work his mother out because of her and it is understandable that the father is mad. That was an insult on the family at large.
So your friend needs to correct some mistakes. The easiest way of correcting a wrong is apologising and asking for forgiveness. This she has to do, if possible with the aid of her parents in a formal way.
Now when she called her sister, did she call her to help her in the chores? Hardly I would say. She called for her sister to give her backing in confronting the MIL. If the sister was mature, she would have insisted on peace and the MIL would not have felt that her people were taking over the home.
Now to the issue of the visitors. This is a good opportunity for your friend to make amends and show she is a good wife. If she is working she can take some days off and give her guests a befitting welcome and the necessary hospitality.
This could be a time of joy and growing closer to the family. So what if there are 10 people, The work is not exactly times 10, you still cook the same pot of soup only bigger.
When you marry a man you need to accept him with his family.
This is a confrontation she cannot win. She needs to be wise and patient and pray for Gods guidance. Those visitors will come and go but the impression they take along can last a lifetime. If she treats the brother and his family well he will chip in a good word for her to the family. I mean she is a young wife and people learn and make mistakes when they get married. You just need to work on them and correct them.

Thanks to soft girl for her post. Also thanks to mutter for perfect annalysis of the situation & prescribing solutions. The lady in question can reverse the situation now by firstly intensifying her prayers. Appologise to her PIN, give her guests a very cordial reception, let her PIN say to themselves, they probably were too harsh on her. She will eventually win her husband's love & respect once more. O girl do not run away o! Running away may cost you your marriage, & that is not what you want. God protect you, your husband & baby, & give you victory, Amen

soft girl:

Hey friends i got talking to a friendly and dis was the statment she made

I met me husband when there was noting no job no hope he was just there after i left the university i got a job before NYSC i encouraged him we praid together and after two years God answered us and gave him a job all the while he neva told me his parient has gone to an Habalist place and they where told i will not make a good daughter inlaw to them and they insisted my Husband should not mary me. he did not disclose this to me he was afriad that i might not mary him if he had told me, after threatening dem dat id dey don't allow him to get married to me that he would leave the country and neva returned they agreed unhappily, whe went ahead with the wedding plans but i noticed that my mother inlaw was so sad all thru the traditional wedding when i asked my husband he said she was just tired. I just notice dat for one yr after the wedding when i call her on phone she will just not respond well she won't even bother to return my call i just did not want to start complainging to my husband as i felt that if i do my husband might start feeling i do not love his money.
the Bumb shell happen when i gave birth she came around it was realy hell she started drouble when eva my husband was not home cos i was on maternity leave she will call my husband that i did not cook for and as at that time i was so stronge cos i had a serious tear cos my Baby was too big at a time i had to send for my sister then she started calling her family members that my family has dominated her Son's house and then my father inlaw steped in and infact it was hell at a time my husband has to ask her to go cos the house was becoming unbearble. after she left my father inlaw called me that they will make sure dey break my home that was where the problem with me and my husband start from till date the marriage is still trying to get shape, i no my parient inlaws are diabolical as they don't hide it if not that i am prayerful now the main challenge now is that my mother inlwas brother's daughter in getting married in december and dey plan to stay in my house i mean the whole family of abot 10 and i have being wondering how i will cope cos i no it is going to be hell the man and his 4kids with wife from the uk and my mohter inlwa too i work and i don't have an house help how do i cope with this people i have tried to talk to my husband about dis issue but he is adamat my fear is that there is no way i will please dis people cos they don't like me a beat and dey don't even hide it i feel like just getting an apartment and take my son and walk aways cos this people my manipulate my husband to give me hell that is if the marrigae still suvive after they leave but i spoke to my sister and she insisted i remain in my husband's house this is caursing me so much pains and am so frustrated it is evening caursing issues between me and my husband he has even started calling me names what should do

KAI! not an enviable position to be in, by any standard. The mistake has been made: going into the marriage without parental blessing, and now, the bird is back to roost. Keeping that info away from his wife was very bad, IMO, because he should have and must have been aware of the ramifications.

nonetheless, difficult it may be, I'll advise her to stay on prayerfully, afterall, its still her marriage. she should defend it

been here done this, When I got married to the wife, I puchased a home. Before I knew it, three in-laws moved in. They were living there for free, eating all the food. I lived like this for about three years. Long story short, I eventually ended up divorced.

Protect the intimancy of your relationship early in the beginning. Wait until you two are much stronger than cope with others. That is why older people in mature marriages help and share with others. They never do it in the beginning, you might end up in divorce.

...

Thank u all I have forwarded ur replies to her i also gave her the d same advise not to park out of her husband's house she just told me she has made up her mind to do wat muter has advise but she need u guys to remember her in prayers i believe God for her home again Thank u all

Lets face reality, seriously lets face reality.

How many of you women(telling her , her and her hubby did wrong by telling the MIL to leave the house) in real life will not support your MIL leaving for a while until the whole issue comes down? Do you lot know she just had a baby?be it a natural birth OR C-section do you all know that alot of women need rest at that time of their lives and not stress? whats with all these patience talk when alot of us will support a MIL leaving the house if she slaps the husband but not leaving if she puts her DIL in too so much stress. . She sent for her Sister big deal? in such a situation whats wrong with having your own family around atleast someone from the outside who isn't involved in all these whole mess to support you? In nigeria alot of us ask for Sisters to come atleast stay with us for atleast 3days after putting to bed. Can we be real for once?

Thank you


@Poster or friend

Draw closer to God, he alone will fight your battles while you hold your peace. You need God, no other being in your life but God, it is not the time to feel pity for yourself but to stand on the rock which is Jesus to see you through.

All the best

I don't know why it always has to be the woman's fault with Mutter and CC. These people hate her! They said a herbalist told them not to let her marry their son. What can she possibly do to please them

When a woman puts to bed ( in my culture) it's her family that comes for Omugwo, not her husband's! For God's sakes she's a human being, not a robot. She's bound to be averse to a group of people who hate her and swore to destroy her marriage!

@ Poster . . .

Your friend is wrong to think of moving out. Since her husband has always stood by her and protected her, it'll be wrong for her to bail on him now. However, she should NOT go out of her way to please them. She should do the best she can and leave the rest cos one thing's for sure, no matter how hard she tried, it wont be good enough!

Finally she should embrace God even more now. Opening you home to herbalists is reaaaly dangerous. She has to be very very careful cos the heart of man is dangerously wicked!

...

Your post sounded like the woman wasn't trying hard enough when in reality there's not much she can do! For example, she gave us a background of why her husby insisted on marrying her despite his family's opposition, and you concluded she was being boastful!

I don't know much about marriage but can't you see these people are waiting for her to fail, to make one mistake so that they can use it against her? A herbalist said he should not marry her and he went ahead and did . . . do you think they'll ever accept her?

I am not blaming you CC never had, I am just not an advocate for peace from the womans side only. I dont believe in apologising especially when I am not wrong all the time for peace sake. Every woman deserves to be respected and appreciated by her man, it takes two to make a marriage work not one.

Secondly I am a woman although I do not go deep into my family life but I know how much stress a woman can go thru before and after giving birth especially if there is a tear.  I am all for been real and seriously will not want that kind of negative energy around me. We are all humans and as much as we try to suggest patience we all know that there comes a time in a womans life when she just has to snap it out.


If a woman can get mad at her husband then why cant she with other people. This is real life and we should talk real here and drop all this sentimental talks.

When a woman has so much problem in the house and has no one to talk to she turns to her family. It could be her sister or somebody close to her and I must commend the posters friend for not inviting her mum into these if she has one. This woman cannot really complain to her hubby lest he say "she hates his family".She's had enough of it all (especially in her post natal state)and felt the need to have a sister around her atleast someone that's got her back. If that woman did not leave that house when she did she would have drove the poster's friend to post natal depression which is another serious problem entirely.

God forbid I encounter such problems maritally but if it comes to this stage I will most definitely get intouch with one member of my family to atleast be with me and confide in. We are all human with blood flowing through our veins, no matter how hard we try to keep things to ourselves there comes a time when it feels as if we r going to burst to pieces if we dont share it or get someone to help or encourage us to move forward.

Thats why I talked about being real, we are not perfect, nobody is, we all are working towards perfection.

And I refuse to allow any man play me like a football and me apologising or keeping shut for peace sake. Damn peace

Ujujoan:

When a woman puts to bed ( in my culture) it's her family that comes for Omugwo, not her husband's! For God's sakes she's a human being, not a robot. She's bound to be averse to a group of people who hate her and swore to destroy her marriage!

Exactly same in my culture. When my Brother put to bed it was his wife's mum that came for the omugwo not my mum, my mum came much much later. That's the way it is in my culture,And if the mum is deceased then someother person maybe an elder sister or younger sef will come over and help the woman.

This woman just put to bed , her family should be the one doing the omugwo not the man's.And yes I support her sister staying around, she needed a family around before her inlaws decide to kill her and give her meat to the birds to feast on. So what on earth is wrong with her sister coming over to be with and defend her when shes most needed?

chaircover:


From the story, the MIL is married so she was only was going to be around for a limited time before going back to her husbands house. What could have been so difficult that both husband and wife couldn’t cope with until she packed her things and left on her own accord without all her drama.

Let me address this issue CC. Praise your God that you don't have a MIL that nags and finds fault in evry single thing you do. Lets take for instance the woman was there for 3 months(the usual omugwo period) with the DIL staying at home prolly on maternity leave. How do you think the DIL will cope? I asked for people to be real we are not robots for christ sake. A woman that nags on ever single ant, fly and mosquito that passes by how will the gurl cope. Her hubby leaves for work everyday and leaves her in the same house with this woman that practically lives on the fone 24/7 complaining to her hubby.

They are really MIL's from hell, I tell you that you will not survive a day with them not to talk of months. Have you lived a life where someone complains about everything you do? do you know what thats called? "Emotional blackmail" that leads to an unhealthy inferiority complex state hence leads to intimidation?

A woman has just put to bed and you expect her to accept all sort of criticisms for peace sake.Do you know how mind disturbing constant nagging can be?

Show me a woman that wouldn't get mad and react in such cases and I will show you a liar who isn't in that marriage for love sakes.

Many women have been in such positions were everything one did was seen as wrong, but with patience and wisdom one can overcome this.
Mostly with time these issues resolve themselves and the woman's position is secured among her in-laws. In marriage it is not always about wrong and right in every argument but about peace and stability in the marriage.
The question here is what the woman can do and not what her husband can do. Maybe that is why we only addressed the woman's side.
Jennykadry the woman is in a difficult situation , having just had a baby and with a tear no doubt about it, but she still could have managed to keep the situation under control with the help of her husband. If she was too weak she could have accepted help from her MIL. I am sure the MIL would have helped out if asked properly. So what if she nags about everything. Many of us have parents who are real nags and we deal with it. What was missing in this case was the acceptance of the MIL.
I think you should read Chaircovers initial post once more.

...

@jujujoan and Jennykadry thank you so much may God bless u all she is married to a yoruba man and according to her she said her parient Inlaw said it is the husband Mother that comes around when the wife put to bed and she is not Yoruba but she did not want to complain so that her husband will not feel bad and she discided not to involve her mother cos that might make it worse as her mum might be comfrontational to her mother inlaw and she does not want that senero that is why she has prefer to confide in her elder sister rather dan her mum

@CC

From the story the husband has already started to blame her even though he was the one who threw his mum out of the house……see what I was saying?

No I dont and believe me I am not blaming you for anything but arguing cos I do not agree with you in this case. These people are diabolical. The hubby (only God knows what demon possessed him from his parents that promised to make life a living hell for her)is already acting weird cos they told her they are going to ruin the marriage and that is as a result of it. Marriage is not for everyone, if you have inlaws that believes in babalawo and you in God, there is almost nothing you can do that will make them like, especially if you are a threat to their religion. Light and darkness do not stay in the same place.

If she was even aplogising to bible believing inlaws ehen, I can manage although do not support but manage that, but apologise to some demon possessed people Whatever for? apologise to them cos she wants them to stop going to the herbalist since his juju is already working? apologise to the devil for peace sake? Do you all see this marriage thingy in the spiritual angle or just wanna turn blind eye to it.

I refuse to apologise to someone who threatened me with the demon she worships. Shebi na battle? oya shebi na when two powers jam we go sabi which power strong pass? I will not infact I refuse to sell my birthright and soul to the devil and that is what you is encouraging


@Poster
Go on your knees to God, she has set a spiritual battle line for you, you better start digging it spiritually cos this one don pass "dont be silly"

soft girl:

@jujujoan and Jennykadry thank you so much may God bless u all she is married to a yoruba man and according to her she said her parient Inlaw said it is the husband Mother that comes around when the wife put to bed and she is not Yoruba but she did not want to complain so that her husband will not feel bad and she discided not to involve her mother cos that might make it worse as her mum might be comfrontational to her mother inlaw and she does not want that senero that is why she has prefer to confide in her elder sister rather dan her mum

My point exactly and thats why I commended her on a job well done, if she had involved her mother, it would have been a serious clash btw both MIL.

...

,,,

mutter:


Jennykadry the woman is in a difficult situation , having just had a baby and with a tear no doubt about it, but she still could have managed to keep the situation under control with the help of her husband. If she was too weak she could have accepted help from her MIL. I am sure the MIL would have helped out if asked properly. So what if she nags about everything. Many of us have parents who are real nags and we deal with it. What was missing in this case was the acceptance of the MIL.
I think you should read Chaircovers initial post once more.

Haba mutter did you read the story? A MIL that wasnt happy during their courtship, on ther traditional marriage? are you kidding me? a MIL whose DIL has tried to reach out with hands of friendship but got turned down a million times? A MIL that was never in support of the marriage? A MIL whose religion told her not to accept her DIL? a MIL that allowed the wedding cos her son promised to go on exile if she refuses?

Why should she nag? yes parents nag in their house and not my house, parents nag and I am sure they nag everyday and then pick up the fone and call as many that care to listen and tell them what a waste of brain cells they have as kids. So sure parents nag

soft girl:

@jujujoan and Jennykadry thank you so much may God bless u all [b]she is married to a yoruba man and according to her she said her parient Inlaw said it is the husband Mother that comes around [/b]when the wife put to bed and she is not Yoruba but she did not want to complain so that her husband will not feel bad and she discided not to involve her mother cos that might make it worse as her mum might be comfrontational to her mother inlaw and she does not want that senero that is why she has prefer to confide in her elder sister rather dan her mum

  huh? dis part nah lie jor! which part of yoruba land?

i kind of agree with @cc here in orderr for the lady to save her marriage, let her suck it up, take some time off to host the in-laws that are coming  and in the process try to apologize to her mother in laws/ family for all the past shenanigans

with her husbands support of course, but  if them nor gree and they are still hell bent on making her life miserable
after all the peace offerings

soft gal tell her make she hold her side jare! life is too short.

I dont know why you people are arguing. This thing is simple, when someone hates you for no reason, it's best to stay clear of that person! MIL or not!

This is only her side of the story, we have not heard the other side.
How do we know this lady did not somehow contribute to the mil`s feeling towards her.
We can only try to find a logical explanation for what happened.
Some of the comments here are rebellious and demanding for fair play but you just might end up playing yourself out of your home.
It just does not work that way in a nigerian marriage.
Even the man that swears lover everlasting to his wife will one day turn against her, if his family is against her. It is is just a matter of time.
This is one battle no woman has ever won.

Na Waaaaaah!!!!!!! for some contributions here I miss almondjoy and few others in family section.

@Poster give your MIL a red flag before you commit murder out of stress.

jennykadry:

Lets face reality, seriously lets face reality.

How many of you women(telling her , her and her hubby did wrong by telling the MIL to leave the house) in real life will not support your MIL leaving for a while until the whole issue comes down? Do you lot know she just had a baby?be it a natural birth OR C-section do you all know that alot of women need rest at that time of their lives and not stress? whats with all these patience talk when alot of us will support a MIL leaving the house if she slaps the husband but not leaving if she puts her DIL in too so much stress. . She sent for her Sister big deal? in such a situation whats wrong with having your own family around atleast someone from the outside who isn't involved in all these whole mess to support you? In nigeria alot of us ask for Sisters to come atleast stay with us for atleast 3days after putting to bed. Can we be real for once?

Thank you


@Poster or friend

Draw closer to God, he alone will fight your battles while you hold your peace. You need God, no other being in your life but God, it is not the time to feel pity for yourself but to stand on the rock which is Jesus to see you through.

All the best

It's always a breath of fresh air to see people (especially the ladies) tell the truth as it is. I know it wasn't easy.

@Other "peace keeping" posters

Una dey hia dey talk of patience and endurance.I can bet N5 million that a good number of you would have done at least one of the following :

(1)Get even by going to strong babalawos,alfas,aladura churches and carrying names of the "enemies" to "prayer houses (e.g MFM,C.A.C and Celestial church of Christ) for "special" prayers.

(2)You would involve the ruff necks in your family into the matter without giving a damn how the cookie crumbles.

(3)Grab our kid and jet.

Why una like fake life? Always fronting,fronting,fronting. . .try being real for once in your short lives.Call a spade, a spade.Even if you are a die-hard pretender, this is an anonymous forum.

Haba!

Wetin sef! ! !

Harakiri,
this is not about pretence. When you go into a battle the weapons and strategies you use determine your success. I have in my life had to deal with very difficult cases and clients on a professional level and I can tell you this in all honesty.
One of the easiest ways to win a battle against ,especially against an African is to provoke him or her. Once you succeed in provocation you win the battle. This because the African often reacts aggressive and emotional. This is in our nature. At that point, the initial issue is forgotten and the case has another dimension. this tactic is very often applied by whites in defeating blacks, and especially by the police etc.
You see when someone is being rude and obnoxious you have to force him to be polite and reasonable and the only way you do this is by remaining calm, polite but still concious your rights. This way you force the other person to be polite and come down or I rather would say up to your level.
I have applied this method very often and it works. The great thing about this method, is that you don`t get upset but have fun in the process. In one case the woman just shook her head and said to me,"don`t you get it, I am being very rude?". I smiled and replied, "I know madam, but I shall not let that rub off on me"". She apologised and told me she had a bad day and the meeting went on successfully. this method also works in private relationships and I would advise you to try it out. It makes you superior and in control of every situation. You also do not run into danger that the initial issue is shrouded by other issues created while trying to solve the initial issue.
As some great philosopher said, "modesty is the greatest form of conceit".
Reacting aggressive, impulsive or emotional means you have lost control of the situation.

mutter:

Harakiri,
this is not about pretence. When you go into a battle the weapons and strategies you use determine your success. I have in my life had to deal with very difficult cases and clients on a professional level and I can tell you this in all honesty.
One of the easiest ways to win a battle against ,especially against an African is to provoke him or her. Once you succeed in provocation you win the battle. This because the African often reacts aggressive and emotional. This is in our nature. At that point, the initial issue is forgotten and the case has another dimension. this tactic is very often applied by whites in defeating blacks, and especially by the police etc.
You see when someone is being rude and obnoxious you have to force him to be polite and reasonable and the only way you do this is by remaining calm, polite but still concious your rights. This way you force the other person to be polite and come down or I rather would say up to your level.
I have applied this method very often and it works. The great thing about this method, is that you don`t get upset but have fun in the process. In one case the woman just shook her head and said to me,"don`t you get it, I am being very rude?". I smiled and replied, "I know madam, but I shall not let that rub off on me"". She apologised and told me she had a bad day and the meeting went on successfully. this method also works in private relationships and I would advise you to try it out. It makes you superior and in control of every situation. You also do not run into danger that the initial issue is shrouded by other issues created while trying to solve the initial issue.
As some great philosopher said, "modesty is the greatest form of conceit".
Reacting aggressive, impulsive or emotional means you have lost control of the situation.

I get what you're trying to say and i know where you are coming from.Believe me, most of the time i apply diplomacy and maturity in relating with human beings (especially Nigerians) but one thing you MUST understand is that not everyone can be reasoned with.Matter of fact, they know what is right and what is wrong and chose to do wrong.They aren't dumb you know.This brings me to a hard lesson i learnt the hard way in the last couple of years.It goes this :

"Diplomacy is not about finding a peaceful solution to a conflict rather it is about the opponents displaying the arsenal of weaponry they can use to escalate the crisis and as a result, the stronger side with the better arsenal has the upper hand in the resolution or determining who gets what and who goes home hungry.A classic example is the U.S led peace talks with other nations.The only reason the world listens to them is the fear of nuclear weaponry they have sitting in their silos with memories of Hiroshima shivering down their feeble spines. . ."

Quote : HARAKIRI (Himself)

Kapish?

Nuff said!

@ Mutter, I agree with you but not when you are psychologically,emotionally and mentally tormented in your own

marital home and your life is in danger by a stranger who has a home somewhere, just to come b/w you and your hubby and give you sleepless night that one is hard. Anyway everyone has different temperament in life.