Assuming you are a married man or about to get married and your woman suggests for her mother to come and live permanently with you and you refused then she started sulking claiming that if you love her enough, you should allow her mother to move in with you PERMANENTLY because she has no other person to keep her company. You suggested to her that it will be okay if she visits and stay for some time but not permanently yet she wouldn't hear it. How will you treat this kin case without hurting your wife and giving in to her demand?.
Remember that if her mom moves into your home, her youngest sister that normally stays at home with her mother will definitely move in too. Which kin ogoship be that?. What should that guy do?

Tell her U will not allow that and she needs to respect your decision. She can visit her mother and her mother can come for visits. She is a grown woman. She can buy her mother a new house in the same community where you both live.

The guy shld be a man that hes suppossed to be. . . . . .gently but firmly reject the idea.
MIL + SIL in same house with couple?? . . . .recipe for disaster.

If the younger sister is staying with her mom then what is the loneliness that her mother is feeling. She can go visit her mother if need be and her mother can come visit. Abi is there something else going on Is her mother sick?

Her mother is not sick but her younger sister stays with her at home during holidays but as soon as the school resumes, she leaves. So if the woman comes to live with the couple and there home is closed down, where do you think the SIL will be staying during holidays?. I am sure the sister will start flirting with the guy in a little while so, threatening the wife with that possibility may work out.

The guy shld be a man that hes suppossed to be. . . . . .gently but firmly reject the idea.
MIL + SIL in same house with couple?? . . . .recipe for disaster.

I've seen some people that do it and there is no problem involved except the man/woman is kept uncomfortable.

Some people is not everybody. Why would you or even the mother want to come to a home were the husband will be resentful of her mother staying there. Does she not have hobbies. She can put a little girl through school. The little girl can live with her and it will be like having a grandchild in the house. That should keep her busy. If you know you can do it then go ahead but if you think that it will put you in a situation that it might compromise your relationship with your wife I cannot say it is okay

i would NEVER allow it. if the girl loves you also she should be able to reason and compromise with you.

wasn't the mother doing this(leaving alone) before the girl decided to get married? and since the guy doesn't want it, it is going to definitely be a problem if he consent to it just cox of the pressure from the wife. i don;t really care about who loves who much or less, i wouldn't still give in to the idea of her living with us permanently. temporarily or if she was sick would have been more reasonable.

if the loneliness is much of a concern why not find someone to stay with?

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if ur moother wanted to move in permanently would she accept.
just tell her no, and if she insist's on having her mothers company,
she can move back to her family house and visit u simple.

If truly the MiL has nowhere else suitable to stay, she can move in.

I don't care if there are 50 people living in my house, I run things as I deem fit. If you disagree with how I run my home? Please don't let the door hit you on your way out

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i wnt to learn the yahoo bizzzz. i beg help i some small cash. tanks

i would NEVER allow it. if the girl loves you also she should be able to reason and compromise with you.

wasn't the mother doing this(leaving alone) before the girl decided to get married? and since the guy doesn't want it, it is going to definitely be a problem if he consent to it just cox of the pressure from the wife. i don;t really care about who loves who much or less, i wouldn't still give in to the idea of her living with us permanently. temporarily or if she was sick would have been more reasonable.

if the loneliness is much of a concern why not find someone to stay with?

@bold is out of the question at least not in Nigeria if you get my drift.

I'm confused. I thought there are usually only two people in a marriage?

Yes but the woman can sometimes push her demands too far and refuse to see the man is stressed out. Saying no to a demand she knows you can easily give in will make her think you don't care about her family which is not true in most cases.

Lets also be honest; deep down a MIL will always side with her son/daughter even if they don't voice it out.

MIL's can be anything from an average age of 40 upwards. Having a 40 year old woman in your house is like having another wife o! A word is enough for the wise.

Correct yarn.

if ur moother wanted to move in permanently would she accept.
just tell her no, and if she insist's on having her mothers company,
she can move back to her family house and visit u simple.

Oga Izeek, I don't think it's appropriate for couples to compete on who will help his or her family the most. Your question is very funny and sensible though. The woman should always have the last say in an argument, no be so?

Aloy.Emeka:

@bold is out of the question at least not in Nigeria if you get my drift.

how? i mean a maid or something like that, not a man

how? i mean a maid or something like that, not a man

ok

A BIG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i wont allow my mum to come and live with us,

wont happen, if she cant be without her mum, then she should probably get married to her

it a recipe for disaster

Some could do it but not me, I need the quietness to make my home worth living in. Her mum will have other arrangements and if she dont like that, let her file for divorce.

Some could do it but not me, I need the quietness to make my home worth living in. Her mum will have other arrangements and if she dont like that, let her file for divorce

Exactly and there is no way she won't team up with her daughter against you anytime there is strife between your wife and you.

It depends on the mother. My mom spent a lot of time with my sister and her husband after they had their first child. She was still a full time nurse but she wanted to do her 3 months with the new baby so she would pack her clothes and come straight from work to my sisters place and spend 3 to 4 nights a week. My parents home was less than 20 minutes away though. My mother never sided with my sister on any wahala and that is a fact. My mom felt my sister could take it since she raised us tough after all her husband is not the devil. My sister felt sometimes that my mom was being unfair. The only time my mom would say anything to him was after my sister was not there and it was usually something about his health because he is supposed to take insulin everyday and he was not taking it seriously and that would upset my sister and start a fight. In those sort of cases my Momsie will speak her mind. A wise mother in law will never publicly side with her child unless it is a matter of life and death.

A wise mother in law will never publicly side with her child unless it is a matter of life and death.

How many of them out there are bestowed with wisdom that transcends their emotion?

Well I don't know your mother in law but I will not want to impose my mother on anyone neither will I want any one to impose their mothers on me. Some people just have no manners and they carry it into old age. You just have to be careful. There is nothing worse than dealing with an old mannerless person because truly all you can do is shake your head. You do not want people to say that you disrespected her and if you do your wife will use it to insult you till the day you enter the grave and your family will not even side with you on that one. Only you will feel the frustration. Just be careful.

What wrong with someone living with his or her parent(s) in-law

my dear dont starte what you can not finish because you want to please your wife.you just got marr
ied and i dont think your mother inlaw should move in permanently.and besides,a good mother cant move in with a married daughter or son to live with them.i dont think its wise my brother

Methinks y’all are making blind arguments. . . . ‘don’t allow it oh . . . it’s like marrying a second wife oh . . . she will destroy your marriage oh . . . . bla bla bla’

How does one living with another translate into breaking a marriage? Problem in a marriage is something that can never be avoided. You can’t stop your mother-in-law from living with you just because you ‘think’ she will cause problem in the house. Why not try it and see, then if she’s a bother, you can have grounds to kick her out.

Selfishness is not when you refuse to give material things; it’s when you refuse to suffer minor inconveniences, for no just cause.

As for me, if my MiL wants to live with me, she’s free to. I certainly won’t let anybody to come into my hope and cause problems for me. MIL, FIL, BIL or SIL.

Besides I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow. I might live a long life and at a point in my life, I’ll love to live with a family again like I’m used to. I’ll so hate it if one son/daughter-in-law decides that having me in his house will be like marrying a second wife.

@ Poster, if you have the space and the funds to spare for an extra mouth, let her move in. Nobody deserves to be alone, at least until he/she proves that he doesn’t deserve any help.

Please Nlanders, let’s try to think of other people, aside from ourselves. Y’all sound like some really naïve adolescents.

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chaircover:

Yes, I agree but you never know if your MIL living with you will have a negative or positive effect on the marriage until it's actually happened but by then it's too late; the marriage is strained and the damage has been done.

In this very fast paced, stressful world that we live in, it will be foolish to open your door and deliberately introduce more stressful situations into your marriage.

No you are not being selfish by not letting your MIL live with you; all you are doing is protecting your home and believe it or not you are indirectly protecting your MIL too.

MIL can visit as often as she likes; one must treat ones MIL like their own mum, love her, look after her, cherish her, spoil her with gifts etc. You can do all this without her living in your home. I certainly wouldn't recommend her permanently living with the couple.

MILs are not supposed to live with their children even the Bible clearly states what the relationship should be with parents after marriage.

All this is coming not from a naive adolescent but from a woman who has been happily married for over 10 years.

Okay fine, tell me that when you are in your 80s and really don’t like the idea of an old people’s home. You might have the luxury of owning your own house and having helps to take care of you, but you know that doesn’t hold a candle to living with one of your kids and his/her family.

My grandmother lived in our house till she died. And even though she was a trouble maker, my parents’ marriage managed to survive her tyranny. If you ask me, she was the least of their problems.

And even though people advised my mum not to let her live with us, and some of her other Children and their families rejected her, I cant say I dint have a nice time growing up with my Granny.