I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage - Family (4) - Nairaland
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I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage / My Marriage Is At The Brink Of Collapse Help Me / My Marriage Has Finally Ended (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Edusouls(m): 5:34pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
From the way you talk I have sensed the type of woman you are from far, you are a very difficult type to love, cos you are very egocentric, hot headed and not romantic at all, I think the man got tired along the way, so you have to change now to save your home and future before it’s too late, and stop wasting ur time in naira land looking for advice, look and work on your self..quote author=merit1988 post=83307937]I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then.... I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues.. I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful  [/quote]1 Like |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Dedetwo(m): 5:35pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988: What else do you need? You said all in the bolded then fix it. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by nams77: 5:36pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
PrincessNZ:Like acidiosis mentioned, you prolly read too much of romantic novels. I am very sure you are not married. Take it from me dear, love is not permanent. The frequency and intensity of the love depreciates over time due to different factors. Most couples are bounded by duty, honor, respect or just plain companionship needs( they become used to each other's company). Do you think that sizzling,dizzying kind of feelings still exist after several years? My dear, think again and arm yourself with these knowledge before you become disappointed with unmet expectations 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Nobody: 5:47pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Acidosis: Yes  |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by faith551(m): 5:47pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
I've always said it, marrying a virgin is a big no in this era and generation. Don't be wayward, but take your time, experience life. So you'll have a knowledge of what options actually are 3 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by laluski(m): 5:48pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988: Hello merit How are you.i would prefer to counsel you via whatever means you want like whatsapp, Facebook or even email I just read what you posted and am deeply touched.Am a married man and felt the need to advice you. You also are a namesake to a lady whose like a kid sister to me.she's married too.check your email and reply 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by chinedumoooo: 5:49pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Are you circumcised. If yes, your case is special not because of your insinuation 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by mhizsuzzy(f): 5:50pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Ariza: I never believed in love because it was absurd that you will live only one person all through your life...so.may be I didn't understand what true live was... A friend taught me what true love was. Not with words but his actions... So I learnt one thing about how to love "it is sacrificial, and unconditional" If you ask yourself can I be able to do this for this person and the answer is no... Although I didn't understand what love was...I tot he had his ulterior motive...But I was wrong... |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Nobody: 5:51pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
hightempo:  |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by chigoizie7(m): 5:53pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988: Selfish reasons mustn’t be about finance |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Abfinest007(m): 5:54pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
you have not said anything 3 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by nnaeyes6: 5:58pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Madam try this advise and thank me later. Of course with some money. 1. Avoid social media. Is a huge distraction. There are SIMPLE LIES on social media that present things perfect. 2: Understand that you are married and not dating. This will help u not to think of doing r as you things in the name of sexual satisfaction. 3: Respect ur husband. Respect him then he will increase ur love geometrically. 4: Play cool musics like JAZZ, CLASSICAL MUSICS, BLUES. I recommend Yanni for JAZZ and try KENNY ROGERS for COUNTRY CLASS MUSIC and listen to both sounds and lyrics. 5: Be contented with ur husband's performance in the bedroom. Also these sounds recommended are good background for making love. 6: To reach CLOUD NINE in love making is PREPARING for the LOVE MAKING (that's if it is our bone of contention). Most often u expect sex and something will just go wrong (like quick ejaculation of ur hubby). Be happy. At lease u satisfied him and ur day will come. 7: Cook healthy food as medicine and not noodles. 8: Request to go out on natural places like museum, parks, zoo, garden, etc and not usual SHOPRITE OR LEFT or movie. In case u wanna do the later, make sure u have done the formal repeatedly. 9: Buy ur husband surprise gifts. 10: Study ur husband and ensure that u use them to make him love u and not to do the otherwise Finally and in summary Avoid social media presentation and respect ur man then u will feel the presence of love at home. Play "THROUGH THE YEARS" by Kenny Rogers and "END OF AUGUST " by yanni "wedding song by Kenny G Comforters song by Jeremiah Gwang ft Asa Enjoy 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Alexk2(m): 5:59pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Ariza: You need to see the way I carefully read your post like as if it'll pay my bills.... you're not entirely wrong but it is important we correct certain part of it for the sake of those who desire to know the "TRUTH" 1. Love truly exist and some couples are indeed in true love and are happy for it and LOVE is unconditional if it is love and not "LUST" 2. What majority call love is actually lust or infatuation which is very conditional and the day the attached condition is removed, the relationship/marriage will hit the rock. 3. God is "LOVE"; now that is deep and it'll take a whole topic to explain that but every human created by God and who received God's breath(living soul) have this what I'll call inherent attribute to love but God's presence in form of the Holy Spirit makes it evidential in human but then it still comes to our choice whether to display that inherent love from within or not....so, it is not in learning but in doing that is the problem bro.; same thing applies to hatred from Satan. Time will not permit me to type more that this for now but maybe later I may answer quotes from you if you need more explanation. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Bambambiglo: 6:01pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
PrincessNZ: You this rude girl needs a resounding brain resetting slap
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| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Moboj: 6:03pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988:Aunty there's a word called "infatuation" even if you were once crazily in love with your Husband, there will still be a probability of infatuation creeping in What can you do? It starts with trying to be romantic Show care and love in a romantic way,even though it would look weird and soo absurd in the beginning, try making it your thing and watch your Husband also join you,love always has to be rekindled,it's never forever a blazing fire nope,you have to add the woods,the twigs,the fuel and all to keep it blazing so Aunty go and read on how to be Romantic 2 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by jaxxy(m): 6:06pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988: So it’s either ur dating went very well and he changed or it went bad bt u went in hoping there will be improvements. Whichever the case the deed has been done. The question here is does ur husband love u or not? Smtmes when there lack of love it cud be due to lack of understanding and good communication, these are a few of the things that help love grow. Try and sit ur husband down and share ur concerns and let him open up if there are things he doesn’t like or enjoy in the marriage so it can be better. These are simple issues we humans make complicated. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by needful: 6:06pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Nigerian marriages lack love and companionship, i almost accepted that norm of no love nor companionship until i left this surrounding only to discovered that people love and cherish themselves until death apart them. Nigerian marriage is all about having kids and money which is the reason why men marry solely to have children while running outside to keep a side chick and women now divert every attention to their children thereby influencing most of their decisions even at adult age. women having know that there is nothing like love and companionship from their male counter parts, now attached a condition called money which is tagged "no money no love" because even if they marry the man as a poor man, the moment he becomes rich, side chick will become the order of the day. @Ops, i vividly understood naija marriage very well. the only solution is to find out what makes u happy and continue to do it because, even if u leave him to marry another, samething will be there. Also note that, why u are crying for love, he will be somewhere enjoying himself. do not live and die of depression, do what makes u happy, if u have enough money, take a vacation and have a nice quiet moment. 4 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by PJay77: 6:06pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
There are many marriage counselors you can reach out to. There are also many good books to guide you. It is well 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by louken(m): 6:08pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
PrincessNZ:If the man stops loving you, would you still continue loving him? 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by jmaxjohn(m): 6:11pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988: are u willing to pay for it? 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Ekpekus(m): 6:13pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Your definition of love will help us put things into perspective.. Maybe what your husband see as love is different from what you see. So let's start from there |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Moboj: 6:13pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
You can start with pet names Then giving comments to things he does in a loving way like wow! This looks lovely That shirt looks soo nice on you What haircut will you be on next? Then say the words that seems weird "I love you" and put his name Your lips looks soo kissable Use erotic languages Be open sexually Learn the language of eroticism coupled with care,trust me it's not easy to start all at once but if you want love,you'll have to speak in Love's language Op you'll be fine,it turns out loveless people when they finally start loving their own love will shake love  Then give him his own personalized oriki  these are things our mothers did in those day'sIt's not easy to keep staying in love You have to fuel it 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Bambela(m): 6:14pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
PrincessNZ: 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Novemberaura(m): 6:18pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
this is a very simple problem with a simple solution. if thy husband isn't keeping thee happy, find happiness outside thy marriage. you can't afford to be miserable cuz of this inhumane but civil idea called marriage. not everyone should get into marriage and endure the pains agony and misery of staying with an individual for the rest of thy life whether good or bad. marriage creates more problem than it solves in our society. yes we can't walk away from an unhappy union without getting a backlash from the society yet we can find a way around it. simply seek whatever you think your life is missing outside offcourse people that matters shouldn't be aware. the world in it's entirety is left for you to explore appreciate and experience don't sit down and cry. |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by ucomeoga: 6:24pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Dearest friend. Marriage is not a bed of rose. Perhaps, you should consider visiting a therapist. Importantly, I celebrate you for giving your husband the gift of your purity. Hold strong please. Divorce is NEVER an option. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by CONFAMA: 6:26pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988: Must marriage be all about Love. When maturity and reality of life set's in you will understand that not everything is love. As long as you respect and care for each other appropriately, then you're good to go. |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by madgoat(m): 6:26pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
PrincessNZ: Nonsense.... Dey there dey deceive yourself like wet pant. Its people like you that will open thread tmr complaining about husband that doesnt love them after few years in marriage. Keep on living your fairy tale illusion of permanent love. Men are naturally polygamous in case you dont know. |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by Dearlord(m): 6:28pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
OP, if you don't have a meaningful script to this forum you can go back to endure your marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by LordKO(m): 6:31pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
Ariza: Judge yourself, this particular derisive statement "How men bask judiciously in so much ignorance amuse me!" is it palatable/civil to your hearing? On this "I read a thread here sometimes ago where Men were advised to marry and learn to love those who love them and only use and dump those they love." Well, only a mental parochial and ignorant element will give men such advice - the propagator and practitioner(s) of such school of thought don't represent men in general, at least not sane men. Love (as a variant of goodness) has never been a woman's forte in relation to romantic/marriage affair, so only an ignorant man would expect love from a woman in this regard - the only thing a woman, a sane one, can give a man is submissiveness which is a variant of goodness in its own form. Both love and submissiveness are actions, not just mere words and feelings. For a typical small-minded woman, it's always about her self-interest first and sane men know about this, which is the reason a man's first call of duty when entering into such union with a woman is to find out what her interest in him is. Men aren't ignorant as most of you always think. The biggest dummy ever sold to women is that they're smarter than men - smartness isn't female-gender exclusive, you hear. A woman can only be considered sane in this regard if her interest is altruistic, else she's a small-minded woman like many and any discerning man can dissect her, no matter her sly prowess. Meanwhile, sane people have always loved other human beings unconditionally - of course, this doesn't invalidate conditionality of falling in love and conditionality staying in love. So, small-minded people who don't love can learn to love conditionally since they cannot do so unconditionally. OP should tell herself truth, the crux of her initial interest towards her husband has either waned or her husband hasn't been able to sustain it, and this is mostly because the interest/condition wasn't altruistic. What small-minded women always divert towards their offspring and deny their husband is interest, and this always happens because such women never had altruistic interest towards their husbands. Maybe you can now see the reason why sane men are always wary of materialistic and parasitic women because once a woman's interest in a man isn't altruistic, it's a matter of time before she'll ruin him in any possible way intentionally or otherwise. The OP is about to ruin her husband, either by her making or her husband making. 8 Likes |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by franchasng: 6:34pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
PrincessNZ:Don't mind her....maybe she married the guy thinking he will be changing car for her to latest car every year and now the young man is struggling to even buy 1 car for himself to talk of buying her a car and she is here blabbing nonsense like we care  Ladies stop having too much expectation from men, don't expect too much from anybody, that is the root of all heartbreaks.... Expect less from people.....give more than you expect from your partner and even from people and you will never be disappointed by anybody. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by shadeyinka(m): 6:35pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988:I can help you. But you must first define what Love is. |
| Re: I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage by HarunaWest(m): 6:42pm On Nov 07, 2019 |
merit1988:Truth is no advice in this forum can solve your current debacle...We are only told what you want to tell,so we judge based on that perception so you might not get a favorable verdict here. Why not talk to someone that knows the Genesis of your marriage, a sibling,parent,inlaw or bestie something like that..They will be in the best position to advice yah. NB: Family/Intimate issues shouldn't be brought to Nairaland...They end up confusing you with too much advice. |
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