I am hoping your eyes and mind see why NOT having children with this man is the best thing to happen to you; no child should come to earth and be the 'fixer' of a dead marriage with emotionally abusive and abused people as parents.


My Aunt waited 18years, not once did her husband do this; you are married to a horrible creature neither prayers nor fertility visits can change that.

GTFO.

@ amarachi06

Visit fertility clinics or do your research on fertility drugs like clomid and fertility lubricant like preseed. You can DM me.
Thank me later

Madam
Just like Sarah did.
Search for a wife for him and oversee the marriage. With that his anger will shift a bit and who knows whether ur child would come immediately after the marriage or before.
Our grand parents did it and they lived a healthy life.
My take

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

Calm down, the worst thing to do while waiting to fall pregnant is getting your self into anxiety. For some reason anxiety and emotional upsets delay pregnancy. I’ll strongly advice that you go for a thorough medical check up. Check your blood groups, ensure no Rhesus factor at play here. Have a gynaecologist look at your womb (scan etc) ensure no adhesions from previous miscarriage treatment, assuming you found yourself in the hands of a dr that treat miscarriage with d&c when you had a miscarriage. Check hormone levels. Ask what sort of uterus you have, that is; retroverted etc. When you get an all clear from the drs, then embark on a journey of knowing your cycle. Track your cycle so you can accurately pinpoint when you ovulate. Forget that day 14 crap people make noise about, every woman is different, even every cycle is different. I’ve seen day 18 ovulation that achieved a healthy baby and delivery. If you can afford ovulation detection kits, buy them. Usually after about 3 months you’ll be able to predict with great certainty when ovulation will occur. Eat healthy food and start taking prenatal vitamins. Encourage your husband to improve his diet and take make prenatal vitamins too. Also assuming your uterus is retroverted, you stand a greater chance of achieving a pregnancy if you lie on your stomach immediately after sex or use the doggy style and lie down on your stomach afterwards. This is because in retroverted uterus the cervix moves up and away from the pool of semen in the vagina, when you lie on your back after ejaculation. But when you’re on your stomach the cervix bends down into the pool of semen and the worm will be able to begin their journey. This knowledge has achieved many pregnancies.

Above all, pray and trust in God. He is the giver of life and everything is in His control.

Additionally, I hope having a child will solve the issue you point out in your marriage as I don’t think that’s the problem. As you try to have this child also evaluate your relationship with your husband to figure out if a child would rather complicate things than help. You’re not barren, you’ve achieved a pregnancy in the past. All you need is to sustain one to full term so don’t despair. Get to the root of your marriage issues so you don’t go through the pain of single motherhood too. Communication and mutual respect is the key in every relationship. If he insists that you leave, it may be best to. Children do not solve marital problems. Cheers

digitaltrades:



Did you commit abortions before you married him? How many babies did you kill this way? Repeated miscarriage is usually consequent of multiple abortions.

Did you tell him about those ugly pasts? Did the two of you go for medical examination before you got married?

It may be the ghost of the past coming to haunt you.

True, that might be the norm for the women you know; but I would take the liberty to educate you


Repeated miscarriages can be a function of Rhesus factor incompatibility, a weak womb muscle or worse still a cocktail of medical abnormalities,

Not every woman is walking with an 'ugly past'; and for all the emotions that this lady has put into this post; it is a fucking insensitive thing to say.

I really feel for you. TTC can be an overwhelming journey.

Your hubby is succumbing to both family and social pressures / expectations

Please be patient with him and avoid argument. Most importantly pray your child comes to you. Pray in your dialect

if you can...give him some space for some time and be steadfast in prayer...he will come around

Amarachi, everyone that has commented has one good reason or the other but my own advice for you is to be patient. I believe your husband doesn't dislike you, he is just frustrated. 90% of men will behave like your husband in the same circumstances. I do too! Men always bluff with "you can leave anytime you want!" I cannot count how many times I have said this to my wife but deep down I cannot afford it. So, in the midst of all the commotions, please, build yourself up (with a job or work), keep believing, keep praying, seek medical help and invite him into the ones you can.
If you have had miscarriage before it means you both are fertile, it just requires a little more effort. Your family is blessed and it is well with you.
Please, don't be afraid of anyone or anything and never give up come what may...

UjuJoan2:


Forgive my outburst madam, it's not about you.

May God bless you with your own children soon.

In the meantime, find something that makes you happy and face it. And ignore that husband of yours.

Thats not a sound advice. If she ignore him it ll aggravate things.

Simpleandsweet:

I can see the highly sensible advice you gave her as a highly intellectual fellow!
God uses the foolish things of this world to confound wise people like you!
What you know nothing about, it's best to keep quiet about it cos even a fool is considered wise when he is silent!
Please respect yourself!

They have started
You sef reason am Na
Foolish things to confuse wise people
Of course I don't tolerate foolishness.

There's smfin weird about this post

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

My dear sister, keep talking to God, he knows and understands everything

As for your husband, have you guys done any test to ascertain if his sperm is alright

Well if it gets t a stage you can't bear any further, pls talk with yourself and stop dying in silence

Any day he ask you to leave his house, if you can pls leave before he kills you, meanetell your parents what you ate passing through

Forget about what people may say about you, once you ate alive and you have a living God, you will be alright

Your happiness is not guaranteed by staying with him, besides he might get another woman pregnant, don't allow that to bulge you

Don't kill yourself or die before you time, he must Bleep another woman

Pls your safety and happiness is your priority and when he his ranting, don't talk back to him all the time

Learn to do mid night prayers and tell God how you feel, speak out and report him to God and let him, your husband hear your prayers to God that you are reporting him to God, that alone can make a difference and you will experience peace of mind to handle pregnancy

If he packs you out of the house, pls go to your parents house, forget about the humiliation

MrBrownJay1:
NO baby can make a man love "you"... NONE!!!! better wake up and smell the coffee. that man simply does NOT like you, period (no baby can fix that)!

why is everyone on this thread hellbent on advising her on how to get a baby, as if this will change anything...? to the contrary, having a child by this demon will only aggravate the matter.

No mind them.
A man that truly loves u won't be bothered much. He will even work towards it and probably not mind adoption.

Madam so sorry for the situation on ground.
Please I will advice
1. U stop getting into fights with your husband, cos where there's no peace God will not come to ur aid, am talking from experience, cos am a father of three kids by the grace of God.
2. Obey what the scriptures says about wives
3. Take it to God in prayer and have faith
4. Have faith and have a strong heart/Mind and see all this as test of faith for God knows you are passing this situation.
5. know that there re others who have passed via this challenge and even worst but they trusted on God and He saw them through.
6. Just like Hanna in the scripture, enter into an agreement with God, give Him and offer just like Hanna.
7. As a man thicketh so is he, prophesy to your self and to your family and I want you to know that God is very much aware and He is waiting for you to come.
It's well with your family and I place the grace by which I operate in God to also come upon you and ur husband in Jesus name Amen.
U re a blessed woman, mother and wife.
Please don't give up on ur husband and most importantly, don't give up on your self and God.
Regards

Donjazzy12:

Did you tell him the truth about your bareness! How you were aborting for your Sugar Daddies. Did you tell him all that?

Or Maybe the guy is shooting blanks because he has wasted all his good sperm on countless Oloshos while he was young. Too bad.

digitaltrades:



Did you commit abortions before you married him? How many babies did you kill this way? Repeated miscarriage is usually consequent of multiple abortions.

Did you tell him about those ugly pasts? Did the two of you go for medical examination before you got married?

It may be the ghost of the past coming to haunt you.

Mumu.

Madam, God is still on the throne he hasn't forgotten you, in his own time he make's all things beautiful, social media is not the best place to seek for comfort in times like this, cause I see a lot of people asking you to leave your marriage they feel the situation is irredeemable any advice I mean any that is not in conformity with God's standard on marriage should be jettisoned no matter the rationale behind it, stand up and fight for yourself how much or long can you fight if God is not by you my sister prayer n faith in God change's things' your marriage will be preserved by the power of God and he will give you your needed blessing Amen. let God be true and Everyman be liar. ROM 3:4

UjuJoan2:
Pray for him, love him bla bla bla. That's the typical Nigerian advice for women in dysfunctional relationships.

Yet when I say women stay with abusive men for the wrong reasons, People will become all self righteous.

Nonsense!

You are are simply a frustrated women. After six years in marriage, anyone should be pained and frustrated, but not channeled towards their partner. She must be a wonderful woman and God will give her children. Don't let frustration kill you.

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

I will give you advice of what my wife did during her trying time with me. She avoids me, avoid confrontation with me, showed me love and always mind her business. Guess what I got tired and went back to her for real after discovering how much she love to be with me.
You can do same and get busy with your self by searching for solutions to your miscarriage. I believed he will still come back to your life and love you whole heartedly.

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

Stop crying.

Go and see Prof. Ajayi in unilag. He's a specialist in prenatal diagnosis. He has helped many families. Yours won't be different.

His number is 08033319253

God bless you

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prenatal-diagnosis-prof-ajayi-76292045

This is exactly the problem with we men, we tend to pay attention to women who treat us with disdain. Please madam just try and get a proper medical help. Your husband must be part of this treatment. Lastly be STRONG. Always remember that it could have been worse. Never do anything that will compromise your marriage, give the marriage your best , but not your sanity or your life. The question is that , when do you draw the line between sanity life and marriage, ? the answer lies in your hands. You must always think with your head and not your heart. Eventually reason always triumph. The brain always triumph over the heart

UjuJoan2:


I don't quite agree @bukatyne.

I think people are a mix of nurture and influence. There's no greater influence than the norms of the society you live in. You have to live in Nigeria to fully understand this.

Even women who are brought up to be strong and independent sometimes get pressured into making certain decisions, just to look 'good'.

For you it's clear, you have a choice. For some it's not that straightforward.

I have daughters and I preach self esteem to them, but I worry about the environment they are being raised. Imagine a teacher telling them that Men grow up to become Doctors and women grow up to become Nurses. This teacher is grooming them already for a life of servitude to men, irrespective of what they are truly capable of.

I honestly think it's a hopeless situation.

Take your kids to a good school. Work hard and practice what you preach

I would advice you go for female fertility test, let them take your sample on day 2 or 3 of monthly cycle which is for fsh, LH, Prolactin, E2. Then the next one should be on day 21 or 23 just for progesterone n AMH. I believe these tests will be a guide most especially progesterone since u wia able to conceived n had miscarriage.
U can read up about progesterone yourself.

Why all this nonsense story you just spewed? If she can't help but resent him, she should leave. The man already gave her go ahead to. You really have contributed nothing but retardation in this thread.

UjuJoan2:




I was talking about how women react to being treated badly in the future in the other thread, and most of the people advising her to 'endure' almost jumped me. They claimed I should be advising women to stand up for themselves and yapped about how women had a 'choice'. And here they are saying the exact opposite, confirming what I said initially.

Nigerian women will always be at a disadvantage, no matter how much we try to deny it.

This poster is being abused emotionally by her husband and yet the society expects her to stay. How do you think she will react in the future when she finally becomes a mother and the husband becomes 'nice'. When she realises she now has all the power over her abuser and doesn't have to cower because she now has 'a place' in his home?

Of course she's not thinking 'revenge' now, but she's feeling the resentment and she's feeling helpless about her situation. I doubt if she's going to wave a hand and forget all she's going through now in the future, and live happily ever after with her husband.

When she starts reacting, the man will claim his wife has changed, and these fake people here will support him.

What a joke!

amarachi06:


Thank you, am crying already. Is well with my soul, never believed that l will not have a child by now. All my sisters are married with kids, and am scared of exchanging words with people for fear of being called a barren woman, and eater of my kids, which l am not. Thank you all for your kind words.

Don’t forget to be nice to children around you,love them genuinely and treat them like your own children. Have the spirit of children around you.

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

i would advice you like i would a sister. LEAVE THAT MARRIAGE! FILE FOR DIVORCE AND GET BACK YOUR LIFE AGAIN

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

You need to pray targeted prayer and do what the first person commented. Send me your email, I will send u prayer points that will change your story to glory

Madam calm down. In fact UzomaFC, lordlugards and a host of others have said most of what I wanted to say.

May o also add that in this journey you need the both of you to succeed and the foundation of your union be founded in Christ. However, since he is acting up, here's the time to "hold God for cloth" in prayers, midnight prayers, whilst at the same time showing your husband great love.

Breaststroke:


Why do people generally assume that if things are not working out in someone's life, it's a lack of faith and belief on their part?

I have learnt that my job is to pray and God's job is to answer in His own time and in His own way. However long that takes, but when I get tired I stop and go back to it later.

No amount of faith, anxiety or desperation moves God to act before He is ready. We are called to serve, it is not the other way round.

...