Pls help me im dating a lady outside lagos who i think she will be my better half she is ok by me just introduced her to my parents but we qurrel because she lies occassionally and i deduce from wot she says after she knows she will just say im sorry. Im i about to take a step(wrong or right) though she was there 4 mi while i was looking 4 job though i just got a small one but the distance is a big barrier i cant substanciate my claims but i feel she is cheating. I am about droping her because she belivs man does everything eg wether she have credit or not she flashes but i call but she calls when i tell call me or i wont wot , i must drop out of my salary every month cople with her lies (ladies help me) pls though she is a student a final year student what should i do

Are you comfortable with her lies? And what have you done about it?

Maybe she is hiding something maybe she is not. You just have to talk to her about how her lies are affecting you thats all. If she sees the damage she is doing to her relationship she just might stop. As for calling you, you did say she is a student right!!!! Where do you expect her to get the money from? Keep doing the calling, it doesnt really matter who calls, the most important thing is that you communicate regularly. there are cheaper ways of communicating, e-mails. Try that. hook up on line and chat. One hour maybe 100 naira.
Am sure by the time she leaves school she would know how it is to be left with the burden of making all the calls. Give her time.

Thank you all @ domino you are right but im not comfortable with her lies, i will do something @bebe. thanks so much you healed a big wound i will give her more time.

i have same problem with me,

my lover is not in lagos for more than 4 years now,

but now she is used to lying to me, she even abor a guy in her room overnight, but i still love her,

i lie to my lover too cos there are some things i just dont want him to know at the same time its because i thinki am smarter and i dontwant him to think that i am smartr than him , it dependson the typ eof lies , give us an example

lying is never a good sign. but sometimes we lie because we don't have time to explain everything. Sit her down and let her know that her lying is affecting the future of the relationship.

I donot think telling lies to your partner is a good thing no matter the situation. I used to do that but now, i think am matured enough to know better. Tell the truth always. thats my best quality according to my boyfriend and other friends. No matter what, i will speak my mind. Say you go out with anorther guy/babe for a drink and your boyfriend/galfriend calls, asking where you are, why lie? i believe you only lie when you have bad motives. if he/she cannot trust you, then you should not be together. I know some just lie simply because they cannot really express themselves. @Poster, i would say, make her comfortable to tell you anything and everything. Beign economical with the truth is non disclosure which is also, not telling the whole truth. Once she is comfortable with you, you will be better friends.

@lobinoxese(What a Name), same goes for you. It seems you are just marking time with this gal, u seemed resigned to fate. If you are not happy in a relationship try to sort things out or you let go ok. Its not MARRIAGE!!!

long distance relationship ?, believe me dude

it cant be valued. Take ma word.

OMG, Sounds lyk you two are in Nigeria n you cal that long distance relationship, hmmn

Anyway,sit your gurl down and talk to her,tell her how uncomfortable you feel with her lies and ask her why she will never deem it fit to call you,listen to what she's got to say,you never can tell,she might change.

Guy, wake ur ASS up --- No. 1 mistake, ur biggest: long distance dating; how many times do u see this gal in a month? my guess'd be ZEEP!

save ur cash & poor ailing heart & go 4 the girl next door!

@Ruudie, chei!!!!!!!!!! hmmmm

@poster, ermm my qn is this, IS SHE LYING because OF THE DISTANCE (she knows u cant tell the truth)

OR IS LYING JUST SECOND NATURE TO HER, but now taht ur thinking of somrething more stable its only begining to worry u?, im asking, has she always been a liar and u put up with it (but dont want to anymore) or IS THIS A NEW ATTITUDE?

@ Luxoire,

whats d chei 4 --- imagine u in JayDee dating me _{for instance} in Naija --- how impersonal can a relationship get + its much easier 2 get played that way! bet this situation is just ideal 4 d girl in discuss.

what is happening to NIGERIAN MEN --- WAKE UP!!!

@Ruudie

errm. It depends. If you are inclined to cheat then ofourse you will cheat.

Got a friend here, that goes home, every month or 2 to see his gf. Hey, ALL YOU NEED IS TRUST. i suppose and a strong heart!

and dating u?, hmmmmmmmmmm

Long distance relationships are unadvisable.Stop kidding yourselves.Unless the distance problem is temporary and you are planning to get together very soon.

I can't see how 2 people who claim to love each other will not mind living apart.

@ Luxoire,

e be like sey u don 2 tey 4 dat Obodo Oyibo O --- dis wan no be about cheating/trust/brave heart O. how u go dey follow person wey u no dey take eye see ? telefone go turn to messenger 4 una. dat ur pallie wey dey travel evry month shebi na becos "bar" dey im hand ? the time wey "bar" no go dey 4 travel, wahala de !
how many long-distance follow-follow u don see end successful ?

"Absence makes the Heart fonder" i gree --- but "Law of Diminishing Returns" never st in dat time --- when the absence don reach "Peak Frequency", story go change to "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" !

luxoire:

and dating u?, hmmmmmmmmmm

ME SEF DOUBT !!!

@Luxoire

I wanted to ask you whether your "travelling friend" was male and then I re-read your post_{hos in different area codes}

@Ruudie
hahah u see, as much as i appreciate your 'practical' take on things, i just meant ot point out, just because u might not think it is the norm ( or that its the best r/ship) does not mean it will fail in ever instance.

and if to say u want put am down to my staying for ogbodo-oyinbo for a long time, den sha no wahala i agree, but i no agree wit d fact say make people give up without trying just because it hasn't worked for others.
make everybody try him own, if e no waka for them, den them go sabi wia to go from dia, but discouraging from the start doesnt help

and about u sef doubt dating me?, no wahala, i suppose we can't all be compatible. If we were, then we won't be 'special' to the ones that love us
shebi na lie i tok?

@I-man
yes now, most guys will cheat, no one said anything about LDR r/ships being the best for keeping guys faithful (we all agree most guys will stray), but like i said, if d babe get mind to handle am, den no wahala, like i said ''u need a strong heart''

luxoire:

@Ruudie
hahah u see, as much as i appreciate your 'practical' take on things, i just meant ot point out, just because u might not think it is the norm ( or that its the best r/ship) does not mean it will fail in ever instance.

and if to say u want put am down to my staying for ogbodo-oyinbo for a long time, den sha no wahala i agree, but i no agree wit d fact say make people give up without trying just because it hasn't worked for others.
make everybody try him own, if e no waka for them, den them go sabi wia to go from dia, but discouraging from the start doesnt help

and about u sef doubt dating me?, no wahala, i suppose we can't all be compatible. If we were, then we won't be 'special' to the ones that love us
shebi na lie i tok?

This your ajebutter pigdin just to show that you neva dey too long for obodo oyinbo

@ Luxoire,

--- U try O. switched 2 pidgin just 2 see if u'd follow --- i'm tripped; e be like sey Obodo Oyibo never change u finish !

relationships are like bizness ventures --- u weigh ur likelihood of success/failure then u take a decision.
so why on earth shld anybody enter in2 1 dats got a slim chance of success; a la' LDRs ?

b'live me u, i'd give a €million to date some1 like u_{i can give u reasons if u want ?} but if there's not a chance in hell that u'd come back 2 Naija or I travel out there, then what's the use ?

& if u don't mind, i'd like 2 know what i said/did that u didn't approve of ? pls !

@Ruudie
boo how can u try to trip me up on something i happen to think isn't very polite, as u yarn for pigin/english, me sef go follow u oh

and YES i'd like to know reasons why you would consider dating 'someone like me'

NO, there is no chance that i shall 'return' to naija (so i guess that throws that offer out the window)

and about what u had said that i didnt approve of, i can't even remember, but i know it wasn't what u said (because quite frankly you're entitled to your opinions) it was more the way u said it, came across as a bit rude & unpleasant and i just remember thinking ''i will speak to him only if addresses me'' '' no need for that attitude''

accept my sincere apologies 4 whatever ! i'll answer ur question later, for now i'm "logging out" - i'm just closing work & about to head on home. guess we'll yarn next time we're online. nice making ur acquaintance! C' Ya _{or is it Read Ya} around !!!

hi i am in the same shoe too, ma girl is in jos and i am in kontagora niger state
i trust her big time cos she has been with me all the while when i was searching for a job, now it has come she is still there,
even though she is not perfect i have my reports saying she is doing ok, we communicate through all the means, e-mail, chat online, call,text, midnight calls e.t.c,
the only advice i will tell you is to meet her and have a one on one chat with her, to tell her to tell you the truth about it all,if she can face you fine if she can drop her, its really hard beleive me
i work in a tetiary instituiton and i am one of the youngest lecturers here, the things the girls do to get ur attention is crazy, but we eey survivie

@I-man
hahahah u clown!!, i no get answer 4 u sef, and so wat if i'm been outside, 1 day or 10 yrs?, im african by blood. it IN me, my environment doesn't matter (that much)

I-man:

Long distance relationships are unadvisable.Stop kidding yourselves.Unless the distance problem is temporary and you are planning to get together very soon.

I can't see how 2 people who claim to love each other will not mind living apart.

And who made you a judge over that . . "not adviseable" Mr. councellor. Please come down from your high horse and be with "us" the earthly humans

@ Ruudie and I-man

Both of you are wrong from your noses
You can't just sit on your seats and say "long distant relationships"are bound to fail or "not advideable". We do not control our feelings, yea we do control our actions, but isn't it left for the "victim(s)" to decide?? If you fell head over heels for someone and you're convinced you couldn't love another, remember not evrybody will call it off without giving it a fair try.

That you couldn't do one isn't a reason enough to practically insult and talk down on people that actually have it as their way of lives Its a prefence thing, and if you're not cool with it then all well and good but puh-lease show some respect

@ topic
Long distant relationships can work out just fine. Its left for the parties in love to be up and doing. Love carries a lot of sacrifices with it, and to each his own. You need to be zealous, tolerating, and patient. Its frustrating, and it would be far from easy but it isnt impossible.

In your case, it isn't the distant thingy that is bothering me, but the lack of trust between you guys, her intolerable lies and the fact that you guys have issues that you don't seem to see eye to eye on

1) The trust - - - is she still a liar?? What kind of things does she lie about?? Has she cheated on you in the past??
How much has she changed??
The girl seems like a wifey material, I on the other hand do not commend her lying nature, but show me who's perfect?? If the things she lie about aren't so threatening then work with her. Let your love make her feel covered and that she can be open to you, her lies might be due to past expeiences and insecurities.
She was there when you needed her, be there for her. The lies have been there since, so try help her snap out f it.
And sometimes, you just owe her a benefit of the doubt and trust her. Even someone who's your neighbour might not be that much of an angel, distance isn't the problem factor here.

2) About her thinking guys should be the "head and foot" of the relationship, is totally wrong. That's an olden days way of thinking and she should know better. But then it might be the way she looks at things, or the way she was brought up

These are the things one should consider while in a relationship, if you guys disagree too much, then you might not be compartible afterall. As girls need care and love and attnention, some girls seem to forget that the guy needs the same fair share of shower in return.
Tell her you need her to be more practical too, sit her down and make her understand you guys are in a relationship now, and have come a long way and there are some norms and silly beliefs she should drop aside

I believe in moulding your partner, no one knows it all, sometimes all the person needs is a heart to heart talk and a little push. Even the best partner in the world was once a novice, and rememeber "Rome wasn't built in a day"

Love makes it somewhat easire to compromise and help the other party, if she changes a bit then live with it, you'll never find a perfect partner, but you can ask for a willing one. Give her time, she'll come around

@ randa
Kudos my guy

@the person b4 me

it takes one to know one,

@cute-ass

Am I supposed to read all that?

I-man:

@cute-ass

Am I supposed to read all that?

No, You're only supposed to read the part adrressed to you, the rest is meant for someone else
The @ topic post is obviously not for you, and being as smart as you claim to be (knowing the advisable and "unadvisable" ways of life), you should have figured that out yourself, or don't you think??

@cute-ass

I am a minnow when compared to your overwhelming intellect,experience and sagacity.Who am I to question you?

I-man:

@cute-ass

I am a minnow when compared to your overwhelming intellect,experience and sagacity. Who am I to question you?

Exactly

ACTION dey say SPEAKS louder than d voice.I guess its a way to tell ya IT AINT GONNA WORK.If you are thinking of marrying her i sorry for you ooooooooo.If i deduce rightly from what u posted then MAN u r in d wrong place at the right time oooooo.If u wnt my opinion; here it is man, GET OUT OF IT!!!!!