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Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? - Family - Nairaland

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Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by johnsonpal: 8:55am On Dec 05, 2019
Please no front page!!

I need mature advice guys, I am 28yrs old, first born of 3. I have been responsible for myself as long as I can remember and partly responsible for my siblings too. A week doesn't go by without my Dad not requesting for money for one project/debt to another and most times I do but of recent it getting too much, it not like i'm rich or something, I am just trying to make something out of myself but this demands is causing a serious strain on me mentally. Note, I am responsible for my siblings too.

My sisters wedding was barely 2 weeks ago and I was responsible for over 50% of the cost, my plan after the wedding I will be allowed to atleast breath before the request start coming in again so I thought, just this morning I woke to missed call and texts from my father requesting for 60k for his house projects. I can't even remember this man EVER giving me 10k for myself, He is always emotionally blackmailing him because he sent me to a private uni(he barely paid the school fees then).

This is really affecting me physiologically .I can't even stay a week without any family issue. I checked my blood pressure last week and it was 140/120. Can i cut this man off before he kills me with responsibilities ? At my age I think this is too much! my mum and sibling are understanding

2 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by mankettle(m): 9:00am On Dec 05, 2019
Yes. Please do with immediate alacrity. Just tell him no.

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by sisisioge: 9:04am On Dec 05, 2019
Chai! I just pity you. Cut him off completely...move far away from him and do only what you can afford for your siblings too.

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Nobody: 9:08am On Dec 05, 2019
johnsonpal:
Please no front page!!

I need mature advice guys, I am 28yrs old, first born of 3. I have been responsible for myself as long as I can remember and partly responsible for my siblings too. A week doesn't go by without my Dad not requesting for money for one project/debt to another and most times I do but of recent it getting too much, it not like i'm rich or something, I am just trying to make something out of myself but this demands is causing a serious strain on me mentally. Note, I am responsible for my siblings too.

My sisters wedding was barely 2 weeks ago and I was responsible for over 50% of the cost, my plan after the wedding I will be allowed to atleast breath before the request start coming in again so I thought, just this morning I woke to missed call and texts from my father requesting for 60k for his house projects. I can't even remember this man EVER giving me 10k for myself, He is always emotionally blackmailing him because he sent me to a private uni(he barely paid the school fees then).

This is really affecting me physiologically .I can't even stay a week without any family issue. I checked my blood pressure last week and it was 140/120. Can i cut this man off before he kills me with responsibilities ? At my age I think this is too much! my mum and sibling are understanding
.

Pls cut him off for now but not completely...right now I think the only thing that should be on your mind is you getting established.... remember money is just like a visitor....make good use of your money now....so that tomorrow your dad won't ask you what exactly you used your money for

8 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Pavore9: 9:11am On Dec 05, 2019
Blackmailing you for sending you to a private university? Is it not his responsibility as a father to have you educated.? Ask yourself, should your health (physical and mental) degenerate to the level you can no longer function enough to earn an income, what will your father do?

Be assertive with your finances, let him know what you can afford to send him on a monthly basis. A friend was in similar situation, the father never call to ask about his welfare rather it is all about money and during one of the father's calls, he lost it and reminded the father that as a kid he had to do menial jobs to pay for both his junior WAEC and SSCE fees himself while the father was a no-show. After that the father respected himself concerning the demands as my friend now placed the father on a fixed amount monthly.

12 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by johnsonpal: 9:12am On Dec 05, 2019
sisisioge:
Chai! I just pity you. Cut him off completely...move far away from him and do only what you can afford for your siblings too.


We are actually far away. The issue they are prey on good nature and soft spot, I will just block him or something. My mom has told him to atleast let me be for a while, but he doesn't listen. there always a story everytime. Atleast a normal human being will allow me rest after all the wedding expenses.
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by sisisioge: 9:15am On Dec 05, 2019
johnsonpal:
We are actually far away. The issue they are prey on good nature and soft spot, I will just block him or something. My mom has told him to atleast let me be for a while, but he doesn't listen. there always a story everytime. Atleast a normal human being will allow me rest after all the wedding expenses.

Then learn to say no...although blocking him sounds lovely too. I wish you well fa...you're too young to carry that much weight. 50% of someone's wedding! The bride and groom couldn't finance their own wedding where their parents couldn't help ni? Na wa o.

2 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by pansophist(m): 9:17am On Dec 05, 2019
Learning to say ''NO'' is something everyone must learn, as it will save you lots of unnecessary stress. The world is never in shortage of beggars, needy ones, extorters, and folks who specialize in reaping from where they did not sow through methods such as blackmailing and guilt-tripping. Saying NO, and sternly keeping to your NO will save you tons of cash, with your mental state in place. You cannot help others when you yourself are lacking. Only help from a position of abundance, that it would not affect you whatsoever. It is hard, I know, I myself have been there.

God forbid, but what if you die today, does that mean it would be the end of their existence? you need to understand one thing, it is not in their interest to stop requesting, as, by nature, people do not voluntarily evacuate a source of abundance. You are the giver, they need you, and you should control where your money goes to, they cant do that for you. As for your father, if I were you, I would evaluate the reason for the request. If it is genuine, then you should give him if you have it. To me, I give to the genuine needs of my nuclear family members.

17 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by LordKO(m): 9:21am On Dec 05, 2019
You don't need to cut your father off your life, instead you need to take charge of your dominion. You can be strong-minded without being either heartless or wicked - in other words, you can be both altruistic and conscientious without being subjugable.

He's an egoist, so his penchant for subjugation will be perpetual, and it's your duty to master the art of relating safely with him without cutting him off entirely.

One can always give everything without losing anything.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Sanchez01: 9:29am On Dec 05, 2019
Cut off and then what happens when you guys meet? Be brutal with your stance and learn to say no when it is not convenient for you. He is your father and not God. If he fails to be sensitive and considerate. Then by all means make him see this. Tell him straight up. If he starts acting up or calling to threaten you,then severe communication channels totally and that's it.

Don't jump to step two. Take on the first step first and if it fails, apply the 'cut-off' strategy.

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by donbachi(m): 9:30am On Dec 05, 2019
U're lucky u have one...lost mine.I just wished he is alive and be making all dis demands...I will happily give from d little I have.

2 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by MrHighSea: 10:04am On Dec 05, 2019
donbachi:
U're lucky u have one...lost mine.I just wished he is alive and be making all dis demands...I will happily give from d little I have.
Come collect my Papa for free abeg.
I go buy u beer join.
...chai...its just a wish.ooo

Seriously, some pops no b am.

If nit dt I'm a master in saying "No", I'll be whining now.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Nobody: 11:29am On Dec 05, 2019
Listen
Thirty percent have fathers, who are still alive and working.
Thirty percent have fathers who are still alive but not working.
Twenty percent had fathers who when they were alive, were working but are now dead.
The rest twenty percent do not even know their fathers.
Each and every of us reading this post falls into one of these categories.

Do you know what it means for your father, the man that gave birth to you, to surpress the shame and embarrassment that can even make him feel less of a man, and then bring himself to ask you for money?

He may not even be reasoning that it is because he sent you to a private school, It may be that it is your akonuche that's giving you that reason to justify your bluntness.

Give your father —when you can, when you do not have, tell him respectfully that you don't have.
Don't ever think of cutting him off.
These people offering you those vile options would not be there to help you when that time comes.

You're a very lucky man I would tell you. You're very lucky.
I wish I have my father to struggle with me and offer his fatherly advice.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Nobody: 11:45am On Dec 05, 2019
NoGender:
Listen
Thirty percent have fathers, who are still alive and working.
Thirty percent have fathers who are still alive but not working.
Twenty percent had fathers who when they were alive, were working but are now dead.
The rest twenty percent do not even know their fathers.
Each and every of us reading this post falls into one of these categories.

Do you know what it means for your father, the man that gave birth to you, to surpress the shame and embarrassment that can even make him feel less of a man, and then bring himself to ask you for money?

He may not even be reasoning that it is because he sent you to a private school, It may be that it is your akonuche that's giving you that reason to justify your bluntness.

Give your father —when you can, when you do not have, tell him respectfully that you don't have.
Don't ever think of cutting him off.
These people offering you those vile options would not be there to help you when that time comes.

You're a very lucky man I would tell you. You're very lucky.
I wish I have my father to struggle with me and offer his fatherly advice.

Here's to the ones that we got,
Cheers to the ones that we've lost because this post brings back memories.
Everything would be alright.

100/

2 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by zed7: 11:58am On Dec 05, 2019
Relationship is more than nomenclature. That one is a father doesn't mean he gave fatherly care and affection. I dislike entitled people.

However, I will advice you place him on a monthly stipend. Whatever he gets is what he will ever get till the next month. Learn to stand your ground no matter the tales he comes with.This is a middle ground between helping your father and also ensuring you don't go bankrupt.

4 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Saintmary(f): 1:58pm On Dec 05, 2019
Monthly Stipend, that's the best advice, anything other than that, Don't pick any more calls.
At 140/120 your blood pressure is getting too high for your young age

2 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Richy4(m): 2:36pm On Dec 05, 2019
sisisioge:
Chai! I just pity you. Cut him off completely...move far away from him and do only what you can afford for your siblings too.



with a knife or sledge hammer? smiley
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by sisisioge: 2:55pm On Dec 05, 2019
Richy4:


with a knife or sledge hammer? smiley

With a cord grin

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Algorithimz: 3:45pm On Dec 05, 2019
johnsonpal:
Please no front page!!

I need mature advice guys, I am 28yrs old, first born of 3. I have been responsible for myself as long as I can remember and partly responsible for my siblings too. A week doesn't go by without my Dad not requesting for money for one project/debt to another and most times I do but of recent it getting too much, it not like i'm rich or something, I am just trying to make something out of myself but this demands is causing a serious strain on me mentally. Note, I am responsible for my siblings too.

My sisters wedding was barely 2 weeks ago and I was responsible for over 50% of the cost, my plan after the wedding I will be allowed to atleast breath before the request start coming in again so I thought, just this morning I woke to missed call and texts from my father requesting for 60k for his house projects. I can't even remember this man EVER giving me 10k for myself, He is always emotionally blackmailing him because he sent me to a private uni(he barely paid the school fees then).

This is really affecting me physiologically .I can't even stay a week without any family issue. I checked my blood pressure last week and it was 140/120. Can i cut this man off before he kills me with responsibilities ? At my age I think this is too much! my mum and sibling are understanding

You are very funny, He even enrolled you Into a private university even though he wasn't frequent with the tuition fess. For him to even have done these things for you means he has goodwill for you. At the same time I'm not In support of how he Is fleecing you or emotionally blackmailing you, But at least you should be compassionate with him because no matter what, They still remain your parents. My own parents didn't even know how I passed my O'level talkless of a degree. Although they don't demand from me except for my Light, Lawma, & Security Bills. I actually get things for my mom when I've got little change on me though. As for my father, We don't really get to see most times but I still assist him In getting his drugs when he needs It. May God give you the strength to continue doing your own part.

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Nobody: 4:37pm On Dec 05, 2019
LordKO:
You don't need to cut your father off your life, instead you need to take charge of your dominion. You can be strong-minded without being either heartless or wicked - in other words, you can be both altruistic and conscientious without being subjugable.

He's an egoist, so his penchant for subjugation will be perpetual, and it's your duty to master the art of relating safely with him without cutting him off entirely.

One can always give everything without losing anything.
It's not easy being strong minded o, it eats at u until u send that thing. The op should block d man for now. He has his life to arrange

3 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Nobody: 4:42pm On Dec 05, 2019
NoGender:
Listen
Thirty percent have fathers, who are still alive and working.
Thirty percent have fathers who are still alive but not working.
Twenty percent had fathers who when they were alive, were working but are now dead.
The rest twenty percent do not even know their fathers.
Each and every of us reading this post falls into one of these categories.

Do you know what it means for your father, the man that gave birth to you, to surpress the shame and embarrassment that can even make him feel less of a man, and then bring himself to ask you for money?

He may not even be reasoning that it is because he sent you to a private school, It may be that it is your akonuche that's giving you that reason to justify your bluntness.

Give your father —when you can, when you do not have, tell him respectfully that you don't have.
Don't ever think of cutting him off.
These people offering you those vile options would not be there to help you when that time comes.

You're a very lucky man I would tell you. You're very lucky.
I wish I have my father to struggle with me and offer his fatherly advice.
Some people don't have any sense of shame or embarrassment and the op says he blackmails him with d fact that he sent him to private school. I simply think the man should be considerate. If this Op dies tomorrow they'll move on to another to drain
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by blesskewe(f): 5:05pm On Dec 05, 2019
NoGender:


Here's to the ones that we got,
Cheers to the ones that we've lost because this post brings back memories.
Everything would be alright.

100/


Yeah
Memories
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by thorpido(m): 5:21pm On Dec 05, 2019
Don't cut him off completely.Put him on a monthly stipend and stick to it
You may need to give him more as the occasion calls for it,like specific projects

Stop giving your dad the impression that you have an endless inflow of cash too.

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by tunjilee003(m): 8:51pm On Dec 05, 2019
NoGender:
Listen
Thirty percent have fathers, who are still alive and working.
Thirty percent have fathers who are still alive but not working.
Twenty percent had fathers who when they were alive, were working but are now dead.
The rest twenty percent do not even know their fathers.
Each and every of us reading this post falls into one of these categories.one in a million advise, i hope op agree with this

Do you know what it means for your father, the man that gave birth to you, to surpress the shame and embarrassment that can even make him feel less of a man, and then bring himself to ask you for money?

He may not even be reasoning that it is because he sent you to a private school, It may be that it is your akonuche that's giving you that reason to justify your bluntness.

Give your father —when you can, when you do not have, tell him respectfully that you don't have.
Don't ever think of cutting him off.
These people offering you those vile options would not be there to help you when that time comes.

You're a very lucky man I would tell you. You're very lucky.
I wish I have my father to struggle with me and offer his fatherly advice.
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by ctleurocollege: 11:03pm On Dec 05, 2019
Keep him at arms length, you're not a bank

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by frozen70(f): 2:42am On Dec 06, 2019
johnsonpal:
Please no front page!!

I need mature advice guys, I am 28yrs old, first born of 3. I have been responsible for myself as long as I can remember and partly responsible for my siblings too. A week doesn't go by without my Dad not requesting for money for one project/debt to another and most times I do but of recent it getting too much, it not like i'm rich or something, I am just trying to make something out of myself but this demands is causing a serious strain on me mentally. Note, I am responsible for my siblings too.

My sisters wedding was barely 2 weeks ago and I was responsible for over 50% of the cost, my plan after the wedding I will be allowed to atleast breath before the request start coming in again so I thought, just this morning I woke to missed call and texts from my father requesting for 60k for his house projects. I can't even remember this man EVER giving me 10k for myself, He is always emotionally blackmailing him because he sent me to a private uni(he barely paid the school fees then).

This is really affecting me physiologically .I can't even stay a week without any family issue. I checked my blood pressure last week and it was 140/120. Can i cut this man off before he kills me with responsibilities ? At my age I think this is too much! my mum and sibling are understanding

You don't have to allow this man to frustrate your future

The more you pay attention to him the more he wrecks you down

Use diplomacy on him

If he ask of money again, tell him you took loan to support your sister wedding and you have to pay it up with 80% of your salary

Get your mum involved in this new approach and let your mum knows that your Dad continues demand has been affecting your efforts

Instead of calling him regularly, send an sms to great him and tell him that you are sorry for not reaching him that things are not moving forward

Whenever he calls you, your response first is things are difficult so that, that alone will suppress any impending demands from you

Anytime he callset him know that things are tough even before he ask you how you are doing

Lastly, don't ever let him know your plans and moves again, hence Fort

Keep him in the dark and start planning now that you have the channel to make money

2 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Katier00(f): 3:58am On Dec 06, 2019
donbachi:
U're lucky u have one...lost mine.I just wished he is alive and be making all dis demands...I will happily give from d little I have.
don't even blackmail the op with that crap. Op is 28 and the first born, so the dad is still young. Let him hustle and make money. How can he be living off his son yet building a house. The same person that couldn't carter for his children. That's selfishness as long as i am concerned, at least op didn't mention he is sick or too old to hustle. Op please learn to say no to somethings. If you have not started your building project then don't contribute to another persons own. He wants a house, he should work for it however don't abandon your parents, send them upkeep every month and that is that. At 28 start building your future, hustle now that you don't have a family. Save, invest and walk in the right part and the sky will be your foundation.


Sorry you lost your dad but it doesn't always work like that. The op could die before his dad in this case so he should not hold him ransom biko

8 Likes

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by ogawisdom(m): 4:01am On Dec 06, 2019
U don't need to cut him off

Learn to budget and stick to budget, be assertive and firm.

Give him what u can afford once a month accordingly to monthly budget and say no to anything else he is asking

1 Like

Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by Leonardomike: 7:11am On Dec 06, 2019
If you no wan die, use ur popsy for money rituals no kill am for nothing oooo
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by StPete: 7:44am On Dec 06, 2019
frozen70:


You don't have to allow this man to frustrate your future

The more you pay attention to him the more he wrecks you down

Use diplomacy on him

If he ask of money again, tell him you took loan to support your sister wedding and you have to pay it up with 80% of your salary

Get your mum involved in this new approach and let your mum knows that your Dad continues demand has been affecting your efforts

Instead of calling him regularly, send an sms to great him and tell him that you are sorry for not reaching him that things are not moving forward

Whenever he calls you, your response first is things are difficult so that, that alone will suppress any impending demands from you

Anytime he callset him know that things are tough even before he ask you how you are doing

Lastly, don't ever let him know your plans and moves again, hence Fort

Keep him in the dark and start planning now that you have the channel to make money

This is a very negative and distasteful advice. OP strictly do not adhere to these words before you use your own mouth to bring yourself bad luck.

Just keep posting your father that you will or better yet, cut him off for a while
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by frozen70(f): 9:01am On Dec 06, 2019
StPete:


This is a very negative and distasteful advice. OP strictly do not adhere to these words before you use your own mouth to bring yourself bad luck.

Just keep posting your father that you will or better yet, cut him off for a while

So you don't know that people keep telling people things are hard so that you won't ask them of anything

Stay there
Re: Is It Ok To Cut My Father Off? by StPete: 9:56am On Dec 06, 2019
frozen70:


So you don't know that people keep telling people things are hard so that you won't ask them of anything

Stay there

Just because u don’t want to give does not warrant you to curse yourself with negative words. Giving is not by force.

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