To correct ds, PLAN, PRAY, WORK HARD , CREATE TIME AND AVENUE for your family. If you are the type choked with work, maximize your spare time with your family instead of weekend party or club. That is one thing I noticed about my grandpa before he departed, I was told and I also saw he was very caring, although I wasn't there when he was raising his own kids to know how available he was. As for me I have made up my mind o o , myself and my kids go be like 5 and 6 even their mother go jealous.

MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

What are you saying Is it the Africa/Nigerian women of now or in the 80s

MrBrownJay1:


ok you brought some valid points to the table, but let me ask you a few questions:
[b]- do you believe Nigerian/African society view men and women EQUALLY in marriage?

They don’t of course. But they should.

- even if/when some mamas have jobs, who does that same society believe should raise the kids?

Again moms are expected to. They are expected do both. Moms who focus on raising kids and holding the families together are mocked as not bringing anything to the table (watching Telemundo ). Meanwhile these kids are full time jobs all by themselves. And when they attempt to go out there and bring in the bucks, they can be called insubordinates who don’t put their husbands’ satisfaction first (if he wants her to stay home) as their primary goal. They can’t win honestly.
That’s why the woman has to chose which type of criticism pain am pass and stick to the other side of it.

- it is all a problem of culture, what other reason you have for it to be that way in Nigeria/Africa?
- if it aint a Nigerian/African society issue, then what do you think is the main problem here?[/b]

Culture is defined a way of life of a people. We know how we live is influenced by our thoughts and our thoughts are influenced by what we have been taught. So education is going to solve the problem of inequality. Give it time. It’s a slow turtle but it’s moving nonetheless.

Yes it may not be just an African thing , but legislation in some other countries have recognized this and address it according to situation. We need that here in Nigeria.

olabrinks:
What do you mean doing absolutely nothing? This is the problem I have with a lot of men, totally disregarding the work it takes to be a full time stay at home mum. Who is going to cook? Who is going to clean? Who is going to pick the kids from school? Who is going to bath the children? Who is going to feed those kids, makes sure they do their homework and go to bed on time? What do you mean doing absolutely nothing? Even if there’s a houseboy/house girl, do you know the work that it takes to raise up a child? It takes a village to raise a child, even more strenuous than the so called job you are going to everyday. Fine, if you believe women should go out to work to make the mans job easier and more convenient, just please ensure the man is also doing the equal amounts of house chores and things around the house to keep the duties balanced. But when it comes to stay at home wives, do not discredit them.

again sista, there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mum, if thats what you desire, but let us ALL be honest about what you are saying:
A) most Nigerians stay at home mothers have maids so they dont really have to do much (but telling people what to do)
B) even if that said woman has no help, that woman would still do NOTHING as soon as kids are away at school (aka from kindergarden and onward)..is it?
C) if daddy wasnt working as much as he does, he can probably do most of the stuff you mentioned (pick the kids, help with homework, RAISE the kids etc)
D) claiming that being a stay at home mum is a more strenuous job than bringing the cheddar that pays the house, bills, food, car notes, clothing, travel etc is today's NAIRALAND JOKE OF THE DAY. i will never talk down about what mothers do at home, but claiming that raising a child is more difficult that going to work and slave away to make sure that the family has a great life, is far fetched!

last but not least: the only reason i said women should go to work is exactly because i want men to be doing some of the above you mentioned (aka RAISING THEIR OWN KIDS) so that THEY can have a bond with their children, which is more important (to these kids) than paying for all the bills.

[s]

Fountainofyouth:



What are you saying Is it the Africa/Nigerian women of now or in the 80s

[/s]

olabrinks:
What do you mean doing absolutely nothing? This is the problem I have with a lot of men, totally disregarding the work it takes to be a full time stay at home mum. Who is going to cook? Who is going to clean? Who is going to pick the kids from school? Who is going to bath the children? Who is going to feed those kids, makes sure they do their homework and go to bed on time? What do you mean doing absolutely nothing? Even if there’s a houseboy/house girl, do you know the work that it takes to raise up a child? It takes a village to raise a child, even more strenuous than the so called job you are going to everyday. Fine, if you believe women should go out to work to make the mans job easier and more convenient, just please ensure the man is also doing the equal amounts of house chores and things around the house to keep the duties balanced . But when it comes to stay at home wives, do not discredit them.

And the thread can be closed at this point. That’s all

MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

@ Bold:

Since you say African, I can't dispute for other African countries.

However for Nigeria,
1. Yoruba culture frowns against housewifery. They are called alabodos (women you feed to sleep with)
2. In SS, their women are more hardworking than men. Infact, you see a number of househusbands (and don't get it twisted, they are not keeping the house.) They wander about, drink while their wives go to the farm or business and wait for food.
3. A visit to markets, street hawkers, salons, canteens, restaurants etc. will tell you that majority of women don't sit their behinds in Nigeria.

Now if you are saying that the wives expect the husbands to be financially responsible for most stuffs in the house, that is a different ball game which is also a pipe dream considering that only few homes can claim that one income is enough to run it.

MrBrownJay1:


in a proper society, possibly, but the family setup in Nigeria/Africa is bent from the get go, and can never find a balance. unless a wife is ready and willing to go to work as soon as kids are going to kindergarden, the family setup in Nigeria/Africa will always be unfair. you have two able-bodied adults here, but sadly one will be slaving away while the other would stay home for no damn reason, doing absolutely NOTHING (especially when housegirl/boy are around). i dont understand this mindset, but sadly it is perfectly normal in Nigerian/African society.

the important balance we really need to figure out IS: is it better to work 24/7 for your family so that down the line you wont even get the proper value/respect/love that you deserve?

let us all also remember....wifey stays home while daddy works all day, then he gets home, he is dead tired while mummy is fresh and ready/willing to do fun stuff.... so daddy and mummy are out of synch, and start to grow apart.

LMAO, it seems you left Nigeria in the 60s era, cos the way you're confidently stating your opinion is funny, see the way you bolded the NOTHING like you're 100% right, some guys here sef

OgaBuhari:

Oya Buhari aka empty coconut head, you have been noticed.

[s]

Fountainofyouth:


Oya Buhari aka empty coconut head, you have been noticed.

[/s]

[s]

Fountainofyouth:



LMAO, it seems you left Nigeria in the 60s era, cos the way you're confidently stating your opinion is funny, see the way you bolded the NOTHING like you're 100% right, some guys here sef

[/s]

MrBrownJay1:


yes sista, thats my honest analysis of family in Nigeria/Africa... sadly you people are blinded by the fact that its MBJ (a man) who says such, while we all know that part of the blame is these same Nigerian/African men who dont allow/want their wives to get a job (to begin with), thanks to their misplaced ego.
again, we have to be honest here. majority of women are NOT desperate for marriage because they want to be on equal ground with hubby, they want marriage so they can become what the Nigerian/African society believes she is.....AKA a cook/cleaner/womb attendant.



how can you call MY opinion a lie?!?!?! call it a wrong opinion, if you may, but a lie?! nah!

Your opinion isn't just an opinion, it is a generalization which is totally wrong, do not paint the African/Nigerian female gender in bad light, we have other nationalities here, no woman or wife sits at home doing nothing, even the so called housewives have shops or businesses they are involved in.

fieryy:


Don't be surprised if his mum sweated to get him where he is today, yet all he has to say is "Most Nigerian women are lazy, dadadada".

hmmm

[s]

Fountainofyouth:



Your opinion isn't just an opinion, it is a generalization which is totally wrong, do not paint the African/Nigerian female gender in bad light, we have other nationalities here, no woman or wife sits at home doing nothing, even the so called housewives have shops or businesses they are involved in.

[/s]

cococandy:
They don’t of course. But they should.

so we are on the same page here, so if you dont believe that ALL married women should get a job so that daddy does not have to slave away as hard as he does (so he could be home earlier more often to be an active participant in raising his kids ) what would be your solution here?

Again moms are expected to. They are expected do both. Moms who focus on raising kids and holding the families together are mocked as not bringing anything to the table (watching Telemundo ). Meanwhile these kids are full time jobs all by themselves. And when they attempt to go out there and bring in the bucks, they can be called insubordinates who don’t put their husbands’ satisfaction first (if he wants her to stay home) as their primary goal. They can’t win honestly.
That’s why the woman has to chose which type of criticism pain am pass and stick to the other side of it.

how can kids be a fulltime job when they are away (all day) at kindergarden/school from the age of 3?!
i am not discrediting the fact that mothers raising kids is a tough job, i am just saying that if ALL these women had a job (aka helped daddy bring some cheddar, since they have nothing to do any longer during the day), then daddy could work less and help with raising his own kids....and possibly have a more valuable emotional bond with their kids. this culture of having women stay at home is wrong imho. i dont see why a woman should stay home doing nothing.... (but Telemundo indeed has great telenovelas lol) the minute the kids start to go to school.... makes no damn sense to me.

Culture is defined a way of life of a people. We know how we live is influenced by our thoughts and our thoughts are influenced by what we have been taught. So education is going to solve the problem of inequality. Give it time. It’s a slow turtle but it’s moving nonetheless.

very true....it does take time, but should i not say what i believe the problem in Nigeria/Africa is? should i be quiet about something so obvious?!

Fountainofyouth:
Your opinion isn't just an opinion, it is a generalization which is totally wrong, do not paint the African/Nigerian female gender in bad light, we have other nationalities here, no woman or wife sits at home doing nothing, even the so called housewives have shops or businesses they are involved in.

the 1st way to solve an issue is by accepting that there is a problem... i am just giving you my opinion as to how we could solve that problem. i do indeed believe that as soon as a child is going to kindergarden, a woman has absolutely nothing to do at home....and should instead be gainfully employed so she can help daddy raise the necessary cheddar, so he could spend more time with his kids... sadly, the Nigerian/African society sees otherwise.

Fountainofyouth:
LMAO, it seems you left Nigeria in the 60s era, cos the way you're confidently stating your opinion is funny, see the way you bolded the NOTHING like you're 100% right, some guys here sef

again, if you believe that a mother with kids over the age of 3yrs old (in kindergarden/school) has much to do at home, then please by all means, tell us what that is....

bukatyne:


@ Bold:

Since you say African, I can't dispute for other African countries.

However for Nigeria,
1. Yoruba culture frowns against housewifery. They are called alabodos (women you feed to sleep with)
2. In SS, their women are more hardworking than men. Infact, you see a number of househusbands (and don't get it twisted, they are not keeping the house.) They wander about, drink while their wives go to the farm or business and wait for food.
3. A visit to markets, street hawkers, salons, canteens, restaurants etc. will tell you that majority of women don't sit their behinds in Nigeria.

Now if you are saying that the wives expect the husbands to be financially responsible for most stuffs in the house, that is a different ball game which is also a pipe dream considering that only few homes can claim that one income is enough to run it.

but that same society expects that women to sit at home while daddy slaves away, doesnt it? now lets go back to the MAIN issue here:

-what would make a mum have such a fantastic bond with their kids while daddy is viewed as "that guy"?
- how can we solve the issue at hand (if not by sharing duties so that daddy can spend more time at home)?

BTW: i do know that majority of Nigerian/African men would frown upon the above in bold because of that same failed "society" who believe that it aint his job to do so.

fieryy:


His post made me so angry, to be honest. A lot of us grew up in households were our mums went to work AND still came back to do all the cooking and washing and co.

You just have to walk through the streets of Nigeria, go to market etc, everywhere is full of hardworking women. From the women preparing swallow on the streets (I mean, have you seen those BIIIIG pots?! ), to those frying and selling akara and co. Those who despite being pregnant or sometimes are carrying a child on their backs, still are hawking, just to provide for the family.
These are small businesses, but they are still businesses!

His post is an insult to all the mums, who despite having a hard day at work, go home to cater to their young ones and do all the house chores (because we know the man is not going to do nothing!)

How many of us, when asked what does your mum do for a living, reply with "Oh, she is a housewife, who watches Telemundo all day"

Don't be surprised if his mum sweated to get him where he is today, yet all he has to say is "Most Nigerian women are lazy, dadadada".

He talks about how some men don't even want their wives to work, but is ignorant to the fact that the average Nigerian man CAN NOT feed his family based on his salary alone.

Don’t mind him he knows better, he got carried away by the recent spate of “what do women bring to the table?” Threads on NL.

bukatyne:


@ Bold:

Since you say African, I can't dispute for other African countries.

However for Nigeria,
1. Yoruba culture frowns against housewifery. They are called alabodos (women you feed to sleep with)
2. In SS, their women are more hardworking than men. Infact, you see a number of househusbands (and don't get it twisted, they are not keeping the house.) They wander about, drink while their wives go to the farm or business and wait for food.
3. A visit to markets, street hawkers, salons, canteens, restaurants etc. will tell you that majority of women don't sit their behinds in Nigeria.

Now if you are saying that the wives expect the husbands to be financially responsible for most stuffs in the house, that is a different ball game which is also a pipe dream considering that only few homes can claim that one income is enough to run it.

Lol you just described my father’s people to a T. Although, the women can drink all the men under the table. How come you’re so accurate, did you serve in the SS?

MrBrownJay1:


here is a simple clue: if you tell anyone you are married with children and unemployed, most wouldnt bat an eyelid.... now if you say the same as a man, people would insult the bejesus out of you. so yes, many married women out there with children have jobs (and thats great) but thats is not a NECESSITY placed upon them in marriage, while it is for MEN from day one, whether with or without kids.

That is not the point. The point is very few women are housewives in this age and time. Almost every woman has something to do. So men and women are now very busy. So whether people insult men when they say they are unemployed has nothing to do with that your statement that says women sit at home and watch TV. That is what everyone disagreeing with you is focusing on.

ireneidiva:

That is not the point. The point is very few women are housewives in this age and time. Almost every woman has something to do.

again, as soon as kids start to go to preschool, many have absolutely NOTHING to do... and bored out of their mind.

So men and women are now very busy. So whether people insult men when they say they are unemployed has nothing to do with that your statement that says women sit at home and watch TV. That is what everyone disagreeing with you is focusing on.

it has all to do with the fact that this is what SOCIETY expects of men and women.... and if you believe that both men/women are the same in marriage then fair enough. so what is your solution to the main issue then?!

many of you ladies are quoting me yet very few of you are bringing any possible solution to the table....

MrBrownJay1:


so we are on the same page here, so if you dont believe that ALL married women should get a job so that daddy does not have to slave away as hard as he does (so he could be home earlier more often to be an active participant in raising his kids ) what would be your solution here?

I don’t believe that one size fits all. So all married women getting a job will not be a definite solution to the issue. Personally do I think a woman should have a choice in this? Absolutely yes. What would I advice her to choose? The ability to work and earn income for herself. And For more reasons than what’s being stated on this thread. That’s always been my POV.

how can kids be a fulltime job when they are away (all day) at kindergarden/school from the age of 3?!
i am not discrediting the fact that mothers raising kids is a tough job, i am just saying that if ALL these women had a job (aka helped daddy bring some cheddar, since they have nothing to do any longer during the day), then daddy could work less and help with raising his own kids....and possibly have a more valuable emotional bond with their kids. this culture of having women stay at home is wrong imho. i dont see why a woman should stay home doing nothing.... (but Telemundo indeed has great telenovelas lol) the minute the kids start to go to school.... makes no damn sense to me.

Again it’s not the majority. But we’ve already been over that and agree to disagree. In your experience that’s the norm. In my experience it’s not the norm.

very true....it does take time, but should i not say what i believe the problem in Nigeria/Africa is? should i be quiet about something so obvious?!

While I agree that it may be part of the problem, it’s only a tiny facet of the problem. Like a really tiny facet.

Fathers not being physically and emotionally available for their children are not the majority although they constitute a significant number that it warrants talking about. Now amongst them are those whose wives work. So their excuse can’t be that they are left alone to bring the bread home.

Amongst them are also those who may not even have jobs at all. Yet they don’t think it’s their place to be the home parent. For them it’s emasculating. How dare you ask that of them.

The problem like you rightly said is cultural but it’s really about the culture of child care and home keeping being looked at as a demeaning job meant for the “lesser gender” (female) and is a disrespectful thing to be expected from a man. That’s the main cultural problem.

Yet we bring nothing to the table

fieryy:


His post made me so angry, to be honest. A lot of us grew up in households were our mums went to work AND still came back to do all the cooking and washing and co.

You just have to walk through the streets of Nigeria, go to market etc, everywhere is full of hardworking women. From the women preparing swallow on the streets (I mean, have you seen those BIIIIG pots?! ), to those frying and selling akara and co. Those who despite being pregnant or sometimes are carrying a child on their backs, still are hawking, just to provide for the family.
These are small businesses, but they are still businesses!

His post is an insult to all the mums, who despite having a hard day at work, go home to cater to their young ones and do all the house chores (because we know the man is not going to do nothing!)

How many of us, when asked what does your mum do for a living, reply with "Oh, she is a housewife, who watches Telemundo all day"

Don't be surprised if his mum sweated to get him where he is today, yet all he has to say is "Most Nigerian women are lazy, dadadada".

He talks about how some men don't even want their wives to work, but is ignorant to the fact that the average Nigerian man CAN NOT feed his family based on his salary alone.

liberalchick:

Lol you just described my father’s people to a T. Although, the women can drink all the men under the table. How come you’re so accurate, did you serve in the SS?

Hahahaahahaha

I did o!

It was there I saw women plant, men harvest, sell the proceeds and keep the money.

I fear those women o! they were so stout and muscular. And yes, they drank

cococandy:

I don’t believe that one size fits all. So all married women getting a job will not be a definite solution to the issue. Personally do I think a woman should have a choice in this? Absolutely yes. What would I advice her to choose? The ability to work and earn income for herself. And For more reasons than what’s being stated on this thread. That’s always been my POV.

@bolded
you mean "for her FAMILY" right?!?! that was a typo, right? if mommy works for her own self while daddy works for the family wellbeing, then how is that gonna solve the issue at hand? it will just make sure that mama enriches herself.

Again it’s not the majority. But we’ve already been over that and agree to disagree. In your experience that’s the norm. In my experience it’s not the norm.

fair enough.... so therefore, looking at the issue at hand, do you see anything wrong with me saying that mothers should be gainfully employed, so that dads can possibly have more free time to spend quality time with their children?

While I agree that it may be part of the problem, it’s only a tiny facet of the problem. Like a really tiny facet.
Fathers not being physically and emotionally available for their children are not the majority although they constitute a significant number that it warrants talking about.

how can a dad build a valid emotional bond with his children if he is never there (and even when they are, they are too tired to do anything with them)? when can they build such important bond? Nigerian society, sadly, looks down on the few who choose to take an active participation in the raising of their children.... In Nigeria/Africa that is mama's job.

Now amongst them are those whose wives work. So their excuse can’t be that they are left alone to bring the bread home.

unless they bring the cheddar home so that daddy can take some free time from work, in order to have an active role in raising his kids, then it is pointless, IMHO.

Amongst them are also those who may not even have jobs at all. Yet they don’t think it’s their place to be the home parent. For them it’s emasculating. How dare you ask that of them.

you have society to blame for that....thats where part of my beef here is. i indeed DARE men to become FATHERS to their children, and not some stranger in their own family setup.....so that they dont ultimately become a total "we dont care about him, he is ok" type of stranger, as soon as kids leave the nest. if you believe that paying for bills is the same as "being a father to your kids" then we are definitely speaking a different language.

The problem like your rightly said is cultural but it’s the really about the culture of child care and home keeping being looked at as a demeaning job meant for the “lesser gender” (female) and is a disrespectful thing to be expected from a man. That’s the main cultural problem.

i fully understand that, but sadly, years down the line, this whole charade explodes in men's face when their life's hardwork has no more value. is that so "bad" to ask of Nigerian/African men to be BETTER MEN? is that so hard to ask of Nigerian/African women to help fathers be BETTER DADS?

a lot of Nigerian/African kids are growing up as if they are in a single parent home....and although fathers are there, most are absent completely from the picture (apart from when they brings the checks)

i will go even further (throwing some oil in the fire) and say that, no wonder that so many are drawn towards older men when they have no real bond with a father figure in their lives.

fieryy:
His post is an insult to all the mums, who despite having a hard day at work, go home to cater to their young ones and do all the house chores (because we know the man is not going to do nothing!)

dont blame me for that, blame Nigerian/African YOURSELF instead.... for A) abiding by such society rules or B) marrying such man.

[b]How many of us, when asked what does your mum do for a living, reply with "Oh, she is a housewife, who watches Telemundo all day"[/b

housewife, stay at home mum, etc....different description, same job.

Don't be surprised if his mum sweated to get him where he is today, yet all he has to say is "Most Nigerian women are lazy, dadadada".

although my mum was born and raised in Nigeria, she moved very early out of Africa, where it is normal for both parent to work and nobody expects anyone to be idle at home.... and they therefore had time to share kids upbringing equally.

He talks about how some men don't even want their wives to work, but is ignorant to the fact that the average Nigerian man CAN NOT feed his family based on his salary alone.

yet so many women in Nigeria/Africa are perfectly fine with having HOUSEWIFE/STAY AT HOME MUM as their job description... i guess thats the reason why so many of our Nigerian/African sistas are SOLELY looking for made men, abi? to get a job and work as hard as (and alongside) men for the wellbeing of the family, right?

MrBrown skin man, you have successfully derailed this wonderful thread by bringing in an unrelated comparison that stems from a begrudged mindset.

It is nobody's fault when a father refuses to establish good relationships with others. How come that most fathers still maintains relationships with their extended families and associates but treats their kids like trash.

MrBrownJay1:


again, as soon as kids start to go to preschool, many have absolutely NOTHING to do... and bored out of their mind.



it has all to do with the fact that this is what SOCIETY expects of men and women.... and if you believe that both men/women are the same in marriage then fair enough. so what is your solution to the main issue then?!

many of you ladies are quoting me yet very few of you are bringing any possible solution to the table....

I still don't know where you see these women that have nothing to do. Even women in the villages go to the farm. But I rest my case.
Women quoting you had to leave the topic first and face you because your fallacious statement was distracting. The topic is another big fallacy. In my part of the world, people care for both parents. So we need to ask the op again where he got these facts from.

MrBrownJay1:


dont blame me for that, blame Nigerian/African YOURSELF instead.... for A) abiding by such society rules or B) marrying such man.



housewife, stay at home mum, etc....different description, same job.



although my mum was born and raised in Nigeria, she moved very early out of Africa, where it is normal for both parent to work and nobody expects anyone to be idle at home.... and they therefore had time to share kids upbringing equally.



yet so many women in Nigeria/Africa are perfectly fine with having HOUSEWIFE/STAY AT HOME MUM as their job description... i guess thats the reason why so many of our Nigerian/African sistas are SOLELY looking for made men, abi? to get a job and work as hard as (and alongside) men for the wellbeing of the family, right?

What are we saying and what is this one saying?

Your mum moved out of Africa where it was 'normal' for both men and women to work?!

My EIGHTY TWO year old grandma has been working on her farm for most of her life! Just like many of our grandmothers and great grandmothers, so what exactly are you talking about?!
Market women/traders are as old as the oldest cultures in Africa. It's quite pathetic for you to suggest, the only reason your mum worked was because she moved out of Africa. Soooo pathetic!

@liberalchic, fiery, fountainofyouth, cococandy,
Mr brown Jay doesn't live in Nigeria, he's basing his posts on the misogynistic posts nairaland small boys write about women bringing nothing to the table.
Make una no mind am

MrBrownJay1:


@bolded
you mean "for her FAMILY" right?!?! that was a typo, right? if mommy works for her own self while daddy works for the family wellbeing, then how is that gonna solve the issue at hand? it will just make sure that mama enriches herself.

this is not a typo. I did mean to write that. But not with the meaning that the money is only hers to spend. Earning income for oneself comes with a satisfaction of not being dependent and being able to care for your loved ones as you wish without feeling like a burden. In that sense, it’s something you do for yourself even though it doesn’t technically mean the money only goes to you. Sorry if I didn’t communicate that well.

fair enough.... so therefore, looking at the issue at hand, do you see anything wrong with me saying that mothers should be gainfully employed, so that dads can possibly have more free time to spend quality time with their children?

no I don’t see anything wrong with that.
The only problem is that you’re saying the moms aren’t already gainfully employed. Many of them already are.

how can a dad build a valid emotional bond with his children if he is never there (and even when they are, they are too tired to do anything with them)? when can they build such important bond?

that’s why a work-life balance is important. I already agree with you on this.

Nigerian society, sadly, looks down on the few who choose to take an active participation in the raising of their children.... In Nigeria/Africa that is mama's job.

. The men who choose to participate in raising their kids are not a few in number. Just that ones who don’t are quite a significant number hence the need to address it. But they are not the majority.
And I agree it is wrong for such a role to be looked down on.

unless they bring the cheddar home so that daddy can take some free time from work, in order to have an active role in raising his kids, then it is pointless, IMHO.
you have society to blame for that....thats where part of my beef here is. i indeed DARE men to become FATHERS to their children, and not some stranger in their own family setup.....so that they dont ultimately become a total "we dont care about him, he is ok" type of stranger, as soon as kids leave the nest. if you believe that paying for bills is the same as "being a father to your kids" then we are definitely speaking a different language.

i fully understand that, but sadly, years down the line, this whole charade explodes in men's face when their life's hardwork has no more value. is that so "bad" to ask of Nigerian/African men to be BETTER MEN? is that so hard to ask of Nigerian/African women to help fathers be BETTER DADS?

a lot of Nigerian/African kids are growing up as if they are in a single parent home....and although fathers are there, most are absent completely from the picture (apart from when they brings the checks)

i will go even further (throwing some oil in the fire) and say that, no wonder that so many are drawn towards older men when they have no real bond with a father figure in their lives.

I don’t feel like addressing each of your points one by one, but in summary, I quite agree with many of your points.

Here’s where we disagree

1) the men who don’t participate in raising their children are many, but they are not the majority. However, There are quite enough of them that it does make a difference.

2) a mom going out there to bring home the bacon and allow the man time to spend with his family may be the solution in some homes, it probably won’t be the solution in general because that’s not the only reason why this happens. MANY women work. The number of women who work by far outnumbers the number of those who don’t. Yet this problem persists. That’s your clue that it may not the widespread solution that you think it is.

That’s why sometimes you don’t just read pass.
You call that BS out and move on.

People who don’t know Nigerian women would be pleasantly surprised when they actually meet one after only reading about them here on NL where we are only good for nothing .

CHoccolaTE:
@liberalchic, fiery, fountainofyouth, cococandy,
Mr brown Jay doesn't live in Nigeria, he's basing his posts on the misogynistic posts nairaland small boys write about women bringing nothing to the table.
Make una no mind am