What do I do?[/quote] First off, I am most unlikely to return from an outing by 2am when there are no unforseen incidences without putting my wife on notice. You got that wong man.

In extreme instances of nagging, I could slap, if I am not allowed space even in the parlour. Done that once without apologies.

Except you owe your livelihood to those in-laws, this is one very dangerous precedent to resolution of quarrels.

Having apologized profusely and made efforts to placate them, I'd advise you absolutely ignore all of them for demeaning you. This meddling will never stop if you can't be the head in name and in deed!

Op u came back by 2a.m and then slapped your wife...

You should have swallowed your pride just begged and apologised for the first crime instead of trying to prove macho man when u were clearly wrong...

Now your in-laws are involved and it's a whole mess. Learn from it if u have sense.

Being the man of the house dose not mean living like the devil freely, rather it's the ability to successfully manage your Homebase!

Apologise to your wife through your in-laws and ask for a second chance.

coldFLARES1:


What do I do? First off, I am most unlikely to return from an outing by 2am when there are no unforseen incidences without putting my wife on notice. You got that wong man.

In extreme instances of nagging, I could slap, if I am not allowed space even in the parlour. Done that once without apologies.

Except you owe your livelihood to those in-laws, this is one very dangerous precedent to resolution of quarrels.

Having apologized profusely and made efforts to placate them, I'd advise you absolutely ignore all of them for demeaning you. This meddling will never stop if you can't be the head in name and in deed!

Do u want the marriage to end just because of 1 irresponsible act? If your wife came back by 2am won't u be mad as hell? The op was wrong! He never mentioned that he apologised as he returned home which would have doused the tension.

A small thing he could have handled if he was mature in mind has now escalated involving in-laws...

He was the wrong one here not the wife! Her nagging of whatever is natural and justified.

midnighter:


You can't conclude that she's from a bad home; you don't know what she must have been screaming and crying to them over the phone.

So if your daughter calls you by 2AM in a state of distress complaining that she has been beaten you won't fly down there and get her

The only thing is that the mother should have called him by now or gone down to the house to enquire on what happened or to set up a meeting.

That's if she's a responsible mother oh

Judging 4rm what he said and reply, if i could listen to the girl version then the advice could hv been differ.
If the mother of the girl can go to her inlaw house and take her daughter without inviting the couple to advice them on marraige issue and how to solve it said it all.
The advice was base on the post and it was suppose 4 d gug to judge if his conscience is clear.

afroxyz:


people.like you are only comparable to demons.

Yea, DEMONS.

the man tried to avoid altercation by going to the living room. she still followed him there to instigate him.

He reacted and you say he has no right? well, ok.


But what gives the woman the right to follow him and further instigate him despite his efforts to avoid any conflict?

is he not a human being? Doesn't he have a tolerance threshold?

Now the man starts apologising after his stupid act. throughout the night and the first thing she does is call her parents.?

well, ok. she may be right.

But what sensible MIL would come to take the daughter out of her husband's house?

She didnt even come to settle the matter but came prepared to take the wife out of her matrmonial home despite the mans pleading?

How can you crucify the man for reacting without blaming the person that caused the action?

Like I said: You are a demon.

What are u saying? He was trying to avoid conflict, what was he doing outside till 2am? As he came back why not apologise and explain? Mtchewww

daddytime:
No matter wetin you do brother, this marriage na manage e no go last. Sorry, but this is the honest truth.

A precedent has been set, so, at the slightest provocation, your in law's will March down to move their pikin.

Get smart...

If na me, na dem go beg me to come carry my wife back....

How old is this wife by the way?

NB

Please, if you are the guy who advertised a size 44 shoes sometime last week, or you know the guy in person, kindly mention me.

Beg u say u be who na? Clearly their daughter is independent and can feed herself and so is her family!

You boys need to understand that the world has evolved passed that age where women need men for everything.
This lady can walk away from an abusive man because she can AFFORD TO!

Jesse25:

Your a woman bitter ....nonsense man like i pity for ur wife

I don't swallow paracetamol on someone else headache bro... its easy to be holy on social media yet worse in real life.
Remember that feminist who rant that men are scum and all sort of name, she got pregnant to a man without marraige and that is your type.
The post was the story from the guy perspective, and my point was for the guy to judge his conscience. But you rant about what your pop has been doing to your ma.

midnighter:


You can't conclude that she's from a bad home; you don't know what she must have been screaming and crying to them over the phone.

So if your daughter calls you by 2AM in a state of distress complaining that she has been beaten you won't fly down there and get her

The only thing is that the mother should have called him by now or gone down to the house to enquire on what happened or to set up a meeting.

That's if she's a responsible mother oh

You said that if... my post was that if the guy to was telling us the truth and if that was the first time then the girl, the mother and the brother acted on a plan... if you were coming back home by 2 am and a good and well train wife will wait till morning and approach the man. No one will come bck by dat time and the first thing you receive is nagging from your wife and ur effort to calm her down was not succesful n won't loss ur cool... thats if op was telling the truth.

Some people are so senseless, wicked and heartless, bring your marital issues here and watch them tear down your home. Evil minded folks. No one should dare mention me or else you will just die by fire.

freecocoahubby:


Thank you! I'm so sick of women's double standards and victim playing.

The woman kept following her husband up and down like a mad dog, shouting and insulting him - and he's expected to just sit there and keep silent like a veggie?

He is a human being and he reacted just like most people would... so annoyed that he was begging her sef, like she's some diety. Nonsense!

Why did he not WALK AWAY No man has any excuse for hitting a woman.

He could have entered the room and locked himself up there until when she finally calmed down. It's much better than slapping her.

Plead:



Is that the question I asked you?

Why not give a straight up answer instead of deflecting

Kids won't understand when we discuss serious matters in marriage.

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

You men should just learn how to tolerate women with their mouth by staying away from them wherever they start throwing tantrums

Their power is in their mouth not hand

They can use their mouth and bring out devil from the well of water despite its depth

Pls give her time to sort out the pains because she is going through emotional pain and injury pains

Visit her mother and assure her of your love for her daughter, she is the only one that can penetrate her to calm down for you

She will resist all for of apology from you but be patient with her, that's women for you

But for her to rant in that manner as at the wee hours you came back, shows that there are some pending issues that needs to be sorted out

She will use this opportunity to win those issues, just give it to her let peace raign in your family

godbless120:


You said that if... my post was that if the guy to was telling us the truth and if that was the first time then the girl, the mother and the brother acted on a plan... if you were coming back home by 2 am and a good and well train wife will wait till morning and approach the man. No one will come bck by dat time and the first thing you receive is nagging from your wife and ur effort to calm her down was not succesful n won't loss ur cool... thats if op was telling the truth.

The bolded is the problem with what you wrote...from what the OP replied the woman has been messing up since...what I'm telling you is that you can't blame that on her family or say that it was a plan blah blah. That's just a speculation.

You can't blame somebody's irrational behaviour on their mother who is not even around except of the OP tells us something that suggests that.

How can it be a plan when they already told us that the woman locked herself inside the room, holding her face and crying She was already in the clouds by that point so who knows what she cried to her mum on the phone?

I expect the lady's mum to do the right thing and call the OP to know what happened, until then we don't know what her mother's opinion is

Some1 quote my first reply ignorantly...
Despite not hearing the wife side of it and op too may not tell us the truth.
But for the fact at 2am a wife starting nagging her husband for coming home late shows that somethin wasn't not alright.
They say that when an old woman is running with her rapper in hand is either her grand child is dead of something important is taking place..
When a man starts drinking with friends late night it surely means he no more sees his house confortable to rest.
A cheating man doesn't need to come home late. infact a man who cheat has all the time in the day to do what he want without his wife knowing and return home early but a man whose house is on fire will hesitate to return to his home...
Op i hope you fyn a solution to ur marraige but also ignore the ones calling you wife because what their pa do to their ma is making them think that ones cannot loose his cool at a given condition. you said that you appologies immediately u slap her. if so and truely so, you are noble.

danot1030:


Kids won't understand when we discuss serious matters in marriage.

Be realistic next time when making senseless statements.

godbless120:


Judging 4rm what he said and reply, if i could listen to the girl version then the advice could hv been differ.
If the mother of the girl can go to her inlaw house and take her daughter without inviting the couple to advice them on marraige issue and how to solve it said it all.
The advice was base on the post and it was suppose 4 d gug to judge if his conscience is clear.

Exactly what I'm saying...how can you judge that the mother in law must be involved when the OP clearly explained that the woman was lamenting and crying from when he got home

I don't understand where that kind of paranoid speculation can be coming from when the woman had already totally lost it since.

The mother-in-law just turned up thinking it was an emergency...imagine your daughter calling you in the small hours of the night that she's been beaten until she bled? That's how the thing will be sounding to the mother so I don't see how the girls family is at fault here.

This is an emergency and a crisis period so they had to withdraw their daughter according to the information that she gave to them...how will you expect them to be discussing, advising and mediating case in the middle of the night when everything is still hot?

That's like telling Atiku to bring out all his grievances on the night Buhari won the election. Is it not supposed to be after the dust has settled before somebody collapses?

Or you want them to leave her there?? I don't understand o

midnighter:


The bolded is the problem with what you wrote...from what the OP replied the woman has been messing up since...what I'm telling you is that you can't blame that on her family or say that it was a plan blah blah. That's just a speculation.

You can't blame somebody's irrational behaviour on their mother who is not even around except of the OP tells us something that suggests that.

How can it be a plan when they already told us that the woman locked herself inside the room, holding her face and crying She was already in the clouds by that point so who knows what she cried to her mum on the phone?

I expect the lady's mum to do the right thing and call the OP to know what happened, until then we don't know what her mother's opinion is

Since she didn't call the inlaw to talk to them, then is something fishy about them..
A well train family would never go to their inlaw house and take their daughter and if you found urself in such situation my guy run.

godbless120:


Since she didn't call the inlaw to talk to them, then is something fishy about them..
A well train family would never go to their inlaw house and take their daughter and if you found urself in such situation my guy run.

Even when you suspect the woman may be in danger

That's a very ridiculous position, with all due respect Sir

Your daughter can't be screaming that she has been beaten and you will leave her there except you don't have a conscience

[quote author=midnighter post=84973864]

Exactly what I'm saying...how can you judge that the mother in law must be involved when the OP clearly explained that the woman was lamenting and crying from when he got home

I don't understand where that kind of paranoid speculation can be coming from when the woman had already totally lost it since.

The mother-in-law just turned up thinking it was an emergency...imagine your daughter calling you in the small hours of the night that she's been beaten until she bled? That's how the thing will be sounding to the mother so I don't see how the girls family is at fault here.

This is an emergency and a crisis period so they had to withdraw their daughter according to the information that she gave to them...how will you expect them to be discussing, advising and mediating case in the middle of the night when everything is still hot?

Why did the mother going the next day with his son to take the daughter from her husband house if there is nothing else.

godbless120:

Why did the mother going the next day with his son to take the daughter from her husband house if there is nothing else.

Ive answered that already and I picked up on it because the OP will be sitting in the silence of his empty house reading all these comments and I want him to understand that what you're writing here is totally illogical.

Before he now starts suspecting his in-laws over nothing and getting agitated.

The fault is with the girl and not her family UNTIL their behaviour proves otherwise.

What you are writing here is nothing but unnecessary and baseless speculation.

midnighter:


Even when you suspect the woman may be in danger

That's a very ridiculous position, with all due respect Sir

Your daughter can't be screaming that she has been beaten and you will leave her there except you don't have a conscience

Op say she just slap her not beat her and i said assuming what op say is the truth..
If my daughter leave her husband hers then she is in for it from me. but if issues persist and she got beaten regularly then i will get involve and if the man doesn't refrain from it then i will remove my daughter from such marraige.. She was the one that brought the man home and while dating she should have known that treat in a man.

It would be stupid for me to just go to my inlaw house and withdraw my daughter just for a small misunderstanding.
The girl could hv leave her husband home and return to her parent without the mother and brother going over to the husband home preparing for a fight.

midnighter:


Ive answered that already and I picked up on it because the OP will be sitting in the silence of his empty house reading all these comments and I want him to understand that what you're writing here is totally illogical.

Before he now starts suspecting his in-laws over nothing and getting agitated.

The fault is with the girl and not her family UNTIL their behaviour proves otherwise.

What you are writing here is nothing but unnecessary and baseless speculation.

So if your daughter call you in midnight that her husband beat her while coming home by 2am and as a good father/parents, the next morning you are heading to the husband house and take your daughter home?
Action speak louder than words and in this case the mother and brother action speaks so loud...

YelloweWest:

Do u want the marriage to end just because of 1 irresponsible act? If your wife came back by 2am won't u be mad as hell? The op was wrong! He never mentioned that he apologised as he returned home which would have doused the tension.

A small thing he could have handled if he was mature in mind has now escalated involving in-laws...

He was the wrong one here not the wife! Her nagging of whatever is natural and justified.

As married men, we face challenges that are huge, varied and very real, as such I don't subscribe to facing yet unnecessary squabbles on the home front. I did say it was irresponsible of him not to have called to inform his wife he would be returning so late. Yet, I consider it unreasonable to hound him everywhere, even after his apologies (he said he did before the slap), on account of the slight.

Talking about divorce, I don't see a reason not to if the head could be side-stepped in such manner. They are a young couple and should be allowed an opportunity to resolve issues without interference, except it hs been established that a party lacks the ability for peaceful timely resolution of conflicts but is yet still interested in the union.

So, my advise remains: ignore the wife and her family ! If it ends that way, so be it!

godbless120:



Op say she just slap her not beat her and i said assuming what op say is the truth..
If my daughter leave her husband hers then she is in for it from me. but if issues persist and she got beaten regularly then i will get involve and if the man doesn't refrain from it then i will remove my daughter from such marraige.. She was the one that brought the man home and while dating she should have known that treat in a man.

It would be stupid for me to just go to my inlaw house and withdraw my daughter just for a small misunderstanding.
The girl could hv leave her husband home and return to her parent without the mother and brother going over to the husband home preparing for a fight.

Yes and I keep saying to you that the lady was clearly already lamenting and making a commotion which is why the mother rushed over to collect her.

WE know that its a "small misunderstanding" but we dont know what the woman told her parents; I dont know why this fact is so difficult for you to grasp.

rockcitie:



Why did he not WALK AWAY No man has any excuse for hitting a woman.

He could have entered the room and locked himself up there until when she finally calmed down. It's much better than slapping her.

A man could have a reason sir. Here's mine: It's less than 7 months and i can't recall the details but i guess wifey wanted us to talk nd i said i was tired and needed my sleep. She started, I left for the parlour with d blanket for fear of mosquitoes yet she followed me, ranting endlessly and was even moving to seize the blanket so mosquitoes could kill me. Where else would i have walked away to at 2am in a self-contained?

Tell me why a slap wasn't a good way to cure such irrationality.

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

The story is not complete. Still a lot of unanswered questions.
But judging by what we have here already, I would like to state clearly that the girl is badly brought up, the brother is senseless and the witch of a mother-in-law never wanted the Op as the best choice for her tempestuous daughter.

She actually came to RETRIEVE her property; an investment that was not yielding adequate returns as originally projected.

Good riddance........!

godbless120:
So if your daughter call you in midnight that her husband beat her while coming home by 2am and as a good father/parents, the next morning you are heading to the husband house and take your daughter home?
Action speak louder than words and in this case the mother and brother action speaks so loud...

Yes na...abi I should leave her there for the dude to finish her Do you know what the word "beat" means? It could mean so many things depending on how you describe it.

Do you even realise what youre writing? So what if you leave her there and next you hear that she's dead

I don’t have time to reply unless questions or exchanges of words online

ericsmith:




so you could run out of bullet or is it becos i asked you to shoot ur shot ...shoot make i fire you

YelloweWest:

Beg u say u be who na? Clearly their daughter is independent and can feed herself and so if her family!

You boys need to understand that the world has evolved passed that age where women need men for everything.
This lady can walk away from an abusive man because she can AFFPRD TO!

Chai! one bottle of wine for you...... you just said my mind that I didn't want to say because these egocentric men will be so hurt since they think the world revolves around them

Now note that nobody wants a failed marraige but the earlier the better you these men understand that the world has changed from the era whereby everything revolves around you, gone were those days a husband will just call his wife "aduke go inside" and for what for sex, I am not saying a man should give his wife prior notice before sex but these men would just call their wives even in odd times and the wives would answer......This is the 21st century and one big thing that gave men of those days the liberty is because the man works while the woman stays at home taking care of the kids and the home but now it's different the women now go to schools, majority of the fathers now place value on the girl child and send the females to school so now some females are financially independent not all women rely on men for their survival and livelihood so some females can do what guys are doing, you are working she's working so if she's respecting you it's because your are her husband, head and father of her kids that doesn't mean she should be treated anyhow


A man is still the head and be treated as such and I believe in a woman being submissive but seriously you guys should know that the kind of liberty our/your great grand father enjoyed has passed and you will be deceiving yourselves if you think you can relate to a woman the way they did and if you are still being egocentric and bossy. If you think you can just behave anyhow the way the great grand fathers behaved anyhow to the women hmmm gone were those days


The woman is obviously financially independent and she can take care of herself and her baby at me that's better than an abusive husband that may even promote from a slap to punches which consequences are unimaginable



Anyways take your pride away and continue to beg her and I am sure she will listen

xendra:
I'm not surprised to see men saying she should have kept this within the family. na from clap dem dey enter dance. a man that can come home 2am and slap the wife that same night deserves no sympathy. na so she go keep quiet till it gets worse and he kills her.

naija men, Una try o

Na dem!!!

this is why most men don't take lots of you serious anymore. You are so blinded by sentiment and sexism than logic eludes you. When she was busy frustrating his ass out and he avoiding her to make her calm, what were you reading. I guess you didn't read that part.

Sticking to a side to cast aspersion is rather a weak judgement. Hanti learn to be constructively unbias in your views. No single guy that commented before you shows their support for domestic violence. I'm vehemently against it too. But we should not forget that women sometimes have a way of driving men insane.

At least he realises and tries to make amends for his mistake, will she ever do that?

to the op, I believe you've read many productive views on your thread. This is your punishment. Go beg her again, hopefully she calms and come back to you. If she does come back, she needs counselling ooo. Else, for a supposedly mature woman to take such drastic actions at first incident is nothing but a red flag, however, as much as you deserve a second chance, so does she. Go find her.

midnighter:


Yes na...abi I should leave her there for the dude to finish her Do you know what the word "beat" means? It could mean so many things depending on how you describe it.

Do you even realise what youre writing? So what if you leave her there and next you hear that she's dead

She call by 2am, you can't possibly go there by that time, the best is to advice her to avoid the husband as much as possible till in the morning which i will call her home with the husband knowledge and also the the if the husband refuse to come and won't let her come then i know that her life is at risk..
jumping up to my inlaw house in the morning and them telling him to stay away from them so they can take their daughter means the nxt times issues come up they might even come with weapon.

Bros take it or leave it, no responsible parent will go their inlaw house to take back the daughter base on ordinary quarrel (first time)..
I still sense motive in that action. last reply.

shestrong:

I can't believe u had over 500 likes for this unreasonable comment, so he should go marry a second or third wife over what ? instead of advising him to properly manage d situation. is that ur idea of marriage? mtchewww

She should have thought about this picture in your dp before involving her family.
You call my comment unreasonable while more than 600 people find it reasonable.