Uyi168:
If it's not food, se.x or marriage ,count the average black man out...

bukatyne:


You think marriage & dream chasing are mutual exclusive, I don't. In fact, some dreams would never be fulfilled until marriage. Imagine someone who wants to be the president of Nigeria: he/she must be married.

You also think marriage should come whenever they choose without preparation.

Why do you think there are a lot of happily never afters?

Because they let marriage happen and did not prepare for it.

And I do not necessarily think a teenager should be married: I said they should be prepared for marriage.

And I do not believe in people living loose, purposeless lives in the name of freedom or growing up.

Most of them never recover from the damage inflicted on their body, spirit and soul.

The person you marry is the 2nd most important decision you will make in life.

Not everyone wants to marry. Young adults that want to marry should prepare for it. Your purpose on earth is more important. I wonder the kind of preparation that starts from teenage stage. Lack of preparation for marriage makes people live loose, purposeless lives? And yes, some marriages can slow down/kill your dreams. It is always better to be on something or on your way at least before getting married. My last comment on this.

Ipheeoma24:
Must everything be about marriage in this country imagine i just finished my nysc and my neighbor's r already singing it in my ears none of them have asked me oo what are your dreams and goals especially igbo people I just tire that hw one stupid guy was also telling me that more respect r accorded to married women so if u dey find respect better run go marry ....mental slavery

My dear. I'm just tired. Deeply ashamed that we are still on this level in almost 2020.

bukatyne:
Teenagers should be prepared for marriage.

They should also be taught and be guided on the journey of self discovery.

That way, they automatically know the spouses food for them.

They marry early, fulfill their dreams and live happily ever after

How do you prepare teenagers and what do you teach them?

LilMissFavvy:
I'm already familiar with that. It's very common to see a white divorced woman getting married with ease, without her failed marriage or age being criticized. How much more an advanced spinster. You aren't aware of many white women who marry younger husbands, the men hardly discriminate or worry so much about age.

Divorce and remarriage are much easier in the west than Nigeria. We can find all stuff on the internet to confirm our bias but you are granted much more respect and freedom as a woman in first world countries. There is no stigma attached to single hood, childlessness or divorce.

Saying that women abroad face the same problems as Nigerian women is like saying that first world countries are like developing countries because they also have poor people.

Goodgod213:


A divorced 98 year old white lady has a lot to offer than a employed 26 year old Nigerian Lady.

Take it or ask your mother for more details

What does she have to offer?

Papers.

Your black brothers are known gold diggers. They just get upset when a woman beats them to it. Or won’t endure them at their poverty levels.

Then she’s a runs girl

Mindfulness:


What does she have to offer?

Ipheeoma24:
Must everything be about marriage in this country imagine i just finished my nysc and my neighbor's r already singing it in my ears none of them have asked me oo what are your dreams and goals especially igbo people I just tire that hw one stupid guy was also telling me that more respect r accorded to married women so if u dey find respect better run go marry ....mental slavery

Lol I laughed out so loud mehnn .

Yours is good oh, I'm in final year and everybody's been singing it in my ears, I told them I wasn't even ready and I hadn't graduated, they were like "Don't worry you'd finish your education in your husband's house". One woman even had the gut to tell me that "Do I want to finish my father's money?". So I went further to tell her that I don't even have a job, she was like "Don't worry, you'd manage yourself, after marriage, you can look for work, all these shakara you people are doing, you'd still end up in the kitchen". Mehnn I was shook.
Funny enough, it's mostly women that are culprits of telling young ladies to go marry.

ResidentSlut:
Papers.

Your black brothers are known gold diggers. They just get upset when a woman beats them to it. Or won’t endure them at their poverty levels.

Then she’s a runs girl

Mindfulness:


How do you prepare teenagers and what do you teach them?

Preparation for marriage is like preparation for a career, sex education, introduction to religion etc.

It is age appropriate and in stages.

First, the teen has to be guided through the steps of self discovery. Personality type, likes, dislikes, dreams, aspirations, self respect, self control, self esteem, self love. ability to stand alone if they are convinced they are right aka not bowing to peer pressure, sexual purity and responsibility, ability to discern, ability for logical thinking so they do not view personality traits in silos, assertiveness, negotiation skills, ability to embrace their weaknesses, delayed gratification, problem solving skills, relationship guidelines, responsibilities, rights and consequences etc.

Each gender would also be taught on love and submission, expectations in marriage, passion, sexual responsiveness and exploration etc.

Of course, some of these teachings would be as adults actually getting ready to marry.

Now, their orientation is shaped aright so before they enter into a relationship they think critically of the usefulness, personality type to theirs etc. It would in turn guide them to the right spouses for them and hitch the person as quickly as possible.

For me, I believe in 'configuring' someone to make the right choices than spelling out A, B and C for them.

Cc.: ireneidiva

Mindfulness:


What does she have to offer?

What do you have to offer?

bukatyne:


Preparation for marriage is like preparation for a career, sex education, introduction to religion etc.

It is age appropriate and in stages.

First, the teen has to be guided through the steps of self discovery. Personality type, likes, dislikes, dreams, aspirations, self respect, self control, self esteem, self love. ability to stand alone if they are convinced they are right aka not bowing to peer pressure, sexual purity and responsibility, ability to discern, ability for logical thinking so they do not view personality traits in silos, assertiveness, negotiation skills, ability to embrace their weaknesses, delayed gratification, problem solving skills, relationship guidelines, responsibilities, rights and consequences etc.

Each gender would also be taught on love and submission, expectations in marriage, passion, sexual responsiveness and exploration etc.

Of course, some of these teachings would be as adults actually getting ready to marry.

Now, their orientation is shaped aright so before they enter into a relationship they think critically of the usefulness, personality type to theirs etc. It would in turn guide them to the right spouses for them and hitch the person as quickly as possible.

For me, I believe in 'configuring' someone to make the right choices than spelling out A, B and C for them.

Cc.: ireneidiva

A very nice list you have there but it isn't specifically cut to marriage as such but to life in general, which I think you have also implied. I am sure most parents have wanted and want their kids to be self-aware, self-confident, smart, solution oriented, civil you name it but divorce is still on the rise. I know people who have most of the traits you have named there and still have had difficulties in their relationships or a fair share of heart-breaks or got divorced.

There are countless marriage counsellors out there and yet some marriages can't be saved. There are millions of books on relationships and yet it becomes increasingly difficult to build lasting relationships. We all seem to agree on what a good relationship is supposed to be like, loving, supportive, fun, sincere and so on and what it takes to be a good partner but millions of people don't get it right even when they give their best and even if they wish to find lasting love more than anything else.

Goodgod213:


What do you have to offer?

Nothing. Now tell me what the 98-year-old-white-lady has to offer. I want to learn.

Mindfulness:


A very nice list you have there but it isn't specifically cut to marriage as such but to life in general, which I think you have also implied. I am sure most parents have wanted and want their kids to be self-aware, self-confident, smart, solution oriented, civil you name it but divorce is still on the rise. I know people who have most of the traits you have named there and still have had difficulties in their relationships or a fair share of heart-breaks or got divorced.

There are countless marriage counsellors out there and yet some marriages can't be saved. There are millions of books on relationships and yet it becomes increasingly difficult to build lasting relationships. We seem to have some consent of what a good relationship should be like, loving, supportive, fun, sincere and so on and so forth but ...

But...

People are not intentional about marriage.

Read through this thread for instance; almost everyone has revolted against preparing kids for marriage.

They would prepare/train their kids for their career, purpose etc etc and marriage would come when it comes.

An average human in Nigerian spends the first 25yrs preparing intentionally for a career path or even job. While on the job, they do self appraisals, appraised by superiors/junior colleagues, are assessed, are re-trained, do refresher courses for a career/job that they will do not have for their lifetime. Average working span is 35yrs active service or 60/65yrs old.

Yet someone we will spend the rest of our lives with, bring up kids with, we shop them as if we are shopping for flip flops we need for a one-time beach party.

Some people even do more thinking when buying tomatoes than getting married. After the marriage, no maintenance, no appreciation, no appraisals, no assessments, no refresher courses needed, nothing!

Or some people decide to do crash courses of cooking, cleaning, respect and provision when the child is already unbendable with several body counts and skewwed view of marriage and relationships.

Trust when when I say a lot of children are not trained for marriage in Nigeria. I am talking of training to even know the right spouse in the first place.

Forget training about cooking and cleaning the house.

Those ones can be learnt in 2wks.

If the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?

If you marry the wrong spouse what can marriage books do except you both or willing to change your core or you are willing to keep/start putting up with the person's shenanigans?

folake4u:



Lol I laughed out so loud mehnn .

Yours is good oh, I'm in final year and everybody's been singing it in my ears, I told them I wasn't even ready and I hadn't graduated, they were like "Don't worry you'd finish your education in your husband's house". One woman even had the gut to tell me that "Do I want to finish my father's money?". So I went further to tell her that I don't even have a job, she was like "Don't worry, you'd manage yourself, after marriage, you can look for work, all these shakara you people are doing, you'd still end up in the kitchen". Mehnn I was shook.
Funny enough, it's mostly women that are culprits of telling young ladies to go marry.

Abeg ask the woman if she has a grown up son you can marry she'll instantly understand what the bills of been a groom means.. set awon Shiloh Mummys

bukatyne:


But...

People are not intentional about marriage.

Read through this thread for instance; almost everyone has revolted against preparing kids for marriage.

They would prepare/train their kids for their career, purpose etc etc and marriage would come when it comes.

An average human in Nigerian spends the first 25yrs preparing intentionally for a career path or even job. While on the job, they do self appraisals, appraised by superiors/junior colleagues, are assessed, are re-trained, do refresher courses for a career/job that they will do not have for their lifetime. Average working span is 35yrs active service or 60/65yrs old.

Yet someone we will spend the rest of our lives with, bring up kids with, we shop them as if we are shopping for flip flops we need for a one-time beach party.

Some people even do more thinking when buying tomatoes than getting married. After the marriage, no maintenance, no appreciation, no appraisals, no assessments, no refresher courses needed, nothing!

Or some people decide to do crash courses of cooking, cleaning, respect and provision when the child is already unbendable with several body counts and skewwed view of marriage and relationships.

Trust when when I say a lot of children are not trained for marriage in Nigeria. I am talking of training to even know the right spouse in the first place.

Forget training about cooking and cleaning the house.

Those ones can be learnt in 2wks.

If the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?

If you marry the wrong spouse what can marriage books do except you both or willing to change your core or you are willing to keep/start putting up with the person's shenanigans?

I often disagree with you but I completely agree with you on this. We are taught everything but little about the dynamics in human relationships, something that is so important to most of us. We all want to love and be loved. We desire meaningful relationships. We seek this form of fulfillment. It drives many of our decisions.

The reason why people are wary of such topics is that people use marriage to bully other people for their choices in life and/or for their misfortunes in this sphere of life and also because it often ends with "women be submissive" shallow phrases.

folake4u:



Lol I laughed out so loud mehnn .

Yours is good oh, I'm in final year and everybody's been singing it in my ears, I told them I wasn't even ready and I hadn't graduated, they were like "Don't worry you'd finish your education in your husband's house". One woman even had the gut to tell me that "Do I want to finish my father's money?". So I went further to tell her that I don't even have a job, she was like "Don't worry, you'd manage yourself, after marriage, you can look for work, all these shakara you people are doing, you'd still end up in the kitchen". Mehnn I was shook.
Funny enough, it's mostly women that are culprits of telling young ladies to go marry.

hahaha Imagine

You are totally correct......

Mindfulness:


Divorce and remarriage are much easier in the west than Nigeria. We can find all stuff on the internet to confirm our bias but you are granted much more respect and freedom as a woman in first world countries. There is no stigma attached to single hood, childlessness or divorce.

Saying that women abroad face the same problems as Nigerian women is like saying that first world countries are like developing countries because they also have poor people.

Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry
Go and Marry

folake4u:

Lol I laughed out so loud mehnn .
Funny enough, it's mostly women that are culprits of telling young ladies to go marry.

Unfortunately, the females prepare early for make up, slaying and opening legs!