Lari03r:

At this stage why will you be threatening divorce over mere verbal insubordination?

It shows that you need to work on your self, your expectations in your marriage, and communicate expectations of your spouse to her.

You dey mind the man?

He just shot himself with that sentence.

1 year marriage he is threatening divorce not that the woman cheated.

the threat of divorce was just a facade,i didn't mean it,its not an option for us,this is why i desired to hear from old experienced couples.some told me that its normal and after a while,we will adjust to each other,etc.the point is that since i locked up a room for myself,there had been less quarrels because it cut down on those discussions that normally lead to arguement but friends that isolation is not what i want from my marriage,how long will i continue like this,this is not what i want at all,i want a good and happy home full of love and joy and not full of 'being sensitive so as not to offend her',infact ...

Cossybob:


This is so true... They try to seek public comfort by speaking ill about the opposing force.... They never admit the fact that they themselves were at fault... Always domineering and its very much annoying if you are in a relationship with them.

Actually this is very wrong. Cholerics are one of the most truthful people who say things are they even of it hurts feelings.

cococandy:
So you’re threatening divorce thinking she will beg you?
It’s obvious you’re problematic because you would have rushed to divorce her if she was the one threatening divorce.

Your choleric aka prideful personality can’t take it that she doesn’t want to be a doormat to you.
I’m happy she can afford her personal stuff And doesn’t have to come to you for that otherwise you would have turned her into a doormat.

If you’re interested in sharing bills with her, I hope you’re equally as interested in doing the other parts of the marriage work with her.

I'm wondering why he never went through with the divorce despite all the threats.

There is no mentally stable/ healthy woman that can't submit to her husband if he knows how to work her wiring.

KEIRIS your post was classic,thanks.i just can't stop reading it. but then,she once told me that by the time she will come up with her own plan(visavis the room) that i should not begin to rant,i just kept quiet and walked away.she hates the fact that i stay in that room alone leaving her in the masters bedroom,but this my action though not the best had fostered peace, but i can say 'artificial', what is your take on that

juiicii:
the threat of divorce was just a facade,i didn't mean it,its not an option for us,this is why i desired to hear from old experienced couples.some told me that its normal and after a while,we will adjust to each other,etc.the point is that since i locked up a room for myself,there had been less quarrels because it cut down on those discussions that normally lead to arguement but friends that isolation is not what i want from my marriage,how long will i continue like this,this is not what i want at all,i want a good and happy home full of love and joy and not full of 'being sensitive so as not to offend her',infact ...

My dear do you know that by threatening divorce you are hurting her feelings?

She might act like she doesn't care but deep down she is hurt and her saying "do your worst, i don't care" is her coping mechanism.


Do you think she has not been told all her life that she is not ladylike?

She probably was in love with you to and now you are reminding her of what she doesn't want to remember.


The fact that both of you are choleric means you are supposed to understand each other.

But if one person is trying to dominate or control without listening to the other person then there would be trouble.

Cholerics are logical people. You must apply logic in everything you do now.

Cholerics are all about rules. Following rules. The question then will be who sets the rules?

The best thing both of you can do is to have clearly defined roles that you are committed to seeing through.

Let everybody know where he or she stands.

Do you guys also have fights over petty things like religious, political, societal issues while having chit chats?

I have so many questions.

When the church blamed you, what exactly did they say because churches musically blame women but for them to blame you maybe they saw something that you can't see. So, what did they say exactly?

re:generationz well,they said it is my duty as a man to ensure peace in my home by practicing the virtue of tolerance,empathy,forgiveness,endurance, etc. they said that marriage is not bread and butter.well sha i suppose they must have advised my wife later behind me but i was the one being rebuked openly.lol.then on fighting,no we have never but we have heated arguments,d point be say d girl no get single fear for me,she ready for fight sef,lol,lwkm,but i have a reputation to protect,i don't want to be among 'wife beaters',lol

juiicii:
re:generationz well,they said it is my duty as a man to ensure peace in my home by practicing the virtue of tolerance,empathy,forgiveness,endurance, etc. they said that marriage is not bread and butter.well sha i suppose they must have advised my wife later behind me but i was the one being rebuked openly.lol.then on fighting,no we have never but we have heated arguments,d point be say d girl no get single fear for me,she ready for fight sef,lol,lwkm,but i have a reputation to protect,i don't want to be among 'wife beaters',lol

I didn't plan commenting initially, but I had to login to ask you this question.
Do you want her to fear you or respect you? Which one do you want?
Getting a choleric Lady to fear you will be difficult, because they are the most fearless among ladies. Neither can you control them or force things on them, they usually become more rebellious because they love to be independent.
But getting her to respect you, is more achievable.
Let her see reasons to respect you by the way you act or behave as the man of the house.
When presenting issue or matter to her, don't make it look like you are enforcing things on her or controlling her.
And when she insist on doing things her own way, once it doesn't affect you, just leave her oo, let her learn from her own mistakes, that's how most of them learn, they rarely listen to advice because they believe they know it all.
This is one of the ways, I believe you get her to respect you. When you say "shebi I told you so". It will seriously humble her.

bros na you know ooo... Before you got married atless, you two dated for a while. didn't you see any of this signs?


Now you complain she doesn't drop money or do anything with her money.. What does she do with her money? she won save am die?


Bros before you two go married you should have know she's the stingy type....


While some mother train there children with that " Let your husband do everything for you".... Oga carry your cross ..


Are you both Yoruba's


If you can't take it anymore take a break

juiicii:
re:generationz well,they said it is my duty as a man to ensure peace in my home by practicing the virtue of tolerance,empathy,forgiveness,endurance, etc. they said that marriage is not bread and butter.well sha i suppose they must have advised my wife later behind me but i was the one being rebuked openly.lol.then on fighting,no we have never but we have heated arguments,d point be say d girl no get single fear for me,she ready for fight sef,lol,lwkm, but I have a reputation to protect, I don't want to be among 'wife beaters', lol

Maybe if they openly reprimanded you, they saw something you are failing to see and accept in this whole scenario. Maybe you feel that if you accept it, it will affect your manly ego and make you succumb to her. But the truth is we stoop to conquer.

It is only when we realise that we are all flawed as humans we can coexist and treat the next person with understanding and compassion the way we want to be treated.


Secondly, the word "fear" you used is not an appropriate word. Your wife is not supposed to fear you but respect you. It is not a master servant relationship.


I just see two people who totally misunderstand each other here.

It's not even a case of lying, cheating etc which i feel are worse than what both of you are in now.

Maybe you had the impression that all marriages are supposed to be the head dictating rules for the wife to follow without questioning. Maybe that was what you saw while growing up with your parents. But that can only happen when the other partner( wife) desires to follow rules.

I'll advice you remove whatever idea you had about what marriage ought to be and treat this like a partnership.

You are married to a dominant woman who also has her own money. It can never be like when you are with a feminine woman who's jobless.

I think it was this chimeric, decisive, strong will that attracted you to her and made you love her. It could be how she ran her business or how she planned her life and executed those plans that drew you to her.


Now both of you are butting heads like bulls.

Like some people said, the money issue is what you both should have agreed on before marriage.

But even now, you can still agree that she will take care of certain expenses.

She might not believe in contributing financially especially if you don't assist her with domestic chores and all.

That might also have been her background. Some husbands don't mind giving their wives pocket money while still footing all the bills especially the very rich one's. Some men feel very embarrassed asking for their wife's money no matter what. So, her attitude towards money might be because she has weighed the situation and seen that you can do all these things without worry while you believe in her supporting you.

You both will have to reach a compromise. There is no fairy tale here. But you really can't force your will on her. It will only backfire.

There are doffrnt types of cholerics, though.

If you are interested I have a all test you might do to ascertain which group you fall into.

Mobree:
People are talking divorce already. What happened to seeing a counsellor?
This our generation sha..we're like a spoilt child who instead changing the batteries of his tired toy car, smashes and destroys it cos it wouldn't work. Let's try the "Fix" option before we destroy naa.

counseling rarely works in Nigeria, stop watching telemundo

Crimpsy:
it is your kind of person dat takes d easy way out, when d heat is on. Running from a Problem does not solve it but rather prolong d solution to come.
Please offer Solution to d guy and stop giving advice of chicken out.

While you have a point, two cholerics getting married is a no no... I have no advice for the OP, he was not blind to these temperaments when they were dating, but yansh and breast won't allow him see logic... His problem!

akinade28:

I didn't plan commenting initially, but I had to login to ask you this question.
Do you want her to fear you or respect you? Which one do you want?
Getting a choleric Lady to fear you will be difficult, because they are the most fearless among ladies. Neither can you control them or force things on them, they usually become more rebellious because they love to be independent.
But getting her to respect you, is more achievable.
Let her see reasons to respect you by the way you act or behave as the man of the house.
When presenting issue or matter to her, don't make it look like you are enforcing things on her or controlling her.
And when she insist on doing things her own way, once it doesn't affect you, just leave her oo, let her learn from her own mistakes, that's how most of them learn, they rarely listen to advice because they believe they know it all.
This is one of the ways, I believe you get her to respect you. When you say "shebi I told you so". It will seriously humble her.

Right submission.

Ohemababy:


Nothing wrong sir.

Two cholerics will have to work hard at making a marriage work.

My husband is a very annoying choleric and am phelgmatic. Despite being phelgmatic i still find him very annoying most times.

I know how cholerics behave. Their opinions rule, whatever you think you have to say is zero.


Since your also choleric, look at it from this angle.
How do you want to be treated when you are angry?
How do you want to be spoken to?
Generally, how do you want people around you to behave so as not to upset you.
What would a partner do to make you feel happy and loved.

Ponder on these things and start doing them to her.

Nice one

sassysure:
U know u are both choleric so why did u still marry her to start spewing rubbish now?
No 1 mistake by you.

Whatever u accuse your wife of doing, u do the same.
Why are u absorbing yourself of any wrong?

I have noticed that to every story here, the person always like to paint him/herself as saint that always married the devil.

Anyway, choleric personality have weak points and soft spots. Look for her weak point and get through her.
Also check her secondary temperament, u 2 May differ and look out for her strong points and encourage her through those strong points. Never ever cage a choleric. Give her maximum freedom and support and watch her relax. When she is relaxed, she will give you her best
Female choleric are very faithful and supportive. Tell us what u did or said that made her react this way.
Words are very important to u guys and u know it


There is one major thing couples that want to marry don't ever look into and that is how the intended spouse lived his or life during their formative yrs.
This to a major extent is what determines who will be as an adult.

God bless you for this piece... Meanwhile which book did u read on temperament? So on point with caging cholerics

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

I doubt both of you are cholerics, peolple with choleric teprament hardly attract each other.. Infact its from dating stage u guys would av started irritating each other... I know this cos i am one.. You guys just need to study each other more and understand that 1 year after marriage is the adjustung stage and you need to weather the storm together.. Treat her like u would like to be treated and say it each time u do so.. She also need to follow biblical principle which is submission while u also need to do thesame which is lovinv her unconditionally.. You are the leader and u should work this out. Speaking from 7 years blisful experience.. 1st year too was storming

patani:


God bless you for this piece... Meanwhile which book did u read on temperament? So on point with caging cholerics

Check the internet. U will see extensive research on them.
It helped me to make the right choice on my partner and I never regretted it.

juiicii:
I married last year. My wife is a choleric just like myself.she is the type that will not tolerate mistakes from me, if i don't keep things in their position, then hell will let loose,she hardly 'respects' me, she behaves independently and when i threaten divorce, she will say i should do it fast, because of her attitude i hardly give her money, when she demands for money, i will ask her, what of your salary, she will tell me that its my responsibility to give her money for somethings irrespective of her personal earnings. Meanwhile she never brings any money on the table for the family upkeep, i foot the bills :rentage,food,nepa, etc. I stopped buying clothes, etc for her since she put up those attitudes that piss me off. Infact i just don't love her again, we argue a lot except i just lock myself up in one room which is my new method now. Pls experienced advice needed

You must have seen a sign,but u chose to ignore it,well u have laid your bed,just lie on it and find ways to make it comfortable for u.