This is for men with multiple wives and as well for women living in such family style.

Definition of family is changing gradually and increasingly our preference to live a functional and intentional family structure is under threat.

Our voice is almost drowned in the noise about other family orientation styles. This thread is to encourage men married to multiple women, and women married into a polygamous household to share our concerns about family, moreso on conflict resolution and family growth.

Una doh o

Thank you my sister. Are you in a multipurpose intentional household?

I am a proud husband to two beautiful women and three children.

Its a great living experience.

BabaRamota1980:
Thank you my sister. Are you in a multipurpose intentional household?

I am a proud husband to two beautiful women and three children.

Its a great living experience.

Respek

BabaRamota1980:
Thank you my sister. Are you in a multipurpose intentional household?

I am a proud husband to two beautiful women and three children.

Its a great living experience.

You don't say


Care to run through the benefits you get?

I better take a seat here! It’ll be interesting to see how this works in this modern times!

I’m particularly curious as to how things work daily- who feeds the household? Are the children close to each other and how well do they understand the lifestyle?
Is there always strife as we see in movies ?
Does everyone have private living areas? If mrs A is watching a movie and Mrs B wants to watch telemundo what happens?

Finances? Is it possible one wife gets extras without the others knowing?

I’m just curious about so many things! Intimacy as well. Is it by turns or daddy goes wherever he pleases for the night?

okirewaju:
You don't say


Care to run through the benefits you get?

Many people think of sex when polygamy is mentioned but that is not so. To me the greatest benefit I have derived from it is friendship, companionship and nurture. Nurture in this sense is total. In other words, engaging in the therapeutic effect of sexual healing, the aesthetics and energy involved. Sex in the matrimony is a worship. I must mention that when you hear of polygamous relationships that are abusive its because the parties went into the contract with wrong expectations or deceit. When their expectations are not met resentment sets in, followed by rejection and then it becomes a turn off and abuse.

Men who have ever gone for massage accept that it has great healing effect and its truly rejuvenating. I dont pay for mine. I have two masseusse and I rub them down too when they need care.

Having children in the relationship doubles the challenges but it also serves as training ground for all the adults in the household. We each learn the delicate art of negotiating and most important, using mediation to manage conflict. I can run a business operation successfully just by applying same skills i learnt and use to run my household.

The challenges are usually with needs and timing. Most of our runnings are scheduled. We know what expenses to expect and we plan and allocate ahead...then boom!...something unexpected and quite expensive happens, and you must attend to it immediately or it will result in great agony if delayed. So now you will need to cut from something on schedule to meet this emergency. This can be nerve wrecking because it throws everyone off. One of my spouses may have wrong perception that only her own scheduled expense is always affected. Thats not the case...its just human nature to have a sense of jealousy and to compete. Of course i cant tell her like im telling you now...that will be careless to just write it off as jealusy. I must acknowledge her concern and address it with diplomacy and tact. In a multipurpose intentional lifestyle, competition for affection and closeness is real, from the spouses and from the little ones. When the children want to play with their father there is nothing like ...im busy! I drop everything and give them time. Every moment is precious. I learn things even from the little ones that i would have missed if i was busy! ....and im enriched from it.

Then the in-laws..... Ohhh, let me stop here.

crackhaus:

Respek

Thanks.

Well it's a life of choices but I would always considered a husband and a wife as the ideal family set up tho

BabaRamota1980:


Many people think of sex when polygamy is mentioned but that is not so. To me the greatest benefit I have derived from it is friendship, companionship and nurture. Nurture in this sense is total. In other words, engaging in the therapeutic effect of sexual healing, the aesthetics and energy involved. Sex in the matrimony is a worship. I must mention that when you hear of polygamous relationships that are abusive its because the parties went into the contract with wrong expectations or deceit. When their expectations are not met resentment sets in, followed by rejection and then it becomes a turn off and abuse.

Men who have ever gone for massage accept that it has great healing effect and its truly rejuvenating. I dont pay for mine. I have two masseusse and I rub them down too when they need care.

Having children in the relationship doubles the challenges but it also serves as training ground for all the adults in the household. We each learn the delicate art of negotiating and most important, using mediation to manage conflict. I can run a business operation successfully just by applying same skills i learnt and use to run my household.

The challenges are usually with needs and timing. Most of our runnings are scheduled. We know what expenses to expect and we plan and allocate ahead...then boom!...something unexpected and quite expensive happens, and you must attend to it immediately or it will result in great agony if delayed. So now you will need to cut from something on schedule to meet this emergency. This can be nerve wrecking because it throws everyone off. One of my spouses may have wrong perception that only her own scheduled expense is always affected. Thats not the case...its just human nature to have a sense of jealousy and to compete. Of course i cant tell her like im telling you now...that will be careless to just write it off as jealusy. I must acknowledge her concern and address it with diplomacy and tact. In a multipurpose intentional lifestyle, competition for affection and closeness is real, from the spouses and from the little ones. When the children want to play with their father there is nothing like ...im busy! I drop everything and give them time. Every moment is precious. I learn things even from the little ones that i would have missed if i was busy! ....and im enriched from it.

Then the in-laws..... Ohhh, let me stop here.

But all of these can be derived from a monogamous marriage !

Does the second or additional spouse not sometimes feel like an intruder?

Even in the instances of scheduled expenses like you cited above how do you ensure it’s balanced? Especially so that resentment doesn’t begin to build up!

I wonder often times at the wives of the Alaafin and wonder how they all cope for eg. I’ve seen some in airplanes and I’ve never seen some in airplanes! Don’t these things come up?

Please do enlighten us some more on how you work these things on your day to day living!

babythug:



But all of these can be derived from a monogamous marriage !

Does the second or additional spouse not sometimes feel like an intruder?

Even in the instances of scheduled expenses like you cited above how do you ensure it’s balanced? Especially so that resentment doesn’t begin to build up!

I wonder often times at the wives of the Alaafin and wonder how they all cope for eg. I’ve seen some in airplanes and I’ve never seen some in airplanes! Don’t these things come up?

Please do enlighten us some more on how you work these things on your day to day living!

What you get in monogamy, from a man's perspective, is nothing close in comparison to polygamy. I was in monogamy for four years before I took second wife.

Polygamy is not for everybody. For a man, he needs strength because money flow must not cease. He must also have maturity and be smart because women have intrigues and they will put it to play, always. If he is not careful he could easily become a pawn that they toss inbetween their competition race. The husband will always get complaints but he must not rush to judgement without firat hearing other side, and even after that it is prudent to give few hours or days before coming to judgement and issuing a verdict.

In my case I am very lucky. My first wife knew even before our marriage that I would marry more wives.

While there are commonalities in certain basic areas, there are many differences also, so that the conduct of one polyganous household cannot be conpared and or expected to conform to conducts in another. Each household is unique, has its own identity and signature.

Communication is key! Scheduling is also very important so that each person know their role and task and purpose.

For instance I hold weekly huddle meeting with my wives on Saturday morning to plan next week. On Thursday we do a feedback to see if anything from our projections will meet goal or need extensions. Then on Friday we close out the week. This program is just for the running of weekly errands and chorerrandse also have short term and long term goals. Monthly huddles, as well Yearly huddles.

Our 2019 plan was to visit abroad as family. We wanted to visit Mali, Egypt, Congo, Senegal, Tanzania, Madagascar and South Africa. Many of these places are currently in turmoil so makes it really difficult. Then we decided about UK and USA. We didnt make it because of visa denial from both. No travel plan this year. Next year we will try Brazil.

Is it invasive? It could be, but it should not. Communication is key! I guess I am lucky, or maybe my own kindness with my wives is paying off to make the relationship affordable and bearable. Trust me, we have our own challenges and when they happen the burden is heavy on my mind and it tolls my strength but somehow we recover. I will paint a scenario for you right now.

My first wife already had our first child 2yrs before I married the junior wife. We were almost five years into marriage by then when second wife came in. They got along very well but simetimes they will have a misunderatanding and they will clash. I used to fret and get concerned and try to mediate. Then i found out they didnt need my intervention to reconcile themselves. So i learnt to look the other way when they are on each other's throat. But the first born is always the victim and they couldnt see that, or maybe they saw it and knew their fight has impact on him and just were too emotionally irate to see and avoid it. He loves his mom and is very attached to her physically and mentally but for some reason he has a emotional tie to my junior wife. Without being told he can sense when she is disturbed and will go attach himself to her. She will carry him and the two of them will play. Its like magic because she will soon feel better after this, unless is something really deep. So guess what happens when the two wives fight? The child of the first wife will go comfort her mother's opponent. So this will start a fresh new battle as they both fight over who should have the child empathy. It breaks my heart but like I say they dont need me to settle fight and ive learnt not to.

After the junior wife had my second son, the opposite happened. When he is scolded for doing something wrong or when he is sick the only person that can console and get him well is first wife, and not his own mother. Men are tribal. Our loyalty and patriotism is attached to our passion and ideology and this drives our sense of equity and fairness. This is why we even take sport as a warfare and when our home team is defeated we are ready for war. So you can imagine the pains i go through to watch my two sons attaching to opponent side in a competition. Not just that but i havent yet figured out how to save my boys from these two women and their battles. My daughter always run to daddy. Thats my love!

With Alaafin, the wives have duties they have to perform for his Empire. The palace will have outreach programs, with a budget, and the Queens will be in charge of that. You will never hear that the palace paid hospital fee for a elderly or mother in delivery room but Im sure these things happen. He has council that sits and hear cases. In some instances it may be appropriate that the Queens will be the emissaries on dispatch to go represent him resolve a situation. They will also have aides that travel with them to act as both security and maidens in attendance.

I hope to add another wife in futire. I love the arrangement, it has given me a lot of growth and maturity and as well patience. Im very calm now, the temper and lack of accomodation is gone.

Truly,. this is energy zapping task. I can imagine the emotional, physical, mental, spiritual etc strengths you dissipates in running this.

BabaRamota1980:


Our 2019 plan was to visit abroad as family. We wanted to visit Mali, Egypt, Congo, Senegal, Tanzania, Madagascar and South Africa. Many of these places are currently in turmoil so makes it really difficult. Then we decided about UK and USA. We didnt make it because of visa denial from both. No travel plan this year. Next year we will try Brazil.

I hope to add another wife in futire. I love the arrangement, it has given me a lot of growth and maturity and as well patience. Im very calm now, the temper and lack of accomodation is gone.

Kudos to you.

One thing I can glean from your post is that you are very capable financially. Trust me, the fact that you can cater for the family without stress means that so many issues are repressed even before they rear their heads. This financial capability also means that your wives have a very high regard for you as its usual for respect to be accorded to people who can meet up to demands.

Even for monogamous families, it's difficult to attain harmony in a state of want. No One has time for love when the landlord is on their neck, the children's school are pressing for their fees et al.

Asides finance, polygamy is very emotionally and psychologically demanding. Even ordinary double dating sef, how much more?

Good luck man.

Wow... I better pitch my tent here... Here to learn from those who share the same ideology as op.. And how well they have been able to cope with the hassles that is associated with polygamous.

Op, kudos!

BabaRamota1980:


Many people think of sex when polygamy is mentioned but that is not so. To me the greatest benefit I have derived from it is friendship, companionship and nurture. Nurture in this sense is total. In other words, engaging in the therapeutic effect of sexual healing, the aesthetics and energy involved. Sex in the matrimony is a worship. I must mention that when you hear of polygamous relationships that are abusive its because the parties went into the contract with wrong expectations or deceit. When their expectations are not met resentment sets in, followed by rejection and then it becomes a turn off and abuse.

Men who have ever gone for massage accept that it has great healing effect and its truly rejuvenating. I dont pay for mine. I have two masseusse and I rub them down too when they need care.

Having children in the relationship doubles the challenges but it also serves as training ground for all the adults in the household. We each learn the delicate art of negotiating and most important, using mediation to manage conflict. I can run a business operation successfully just by applying same skills i learnt and use to run my household.

The challenges are usually with needs and timing. Most of our runnings are scheduled. We know what expenses to expect and we plan and allocate ahead...then boom!...something unexpected and quite expensive happens, and you must attend to it immediately or it will result in great agony if delayed. So now you will need to cut from something on schedule to meet this emergency. This can be nerve wrecking because it throws everyone off. One of my spouses may have wrong perception that only her own scheduled expense is always affected. Thats not the case...its just human nature to have a sense of jealousy and to compete. Of course i cant tell her like im telling you now...that will be careless to just write it off as jealusy. I must acknowledge her concern and address it with diplomacy and tact. In a multipurpose intentional lifestyle, competition for affection and closeness is real, from the spouses and from the little ones. When the children want to play with their father there is nothing like ...im busy! I drop everything and give them time. Every moment is precious. I learn things even from the little ones that i would have missed if i was busy! ....and im enriched from it.

Then the in-laws..... Ohhh, let me stop here.

God bless you my brother you are one of the few Africans that understands the beauty of the God given blessing of polygamy.

Very knowledgeable thread. Make I sidon here learn ooo

Learning ..

Efegoma:


God bless you my brother you are one of the few Africans that understands the beauty of the God given blessing of polygamy.

God bless you as well.

BabaRamota1980:
Thank you my sister. Are you in a multipurpose intentional household?

What do you mean by "multipurpose intentional household"? I get you mean a polygamous family. But what is the etymology behind "multipurpose intentional household"?

LewsTherin:


What do you mean by "multipurpose intentional household"? I get you mean a polygamous family. But what is the etymology behind "multipurpose intentional household"?

Multipurpose because it accomplishes expectations at multiple touch points. You can go into the contract for business interest....for academic interest....for reproductive interest....for political interest....for adventure....for spiritual ascendant....for public service.....

^^^
You will notice these are all aspirations for growth and fulfillment. Joint partnership and effort.


It is intentional because it is planned, it is structured, it is done with devotion and honesty and openess, it is measured and sustained. It nurtures and protects, it is disciplined.

^^^
Personal commitment and love.


It is a household because it is an investment, it is comforting, it is a culture, it is supportive and continuous.

^^^
Rewarding, identity

Interesting thread on polygamy.

I saw multipurpose intentional household and was lost for a bit.

Formidable, unnecessary nonsense.

okirewaju:
You don't say


Care to run through the benefits you get?

i think he gains more kids,more responsibilities,more sex,more envy e.t.c