I was out of the country few years ago and lost my three years old relationship in the process because of fear that I may not return in time.
While I was there, I met this woman (my baby mama) on facebook. We started dating online and everything looks perfect, although she had a child in her teenage years, it wasn't a problem for me since it was out of wedlock. One day she told me something weird about herself :
1. That she is a regular sickler (if there's any English word like that but not a sickle cell patient. That her house is like a hospital with different kinds of drugs cos of the ailment.
2. That she normally collapsed and it could happen at anytime.
3. That she has spiritual companions that the soothsayers has confirmed to be the reason why she can't get a husband and that any man she always has used to run from her cos of her bad characters to the extent of her mother urging one rich octogenarian to please marry her, although she rejected him.
4. That there's nobody she can't insults including her husband's family.
Then I promised her marriage if she can promise me she won't insult my family and she did.

When I came back to Nigeria 4 years ago, she came to picked me up at the airport and I used that opportunity to see her family and few months later against all odds, I married her according to the Islamic doctrine.

That was the greatest mistakes of my life and I'm still regretting, she made my whole life a living hell, chased away my family members from me, in fact at a point nine of her own family members were staying with us with the excuse of the insecurity in Jos where her mum resides. Her dad is late.

There's no peace in the house, we quarrel every other day that I was already having a high bp at a time. I reported to her mum, grandma and great grandma yet no changes.
She washes only her clothes without mine, cook for herself alone and always cursing me at every opportunity, she equally deny me sex also.

She travelled to Jos a month before she packed out of my house, immediately she came back, she intensified on the punishment she normally met out at me like her family had advised her.
On Wednesday, 29th May, 2019, during Ramadan fasting period, immediately we ate at dawn, she took her bath and our baby and demanded I gave her money to plait her hair we I did, I never knew that she had stolen my ATM card, at about 3pm, I saw debit alerts from my bank, she is the only one who knows my atm pin, I called her and she didn't pick up my calls ever since.
Please nairalanders, I am missing my child who will be two years on 1/2/2020.
She is 28 years old, her younger sister is also with her their mother with her child too.
The mother has three grandchildren and looking after all of them when their fathers are still alive. She's been away from home since 8 months ago, although we do chat occasionally but she won't tell me her whereabouts. I know we can't continue with the relationship because her mom called my dad that they are coming to pack her remaining loads in the house which is not a problem but they don't want to let me see or have my child back. Her mum kept threatening me to provide her child or go to jail .
PS
Although I'm not rich but what I'm earning was enough to take care of her and the baby even though she contribute nothing to the family.

Please advise.

She warned you and you went ahead to marry her. How are we sure you will take our advice?

You seem like a stubborn person who only learns from his own experience

Forget everything about her even your child, though painful
Else she will bring more sorrow to you

What kinda of love pushed you to this kind of woman seff?
Maybe it's sokoto love!

You must be an angel... because you cleverly absented yourself from any wrong doings!

I would advise you to kindly use the services of our Amotekun to retrieve your child back!

OR

Kindly wait till the child comes of age so he or she would come look for you

Although it's a one'sided story but it is troubling that she painted a picture of herself as psychotic, plagued with some strange illness and mentally unstable but you still went ahead by getting married to her on the condition that she'd suppress the devil harassing her.

Sincerely, I'd advise you move on without the child. Her family and the woman might bring up things against you even though your narrative didn't say you did anything wrong, not even for a day.

Sincerely, people today are the own enemies. You see signs there'll be trouble with an individual but you overestimate your strength and ignore all red flags only to fall apart in less than five years.

Move on without the child and mother. Like someone mentioned, the child might come looking for you if she ever finds out the truth.

Lmao

My mom also went spiritual cos of her just to cure her of her incessant ailments which was cured.
There are times she will shut the door at me when I came back from work.
She walks out of my dad anytime he's trying to settle our quarrels.
She's reported me to all the Alfas in my neighborhood, when they managed to call me to hear my own side of the story, she'll be compel to beg me but when we get home she will take back her pound of flesh insisting that I'm too small for her to be begging.
I normally send money to her mother and sisters when ever they are in need even without disclosure to anyone including herself.
She's been threatening me with death since she left and that I can never see any woman to marry.
It's a mystery to me that her family is breeding place for baby without father even though their fathers are alive.
Someone told me that my child is with her mum and that she is in Lagos in search of the next victim.
Her younger sister got married to an army officer yet turned him to fool through jazz and has taken their child to her mom for training when the young man still has a mother of his.

Different people with their different problems Sha, your matter tire person sef

Dsimple:
My mom also went spiritual cos of her just to cure her of her incessant ailments which was cured.
There are times she will shut the door at me when I came back from work.
She walks out of my dad anytime he's trying to settle our quarrels.
She's reported me to all the Alfas in my neighborhood, when they managed to call me to hear my own side of the story, she'll be compel to beg me but when we get home she will take back her pound of flesh insisting that I'm too small for her to be begging.
I normally send money to her mother and sisters when ever they are in need even without disclosure to anyone including herself.
She's been threatening me with death since she left and that I can never see any woman to marry.
It's a mystery to me that her family is breeding place for baby without father even though their fathers are alive.
Someone told me that my child is with her mum and that she is in Lagos in search of the next victim.
Her younger sister got married to an army officer yet turned him to fool through jazz and has taken their child to her mom for training when the young man still has a mother of his.

The head is off already. All that is left is 'had I known'. The signs were there, you saw it but you ignored and thought she'd change for you.

At this point, it is safe to see yourself as a sperm donor. Her family seems messed up but love didn't make you see this until marriage opened your eyes.

Perhaps you send your family to meet her mother and request for your child or you go the legal way. In the end, you'll have to spend to pursue this if you desperately want the child.

Dsimple:
My mom also went spiritual cos of her just to cure her of her incessant ailments which was cured.
There are times she will shut the door at me when I came back from work.
She walks out of my dad anytime he's trying to settle our quarrels.
She's reported me to all the Alfas in my neighborhood, when they managed to call me to hear my own side of the story, she'll be compel to beg me but when we get home she will take back her pound of flesh insisting that I'm too small for her to be begging.
I normally send money to her mother and sisters when ever they are in need even without disclosure to anyone including herself.
She's been threatening me with death since she left and that I can never see any woman to marry.
It's a mystery to me that her family is breeding place for baby without father even though their fathers are alive.
Someone told me that my child is with her mum and that she is in Lagos in search of the next victim.
Her younger sister got married to an army officer yet turned him to fool through jazz and has taken their child to her mom for training when the young man still has a mother of his.

Tell us exactly why you married her after everything she told you, tell us quickly.



Quickly...

Sanchez01:

The head is off already. All that is left is 'had I known'. The signs were there, you saw it but you ignored and thought she'd change for you.

At this point, it is safe to see yourself as a sperm donor. Her family seems messed up but love didn't make you see this until marriage opened your eyes.

Perhaps you send your family to meet her mother and request for your child or you go the legal way. In the end, you'll have to spend to pursue this if you desperately want the child.

Hmmmm at the bolded.
It's really an unfortunate situation to find oneself in I must confess, if not that she has a baby for me whom I named after my dad and the apple of my eyes, I will have press a criminal charge on her for stealing my ATM card and money, at least this can't be denied because I believe the ATM machine she withdrew from will have snapped her.

Thank God you are still alive ! Please concentrate on your life and forget her .

There are some topics I dont comment on but let me just comment on this one.

You listed problems 1 to 4 and continued with "Then I promised her marriage".

Eod.

I didn't check the rest of your post after seeing that.

crackkhaus:

Tell us exactly why you married her after everything she told you, tell us quickly.



Quickly...

Well, although you may not understand but I made a covenant with God while I was praying one night when I was very poor and had no hope that if God can give me a sustainable source of income which is more than enough to take care of my own feeding, I promised to get married. When I thought the prayers was answered was when I traveled out and that was the exact time that my ex broke up with me and she was the only one available at the time.
Yes, I was naive to trust someone I met on social media, it was a mistake all single guys should learn from. Take note!!!
Again, she was hopeless and considering taking her own life, in fact she only confided in me cos we met online and she thought we will never meet. I MARRIED HER OUT OF PITY.

To also answer the guy that suggests I must be an angel that had no faults whatsoever, the truth is, we started having problems when she woke me up in the middle of the night one day asking me to promise her she will be the only wife I'm going to marry, without thinking twice knowing full well that she's got spiritual companions and I don't know if they are around to witness my response, I vehemently told her that I can marry as many as I want since our religion allowed that.

Also, immediately we got married, she gave me her two SIM cards and requested I get her another Sim cards without pressuring her to it, this won my heart that she doesn't have the mindset to cheat on me. I was wrong....

Last year was when I got to know she has boyfriend, what I don't know is if she's been sleeping with them.
Among her boyfriend is or was my landlord whom I have his phone number and who never knew her as my wife, the day she packed out was when I knew because the man posted her pictures on his whatshapp status with some heartbreaking words and when I confronted him he apologized that she was the one who called him and offered him the chance for them to date but they are yet to go down.

Secondly, there was a guy she do call her uncle, he works at the ministry of interior in Abuja where we stays but was not present when we had our wedding. She'd once told me that the man is her mother's younger brother which I believed but when she travelled, she left one of her SIM card and I slot it in a phone one day to get a phone number from it, I was so surprised to see numerous messages from this man saying he loves her and some romantic words, I held my calm until she came back cos I don't want to cause another quarrel while she's with her mother.
When I asked her to tell me the relationship between Mr Dapo of the ministry of interior, she maintained her earlier stance that he's her uncle, then I asked if he's her father younger brother or mother, she replied her mother then I laughed and said have you forgotten that your mother is from Ogun state and Dapo is from Ibadan in Oyo state and she was short of words.

So I ordered that I will change her SIM card which she replied by telling me "them no born your mother well to change my SIM card" as usual people came to settle us and that I think is the reason she packed out. Aside that, until she ran out of the house, we had no other quarrels but she told her mum that I slapped her which is far from the truth.

genq:



So, you went ahead and married her despite this? You must either be:

1. A low quality male; perhaps unattractive, overweight or effeminate - basically a dude with no options.

2. A desperate f0ol with very low self esteem.

3. An extremely slow/ret@rded male who lacks hope and foresight.

Or perhaps all of the above. Tueh!

Thanks so much for your opinions at least you said something, some people are reading without commenting but if you are in someone else's situation, you will probably act like someone else.

My only advice is for you to do a DNA test on that child for that woman was never yours.

forget about her and the child, start your life afresh , you will get to see your child in the future, such women are extremely dangerous and can stab you in your sleep, be warned!

And try Jesus when you're at your wits end. His salvation is free and he brings you rest of mind and forgiveness of sins.

.....

Forget about the child bruh. Na women get piking. All you can do is send upkeep money to her monthly and ensure that you keep records of the money you are sending. The child will grow up and see the records that you have been responsible for his upkeep. With the records, she will not be able to blackmail you with the irresponsible father tag that some single mothers are notorious for.
Meanwhile, go and look for a new lady that will soon give birth for you so that you will not miss your baby that much

Dsimple:
My mom also went spiritual cos of her just to cure her of her incessant ailments which was cured.
There are times she will shut the door at me when I came back from work.
She walks out of my dad anytime he's trying to settle our quarrels.
She's reported me to all the Alfas in my neighborhood, when they managed to call me to hear my own side of the story, she'll be compel to beg me but when we get home she will take back her pound of flesh insisting that I'm too small for her to be begging.
I normally send money to her mother and sisters when ever they are in need even without disclosure to anyone including herself.
She's been threatening me with death since she left and that I can never see any woman to marry.
It's a mystery to me that her family is breeding place for baby without father even though their fathers are alive.
Someone told me that my child is with her mum and that she is in Lagos in search of the next victim.
Her younger sister got married to an army officer yet turned him to fool through jazz and has taken their child to her mom for training when the young man still has a mother of his.

She warned you

Try the family courts, You'll get weekly visitation rights.

Dsimple:

Well, although you may not understand but I made a covenant with God while I was praying one night when I was very poor and had no hope that if God can give me a sustainable source of income which is more than enough to take care of my own feeding, I promised to get married. When I thought the prayers was answered was when I traveled out and that was the exact time that my ex broke up with me and she was the only one available at the time.
Yes, I was naive to trust someone I met on social media, it was a mistake all single guys should learn from. Take note!!!
Again, she was hopeless and considering taking her own life, in fact she only confided in me cos we met online and she thought we will never meet. I MARRIED HER OUT OF PITY.

To also answer the guy that suggests I must be an angel that had no faults whatsoever, the truth is, we started having problems when she woke me up in the middle of the night one day asking me to promise her she will be the only wife I'm going to marry, without thinking twice knowing full well that she's got spiritual companions and I don't know if they are around to witness my response, I vehemently told her that I can marry as many as I want since our religion allowed that.

Also, immediately we got married, she gave me her two SIM cards and requested I get her another Sim cards without pressuring her to it, this won my heart that she doesn't have the mindset to cheat on me. I was wrong....

Last year was when I got to know she has boyfriend, what I don't know is if she's been sleeping with them.
Among her boyfriend is or was my landlord whom I have his phone number and who never knew her as my wife, the day she packed out was when I knew because the man posted her pictures on his whatshapp status with some heartbreaking words and when I confronted him he apologized that she was the one who called him and offered him the chance for them to date but they are yet to go down.

Secondly, there was a guy she do call her uncle, he works at the ministry of interior in Abuja where we stays but was not present when we had our wedding. She'd once told me that the man is her mother's younger brother which I believed but when she travelled, she left one of her SIM card and I slot it in a phone one day to get a phone number from it, I was so surprised to see numerous messages from this man saying he loves her and some romantic words, I held my calm until she came back cos I don't want to cause another quarrel while she's with her mother.
When I asked her to tell me the relationship between Mr Dapo of the ministry of interior, she maintained her earlier stance that he's her uncle, then I asked if he's her father younger brother or mother, she replied her mother then I laughed and said have you forgotten that your mother is from Ogun state and Dapo is from Ibadan in Oyo state and she was short of words.

So I ordered that I will change her SIM card which she replied by telling me "them no born your mother well to change my SIM card" as usual people came to settle us and that I think is the reason she packed out. Aside that, until she ran out of the house, we had no other quarrels but she told her mum that I slapped her which is far from the truth.

Focus on your life. E no pass so

Sanchez01 writes well... i noticed that.

He gave you good advice.

I would echo some of the stuff he said.

Your story is one-sided and i can bet you're not a Saint at all..

But, forget any links to that family if they are that bad. That includes your child.

As a man, nothing like menopause to worry about, the earlier you start elsewhere with another woman, the better.

Dsimple:
I was out of the country few years ago and lost my three years old relationship in the process because of fear that I may not return in time.
While I was there, I met this woman (my baby mama) on facebook. We started dating online and everything looks perfect, although she had a child in her teenage years, it wasn't a problem for me since it was out of wedlock. One day she told me something weird about herself :
1. That she is a regular sickler (if there's any English word like that but not a sickle cell patient. That her house is like a hospital with different kinds of drugs cos of the ailment.
2. That she normally collapsed and it could happen at anytime.
3. That she has spiritual companions that the soothsayers has confirmed to be the reason why she can't get a husband and that any man she always has used to run from her cos of her bad characters to the extent of her mother urging one rich octogenarian to please marry her, although she rejected him.
4. That there's nobody she can't insults including her husband's family.
Then I promised her marriage if she can promise me she won't insult my family and she did.

When I came back to Nigeria 4 years ago, she came to picked me up at the airport and I used that opportunity to see her family and few months later against all odds, I married her according to the Islamic doctrine.

That was the greatest mistakes of my life and I'm still regretting, she made my whole life a living hell, chased away my family members from me, in fact at a point nine of her own family members were staying with us with the excuse of the insecurity in Jos where her mum resides. Her dad is late.

There's no peace in the house, we quarrel every other day that I was already having a high bp at a time. I reported to her mum, grandma and great grandma yet no changes.
She washes only her clothes without mine, cook for herself alone and always cursing me at every opportunity, she equally deny me sex also.

She travelled to Jos a month before she packed out of my house, immediately she came back, she intensified on the punishment she normally met out at me like her family had advised her.
On Wednesday, 29th May, 2019, during Ramadan fasting period, immediately we ate at dawn, she took her bath and our baby and demanded I gave her money to plait her hair we I did, I never knew that she had stolen my ATM card, at about 3pm, I saw debit alerts from my bank, she is the only one who knows my atm pin, I called her and she didn't pick up my calls ever since.
Please nairalanders, I am missing my child who will be two years on 1/2/2020.
She is 28 years old, her younger sister is also with her their mother with her child too.
The mother has three grandchildren and looking after all of them when their fathers are still alive. She's been away from home since 8 months ago, although we do chat occasionally but she won't tell me her whereabouts. I know we can't continue with the relationship because her mom called my dad that they are coming to pack her remaining loads in the house which is not a problem but they don't want to let me see or have my child back. Her mum kept threatening me to provide her child or go to jail .
PS
Although I'm not rich but what I'm earning was enough to take care of her and the baby even though she contribute nothing to the family.

Please advise.

How people are attracted to each other over social media still beats my imagination... Although she revealed herself to you... You saw hell physically and you decided to enter it... Anyway.... Such a terrible lady anyway... Were you even desperate for a wife or what?? Are you that old..

payperpost:
forget about her and the child, start your life afresh , you will get to see your child in the future, such women are extremely dangerous and can stab you in your sleep, be warned!

Best advice

Dsimple:

Hmmmm at the bolded.
It's really an unfortunate situation to find oneself in I must confess, if not that she has a baby for me whom I named after my dad and the apple of my eyes, I will have press a criminal charge on her for stealing my ATM card and money, at least this can't be denied because I believe the ATM machine she withdrew from will have snapped her.

I totally understand your position. However, you might take her up on theft but since you said you guys still talk often, I'd suggest you just let it slide as it is somewhat obvious the spark hasn't totally died off.

You said something in one of your posts which I feel it is needless to quote. The problem wasn't because you met her on social. We meet people everyday and I met some of the best people in my life on this very forum, just as I met some that are not so blessed up there. My point is, due diligence wasn't checked and it came down hard on you.

If you are marrying a girl from a broken home, be sure her father didn't mess up so bad that her motto is 'men are scum' and her mother didn't train her to become a cold fish around guys. I'm sorry but I personally classify ladies like that and those who suffered huge heartbreaks that make them suspect their new man as cheats as 'condemned'. They obviously don't, can't and won't make good partners as they will always be skeptical and resent the next poor dude.

It isn't worth the stress. She didn't play a fast one. Just believe you let go for your kid's sake

Lamanii22:




How people are attracted to each other over social media still beats my imagination... Although she revealed herself to you... You saw hell physically and you decided to enter it... Anyway.... Such a terrible lady anyway... Were you even desperate for a wife or what?? Are you that old..

Don't be too quick on the emboldened. One of my relationships started on 2go and it lasted over four years. The roadside, school, church, the market, on social media, etc, any of these can be a start and it doesn't guarantee or imply it wouldn't work out. I mean, we meet family friends with different orientation from ours and come to a conclusion that it can't work out.

His errors were the signs he ignored and his strength he overestimated.

Sanchez01:

Don't be too quick on the emboldened. One of my relationships started on 2go and it lasted over four years. The roadside, school, church, the market, on social media, etc, any of these can be a start and it doesn't guarantee or imply it wouldn't work out. I mean, we meet family friends with different orientation from ours and come to a conclusion that it can't work out.

His errors were the signs he ignored and his strength he overestimated.

Oh okay... Your words made sense init..

Sir, you are the architect of your problem

Dsimple:
I was out of the country few years ago and lost my three years old relationship in the process because of fear that I may not return in time.
While I was there, I met this woman (my baby mama) on facebook. We started dating online and everything looks perfect, although she had a child in her teenage years, it wasn't a problem for me since it was out of wedlock. One day she told me something weird about herself :
1. That she is a regular sickler (if there's any English word like that but not a sickle cell patient. That her house is like a hospital with different kinds of drugs cos of the ailment.
2. That she normally collapsed and it could happen at anytime.
3. That she has spiritual companions that the soothsayers has confirmed to be the reason why she can't get a husband and that any man she always has used to run from her cos of her bad characters to the extent of her mother urging one rich octogenarian to please marry her, although she rejected him.
4. That there's nobody she can't insults including her husband's family.
Then I promised her marriage if she can promise me she won't insult my family and she did.

When I came back to Nigeria 4 years ago, she came to picked me up at the airport and I used that opportunity to see her family and few months later against all odds, I married her according to the Islamic doctrine.

That was the greatest mistakes of my life and I'm still regretting, she made my whole life a living hell, chased away my family members from me, in fact at a point nine of her own family members were staying with us with the excuse of the insecurity in Jos where her mum resides. Her dad is late.

There's no peace in the house, we quarrel every other day that I was already having a high bp at a time. I reported to her mum, grandma and great grandma yet no changes.
She washes only her clothes without mine, cook for herself alone and always cursing me at every opportunity, she equally deny me sex also.

She travelled to Jos a month before she packed out of my house, immediately she came back, she intensified on the punishment she normally met out at me like her family had advised her.
On Wednesday, 29th May, 2019, during Ramadan fasting period, immediately we ate at dawn, she took her bath and our baby and demanded I gave her money to plait her hair we I did, I never knew that she had stolen my ATM card, at about 3pm, I saw debit alerts from my bank, she is the only one who knows my atm pin, I called her and she didn't pick up my calls ever since.
Please nairalanders, I am missing my child who will be two years on 1/2/2020.
She is 28 years old, her younger sister is also with her their mother with her child too.
The mother has three grandchildren and looking after all of them when their fathers are still alive. She's been away from home since 8 months ago, although we do chat occasionally but she won't tell me her whereabouts. I know we can't continue with the relationship because her mom called my dad that they are coming to pack her remaining loads in the house which is not a problem but they don't want to let me see or have my child back. Her mum kept threatening me to provide her child or go to jail .
PS
Although I'm not rich but what I'm earning was enough to take care of her and the baby even though she contribute nothing to the family.

Please advise.

Baba, na you cause your problem!

Dsimple:
My mom also went spiritual cos of her just to cure her of her incessant ailments which was cured.
There are times she will shut the door at me when I came back from work.
She walks out of my dad anytime he's trying to settle our quarrels.
She's reported me to all the Alfas in my neighborhood, when they managed to call me to hear my own side of the story, she'll be compel to beg me but when we get home she will take back her pound of flesh insisting that I'm too small for her to be begging.
I normally send money to her mother and sisters when ever they are in need even without disclosure to anyone including herself.
She's been threatening me with death since she left and that I can never see any woman to marry.
It's a mystery to me that her family is breeding place for baby without father even though their fathers are alive.
Someone told me that my child is with her mum and that she is in Lagos in search of the next victim.
Her younger sister got married to an army officer yet turned him to fool through jazz and has taken their child to her mom for training when the young man still has a mother of his.

Madddd òooooo

genq:



So, you went ahead and married her despite this? You must either be:

1. A low quality male; perhaps unattractive, overweight or effeminate - basically a dude with no options.

2. A desperate f0ol with very low self esteem.

3. An extremely slow/ret@rded male who lacks hope and foresight.

Or perhaps all of the above. Tueh!