esky158:
I will try to make dis very short
A friend of mine who will work together told me a few week back. How he told his wife to help him pay their kids school fees and she refused saiding it the man job to pay their fees. I was shock because I known she has the money, he opened a very big shop for her last year when things started going bad at work for every one at work. I an a friend had advised him to start the business for her and it was one of those things he is always great full to me for. This man has 2 kids kosi who is in jss 2 and Favour who is in primary 3 there both attend a school in their area. What is annoying is he has always beging the one paying their school fees, just that we had a little problem at work for the past 4 month and we all has not been paid at all dis is the first time be is asking his wife to help him pay for anything related to de kids but she refused knowing fully well that she has the money, and dis kids has been sent away from school 4 about a week now and she refused .
My question now is to ask your wife to help you pay your kids school fess is it a bad things because the are both init together and it both their kids

the problem is us men, we charm ladies by telling that i will take care of you and kids meaning your telling her to that broiler chicken to looked after and nothing else

So even when things change financial the man struggling the wife still think its the man's job

its the job of the parents whether mum/daddy but problem is culture and tradition because culture and tradition says kids belong to husband

Can someone explain to me this Nigerian thing aka "I OPENED BUSINESS FOR HER" does it mean husband is not part of business ? it seems like that business get treated it has nothing to do with hubby or the profit being used by the family


in my view men we are partly to blame as culture and tradition makes our women feel that its the men's job to provide everything, in most african countries there more women who work to meet up daily living cost than those who just seat home because hubby salary is enough. They work directly or not to supplement hubby salary because what hubby brings home is not enough so there is no choice

we need to teach out kids as they grow up that it is the responsibility of both parents to look after their kids, our women are groomed to think it is the men's job to provide everything.

Us as men we should also teach our women to be a provider too as we never know life can change eg injury thats will force a man not to be able to provide as before,

ZIMDRILL:



the problem is us men, we charm ladies by telling that i will take care of you and kids meaning your telling her to that broiler chicken to looked after and nothing else

So even when things change financial the man struggling the wife still think its the man's job

its the job of the parents whether mum/daddy but problem is culture and tradition because culture and tradition says kids belong to husband

Can someone explain to me this Nigerian thing aka "I OPENED BUSINESS FOR HER" does it mean husband is not part of business ? it seems like that business get treated it has nothing to do with hubby or the profit being used by the family


in my view men we are partly to blame as culture and tradition makes our women feel that its the men's job to provide everything, in most african countries there more women who work to meet up daily living cost than those who just seat home because hubby salary is enough. They work directly or not to supplement hubby salary because what hubby brings home is not enough so there is no choice

we need to teach out kids as they grow up that it is the responsibility of both parents to look after their kids, our women are groomed to think it is the men's job to provide everything.

Us as men we should also teach our women to be a provider too as we never know life can change eg injury thats will force a man not to be able to provide as before,

All this is just blame-placing when the simple solution is for men to embrace singlehood, and when they are ready to have children, they get involved in civil partnerships as a suitable alternative to marriage.
I don't see the positives and benefits of adding a grown woman's financial needs to yours when she's not disabled.

I came across a discussion programme on a local TV station yesterday while visiting a friend, and the participants (young people) were debating the pros and cons of marriage these days with about three of them on the con side versus one on the pro side - lots of young men are really waking up to the fact that there are fewer and fewer women with a well developed sense of family and financial responsibility these days, and they are contemplating alternatives to marriage.
The ONLY thing still pushing most young Nigerians into marriage is the 'what will people say' mindset.

Ain't nobody has the time to be teaching a grown woman that she should be a provider when things are bad - heck, it does not even have to get bad before a sensible woman will know to pull her own weight in the home.

The usual shallow defense is usually the combined chores for combined financing argument. I always laugh at the people who come up with this argument because even a 10yr old Chinese protege is more cerebral than that, but not these people it seems.
You can't compare something that can be outsourced (chores) and place it on the same level as something you must do for yourself (financial provision).

crackkhaus:

All this is just blame-placing when the simple solution is for men to embrace singlehood, and when they are ready to have children, they get involved in civil partnerships as a suitable alternative to marriage.
I don't see the positives and benefits of adding a grown woman's financial needs to yours when she's not disabled.

I came across a discussion programme on a local TV station yesterday while visiting a friend, and the participants (young people) were debating the pros and cons of marriage these days with about three of them on the con side versus one on the pro side - lots of young men are really waking up to the fact that there are fewer and fewer women with a well developed sense of family and financial responsibility these days, and they are contemplating alternatives to marriage.
The ONLY thing still pushing most young Nigerians into marriage is the 'what will people say' mindset.

Ain't nobody has the time to be teaching a grown woman that she should be a provider when things are bad - heck, it does not even have to get bad before a sensible woman will know to pull her own weight in the home.

The usual shallow defense is usually the combined chores for combined financing argument. I always laugh at the people who come up with this argument because even a 10yr old Chinese protege is more cerebral than that, but not these people it seems.
You can't compare something that can be outsourced (chores) and place it on the same level as something you must do for yourself (financial provision).

most of africans we are not financial intelligent thats why you find thats husband hide his salary, wife has no clue how much husband earns. husband take out a loan without wife knowledge, then down the line wife gets surprised when the bank, reposes the house due to that loan not being paid. All these its because wife has no clue to thr finances of the home due to both ignorant and the idea of being looked after without really taking part


most women became destitutes after being kicked out of marriage home, because they programmed themselves, to be property of the husband aka to be looked after, leaving everything to the men and to start hustling after being provided eveything for 10 years can be hard

As woman also add value to your marriage not by cooking and having kids only but by being also a financial provider if you gifted in any skill or qualification that can add value to the marriage

ZIMDRILL:



most of africans we are not financial intelligent thats why you find thats husband hide his salary, wife has no clue how much husband earns. husband take out a loan without wife knowledge, then down the line wife gets surprised when the bank, reposes the house due to that loan not being paid. All these its because wife has no clue to thr finances of the home due to both ignorant and the idea of being looked after without really taking part


most women became destitutes after being kicked out of marriage home, because they programmed themselves, to be property of the husband aka to be looked after, leaving everything to the men and to start hustling after being provided eveything for 10 years can be hard

As woman also add value to your marriage not by cooking and having kids only but by being also a financial provider if you gifted in any skill or qualification that can add value to the marriage

Lol, like I said earlier, the simple solution is for more people to just avoid getting married all together and live their best lives.

Men are complaining, women are complaining...make everybody dey their lane.

Yes. It's his responsibility. He can ask for a loan and that's the best I can think of. Even that is too much.

Same for all men who refuse to share chores. To hell to all of them

Kekereekun123:
This is why i can never marry a woman who doesn't spend or have her own money. Many guys are being scammed . When my father was very broke we had to beg our mum abroad for more than a month before she paid part of our fees. She was building her second house then. I am still pained today. Any women dat doesn't believe in sharing bill should go to hell

crackkhaus:

Lol, like I said earlier, the simple solution is for more people to just avoid getting married all together and live their best lives.

Men are complaining, women are complaining...make everybody dey their lane.

thats a non starter



1 parents wants get grand kids

2 society has no respect for non married single women

3 Girls want to be called Mrs so and so

I would say men and women should contribute equally (or at least make good effort) to the running of the home in all spheres. But you guys will call me an evil feminist.

Anywhere belle face . Y’all carry your cross and die in the strict traditional roles you love so much.

What do you need advice for?

ZIMDRILL:



most of africans we are not financial intelligent thats why you find thats husband hide his salary, wife has no clue how much husband earns. husband take out a loan without wife knowledge, then down the line wife gets surprised when the bank, reposes the house due to that loan not being paid. All these its because wife has no clue to thr finances of the home due to both ignorant and the idea of being looked after without really taking part


most women became destitutes after being kicked out of marriage home, because they programmed themselves, to be property of the husband aka to be looked after, leaving everything to the men and to start hustling after being provided eveything for 10 years can be hard

As woman also add value to your marriage not by cooking and having kids only but by being also a financial provider if you gifted in any skill or qualification that can add value to the marriage

What then will be the duty of that man when the woman is practically doing all this.?
Cooking, rearing kids and being a financial provider

vickydankal:
I think there is a gap in communication, misunderstanding and unresolved issues between the man and his wife .

I don’t know why the man should be begging his wife to help pay their children’s school fees. Besides the woman’s money is the family’s money so is the mans money.

When a wife refuses to pay her children fees, it leaves one to wonder if she is a surrogate mother. To the extent of the children being chased out of school.

Mr Op your friend should sit and discuss with his wife, I think this is just smoke the fire is underneath. This calls for deep discussion.

In my family, I and my husband have joint account for monthly savings, we have some percentage from our individual salary to put there monthly. Then I handle small family needs while he handles huge family projects.

So I save more than him, though he has more money but I have access to cash more than him, family men will understand.

Always making sensible comments. God bless your home

OP, you should have taken time to hear from the woman before posting, for us to have a balanced view. Also posting the names of the kids and their classes is a no no. Try and respect people's privacy.

I align with my sister up there that there's a serious communication issue with the couple. Tell your friend to have a heart to heart discussion with his wife and amicably settle any rift, misgivings the wife has against the husband.

Next is to sit down to discuss the finances of the home. He needs to do alot (including showing her plenty of love) to bring her out of her shell. If he use force, nothing go happen.

Whinny lazyass men that can't take care of their home.
If a woman is handicapped in running her household, this lazyass two-faced hypocrites will tell her husband to marry another wife or get a maid to help her out. They will never ask the man to pick up the slack of taking care of the household. Never!!
Now, they have come again.

So, following nairaland trends on issuing advices:::,
If you, as a man cannot pay your children school fees or at any point in the marriage, you cannot meet up with your own responsibilities, kindly get an assistant from your menservant or allow your wife to get another husband.

ZIMDRILL:


thats a non starter

1 parents wants get grand kids

2 society has no respect for non married single women

3 Girls want to be called Mrs so and so

These points are non sequitur

1. Grandkids can be gotten without marriage, many already do.

2. I guess it follows then that unmarried single women should be eternally grateful for being proposed to and learn to act properly so they don't return to singlehood? I don't think you should make this argument.
Like I said, non sequitur.

3. See (2) above

Mizwisdom post=86313139:
Which person's [b]surname [/b]are the children answering?

Let the person who they are bearing his/her surname, pay the school fees na.

Seriously, I will pay the fees but the man should know that it's his full responsibility.

The bolded was exactly what I heard from someone some years ago. This woman mean her words when telling her husband on phone to make sure he transfer back the two thousand naira she used in balancing up their kids school fees.

Personally, that was a turnoff . Women are met to be an helpmate.

See them bunch of confused human beings.

Same ones that have been singing on this section that women should be housewives or better off with a wifely suitable job now talking of shared financial responsibility

Take them serious at your own peril

Mizwisdom:
Which person's surname are the children answering?

Let the person who they are bearing his/her surname, pay the school fees na.

Seriously, I will pay the fees but the man should know that it's his full responsibility.

Anumpama

TheArchangel:
Whinny lazyass men that can't take care of their home.
If a woman is handicapped in running her household, this lazyass two-faced hypocrites will tell her husband to marry another wife or get a maid to help her out. They will never ask the man to pick up the slack of taking care of the household. Never!!
Now, they have come again.

So, following nairaland trends on issuing advices:::,
If you, as a man cannot pay your children school fees or at any point in the marriage, you cannot meet up with your own responsibilities, kindly get an assistant from your menservant or allow your wife to get anoth husband.

Just as we have a lot of boys here who comment like their age so also girls.


Your reasoning shows u are still 16 or 15 at most.

ahnie:
Mr op kindly mind your business!
The man has told you his part...did upu ever take your time to heat the wife's side?

Your ve turned yourself to family Oracle in that family!

Manner of approach matters a lot when addressing such issues!
Maybe the man spoke harshly to her Asin been authoritative base on say he was the one that set her up!

If am the wife...I would kindly pay the fees
Cox they're also my kids...so no biggie.

my dear taking care of children shud b responsibilities of both parents. I used to think is d responsibility of d man until i realise at old age most times a lot of children tend to take care of their mother more(is even worse when u v a bad wife).d man DAT used his youthful age to take care of his family will b relegated to background. Listen d main reason we take care of children is for dem to help us out when we r old( b it financial or otherwise) .is even worse if dey r divorce. Ask most nairalander here who dey will take care of when dey hit their first million? Majority will say their Mother n will bring out cogent reason to back it up

[quote author=0ppa post=86305810]It's the man's job to fend for hisupport from his wife.
.
It may interest you to note that inasmuch as the men feel they work harder, the women actually really work more than the men; she's a cook, gardener, maid, nanny, she launders, she's a consultant, she's a disciplnarian etc..,
.
Question for thought: On top of all the aforementioned, did he beseech her to support him for a while or did he shift his responsibilities to her.
He said just pay 4 dis term cous we are already fixing d problem at work an very soon thing we go back to normal and we get pay

TheArchangel:
What then will be the duty of that man when the woman is practically doing all this.?
Cooking, rearing kids and being a financial provider

did i say the man has to stop ? or i said wife has to also add value to marriage

remember i said africans we lack financial intelligence two salaries are better than one

crackkhaus:

These points are non sequitur

1. Grandkids can be gotten without marriage, many already do.

2. I guess it follows then that unmarried single women should be eternally grateful for being proposed to and learn to act properly so they don't return to singlehood? I don't think you should make this argument.
Like I said, non sequitur.

3. See (2) above

1 those grand kids are called bastard all sorts of names simply because are born out of wedlock

2 its not always the faulty of the ladies to remain single or to be a single parent the fact is that society in africa looks down to single mothers/single ladies of ages from 30 and above

CarlosTheJackal:
Just as we have a lot of boys here who comment like their age so also girls.


Your reasoning shows u are still 16 or 15 at most.

Whinny lazy-ass horseband exhibiting classical argumentum ad hominem

engrelvis:
my dear taking care of children shud b responsibilities of both parents. I used to think is d responsibility of d man until i realise at old age most times a lot of children tend to take care of their mother more(is even worse when u v a bad wife).d man DAT used his youthful age to take care of his family will b relegated to background. L[b]isten d main reason we take care of children is for dem to help us out when we r old( b it financial or otherwise) .is even worse if dey r divorce. [/b]Ask most nairalander here who dey will take care of when dey hit their first million? Majority will say their Mother n will bring out cogent reason to back it up

Most men are emotionally detached from their children when the kids are vulnerable and the same is replicated for these men when they are vulnerable too. It is just the way nature is. Once the kids grew older, they also become emotionally detached both the male and the female kids.
The embolden is wrong anyway.
You are not training your children to take care of you, the reason you are training them is for them to be the best they can be.
Your retirement plans is in your hands

Theyoungmatron:
Most men are emotionally detached from their children when the kids are vulnerable and the same is replicated for these men when they are vulnerable too. It is just the way nature is. Once the kids grew older, they also become emotionally detached both the male and the female kids.
The embolden is wrong anyway.
You are not training your children to take care of you, the reason you are training them is for them to be the best they can be.
Your retirement plans is in your hands

I dnt understand what u mean training dem to b d best dey can.of u want d best for dem.I repeat one of d reasons u train ur kids is for dem to take care of u at old.taking care of u doesn't means finances only.when am old n sick is my children I will call to drive me to d hospital even tough I will b paying d bill. Abroad structures n institutions v been laid out to take care of d old.even at DAT children still care for their age parents. Vulnerability or nt a man DAT use his youthful age to sweat n take of u shud nt b relegated because of one vulnerability excuse.D point am trying to make is our women r always saying men shud b alive to their financial responsibilities of their kids but when the table turn due to old age ,sickness or whatever d same man is relegated to d dustbin

Theyoungmatron:
Most men are emotionally detached from their children when the kids are vulnerable and the same is replicated for these men when they are vulnerable too. It is just the way nature is. Once the kids grew older, they also become emotionally detached both the male and the female kids.
The embolden is wrong anyway.
You are not training your children to take care of you, the reason you are training them is for them to be the best they can be.
Your retirement plans is in your hands

I dnt understand what u mean training dem to b d best dey can.of course u want d best for dem.I repeat one of d reasons u train ur kids is for dem to take care of u at old.taking care of u doesn't means finances only.when am old n sick is my children I will call to drive me to d hospital even tough I will b paying d bill. Abroad structures n institutions v been laid out to take care of d old.even at DAT children still care for their age parents. Vulnerability or nt a man DAT use his youthful age to sweat n take of u shud nt b relegated because of one vulnerability excuse.D point am trying to make is our women r always saying men shud b alive to their financial responsibilities of their kids but when the table turn due to old age ,sickness or whatever d same man is relegated to d dustbin

Women should atleast help in something......

Bozzyironlady:
Its starts with please help! Soon you'll turn it to her duty.

Married women if your husband asks for your help in paying for anything that's clearly his responsibility, assist with 20 to 30% and tell him with a sweet and a very calm voice that's all you have, don't go beyond this or I promise you you'll regret it.

You women are inherently selfish.

I would rather use my money to buy a TV than get your likes.
Spits...

Mgbadike80:
men of nowadays have become very weak which is why they're having problems running their families, if i have to cough out a huge amount of money to start a business for my wife, then she must make monthly accounts to me and help out financially whenever i request for it. The business belongs to us and not to her alone. All these nonsense starts from the courtship period when the men have proved themselves to be mugus and magas so the women go into marriage with them with the same akwunakwuna mentality. I would advise the husband to close down the business until she understands the true meaning of marriage.

Wisdom.

I can see why marriages are in shambles today. A lot of the responses from the women is shocking. They just marry to have that status, they see marriage as a battle ground. A place to strategise and make sure they always win the battle.

Marriage is a union of two people. When one is down, one uplifts. I'm sorry for men who marry such women.

I will use my last penny to care for my family and so will my wife.

Kekereekun123:
This is why i can never marry a woman who doesn't spend or have her own money. Many guys are being scammed . When my father was very broke we had to beg our mum abroad for more than a month before she paid part of our fees. She was building her second house then. I am still pained today. Any women dat doesn't believe in sharing bill should go to hell

And any man that doesn't believe in sharing chores should f off

Bozzyironlady:
Its starts with please help! Soon you'll turn it to her duty.

Married women if your husband asks for your help in paying for anything that's clearly his responsibility, assist with 20 to 30% and tell him with a sweet and a very calm voice that's all you have, don't go beyond this or I promise you you'll regret it.

That's how a woman called in on a radio show to explain how she was being drained.

She and her hubby got a mortgage. Plan was that, she will pay 50k monthly, hubs will pay 100k. Oga ran into an ish at work one month and madam had to pay the 150k. A whole year later, she was still paying it o. Oga refused to pay and madam didn't want disgrace. The woman was very bitter.

Laslas, wisdom is profitable to direct.

Danzysb:
Women should atleast help in something......

Of course... childbearing, home keeping, laundry services and catering are nothing right?