pls, i know this is quite long, but pls read.
thanks as u advice.

I think my friend is more in love with me than my husband
I met my husband several years ago. We got married after dating for 5yrs. Of course, we had our differences, boyfriend to girlfriend issues but we always managed to settle our differences at least that’s why we ended up together. We were in love with each other.
In the course of our relationship, I met this man (married). since I was already in a relationship, it was easy to get along with him cos I knew he was married and nothing cld be btw us. He was a regular customer where I used to work and I got to see him often, I wld ask about his family and he’ll ask about mine and ask about my boyfriend too. He is the kind of man everyone gets along with, everyone in my office liked him and he was quite fond of someone of us, me inclusive. He sometimes buys all of us lunch, u know that kind of man; nice, easy going. Well, we had nothing personal until he had to travel out of town and he needed someone in our office to handle his matters and regularly give him feed back. He casually chose me and we got to talk every other day when he left town. When he came back, he was so grateful and sang my praises to whoever cared to listen. He asked me out to dinner and I even told my colleagues before going and they said that man, u can go. He means no harm, no other motive than being friendly. Truly that’s d kind of man he is. As it was, we became closer, he started confiding in me, said he trust me so much now and I kind of make him happy. That was when I realised all this while he was in d middle of a messy divorce which he tried to hide. He tried to prevent his wife from going ahead but she wldn’t budge and eventually had to go their separate ways. He lives with his son cos they agreed he cld handle him better than d mum
There was a time I broke up with my boyfriend (now my husband). It was easier to hang around him now since there I was kinda single. He introduced me to his son as his friend and surprisingly, the boy was fond of me. My man friend said it’s because he can see that his father is happy around me and he knows he and his mother were no more an item. He wld wait for me after work to take me home or sometimes send his driver to pick me up, send me lunch, tell his driver to run my errands, etc. I was enjoying the attention I didn’t get from my bf (one of the reasons we broke up) . I didn’t realise hw deeply he felt about the relationship until i tried to pull back. Then, I realise this man wldn’t let me go. He became so possessive, nothing I do make him angry. Wt on earth was I doing with an older man. I started avoiding him and he wld  send me gifts, make sudden appearances at my office, even after I changed jobs and beg me not to make him sad again, that he had found happiness and peace of mind like he never experienced. I refused and told him I was still with my bf.
He wld call me at atimes and cry on the phone, a fully grown man. I decided to face him and sort things out. I said I cld nt be wit him and that I would soon be engaged to my bf. He said he knows about my relationship, that he just doesn’t want to loose my friendship, the advice and attention. We cld make our relationship platonic. At least, I shd stop avoiding his calls and I shd let him invite me out once in a while. Se we kept it that way and he was well behaved. If he calls me and I say I’m going out with my fiancée, it’ll be fine with him, no issues. He wld call me to seek my advice on one issue  or the other and a few of his friends that I met previously will say he is a stubborn man whom only I can tame (small me o). it surprises me what dis man saw in me, if he has an  important occasion to go and I say he shdn’t, he will accept .he is d kind of man that will refuse an invitation to aso rock if I need to see him. U won’t believe men like dat exist. , even I sometimes I think this not real but it’s being years. I’ll raise hell sometimes and he ‘ll take it all in, something I cld nt do with my bf. I used to do dis just to scatter everything, but it didn’t work.
My bf (now husband) on the other hand is a good guy, just sometimes too busy with work to make time for his gf. He tried to patch things with me, said he’ll change (he did) and we came back together and we started planning for our wedding.
I told Mr. man about d wedding, though he got emotional but said he expected it that I shd promise him I’ll always pick his calls when he needs to talk. Pls note, this man is a very religious man. I knew he wldn’t get involved with a married woman. Apart from when I was giving him attention and he tried to be intimate, he never did again cos that was one of the condition I gave him if he wanted us to be friends. I really do respect him, cos he likes me so much and he can’t even touch me cos I said so and he’s ok with it.
Now ‘m married, almost a yr now and he’ still kind of there. Somehow I need him cos he makes most things easy for me, like I need to deliver something, he sends his driver to pick it up. My husband still exhibits his traits of getting busy to attend to my stuff which he believes I shd be able to handle myself.
I sat down and analysed the whole issue.
My husband is a young man, trying to make things happen for his new family. He has friends too and needs to be social, all this he combines with trying to giving me attention and sometimes they get in d way.
Mr. Man on the other end doesn’t really need to be around his friends, doesn’t need to go around chasing business. He has all d time in d world to listen to anything I av to say or bothers me, no matter hw silly.Mind u, he is not a rich guy so it’s not about money, infact one of the reasons he likes me is dat I’m not materialistic.i have a good job  I even borrow him money sometimes when he is broke but he spends quite well on me when he has.
Now, I’m worried cos I know this is wrong, it’s like ‘m married to 2 men, though the other relationship is not intimate. Mr Man still calls me every day and tells me he fell in love with me, still loves me and will remain single cos no body will ever take my place in his heart. He’s still at my beck and call. I tried not to involve him in my affairs but for someone who breathes down my neck every time, he knows wt I ate for dinner last night  and breakfast dis morning.he’s always trying to know wt ‘m up to. Till today, I still pick up a fight and refuse to talk to him for days but that worsens it cos he shows me more love. I fight with him , I get a gift, I tire. So that’s not working.
But truly all this yrs, I must av fallen in love with him too. I luv my husband too and he is d man I got married to and stlii love to be with but truly I know dis man shows me more love.
If my car breaks down in d middle of 3rd mainland aqnd I call my husband and call him too. I’m 100% sure, he’ll get there first. I’m not deceiving myself, he is d kind of guy that can take a bullet for me.
I considered d possibility of marring him before I got married. I jokingly told my folks and they all said No, as per older man with kids, u know. He’s met some of my siblings but just as a nice uncle and I think he still calls them.
Pls advise, wt can I do now??

Compairing 2 people is def not the way to go.

Seek for more attention and relevance from your husband.

Do not date anyone cos they appear kool on the outside. The devil you know is better than the one you are waiting to fully discover.

Cut off the friendship once and for all if holding it will continue clogging up doubts on ur mind.

You know what's best for you at the end of the day.

OP.
According to what you have stated here . . . . . .I would advise you to stick to you Hubby!
This old man you are talking bout might not be revealing his right side ''I know you said he does things you never expect for you''
But this is you Husband !. . . .been married to him for a long time . . .You love and know him deeply as he loves and knows you too and he's been trying to make things right and to make you feel comfy!
What else do you want? . . . .Just think of it . . . . . . .
Besides the best bailout from this old man's disturbance is to stay away from him at ;east for a while . . . . . Don't play with fire!
Being around or talking to him frequently is very dangerous and vulnerable to see abomination occuring!

Stick to your Husband my DEAR!

woman you are crap

the man has time to give you becoz

1 who has already grown up children he nolonger has to work hard for the future he did that long back, he has time to entertain you

2 you husband is running around for your future and the kids though it must learn to divide time between chasing money and you

3 you have already seen the dark side of him what still hang around him (your husband will expect you to would have drop the nigga long back) and nigga should also respect you now as married woman

DAMISIRE!!!! uhm, well i read your story well enough as dia aint much work for me today.
See, young lady, if ill have to advise you like a brother, sister, mother or father, lets look @ dis together, ure married to someone (ur husband in this case) and there is some1 out there u claim shows you more love, wh from ur story is actually true. but remember dear, a BIRD in hand, in this context, is the only bird. Ow on earth would you leave certainty for uncertainty, reality for a dream.

C'mn girl, dis is a testimony from a guy, we guyz would do anything on earth to get into a ladies panties (trust me real good on this), all d niceties of dis world, form like an angel, spotless, loving etc, bliv me its all mtchhewww (and dont ever tink i dont believe in true love), i believe u have one already with ur husband. Am even surprised all this is going on and ur husby know nothing about it such that he has waded in to put an end to all of this. This other man might be so loving really, but u need to define it, dont ever let urself tink he wld drop dead if you cut off some of his 'excesses' cos i feel that wats keeping u in all of dis.

Sit wt ur married husband and talk tins out, tell him dat part u need him to do more, let him know ways to love you more and ure on ur way to get dat level of love wh u admire. but please just dont tink abt leaving wat u have for wat u aint sure of, pls take ur mind of him and dont let it affect ur marraige. All d best dearie.

damisire:

pls, i know this is quite long, but pls read.
thanks as u advice.

I think my friend is more in love with me than my husband
I met my husband several years ago. We got married after dating for 5yrs. Of course, we had our differences, boyfriend to girlfriend issues but we always managed to settle our differences at least that’s why we ended up together. We were in love with each other.
In the course of our relationship, I met this man (married). since I was already in a relationship, it was easy to get along with him cos I knew he was married and nothing cld be btw us. He was a regular customer where I used to work and I got to see him often, I wld ask about his family and he’ll ask about mine and ask about my boyfriend too. He is the kind of man everyone gets along with, everyone in my office liked him and he was quite fond of someone of us, me inclusive. He sometimes buys all of us lunch, u know that kind of man; nice, easy going. Well, we had nothing personal until he had to travel out of town and he needed someone in our office to handle his matters and regularly give him feed back. He casually chose me and we got to talk every other day when he left town. When he came back, he was so grateful and sang my praises to whoever cared to listen. He asked me out to dinner and I even told my colleagues before going and they said that man, u can go. He means no harm, no other motive than being friendly. Truly that’s d kind of man he is. As it was, we became closer, he started confiding in me, said he trust me so much now and I kind of make him happy. That was when I realised all this while he was in d middle of a messy divorce which he tried to hide. He tried to prevent his wife from going ahead but she wldn’t budge and eventually had to go their separate ways. He lives with his son cos they agreed he cld handle him better than d mum
There was a time I broke up with my boyfriend (now my husband). It was easier to hang around him now since there I was kinda single. He introduced me to his son as his friend and surprisingly, the boy was fond of me. My man friend said it’s because he can see that his father is happy around me and he knows he and his mother were no more an item. He wld wait for me after work to take me home or sometimes send his driver to pick me up, send me lunch, tell his driver to run my errands, etc. I was enjoying the attention I didn’t get from my bf (one of the reasons we broke up) . I didn’t realise hw deeply he felt about the relationship until i tried to pull back. Then, I realise this man wldn’t let me go. He became so possessive, nothing I do make him angry. Wt on earth was I doing with an older man. I started avoiding him and he wld  send me gifts, make sudden appearances at my office, even after I changed jobs and beg me not to make him sad again, that he had found happiness and peace of mind like he never experienced. I refused and told him I was still with my bf.
He wld call me at atimes and cry on the phone, a fully grown man. I decided to face him and sort things out. I said I cld nt be wit him and that I would soon be engaged to my bf. He said he knows about my relationship, that he just doesn’t want to loose my friendship, the advice and attention. We cld make our relationship platonic. At least, I shd stop avoiding his calls and I shd let him invite me out once in a while. Se we kept it that way and he was well behaved. If he calls me and I say I’m going out with my fiancée, it’ll be fine with him, no issues. He wld call me to seek my advice on one issue  or the other and a few of his friends that I met previously will say he is a stubborn man whom only I can tame (small me o). it surprises me what dis man saw in me, if he has an  important occasion to go and I say he shdn’t, he will accept .he is d kind of man that will refuse an invitation to aso rock if I need to see him. U won’t believe men like dat exist. , even I sometimes I think this not real but it’s being years. I’ll raise hell sometimes and he ‘ll take it all in, something I cld nt do with my bf. I used to do dis just to scatter everything, but it didn’t work.
My bf (now husband) on the other hand is a good guy, just sometimes too busy with work to make time for his gf. He tried to patch things with me, said he’ll change (he did) and we came back together and we started planning for our wedding.
I told Mr. man about d wedding, though he got emotional but said he expected it that I shd promise him I’ll always pick his calls when he needs to talk. Pls note, this man is a very religious man. I knew he wldn’t get involved with a married woman. Apart from when I was giving him attention and he tried to be intimate, he never did again cos that was one of the condition I gave him if he wanted us to be friends. I really do respect him, cos he likes me so much and he can’t even touch me cos I said so and he’s ok with it.
Now ‘m married, almost a yr now and he’ still kind of there. Somehow I need him cos he makes most things easy for me, like I need to deliver something, he sends his driver to pick it up. My husband still exhibits his traits of getting busy to attend to my stuff which he believes I shd be able to handle myself.
I sat down and analysed the whole issue.
My husband is a young man, trying to make things happen for his new family. He has friends too and needs to be social, all this he combines with trying to giving me attention and sometimes they get in d way.
Mr. Man on the other end doesn’t really need to be around his friends, doesn’t need to go around chasing business. He has all d time in d world to listen to anything I av to say or bothers me, no matter hw silly.Mind u, he is not a rich guy so it’s not about money, infact one of the reasons he likes me is dat I’m not materialistic.i have a good job  I even borrow him money sometimes when he is broke but he spends quite well on me when he has.
Now, I’m worried cos I know this is wrong, it’s like ‘m married to 2 men, though the other relationship is not intimate. Mr Man still calls me every day and tells me he fell in love with me, still loves me and will remain single cos no body will ever take my place in his heart. He’s still at my beck and call. I tried not to involve him in my affairs but for someone who breathes down my neck every time, he knows wt I ate for dinner last night  and breakfast dis morning.he’s always trying to know wt ‘m up to. Till today, I still pick up a fight and refuse to talk to him for days but that worsens it cos he shows me more love. I fight with him , I get a gift, I tire. So that’s not working.
But truly all this yrs, I must av fallen in love with him too. I luv my husband too and he is d man I got married to and stlii love to be with but truly I know dis man shows me more love.
If my car breaks down in d middle of 3rd mainland aqnd I call my husband and call him too. I’m 100% sure, he’ll get there first. I’m not deceiving myself, he is d kind of guy that can take a bullet for me.
I considered d possibility of marring him before I got married. I jokingly told my folks and they all said No, as per older man with kids, u know. He’s met some of my siblings but just as a nice uncle and I think he still calls them.
Pls advise, wt can I do now??

Young woman be satisfied with what God has given you.Do you know that if you are more dedicated
to your hubby you will still enjoy him better.
The other man you are appreciating is what I called MIRAGE.Forget that road it leads to nowhere but destruction.

Have u ever asked why he got divorced? Guess Mr Man also has his own hidden issues.My dear u have found love and succor in ur hubby already so what else are u looking for? Not all that glitters is gold remember? True love is very hard to find.Stick to ur husband.I will advise u to change ur line and severe all contacts with this other man who calls himself a xtian.A true xtian will never break a happy home.Try and also summon the courage of telling your husband.U dont have to tell him everything k? At least let him know that there's someone bugging his sweetheart.

Sorry, will come back to read this long story.

You have to hurt this man to forge a stronger bond with your hubby.
You will always see fault in your hubby because mr nice guy looks like an alternative to wat hubby cnt give.
trying to steal you from your hubby in a very subtle manner.The devil can appear like an angel and before you knw it the damage is done.
You have a good man am glad you knw that pls cut off from mr nice guy.stop picking calls if he likes he should weep.Be totally unavailable to him i knw u already love him but you love your hubby more rt?yeah you got married to him so stick wit your choice.avoid him at all cost smetimes you cnt afford to be nice.

Rarest of rare in d sense that only few ladies 'll be pratical enough to explain it the way u have just done, most of dem in Africa keep it within themselves,

Meanwhile, i don't see anything wrong with ur hubby here, he remains ur husband and he loves u anyhow; take dat.

And this other guy is only playin d role of a friend,,,,,,,,,again, it wldn't hav been dis serious or tunning to something else if his wife was still with him.
Remind dis man of what u guys agreed on in d first place, and stick to ur hubby 4 u re  already on a fairly smooth journey.

Enjoy and remain open-minded fellow always!

@ Poster

I think you got the topic wrong . . . you are more in love with your 'friend' than you are with your husband!

@poster, let me be frank wit u, any such emtionally involved relationship outside ur marriage is cheating. all these display of care and affection shud hav stopd even before ur marriage and if he respect u enough he shud leave u nw and save ur marriage except u, ,do u  think ur husband wud be happy realizin all these are goin on behin him?
pls act fast!

Mr i Cork:

***looks for touch light to read long story **

Mr i Cork:

Poster can i be your friend?

LOL.  Mr i Cork sef.  

Ujujoan:

@ Poster

I think you got the topic wrong . . . you are more in love with your 'friend' than you are with your husband!

Gbam, Gbam, Gbiri riri riiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Gbam.

Dear Poster, "not all that glitters is gold"  If your friend is Mr Sweeter Daddy, why is he divorced?   People tend to work harder to get what they can't have.    You don't really know someone until you live with them.  
Yeah he is a Xtian but is trying to woo a young married woman.  Single and divorced ladies don finish for Lag?  
Stick with your husband, he is obviously a diligent man.  But communicate with him and let him know how you feel.  He should find a way to balance work and family.  

Beync:

@poster, let me be frank wit u, any such emtionally involved relationship outside your marriage is cheating. all these display of care and affection shud hav stopd even before your marriage and if he respect u enough he shud leave u nw and save your marriage except u, ,do u think your husband wud be happy realizin all these are goin on behin him?
pls act fast!

Seconded

Beync:

@poster, let me be frank wit u, any such emtionally involved relationship outside your marriage is cheating. all these display of care and affection shud hav stopd even before your marriage and if he respect u enough he shud leave u nw and save your marriage except u, ,do u think your husband wud be happy realizin all these are goin on behin him?
pls act fast!

Godalone:

Seconded

thirded. LOL.

ZIM DRILL:

woman you are crap

the man has time to give you becoz

1 who has already grown up children he nolonger has to work hard for the future he did that long back, he has time to entertain you

2 you husband is running around for your future and the kids though it must learn to divide time between chasing money and you

3 you have already seen the dark side of him what still hang around him (your husband will expect you to would have drop the nigga long back) and nigga should also respect you now as married woman

Gbam Zim, u r da men. It has been repeatedly said that womens (no ofeinse) leave reality most times and prefer to chase shadows. women and love sef.

Your husband is loving and doing all he can @ dis initial satge to secure you guys' future, here you are soaking up attention elsewhere and making ill advised comparison. Very soon, you'l want to compare their badonkies(no ofeince again)

Get that man outta ur life, d earlier d berra, if you want a clean break from him, your husband must even be involved in this process so he can monitor the progress of your emotional detachment from the bloke. Break off from him NOW. Lover wife*SMH*

@@

chaircover:

I hope that young men are learning from this story. Money is not everything and not all women are materialistic & in your quest to make money if you neglect your woman, someone else will fill the gap. You have to work out a healthy work/home balance

Yea, it makes sense Madam CC. I don't doubt your wisdom as can be seen from your post; however I believe that @ the initial stage of marriage especially if its a start up (where none of the parties is financially up there) the inevitability of a busy schedule will be there which will obviously impact on husband/wife availability for each other.
This is obtainable in cosmopolitan cities, some 8 yrs ago, I leave for work around 5am and come back 9pm with no car etc(it has changed though). Our lover poster wouldn't have noticed her husbands "supposed" shortcomings if not that she decided to let her marriage have a 3rd party and comparisons arose.

If everyone were to make comparisons about their spouses, I bet there will be 1001 reasons to dump the sorry fellow(I read this somewhere on NL). Nne pls face your marriage.

Just my 2 cents Ma'am, you've said it all

However good or bad you feel about your marriage, the person you are with at this moment is the "right" person, because he or she is the mirror of who you are inside. Try as much as possible 2 4get d man outside. In the long run, it will do u a lot of good.

@@

@Chaircover, And why should it be the man alone who must find a balance? Is not a give and take relationship? The woman as well should find a balance in her marriage. Her comments smacks of selfishness and ingratitude for every effort the husband is making to enrich their relationship. If anyone thinks that marriage will solve all problems in life then that individual is deluded. You have a need and you cannot talk it out wth your husband? What nonsense!!! Poster have you taken the time to consider what your husband needs from you? You have the time to indulge in an extra marital affair and bear in mind that it is not when you start sleeping outside your marital home that is when you are cheating.

You encourage the Older man because you enjoy the attention and feel you cannot do without it. You appreciate the gifts he gives since you cannot return it when he presents it to you. Why will the man not continue showing affection when you could have simply said no to his gestures and made serious effort to stop it. You continue to give him false hopes when you should let him see the wrongness of his gestures. My dear poster you are trying to eat your cake and have it back at the same time. What you are doing is selfish and insensitive to your spouse. Do the needful before you destroy your home. The older man has made his home it is necessary that you go and make yours. Marriage is constant work please work on those deficiences.

Hmmmm, my observation (judging frm ur detailed note) is that u are in love with the man. I understand how u feel, esp when that 'high profile' attention is not available frm ur husband. The simple truth is that, u have to remain in ur marriage n mould it. If u leave ur marriage, u'd regret d error for life. Finally, the fact that he's religious, doesn't justify ur affair oooo. From experience, not all religious ppl are saints. For ur info 'men of God' n ofcourse priests, all harrass women. So its not new. So forget d religious thing.

@@

this is simply what broke my relationship with a girl i love.
i pay jst little attention to my child old frnd (female) anytime she visit me anywhere, my girlfriend on the other hand taught i was dating her, and cut off the relationship. it was almost a year after the breakup, she sincinerly told me what let her to breakup with me. so pls b careful

@Chaircover, I apologise if my comments came out as if i were attacking you it was not my intention and yes you did strike a point.

@ Poster, Marriage is hard work and you have to keep putting your effort to make it work. When you have a substitute husband who meets a percentage of your needs you will end up having issues with your main marriage. You can never get 100% in your relationships there will always be an area lacking and even if you were to continually shift attention from person to person you will still find yourself lacking in some areas. You married your husband therefore you should give the marriage your very best. If he has deficiencies endeavour to lovingly point them out and help him strengthen those areas of his life while he strengthens yours. Stop receiving gifts from the Older man, stop enjoying the attention he gives you. Restrict your being around him completely, you seem to forget that tongues do wag and soon enough your husband will get to know about it.

@@

u r a gona! and that marrige wud no more stand the test of time! u shld have followed ur heart in the first place instead of your friend's advice, the MAN has not even slept wit you, and u are crazy in luv with him like this? one day, your eyes wud give u away and he is have u hot( eat the fruit) and thereafter, life wud neva be same again! UR Hobby wud begin to irritate u. and ultimately, u guys wud break up!

but hey, ask your self this question: do u feel cool with a MAN that cant think on his own and is always at your beck and call? is that not what the coloured man call pant sniffers- they neva really hit it, only snif! WUSSBAGS
, how long do u fink u wud last?
2) dont u think it is better to have a man that , cant help, just use ur brain and think constructively.

@ poster, i emphatize with you, but you are threading dangerous grounds. please make yourself withdraw from this relationship wisely. I know its hard.

@poster:

Give your man sex for one to three times and see him get tired of you,and you will be in peace with your husband,he is disturbing you because he has not slept with you,also you accepting things from him without giving him sex is a SIN,how else can you pay him back for all the love and attention he is showing you? Are you that WICKED for not allowing him touch you? That alone will close the Gates of heaven on you.

Give him sex and tell him goodbye,that now he has tasted you and should move on as your married and sleeping with him as a married woman is the highest reciprocation any married woman can give a man,he will understand and when you give it to him make sure you do it really good and hot so that he won't see you and look at you again.

Wish you a sweet and memorable intimacy with him.

^^^^^^^ wetin u dey talk self. ok sleep with him @poster and u will have more problems