Good morning nairalanders. Please how do you see a situation where a wife that supposed to have changed her name to that of her husband"s after almost eleven years of marriage, that she is still using her father's name to run bank account even with new bank accounts. I once told her that it is wrong but she will not listen. Today again, she sent another new bank account that she just open with her father's name to me that i should be sending whatever money there. We have done change of name in a national newspaper since but yet she is not effecting it anywhere.
Please how do you view this in your opinion?

How does that change the operation of the account?Money will not enter the account because she is married?
Sometimes,it is just for ease of operations.Maybe she has IDs still in her maiden name.

Have you asked her why she does that? What was her reply?

Hang on. If she still opens with her maiden name, does it mean all her methods of identification are still.issued in her maiden name?

Apart from the fact that she might be saving herself the stress of BVN and all heaps of official validations,
Your wife might be planning a future for her and her kids. Your picture in that future she's planning is vague.

She's got a separate bedroom different from yours
She denied you sex for 3 years or maybe still counting

I advise that you start planning a future for yourself too and stop paying attention to this kind of frivolity.

Maybe she doesn't like your surname.

Shey you know the amount of stress involved in changing BVN, Bank account in some banks.

What if she has not gotten a new ID with the new name,

I know people that still use their maiden names after years of marriage for bank issues just because of these reasons, these things are hard in naija and some people dont want that stress.

Mine took months to take effect, after getting all the required docs and visiting the bank several times, the only reason I didnt give up was because I changed my first name too and I needed it effected if it was only surname I would just leave it.


So as far as I know its not even a situation to get worried about

This change of name issue ain't easy. After my experience with Ecobank, I can't even allow my wife to go through those processes. As long as the accounts are serving their purposes, I don't have any problem with the names.

thorpido:
How does that change the operation of the account?Money will not enter the account because she is married?
Sometimes,it is just for ease of operations.Maybe she has IDs still in her maiden name.

She has an ID that bears my name already and its not about ease of operation but it's about knowing deeply the kind of woman your wife is, her hidden intentions, and a possibility of being mischievous is what i need you to advise me on

Honestly I don't see this as an issue. Sometimes in marriage, you need to KIS ( KEEP IT SIMPLE)

LewsTherin:
Have you asked her why she does that? What was her reply?

Hang on. If she still opens with her maiden name, does it mean all her methods of identification are still.issued in her maiden name?

Yes, i asked her and even jokingly told her that i feel am still sending money to a girlfriend each time i see her maiden name whenever am sending money to her but, she would not even say anything or give any reason for not obeying. She already has an ID card with my name on it

thesicilian:
Maybe she doesn't like your surname.

But got married to him listen to urself. E be me like to give u one hot slap and reset ur brain.

haywire07:
Apart from the fact that she might be saving herself the stress of BVN and all heaps of official validations,
Your wife might be planning a future for her and her kids. Your picture in that future she's planning is vague.

She's got a separate bedroom different from yours
She denied you sex for 3 years or maybe still counting

I advise that you start planning a future for yourself too and stop paying attention to this kind of frivolity.

She does not need to pass through the hurdle of BVN anymore because she's got an ID card in my name already, change of name advert and can easily use that to open an account easily in any bank.
Maybe she is planning something underground because the marriage is even full of crisis over the years.
Yes, she got a separate room and no sex for almost 5 years now and yet i am still performing my responsibilities for her, sending her to school, establishing businesses for her and not letting her go hungry, she even fine pass me self, the children are going to the best school around so.... I don't know?

tenmariner:
Honestly I don't see this as an issue. Sometimes in marriage, you need to KIS ( KEEP IT SIMPLE)

Keep it simple until she will outsmart you. Sometimes also we need to be sensitive on some strange reactions from our spouses in a marriage. You don't just overlook some things that have deep meanings hidden

haywire07:
Apart from the fact that she might be saving herself the stress of BVN and all heaps of official validations,
Your wife might be planning a future for her and her kids. Your picture in that future she's planning is vague.

She's got a separate bedroom different from yours
She denied you sex for 3 years or maybe still counting

I advise that you start planning a future for yourself too and stop paying attention to this kind of frivolity.

Haba!
Easy Oga.
That's how they ruin people's marriages.

OP I really dont see this as an issue o honestly.
Am yet to do any change of name since after I got married. I do no want to alter my documents. My husband sees nothing wrong with that as we have other important things to worry about.

It doesn't not also mean am planning a future with my kids without him.

You have a bigger problems in your home, change of name is among the minor. You guys are living in separate rooms, no sex for 5years, oga don't you think you are already divorced? You are even training her, she is mixing up with course mates and yet no sex. Please this marriage is gone, face your fears and know you are in open relationship. You can't tell me you have not been having sex for 5years, same with her.

lalopeto:


She has an ID that bears my name already and its not about ease of operation but it's about knowing deeply the kind of woman your wife is, her hidden intentions, and a possibility of being mischievous is what i need you to advise me on

You might be surprised that even celebrities like Joke Silver and others that still bear their maiden names long after they were married, are operating their bank accounts and even acquiring properties in their father's name. Beyonce, Kim Kardashian and lots of them, you know.

So don't get yourself worked up at all. It really makes no difference whichever names she uses, as long as there's love and peace at home, my brother.

The way most of you use irrelevant things to cause friction in your homes amazes me.

What makes you think your wife is being mischievous because she opened an account in her maiden name which you’re FULLY AWARE of?!

Don’t worry people that will tell you what you want to hear are on their way.

Ok oh! The thread just went from opening account with her maiden name to this:
•••

lalopeto:


She does not need to pass through the hurdle of BVN anymore because she's got an ID card in my name already, change of name advert and can easily use that to open an account easily in any bank.
Maybe she is planning something underground because the marriage is even full of crisis over the years.
Yes, she got a separate room and no sex for almost 5 years now and yet i am still performing my responsibilities for her, sending her to school, establishing businesses for her and not letting her go hungry, she even fine pass me self, the children are going to the best school around so.... I don't know?

You and your wife are living in the same space for 5 years and no sex?! Why do I find this hard to believe?
Even if it’s true I think the issue of opening her account is minor compared to your current relationship with your wife. why don’t you concentrate on bringing your family closer and your sex life with you wife back on track or better still divorce instead of living under the same roof with someone you don’t trust?

spongeisback:
Ok oh! The thread just went from opening account with her maiden name to this:
•••



You and your wife are living in the same space for 5 years and no sex?! Why do I find this hard to believe?
Even if it’s true I think the issue of opening her account is minor compared to your current relationship with your wife. why don’t you concentrate on bringing your family closer and your sex life with you wife back on track or better still divorce instead of living under the same roof with someone you don’t trust?

Of course is a minor issue. You are point!

spongeisback:
The way most of you use irrelevant things to cause friction in your homes amazes me.

What makes you think your wife is being mischievous because she opened an account in her maiden name which you’re FULLY AWARE of?!

Don’t worry people that will tell you what you want to hear are on their way.

What is it that I have not heard? You won't understand jare.

Let's be honest here.

Sir, the lack of intimacy with your wife has hurt your communication together, which in turn is making you quite paranoid and making her secretive.

Fix your intimacy issues. Fvck your damn wife, and you'd see how irrelevant this name issue truly is.
Make her feel like a gf.
Life is hard and short with our responsibilities and worries, many.
Help lift some of those 'responsible' burden off her. Make her feel alive again

Graxie:
You have a bigger problems in your home, change of name is among the minor. You guys are living in separate rooms, no sex for 5years, oga don't you think you are already divorced? You are even training her, she is mixing up with course mates and yet no sex. Please this marriage is gone, face your fears and know you are in open relationship. You can't tell me you have not been having sex for 5years, same with her.

You still did not address his concerns.

What should he do?

Two things involve either her maiden name do open doors or you married her not willing but by compulsion perhaps she got pregnant..

What was her response when you asked her?

extremelygolden:


You might be surprised that even celebrities like Joke Silver and others that still bear their maiden names long after they were married, are operating their bank accounts and even acquiring properties in their father's name. Beyonce, Kim Kardashian and lots of them, you know.

So don't get yourself worked up at all. It really makes no difference whichever names she uses, as long as there's love and peace at home, my brother.

At the bolded is key, very important

Whyzaid:
What was her response when you asked her?

She said nothing. Ignores me

uruba23:
Two things involve either her maiden name do open doors or you married her not willing but by compulsion perhaps she got pregnant..

BEHAVIOURAL PSYCHOLOGIST THERE!!!

Do you know how long this change of name process takes in banks before it is effective?
The bvn is connected to the account numbers so she will definitely bear same name as the one in her bvn for all account openings.as long as she has done change of name in the dailies and has a sworn affidavit,all her documents are valid whether it's in your name or her maiden name.
You are just worrying yourself for nothing,I feel you are insecured. What can she possibly do with her account number in her maiden name?

jmaxjohn:
Let's be honest here.

Sir, the lack of intimacy with your wife has hurt your communication together, which in turn is making you quite paranoid and making her secretive.

Fix your intimacy issues. Fvck your damn wife, and you'd see how irrelevant this name issue truly is.
Make her feel like a gf.
Life is hard and short with our responsibilities and worries, many.
Help lift some of those 'responsible' burden off her. Make her feel alive again

Do you need to tell me to bleep my wife before i will do? its easier said than done o, not my wish too. As you have said intimacy in marriage is one of the major factors that bond husband and wife together. You are on point sir!

Ohooo seems there are deeper issues, was wondering why he was making a fuss out of name change.

Solve the main issues OP.

rain21:
Do you know how long this change of name process takes in banks before it is effective?
The bvn is connected to the account numbers so she will definitely bear same name as the one in her bvn for all account openings.as long as she has done change of name in the dailies and has a sworn affidavit,all her documents are valid whether it's in your name or her maiden name.
You are just worrying yourself for nothing,I feel you are insecured. What can she possibly do with her account number in her maiden name?

Answers to the bolded; she is telling me she is not one with me, she is telling me that she has not become my wife in the true sense, she is telling me she can't use my name to transact should the marriage crashes( if she does not believe in the future of the marriage), she is saying she won't submit to her husband even when its what he wants..

You have a roommate and not a wife, don't argue with her, let her do whatever pleases her while you find peace with another lady..