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My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Bervelyhillz(m): 10:35am On Feb 28, 2020
This is a bit long but please bear with me.

I’ve been married to my amazingly beautiful wife for 3 years. The problem is she is very shy around me but at the same time seems to try to secretly please me constantly. It leaves me feeling guilty and I’m not sure of what to do next.

Backstory:

I met her through my mom. My MIL and my mom are childhood friends who grew up together. I never met her at the time since I lived in the US while She was in Nigeria. When I was 20 I saw her in a family friend’s wedding album. I was floored and my eyes were watering. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.

I figured out her FB and messaged her since I didn't want to initiate contact through our moms. I struck up a conversation. I soon realized that my mom fed info about me to my MIL which in turn got fed to her , so she already knew a fair bit about me. We chatted constantly, met up on my vacation to Nigeria , and hung out together every day. I learn she is still a virgin saving herself for marriage. I was still one too, mostly because A) I was chubby most of my life and didn't dare go near girls in that state and B) when I did start getting more fit, I already fell in love with her and it felt wrong dating at the same time. So yeah we had that in common.

Skipping ahead again to three years ago when I graduated from grad school. We met up a handful of times more, and things were awesome. She was outgoing with me, giggling over almost nothing and general silliness. We never did anything sexual, but we were intimate enough and honestly seeing her gave me goosebumps, so it wasn't on my mind. On one visit to Nigeria, she brought up the topic of marriage in a joking manner, something about how our mom's always planned it. I jokingly replied that I would be happy to marry her, then she got all serious and asked if I was for real. I said yes and, well, the rest is history.

The problem:

We had our wedding in Nigeria and, after the papers got sorted, she moved to the US to live with me. The first few months were interesting. She knows English pretty well and she majored in her native language, so she looked for translation jobs. She never got replies from employers, so I was getting a little suspicious, especially since she was an honors student at a pretty high ranking international university. I found out that she wasn't actually sending the applications out. I bring this up gently with her, and she starts tearing a bit telling me she wants to be a stay at home wife and that she didn't think I would be proud of her if she didn't get a real job. She says she was going to tell me soon, which I believe because I found a recent word document in our computer that was basically a draft of the speech she was going to give me. I don't mind her staying at home as I bring in enough money for the both of us and she is a really good cook.

This prompted me to sit down with her and figure out where our communication is breaking down. After a bunch of long discussions about this, I felt we were on the same page. She was still growing more timid around me and didn't start conversations easily with me, but she always seemed happy. I stepped up my displays of affection, showering her with compliments, hugs, and kisses. I would often catch her staring at me (usually while we ate), to which she would get red-faced and look away quickly. It’s been 3 years now and still does the smiling stare, except now she doesn’t look away when I catch her. The conversation starting has gotten a bit better, but nowhere near pre-marriage. While she always had this quiet peacefulness to her, I noticed she is intentionally not doing things that might get me worked up. Examples being: discussing politics (we have the same views), discussing my work problems, discussing anything philosophical in nature, etc. She will respond if I start, but she doesn’t take the initiative like before. I really miss that.

The sex is...interesting? As I said before, I didn't have any prior experience so I can't judge her, but she just lays on the bed and doesn’t move until I suggest to. She never initiates but never declines. I try to make it about her more often than not, but if I’m looking for feedback she quietly agrees with whatever I'm doing. After we finish, she lays in the same position looking at me, sometimes smiling, sometimes teary-eyed. I take it she likes it, but then again she never likes to talk about sex. From what I gather in our pre-marriage talks, she doesn't have any negative views on it and it wasn't shunned by her parents, it's just that she is shy. She doesn't like me seeing her naked even though I do (ha ha...:/ ). She is…shy very well proportioned…and I tell her how it is so she shouldn’t feel self-conscious. But she still covers up outside of sex.

Another issue is fitness: I work out constantly at home or in the park (calisthenics) and I invite her to join but she politely declines. She runs almost every morning so I thought maybe she gets enough from that. But I have noticed that my weight backpack at home is sometimes at a different weight than when I left it. I have also noticed She has made some serious butt/thigh gains which really stand out on her thin frame. When I ask if she is doing anything differently, she says “maybe it’s the running” then changes the subject. I don’t understand why she is working out in secret. This is most likely my fault though since I used to try and tease her into working out with me; I made a silly remark about how squatting/ham-raises will put more meat on her legs.

Conclusion:

Guys and gals, I need help. I love my wife dearly. She is funnier than any comedian, more disciplined than any soldier, and more beautiful than any celebrity. But she is making me feel weird by trying to secretly improve herself based on my preferences. Her shyness around me is awkward and I want a return to the easy-going pre-marriage . Has anyone had experience with this?

Also: she has made many friends here and still is in contact with a few back home. However she doesn't seem excited to be around them as much as when I offer to go out with her. She's always offers to cancel plans to stay in with me or go for a walk. I thought she might be depressed, but she is super cheerful even when she doesn't know I'm around.

167 Likes 22 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by NextD18: 10:41am On Feb 28, 2020
You are unnecessarily bothered and looking for problems where there's none.

It takes the grace of God for a woman to be loyal and respectful to her husband after relocating to America. It's take the grace of God for that to happen, because it has been statistically proven that 99.591% of Nigerian women v'got high possibilities of changing to a disrespectful and wild dogs to their husband once they relocate to the West.

Kindly appreciate and encourage her.
Stop complaining!
She's a reserved type!
You should be thankful to God, because when she'll start being over expressive, and wild towards you, you'll know it's better to live in hell, than to live with a disrespectful and wild woman in America.

604 Likes 36 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Nobody: 10:44am On Feb 28, 2020
À. B. a a

Meanwhile your story is too arranged not to suspect a suspicion.

Even if this is true you just married someone who may not love you. You are on your bro but remember to tell ne your anger up while writing if you want to sound more convincing.


Drabeey was Here

13 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Lepetitechic(f): 10:51am On Feb 28, 2020
This is rather interesting. From your explanation, I think your wife values your opinion. Have you tried telling her these things you wrote here? Since she enjoys spending time with you, randomly go for a walk with her and slowly ease into the conversation. Bring up the story of your courtship to put that mushy vibe in the air. Tell her not to be afraid to be herself around you and you wouldn’t love her less for being herself. My husband and I were introduced by our godmother, our mothers were already plotting and planning before we even met so I understand her shyness around you. After 3yrs, it should have faded or started to fade by now.. but this is just my perspective. Remember, whatever it is you tell her, do it with love, you don’t want her withdrawn because what you said came out wrong. Goodluck and God bless.

82 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by delugajackson: 10:52am On Feb 28, 2020
This story is adorned with all shades of fakeness.

If you actually believed this trash then you will also believe that Cossy Orjiakor is a virgin and a born again Christian.

191 Likes 6 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Codeblues(m): 10:52am On Feb 28, 2020
Fake story.

30 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Authoreety: 10:55am On Feb 28, 2020
Apart from the fact that she doesn't work, I think you got yourself a virtuous woman, even though you still need to brush her up..

Encourage her to socialize, that could do the magic

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by pbethel: 10:55am On Feb 28, 2020
If this is true, then work on her, spend more time with her, give her enough room to express herself. If she doesn't, engage her in it. She will come up. Ask her questions

4 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Skmoda360(m): 11:01am On Feb 28, 2020
op no lemme vex ooooo undecided

17 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Nobody: 11:01am On Feb 28, 2020
Another aspiring writer. So you have a shy wife, so she is socially awkward, what exactly is the problem? Accept her the way she is. After all she isn't lazy, unfaithful, a bad cook or frigid.

54 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by sisisioge: 11:30am On Feb 28, 2020
Sanchez01:
All these fake stories though. A newly registered account with a clownish picture as DP. I wonder if Nairaland now pay fiction writers to stir this section of the forum for whatever purpose.


Abi o...NL is trying to copy one magazine like that in the US, they pay professional writers to write short stories for them to catch readers fancies. Its a good idea, but they always lose the ring of truth.

Which person would live constantly with another human inside the same room for 3 years and not loosen up? Definitely not a woman that's been naked a gazillion times and had same dig ploughing into her for 365X3 days! It is well grin grin

116 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by crackkhaus: 12:16pm On Feb 28, 2020
The person behind this one did an impressive job with her writing skills.

55 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by TheeDetective: 12:33pm On Feb 28, 2020
Yeah right; shy wife indeed undecided. NOT ANOTHER FAKE NONSENSE STORY AGAIN AS IT IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE TO KNOW THAT YOU JUST WANTED TO TEST YOUR WRITING SKILLS WHICH ARE PRETTY IMPRESSIVE BY THE WAY. Note dude, this is 2020; hence, get busy in spending your time doing more valuable things than coming up with fictitious, ridiculous, frivolous, nansensical, absurd and silly fake stories. ENOUGH SAID.

25 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by SweetCunt97(f): 12:53pm On Feb 28, 2020
Gaggi:
Another aspiring writer. So you have a shy wife, so she is socially awkward, what exactly is the problem? Accept her the way she is. After all she isn't lazy, unfaithful, a bad cook or frigid.
I thought being a house wife translates to lazy?

1 Like

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Sanchez01: 1:26pm On Feb 28, 2020
sisisioge:


Abi o...NL is trying to copy one magazine like that in the US, they pay professional writers to write short stories for them to catch readers fancies. Its a good idea, but they always lose the ring of truth.

Which person would live constantly with another human inside the same room for 3 years and not loosen up? Definitely not a woman that's been naked a gazillion times and had same dig ploughing into her for 365X3 days! It is well grin grin
The stories are getting irritating. Gone are the days when people genuinely hide behind new accounts to share their problems. These days, a clown with over 15 moniker in his or her bag will just wake up and post topical story just so people could debate over nothing.

A shy woman who had been married for three years is unrealistic, if you ask me. People get comfortable these days in less than 6 months and I'm not even talking marriage, let alone one.

... The emboldened, the imagery is crazy! grin

33 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by suaveBrother(m): 2:29pm On Feb 28, 2020
... this post is just like plastic surgery...

... FAKE ...

... so much perfection ...

24 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Ishilove: 2:32pm On Feb 28, 2020
Sanchez01:
All these fake stories though. A newly registered account with a clownish picture as DP. I wonder if Nairaland now pay fiction writers to stir this section of the forum for whatever purpose.

As in ehn. So fake

14 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Sexyliciousbri: 3:10pm On Feb 28, 2020
I don't think there is necessarily a problem she seems to love you and wants to do things for you and wants you to love her. I wonder if it's ever a pressure for her to try and appear so perfect, though. Lots of maybes.. none of us are in her head. Just keep communication open with her. It takes practice. Ever talk about your expectations of each other and your marriage?

1 Like

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Nobody: 3:31pm On Feb 28, 2020
Bervelyhillz:
This is a bit long but please bear with me.

I’ve been married to my amazingly beautiful wife for 3 years. The problem is she is very shy around me but at the same time seems to try to secretly please me constantly. It leaves me feeling guilty and I’m not sure of what to do next.

Backstory:

I met her through my mom. My MIL and my mom are childhood friends who grew up together. I never met her at the time since I lived in the US while She was in Nigeria. When I was 20 I saw her in a family friend’s wedding album. I was floored and my eyes were watering. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.

I figured out her FB and messaged her since I didn't want to initiate contact through our moms. I struck up a conversation. I soon realized that my mom fed info about me to my MIL which in turn got fed to her , so she already knew a fair bit about me. We chatted constantly, met up on my vacation to Nigeria , and hung out together every day. I learn she is still a virgin saving herself for marriage. I was still one too, mostly because A) I was chubby most of my life and didn't dare go near girls in that state and B) when I did start getting more fit, I already fell in love with her and it felt wrong dating at the same time. So yeah we had that in common.


Skipping ahead again to three years ago when I graduated from grad school. We met up a handful of times more, and things were awesome. She was outgoing with me, giggling over almost nothing and general silliness. We never did anything sexual, but we were intimate enough and honestly seeing her gave me goosebumps, so it wasn't on my mind. On one visit to Nigeria, she brought up the topic of marriage in a joking manner, something about how our mom's always planned it. I jokingly replied that I would be happy to marry her, then she got all serious and asked if I was for real. I said yes and, well, the rest is history.


The problem:


We had our wedding in Nigeria and, after the papers got sorted, she moved to the US to live with me. The first few months were interesting. She knows English pretty well and she majored in her native language, so she looked for translation jobs. She never got replies from employers, so I was getting a little suspicious, especially since she was an honors student at a pretty high ranking international university. I found out that she wasn't actually sending the applications out. I bring this up gently with her, and she starts tearing a bit telling me she wants to be a stay at home wife and that she didn't think I would be proud of her if she didn't get a real job. She says she was going to tell me soon, which I believe because I found a recent word document in our computer that was basically a draft of the speech she was going to give me. I don't mind her staying at home as I bring in enough money for the both of us and she is a really good cook.


This prompted me to sit down with her and figure out where our communication is breaking down. After a bunch of long discussions about this, I felt we were on the same page. She was still growing more timid around me and didn't start conversations easily with me, but she always seemed happy. I stepped up my displays of affection, showering her with compliments, hugs, and kisses. I would often catch her staring at me (usually while we ate), to which she would get red-faced and look away quickly. It’s been 3 years now and still does the smiling stare, except now she doesn’t look away when I catch her. The conversation starting has gotten a bit better, but nowhere near pre-marriage. While she always had this quiet peacefulness to her, I noticed she is intentionally not doing things that might get me worked up. Examples being: discussing politics (we have the same views), discussing my work problems, discussing anything philosophical in nature, etc. She will respond if I start, but she doesn’t take the initiative like before. I really miss that.


The sex is...interesting? As I said before, I didn't have any prior experience so I can't judge her, but she just lays on the bed and doesn’t move until I suggest to. She never initiates but never declines. I try to make it about her more often than not, but if I’m looking for feedback she quietly agrees with whatever I'm doing. After we finish, she lays in the same position looking at me, sometimes smiling, sometimes teary-eyed. I take it she likes it, but then again she never likes to talk about sex. From what I gather in our pre-marriage talks, she doesn't have any negative views on it and it wasn't shunned by her parents, it's just that she is shy. She doesn't like me seeing her naked even though I do (ha ha...:/ ). She is…shy very well proportioned…and I tell her how it is so she shouldn’t feel self-conscious. But she still covers up outside of sex.


Another issue is fitness: I work out constantly at home or in the park (calisthenics) and I invite her to join but she politely declines. She runs almost every morning so I thought maybe she gets enough from that. But I have noticed that my weight backpack at home is sometimes at a different weight than when I left it. I have also noticed She has made some serious butt/thigh gains which really stand out on her thin frame. When I ask if she is doing anything differently, she says “maybe it’s the running” then changes the subject. I don’t understand why she is working out in secret. This is most likely my fault though since I used to try and tease her into working out with me; I made a silly remark about how squatting/ham-raises will put more meat on her legs.


Conclusion:

Guys and gals, I need help. I love my wife dearly. She is funnier than any comedian, more disciplined than any soldier, and more beautiful than any celebrity. But she is making me feel weird by trying to secretly improve herself based on my preferences. Her shyness around me is awkward and I want a return to the easy-going pre-marriage . Has anyone had experience with this?

Also: she has made many friends here and still is in contact with a few back home. However she doesn't seem excited to be around them as much as when I offer to go out with her. She's always offers to cancel plans to stay in with me or go for a walk. I thought she might be depressed, but she is super cheerful even when she doesn't know I'm around.

Until you turn that lovely woman to a tiger, you go still come here to complain!

8 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by sisisioge: 3:49pm On Feb 28, 2020
Sanchez01:

The stories are getting irritating. Gone are the days when people genuinely hide behind new accounts to share their problems. These days, a clown with over 15 moniker in his or her bag will just wake up and post topical story just so people could debate over nothing.

A shy woman who had been married for three years is unrealistic, if you ask me. People get comfortable these days in less than 6 months and I'm not even talking marriage, let alone one.

... The emboldened, the imagery is crazy! grin

grin grin grin grin
Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Mariangeles: 3:57pm On Feb 28, 2020
Bervelyhillz:
This is a bit long but please bear with me.

I’ve been married to my amazingly beautiful wife for 3 years. The problem is she is very shy around me but at the same time seems to try to secretly please me constantly. It leaves me feeling guilty and I’m not sure of what to do next.

Backstory:

I met her through my mom. My MIL and my mom are childhood friends who grew up together. I never met her at the time since I lived in the US while She was in Nigeria. When I was 20 I saw her in a family friend’s wedding album. I was floored and my eyes were watering. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.

I figured out her FB and messaged her since I didn't want to initiate contact through our moms. I struck up a conversation. I soon realized that my mom fed info about me to my MIL which in turn got fed to her , so she already knew a fair bit about me. We chatted constantly, met up on my vacation to Nigeria , and hung out together every day. I learn she is still a virgin saving herself for marriage. I was still one too, mostly because A) I was chubby most of my life and didn't dare go near girls in that state and B) when I did start getting more fit, I already fell in love with her and it felt wrong dating at the same time. So yeah we had that in common.


Skipping ahead again to three years ago when I graduated from grad school. We met up a handful of times more, and things were awesome. She was outgoing with me, giggling over almost nothing and general silliness. We never did anything sexual, but we were intimate enough and honestly seeing her gave me goosebumps, so it wasn't on my mind. On one visit to Nigeria, she brought up the topic of marriage in a joking manner, something about how our mom's always planned it. I jokingly replied that I would be happy to marry her, then she got all serious and asked if I was for real. I said yes and, well, the rest is history.


The problem:


We had our wedding in Nigeria and, after the papers got sorted, she moved to the US to live with me. The first few months were interesting. She knows English pretty well and she majored in her native language, so she looked for translation jobs. She never got replies from employers, so I was getting a little suspicious, especially since she was an honors student at a pretty high ranking international university. I found out that she wasn't actually sending the applications out. I bring this up gently with her, and she starts tearing a bit telling me she wants to be a stay at home wife and that she didn't think I would be proud of her if she didn't get a real job. She says she was going to tell me soon, which I believe because I found a recent word document in our computer that was basically a draft of the speech she was going to give me. I don't mind her staying at home as I bring in enough money for the both of us and she is a really good cook.


This prompted me to sit down with her and figure out where our communication is breaking down. After a bunch of long discussions about this, I felt we were on the same page. She was still growing more timid around me and didn't start conversations easily with me, but she always seemed happy. I stepped up my displays of affection, showering her with compliments, hugs, and kisses. I would often catch her staring at me (usually while we ate), to which she would get red-faced and look away quickly. It’s been 3 years now and still does the smiling stare, except now she doesn’t look away when I catch her. The conversation starting has gotten a bit better, but nowhere near pre-marriage. While she always had this quiet peacefulness to her, I noticed she is intentionally not doing things that might get me worked up. Examples being: discussing politics (we have the same views), discussing my work problems, discussing anything philosophical in nature, etc. She will respond if I start, but she doesn’t take the initiative like before. I really miss that.


The sex is...interesting? As I said before, I didn't have any prior experience so I can't judge her, but she just lays on the bed and doesn’t move until I suggest to. She never initiates but never declines. I try to make it about her more often than not, but if I’m looking for feedback she quietly agrees with whatever I'm doing. After we finish, she lays in the same position looking at me, sometimes smiling, sometimes teary-eyed. I take it she likes it, but then again she never likes to talk about sex. From what I gather in our pre-marriage talks, she doesn't have any negative views on it and it wasn't shunned by her parents, it's just that she is shy. She doesn't like me seeing her naked even though I do (ha ha...:/ ). She is…shy very well proportioned…and I tell her how it is so she shouldn’t feel self-conscious. But she still covers up outside of sex.


Another issue is fitness: I work out constantly at home or in the park (calisthenics) and I invite her to join but she politely declines. She runs almost every morning so I thought maybe she gets enough from that. But I have noticed that my weight backpack at home is sometimes at a different weight than when I left it. I have also noticed She has made some serious butt/thigh gains which really stand out on her thin frame. When I ask if she is doing anything differently, she says “maybe it’s the running” then changes the subject. I don’t understand why she is working out in secret. This is most likely my fault though since I used to try and tease her into working out with me; I made a silly remark about how squatting/ham-raises will put more meat on her legs.


Conclusion:

Guys and gals, I need help. I love my wife dearly. She is funnier than any comedian, more disciplined than any soldier, and more beautiful than any celebrity. But she is making me feel weird by trying to secretly improve herself based on my preferences. Her shyness around me is awkward and I want a return to the easy-going pre-marriage . Has anyone had experience with this?

Also: she has made many friends here and still is in contact with a few back home. However she doesn't seem excited to be around them as much as when I offer to go out with her. She's always offers to cancel plans to stay in with me or go for a walk. I thought she might be depressed, but she is super cheerful even when she doesn't know I'm around.

Why do I feel you just typed out your fantasy? undecided
I think you're delusional.

24 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by ednut1(m): 4:01pm On Feb 28, 2020
Fake story

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by laura8: 4:16pm On Feb 28, 2020
NextD18:
You are unnecessarily bothered and looking for problems where there's none.

It takes the grace of God for a woman to be loyal and respectful to her husband after relocating to America. It's take the grace of God for that to happen, because it has been statistically proven that 99.591% of Nigerian women v'got high possibilities of changing to a disrespectful and wild dogs to their husband once they relocate to the West.

Kindly appreciate and encourage her.
Stop complaining!
She's a reserved type!
You should be thankful to God, because when she'll start being over expressive, and wild towards you, you'll know it's better to live in hell, than to live with a disrespectful and wild woman in America.



hahahahhahahah..99.591% this your statistics eh..

2 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by elektra(f): 4:23pm On Feb 28, 2020
Seun and mods,
I understand you want to generate traffic but at least come up with more reasonable stories na.

22 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by nautybride: 4:26pm On Feb 28, 2020
I don't even know what to say. waste of mb.

3 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Acidosis(m): 5:01pm On Feb 28, 2020
Story sounds true.

6 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by KendrickAyomide: 5:49pm On Feb 28, 2020
Sanchez01:
All these fake stories though. A newly registered account with a clownish picture as DP. I wonder if Nairaland now pay fiction writers to stir this section of the forum for whatever purpose.

I'm telling you.. they are all fake. They will now say something like " I had to create this new account blah blah blah"

4 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by tojahh(m): 5:54pm On Feb 28, 2020
Na sleep dey worry you. When you wake read your lies again

9 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Bonjovi13: 6:05pm On Feb 28, 2020
Bervelyhillz:
This is a bit long but please bear with me.

I’ve been married to my amazingly beautiful wife for 3 years. The problem is she is very shy around me but at the same time seems to try to secretly please me constantly. It leaves me feeling guilty and I’m not sure of what to do next.

Backstory:

I met her through my mom. My MIL and my mom are childhood friends who grew up together. I never met her at the time since I lived in the US while She was in Nigeria. When I was 20 I saw her in a family friend’s wedding album. I was floored and my eyes were watering. She was the most attractive girl I had ever seen.

I figured out her FB and messaged her since I didn't want to initiate contact through our moms. I struck up a conversation. I soon realized that my mom fed info about me to my MIL which in turn got fed to her , so she already knew a fair bit about me. We chatted constantly, met up on my vacation to Nigeria , and hung out together every day. I learn she is still a virgin saving herself for marriage. I was still one too, mostly because A) I was chubby most of my life and didn't dare go near girls in that state and B) when I did start getting more fit, I already fell in love with her and it felt wrong dating at the same time. So yeah we had that in common.


Skipping ahead again to three years ago when I graduated from grad school. We met up a handful of times more, and things were awesome. She was outgoing with me, giggling over almost nothing and general silliness. We never did anything sexual, but we were intimate enough and honestly seeing her gave me goosebumps, so it wasn't on my mind. On one visit to Nigeria, she brought up the topic of marriage in a joking manner, something about how our mom's always planned it. I jokingly replied that I would be happy to marry her, then she got all serious and asked if I was for real. I said yes and, well, the rest is history.


The problem:


We had our wedding in Nigeria and, after the papers got sorted, she moved to the US to live with me. The first few months were interesting. She knows English pretty well and she majored in her native language, so she looked for translation jobs. She never got replies from employers, so I was getting a little suspicious, especially since she was an honors student at a pretty high ranking international university. I found out that she wasn't actually sending the applications out. I bring this up gently with her, and she starts tearing a bit telling me she wants to be a stay at home wife and that she didn't think I would be proud of her if she didn't get a real job. She says she was going to tell me soon, which I believe because I found a recent word document in our computer that was basically a draft of the speech she was going to give me. I don't mind her staying at home as I bring in enough money for the both of us and she is a really good cook.


This prompted me to sit down with her and figure out where our communication is breaking down. After a bunch of long discussions about this, I felt we were on the same page. She was still growing more timid around me and didn't start conversations easily with me, but she always seemed happy. I stepped up my displays of affection, showering her with compliments, hugs, and kisses. I would often catch her staring at me (usually while we ate), to which she would get red-faced and look away quickly. It’s been 3 years now and still does the smiling stare, except now she doesn’t look away when I catch her. The conversation starting has gotten a bit better, but nowhere near pre-marriage. While she always had this quiet peacefulness to her, I noticed she is intentionally not doing things that might get me worked up. Examples being: discussing politics (we have the same views), discussing my work problems, discussing anything philosophical in nature, etc. She will respond if I start, but she doesn’t take the initiative like before. I really miss that.


The sex is...interesting? As I said before, I didn't have any prior experience so I can't judge her, but she just lays on the bed and doesn’t move until I suggest to. She never initiates but never declines. I try to make it about her more often than not, but if I’m looking for feedback she quietly agrees with whatever I'm doing. After we finish, she lays in the same position looking at me, sometimes smiling, sometimes teary-eyed. I take it she likes it, but then again she never likes to talk about sex. From what I gather in our pre-marriage talks, she doesn't have any negative views on it and it wasn't shunned by her parents, it's just that she is shy. She doesn't like me seeing her naked even though I do (ha ha...:/ ). She is…shy very well proportioned…and I tell her how it is so she shouldn’t feel self-conscious. But she still covers up outside of sex.


Another issue is fitness: I work out constantly at home or in the park (calisthenics) and I invite her to join but she politely declines. She runs almost every morning so I thought maybe she gets enough from that. But I have noticed that my weight backpack at home is sometimes at a different weight than when I left it. I have also noticed She has made some serious butt/thigh gains which really stand out on her thin frame. When I ask if she is doing anything differently, she says “maybe it’s the running” then changes the subject. I don’t understand why she is working out in secret. This is most likely my fault though since I used to try and tease her into working out with me; I made a silly remark about how squatting/ham-raises will put more meat on her legs.


Conclusion:

Guys and gals, I need help. I love my wife dearly. She is funnier than any comedian, more disciplined than any soldier, and more beautiful than any celebrity. But she is making me feel weird by trying to secretly improve herself based on my preferences. Her shyness around me is awkward and I want a return to the easy-going pre-marriage . Has anyone had experience with this?

Also: she has made many friends here and still is in contact with a few back home. However she doesn't seem excited to be around them as much as when I offer to go out with her. She's always offers to cancel plans to stay in with me or go for a walk. I thought she might be depressed, but she is super cheerful even when she doesn't know I'm around.

Your wife is "smitten" by you.She still does not believe she is married to you.She adores you.So be happy.Enjoy it while it last cos with time she will loose that childlike innocent love.Maybe one day she decides to go into the toilet immediately after you finished using it and it finally dawns on her that you are not as angelic as she thinks. Lol
As for her awkwardness and shyness, I believe she was overtly protected by her parents.She has had little or no social interaction with the opposite sex.She is naive about men and sex so looks to you for direction.So you should educate yourself by reading and experimenting.Its on you to draw her out.
Summary...you ain't got a problem. Just know that you are lucky to have a blank canvass.Paint a Picasso or trash.Your call

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Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Xclusiveme: 6:23pm On Feb 28, 2020
Wow!! Ur writing skills is perfecto. I dunno if the story real though but i'hv got one thing to spill bro, take care of her no matter what. She has a unique display of mannerism that you don't find easily. She's just different in nature. Have u considered having a child with her?

3 Likes

Re: My Wife Of 3 Years Is Very Shy Around Me by Nobody: 7:54pm On Feb 28, 2020
crackkhaus:
The person behind this one did an impressive job with her writing skills.

Or “his” skills
tongue
Well most probably a she wrote it cheesy
I have stopped responding to all the “I had to open a new account” and registered in 2020 scam posts
Nairaland is a forum not Hints magazine biko
I haate
angry

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