invisible!:

I dont think the wife will understand any explanations, someone who could not see the danger in presenting the young man with a babe with straight pointed bre-asts cannot understand why he has to refuse. Such women are hard wired to process data on another logic unit different from the manufacturer's CPU.

 This cracked me up big time

LadyT :

@poster.
I am a married woman and i understand your plight. You know your wife more than any other person. If she wont understand your honest explanation them stand by your NO. She'll get over it after a few days. Men need to be a bit firm in dealing wit their wives cos she'll blame you when things go wrong. Dont mind these single Nls. You cant give a dog a born to guard. Man is very unpredictable. Dont fall 4 any blackmail. Try n help her with the chores as much as you can.

Are you people saying that most men will cheat if they had the oppourtunity to? i.e like a pretty or ugly [doesnt matter]18 year old housemaid in the house?

yes.

it's only natural for them to be tempted, because these things arent something you actually have control over.

now, if in addition to the temptation, you also throw them together by force and exit the house for one reason or the other [eg work], then is it fair to blame the man for having a man's desires?

dont know if i'm making sense here.

of course it's good to have self control, but some things get thrown out the window ti oro ba doju e o.

remember na two brains dem get o. One up and one down. The down most times is stronger than the up.

Tpiah,

Abeg tell them o. Why put petrol near embers of fire

interesting thread

OK POSTER. Time for interim summary:
(1) Your wife trusts you more than you ever deserve.
(2) You admit your he-goat-ism that you cannot control your J.T. (Kudos cos most guys don't).
(3) At interview u were checking out the 18-year old babe's assets: near-sexy smile, curves, crevices and all.
(4) You awarded her grade B⁺ ("can pass for a fine girl" = RED ALERT cos most guys would bleep a D^- girl.
(5) Your body began to make  jigi Jigi like railway: Oshodi locomotive type.
(6)Now you want to do the practical of "lead us not into temptation" in Lord's Prayer.
(7) But your madam so trust your maturity and standing (perhaps as an elder/deacon) in your church?
( She cannot imagine u ever desiring to shove your J.T. down a  common "little housegirl".
(9) You cannot tell her why she (hot housegirl) must go: herein lies your dilema.
(10) NL ladies led by Chairwoman Chaircover don't want you to cover up your innate weakness in the dept of bleepology.
  INTERIM CONCLUSION: It's a matter of time before you stray. All the girls who "can pass for fine" cannot be concealed from your sight. You seem to have already worked out your potential excuses by implying that a blushing young girl who must have rehearsed for the interview was too well-spoken, confident and smiling near-sexily: i.e. seductive.
 Kudos though. You are taking steps to avoid it.
NEXT STEP: Sex therapy perhaps? Try to explore what you are not getting from your madam in the bedmatics dept that makes an 18-year housegirl such an irresistible object of yours.

iphy42:

@poster.
I am a married woman and i understand your plight. You know your wife more than any other person. If she wont understand your honest explanation them stand by your NO. She'll get over it after a few days. Men need to be a bit firm in dealing wit their wives cos she'll blame you when things go wrong. Dont mind these single Nls. You cant give a dog a born to guard. Man is very unpredictable. Dont fall 4 any blackmail. Try n help her with the chores as much as you can.

God bless you my sista, I wish you a happy married life!

CC, ok O, I hear you, but, Do you think she doesn't know the risks/implications involved in havin a housemaid (not to talk of a sexy sweet 18 with staight pointed Ara)? She knows, and she even knows the reason of the Op refusin the housemaid, but, she just wants to hear a reason from the Op, and I guess that's all what you meant and not for the Op to say NO, without no tangible reason/explanation for it.

The below is what @Aysometin said on one of her quote, and I believe it's the truth and nothin but the truth:

"I quite appreciate him not telling his wife the real reason because we women tend to replay such words and use it against our men till eternity". . . .CC, you can see she's makin a point here ba?

But CC, I was surprised when you said "Runin away from the problem is not always the best soultion".
It depends on the kind of problem, my sista, there'r problems that one would need to stand and fight/look for an alternative to solve, and there'r problems that one must RUN VERY FAR/AVOID for the sake of not getin hurt, harm, tempted etc (just like Dayo said earlier that, one must avoid beer parlour if he wants to stop drinkin). But in a case like this, my sista, we all are human being, esp, we men that YOU know even starrin at a pic of a sexy gal gets us sensitive, not to talk of seein that person right infront of us (married or not). And sometimes, it's VERY HARD to resist temptations like these (esp, when the housemaid is as described by the Op). The Op's wife should read the signs and follow it, don't tell me she doesn't know the reason of the said maids rejection (she's just curious of hearin it). The Op rejected the HM so the wife should just accepted it that way, and for peace to rain, all she needs to do is respect his husband's stance and say "Ok, if you don't like her, then, lets look for another", as simple as that, and live goes on!

olaeday:

@CC i got your points more dan dose dat are married. Telling his woman absolute truth is d sure way 2 move 4ward and d woman in question got 2 reason wit his hubby. Not every cases turn fight if truly she's matured nd reasonable (according 2 yoruba says: orisa je npemeji bii obirin ko denu). @paul, u hve acted wisely but I must tell you dat u re not a man enough if you cannot tell your wife wat u feel inside you. What kind of man are u and wat kind of father do u wanna be when u cannot call blue is blue and white is white. Chikenaa

My broda, you have made your point, but, there's also a sayin in Ibo language that says: "Oburo ifenine ka nwoke na gwa nwunye ya", meanin: It's not everything that a man tells his wife".
Do you think the wife also tells the husband everything that happens within her?

My broda, I don't think there's a problem on these topic atall. The Op doesn't like that gal (reasons best known to him), so the next step is to search for another housemaid, kowai!!

My brother stand your grounds. When she is tired,she would mellow down. On another thought, u could try to take her mind off the situation on ground by spending time with her, by taking her out or giving her a surprise ( women love surprises). and if possible on the outing, stylishly ( with wisdom ) chip it in on the reason y u dont want that maid. Good Luck

@poster really are you having a contest with your wife about house help really When men first took over the mirror I thought it was a minor issue, then they took over the house furniture and now its house help? m afraid whats next

@poster this is mere house help for pits sake let her have it for crying out loud, its in times like these where its okay to yield. and once you've done this come back and tell us how much of yourself you've lost or gained.

I think it is a very important issue because she is going to be in the family. That is something personal and intimate because it is the privacy of your home.
It is very important that everyone feels comfortable with the choice. That is your home and you have to be at ease at home.
I do not think you even need a reason. She should respect that you are not comfortable with the choice.

'/'/

Funny people are harping on the mans honesty . . . .honest to who,the people that matters not,online faces 
Dude shld tell his wife the truth/give her the real reason of his refusal . . .then wud he be truthful and much more dealing with his problem.IF he does that and the wife does not understand ONLY then wud he be said to be sincere and true.
As per the epistles abt not avoiding temptations and fleeing from the devil yada yada . . .why are we so celebrating mediocrity?For Gods sake,does it mean been and staying faithful is  now out of fashion or maybe for men its a rare quality hence he shld be celebrated for announcing that hes bound to cheat soonest cos his wife got a maid 
Wud u guys celebrate and congratulate same way if this thread was abt the wife and maybe a young sexy driver or that wud be a case of a loose woman with itchy c.lits?
@OP,how wud u feel and react if u get a young and cool driver for your wife and she rejects the driver without giving u any good reason?what if she gives u reasons like "Oh hes too young and charming",how wud u deal with it and her?

A man wt a self control cannot discourage his wife in such a decision bt its only a he goat that doesn't knw d difference btw an ewe and a lamb.

^^^I just think @poster and wife should switch roles, wife must now approve of the mechanic, plumber, gardener and so forth. Sorry people I just think this is nosense , really there's things to fight about and there's things that should just be left alone.

@CC - you are making this minor issue seem too academic. ok just tell us what will happen if op refuses to give a reason

@CC - also tell us what will happen if the wife makes an issue of the said "confession"?

'/'/

I think some people do not understand what Individual strengths and weakness are .

Some people will never work with a BREWERY.Due to their drinking habit.

Some people avoid having ARGUMENT with other people. Due to their Temperament(ANGER).

My friend resigned his job in with a Bank because the temptations are to much for him. While some stayed in the same bank, stole fund and are currently in jail.

No matter how smart you are, your weakness will always be there to hunt you. And the best way is to avoid the temptation.

The poster made the right decision. Let him stand by his decision and his wife will respect him for that in the future.

Ahh, nairalanders, una funny o! @ poster, the matter is a very simple one, but you're not handling it right.Your excuse for not wanting the maid is too lame.
Infidelity is a serious matter, talk less with maid. Tell your wife something better and get it done with immediately so she can start making fresh arrangements for
a replacement.

But I like your honesty, just try to back it up with choice words that will not raise any dust. It's not worth it at the end of the day.

@OP
Save your marriage brov. You made the right decision to keep away from what you can't handle.

Don't mind all these single girls charter They think marriage is bf/gf affair 

You can go for an old nanny. The most important thing is someone that can fix the needed chores.

ceceguz thanks for the comment jare.
Poster, No mind people wey dey say no be problems o. When yawa gas, only you will be left to clean up the mess o.

@ aysometin, God bless you in many folds, say a big and loud AMEN let them
hear, You are the only woman so far on this page that says the truth.

Let me say my own experience, this is of recent.

My wife put to bed on 24th of November, and fortunately or otherwise, my wife
elder sister's daughter was asked to come and stay with us, this is without
my knowledge but i accept it anyway since she will be helping her. This girl
is about 20 or more, pretty and light skinned.
On the other hand i have a brother, who is 29yrs old huge and handsome and
very discipline. This lady is fond of wearing skimpy dress while both me and
my brother come back from work and i recently noticed that my brother and her
were in good terms. she always smile when i say anyting even if what i said is
not making sense. She look at me like this is a man. I over heard her telling
someone during night call that i bought car for my brother and father.
On my side, she always want to talk to me, even play with me but i usually keep
quiet. the reason is simple, if i play with her too much temptation will arise
and the deed will be done b4 we know it and i will be the one to receive all the
bashing. There was a day my wife ask her to
follow me so that i can drop her at the market, guess wat she wear
a spag top with a very short skirt.

Tell me, Ujuojoan, do u expect me to tell my wife that her sister is not
well dressed? or her ways of interaction is tempting. If you are my wife what
will you think of me by saying this??


@ Dayokanu, God bless you o, i said some of this and someone said that my observation
is in the stone age, abegi

There are so many fake and unrealistic people on this thread. The poster has stated that he's not comfy with the maid and i believe the wife isn't 12 years old and is old enough to add 2+2 together and yet. . .there are people here still urging the poster to "explain" more to the wife. What other explanation does he have to provide? Anything extra would just heat up the matter more and more.

@Poster

You have done all that needs to be done. If she continues putting up her childish behavior, ignore her and possibly engage yourself in activities that will keep you away from her as much as possible. Na she go tire!

Nuff said!

dami_paul:

These past three days have been full of drama. My wife brought a maid to the house for me to interview and decide whether to take her or not. After the interview, I told her without mincing words that I didn't want the maid. For the past three days she hasn't said a word to me. Will I see temptation right in front of me and embrace it? Pls, do I backdown or stand my ground. Advice pls

Dont you have younger nieces that can stay with you and be house
assistants and also you can train educationally as payment?
Thats want my cousin is doing, the house-help (our younger relative) is at LASU Part-time and assist with the 4 kids of my cousin.

I think people are missing the point here . . . . Just because this poster doesn't want the maid in his house doesn't mean he's above cheating. He just doesn't want to do it under his wife's nose. If a full grown man can lust after his teenage prospective househelp, then he's not so high on morals. That IMO is the real reason why he doesn't want to tell his wife why he's rejecting her.

The problem is that the wife is NOT dumb. She knows he husband has the hots for the teenage girl. Finding anothe person is not why she's being fuming for 3 days. Having to deal with her husband's lack of control is!

Contrary to popular opinion, women are not dumb. We don't like to be patronized.

He can go ahead and reject the househelp, but it doesn't change the fact that he has failed his wife!

@ Ping pong

With all due respect, your story is completely off point. You are openly lying to your wife and it's not because you want to protect her. I understand that you might want to protect your friend's privacy but the more you lie, the more ur wife thinks you are hiding something.

Why do people think women are completely unreasonable? No sane woman will doubt the husband's fidelity without proof.

I'm surprised sha that men think being faithful is some sort of big virtue, when in actual fact, it's what is ordinarily expected in a marriage.

chaircover:

You people are cracking me up here    ewo tun ni chairlady?

Anyway, very few people are facing the reality of what is going on. Now I dont have statistics but being a little long in the tooth, I know that most affairs start OUTSIDE of the home.

I also know that many many peeps spend more waking hours at work than they do at home.

Ok for argument sake, he looked long enough at the housegirl during the interview to notice and process that he is likely to fall into temptation with her . . . . . .

. . . . . . .  . I want us all to be truthful here o! but will the same man not fall into temptation with his cute 22 year old PA? or the pretty busty 24 year old that serves him every day at his local eatery? or the 23 year old  confident flawless skinned girl from the accounts dept who he gives a lift to the bus stop every day?

Will he not be tempted by the tall and hazel eyed girl from sales who sits beside him on the long ride home on the staff bus? Will he not be tempted by his colleagues girlfriends friend who comes from unilag to visit them in the office?

What if the guy is a business man and does a lot of overnight travel with his secretary? Will he not fall?

IMO A man who can stoop so low as to even considering wanting to bang his housegirl will eventually fall for one of the scenarios above

Morals and the vows of marriage seem to be 20 kobo these days and Some of the men on this forum are talking as if they have no control over their libido; which is quite scary.

I do however beleive that for some married men, even though they come in contact with nice looking ladies on a daily basis; It is his integrity that stops him from taking it any further.

And to people insisting that 60 year old housemaids are the way to stop a man from being unfaithful, if as a wife you carry on tying wrapper round your chest all day and do the missionarystyle night after night for 5 years, and cook salty soup om a regular basis, then you run the risk of the man being tempted by he 60 year old.

Lets face it, if a man is tempted by his househelp, there is no guarantee that he wont be tempted by his wife's junior sister bearing in mind that the wife's sister will most probably have the same  "assets" & mannerisms etc and the same things that made him fall for his wife.

Again for the record before y'all come down on me like a ton of bricks. I never said that he should employ the housegirl. All I am saying is that he should look within into why he thinks that it is very likely that he will fall into bed with the girl.

I rest my case. Peace.

On average, an adult male produces about 10 times as much testosterone as an adult female. It occurs naturally, no amount of looking within will change that.

If he is determined not to cheat on his wife, then he should do what it takes to prevent that. For the record, if a man has decided not to cheat on his wife, then attractive women that we see in public settings are not a problem, so you can discount the PA and work colleague examples.

chaircover:

You people are cracking me up here ewo tun ni chairlady?

Anyway, very few people are facing the reality of what is going on. Now I dont have statistics but being a little long in the tooth, I know that most affairs start OUTSIDE of the home.

I also know that many many peeps spend more waking hours at work than they do at home.

Ok for argument sake, he looked long enough at the housegirl during the interview to notice and process that he is likely to fall into temptation with her . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . I want us all to be truthful here o! but will the same man not fall into temptation with his cute 22 year old PA? or the pretty busty 24 year old that serves him every day at his local eatery? or the 23 year old confident flawless skinned girl from the accounts dept who he gives a lift to the bus stop every day?

Will he not be tempted by the tall and hazel eyed girl from sales who sits beside him on the long ride home on the staff bus? Will he not be tempted by his colleagues girlfriends friend who comes from unilag to visit them in the office?

What if the guy is a business man and does a lot of overnight travel with his secretary? Will he not fall?

IMO A man who can stoop so low as to even considering wanting to bang his housegirl will eventually fall for one of the scenarios above

Morals and the vows of marriage seem to be 20 kobo these days and Some of the men on this forum are talking as if they have no control over their libido; which is quite scary.

I do however beleive that for some married men, even though they come in contact with nice looking ladies on a daily basis; It is his integrity that stops him from taking it any further.

And to people insisting that 60 year old housemaids are the way to stop a man from being unfaithful, if as a wife you carry on tying wrapper round your chest all day and do the missionarystyle night after night for 5 years, and cook salty soup om a regular basis, then you run the risk of the man being tempted by he 60 year old.

Lets face it, if a man is tempted by his househelp, there is no guarantee that he wont be tempted by his wife's junior sister bearing in mind that the wife's sister will most probably have the same "assets" & mannerisms etc and the same things that made him fall for his wife.

Again for the record before y'all come down on me like a ton of bricks. I never said that he should employ the housegirl. All I am saying is that he should look within into why he thinks that it is very likely that he will fall into bed with the girl.

I rest my case. Peace.

Say no more, if no one is willing to hear what u say here, well what shall we do?

When you get married you dont become blind!  You will still find other people attractive.  So whats so bad in this guy not wanting an attractive girl living with him 24/7?

If he feels its too much temptation whats so wrong with saying no?  He never said no to all housemaids he just doesnt want that particular one.  And not all women want to hear her husband finds the househelp attractive. If his wife has any sense she wouldnt be upset.  The only reaso she is upset is because she cant figure out why her husband doesnt want this "perfect" girl

Sometimes in life theres no point in forcing issues you will only live to regret it and if the wife forces this issue she may regret it.

@Ujujoan how exactly has ping pong lied to his wife?  Hes doing the best thing by avoiding her.  Some of our men are still very cave like still have the mentality of "me man you woman"

Please remember the housegirl is also a human being. It is not beneath anyone to find their househelp attractive!