emmatok:

@ Ujujoan

I think you are making a big mistake here.

One thing i want you to know is that ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE. And that is how relationships start.

You can be attracted to any person , but you must know when to keep your distance.

And why are you CRUCIFYING the man.Are you a saint? Or are you saying you have not been attracted to some body other than your BF before?

@ Ujujoan

The man has not fail his wife in any way.

He is just taking precautionary steps.

MY AUNT SACKED HER HOUSE MAID, WHEN SHE REALIZE THAT THE GIRL DON'T WEAR BRA IN THE HOUSE. IS THAT A CRIME .

I am NOT crucifying him oh. Why would I? Like you said, I'm no saint. But when I do something wrong, I admit to it and not expect a pat on the back.

True, attraction is NOT a choice, but acting on it. The man doesn't want the girl around because he won't be able to control his urges against her. Abeg how is that a good thing?

ping pong:
@op - I dont understand the language you wrote there but I hope you were not hard on CC and Uju.  We learn everyday.  Its good it turned out well for you. Wish your wife safe delivery.
I wasn't hard on them. Really want to thank the guys that contributed on this thread, was expecting bashings and insults as expected of Nairalanders, got some though, but they were fair enough, all the arguments here have been creative. Cc was very right when she said what works for A might not work for B and that was the msg behind my 'nko tio ye yi poju nto yeyi lo'. @Uju, tell us honestly what goes thru ur mind when u'r in a car with ur Bf and one hot blonde crosses the road and u behold ur bf gazing longingly at the blonde as she crosses? U really need to understand how men are wired, a lady is a lady, be it a mech,maid,secretary etc. No matter the satisfaction we get from our wives, parners, we're bound to 'look out' and the way u guy's dress makes matters worse! David, a man after God's heart, Married, Saw a babe bathing, the image hunted him till he did 'it'. It's grace my dear, not discipline!

Bros Poster, hold ground enter ground. No bulge o. Let her bone u 4 as long as she can. Na u know ursef. No gree. Better b called names here n collect insult than cos ya sef monumental & humonguous yawa l8r. All d best

Ujujoan:

I am NOT crucifying him oh. Why would I? Like you said, I'm no saint. But when I do something wrong, I admit to it and not expect a pat on the back.

True, attraction is NOT a choice, but acting on it. The man doesn't want the girl around because he won't be able to control his urges against her. Abeg how is that a good thing?

You didnt answer Dayokanu's question;
If your husband gets a security man, a young male, hansome and well mannered, a hunk of a guy, with  well shaped lips, the type that can munch your privates with serious alacrity, and your Gspot gets ticklish each time he passes, worse still he licks his lips as he stares at your cleavage during the introduction.
Do you tell your husby how wet you get when he passes or just ask him to get another security man?

You husband might not be messing around with your help but that doesn't mean that your help isn't doing things like walking around half clothed or in a wrapper or towel in front of oga when madam is out.

very correct.

it's called opportunity.

why knowingly subject the guy to such torture.

how many men can stand being teased like that every other day.

urges arent always under our conscious control.

and nowadays when every girl has a low cut top that exposes her full frontal assets. Haba!!!

make oga just dey watch free video outside of cable.

Ujujoan:

I am NOT crucifying him oh. Why would I? Like you said, I'm no saint. But when I do something wrong, I admit to it and not expect a pat on the back.

True, attraction is NOT a choice, but acting on it. The man doesn't want the girl around because he won't be able to control his urges against her. Abeg how is that a good thing?

Acting on attraction is not 100% voluntary either.

If a guy wants to quit smoking, Should he go and sit in the midst of smokers?. The guy admitted that this is a 18yr old pretty girl and he did the right thing which is to avoid her coming near.

Ujujoan:

Dayo
Now my problem is that you guys are encouraging him. Whether he tells her or not, he has failed her. Telling is not so important when the deed has already being done.

How has he failed his wife? By being attracted to another girl? So if you are attracted to another man you have failed your boyfriend/Husband? Help me understand.

The issue for me  is 'is he right by being attracted to a teenager or not? To the extent that he can't control himself'? I don't think he is and the only way to redeem himself is to ask himself why a little girl can threathen his marriage because that is NOT normal. His poor wife on the other hand needs to know that her husband is lusting after little girls. She deserves to know that her marriage is in trouble!

Is he right to be attracted to a female apart from his wife YES,

Is he right to avoid the scenario from degenerating ABSOLUTELY YES.

Uju, If you are attracted to another man aside your boyfriend, have you commited a sin? I dont think so.

If you dont try to avoid the likelihood of committing the sin and end up doing IT, Then you are wrong

But even if he's too ashamed to tell her, I think she deserves more than an insensitive 'I don't like her'!

Give suggestions on possible explanation that your BF can give to you in such instance that would suffice.

pslm23:

whether a man puts on the appearance of having moral standards or not, the fact still remains that 99% of men will throw away their moral standards when faced with serious temptations. It's been happening for ages and will continue to happen.
Women have a stronger will to fight temptations than men. Men are programmed to cheat and lust after what isn't theirs period!

Any guy intending to remain faithful to his wife might as well give up now. It turns out we only have a 1% chance of success!

Strait:

The poster is not really sincere with his wife and with is NLers!!! , its like he has been cheating on her all these while and now feels if he allows this lady maid and "yawa come gas", the whole truth, of what happens outside,etc will blow out and they will see that he is not what he claims to be.

Poster, its all left to u to be sincere to your darling wife

Another thing is, the wife may want to use that as a bait to confirm some things, hmmmm!!!! Women of today are wiser than your think. Since the maid has been with the family for so long, she may be planted as a stooge, to get the truth

I hope its not what am thinking shaaaa!!!!

It's DEFFINITLY not what you think, and your theory is way OFF the topic!

Ujujoan:

The issue for me  is 'is he right by being attracted to a teenager or not? To the extent that he can't control himself'? I don't think he is and the only way to redeem himself is to ask himself why a little girl can threathen his marriage because that is NOT normal. His poor wife on the other hand needs to know that her husband is lusting after little girls. She deserves to know that her marriage is in trouble!

But even if he's too ashamed to tell her, I think she deserves more than an insensitive 'I don't like her'!

No doubt, some pipu thinks that 1's som1 says "I DO" in front of the alter, he or she is nomore humaned by blood.

So, are you tryin to tell me that your boyfriend doesn't feel lust when he sees other attractive and sexy gals passin by?

My dear, the below is the best answer, not by power nor might!

dami_paul:

It's grace my dear, not discipline!

Nothin more than that!

You guys I'm using my fone so I can't really quote.

@ Dayo

Why are acting like the man has absolutely no choice. Is it because it's a prospective HH and he can refuse to hire her? What it were his colleague in the office, will he resign? If it were his neighbour's daughter will he relocate? I'm not to sure I get you people's argument. That a married man living in a house with a hot chick is justified if he sleeps with her?

Are you guys saying you are animals and have absolutely no control over ur sexual urges

You know my BF and I belong to this social club. Actually, he was a member before we started dating and I just recently joined. I noticed that one of the waitresses at the bar has a crush on him. And he kind of favours her too (if you know what I mean). Now I know she's pretty and lots of the club members want to sleep with her, but I trust my bf enough to know that he can't stoop that low. Do you know why? Because he didn't even bother denying it when I accused him of 'liking' her. He said to me, 'of course I find her attractive, she's pretty '! Am I supposed to ban him from visiting the club? I'm just saying that sometimes, telling the truth is not a bad thing.

I keep saying that he failed his wife because in his mind, this girl is now so improtant that he can't even admit to a mere attraction to his wife. But of cos, the attraction is not 'mere'.

@ invincible

such a scenario can NEVER happen to me. But if it did, I'll jokingly tell my husband that his driver is cute and might be difficult to resist. If that doesn't do the trick, I'll lie and tell him that the guy was 'cutting eye for me' during the interviw! if that still doesn't do it, I'll find a way to keep my libido in check. I wont let my husband loose someone he truly likes because I'm an ashewo!

A HH is much more easier than a colleague at work, What are the chances that you would see your colleague at work in towels or what are the chances of him seeing his neighbours daughter on the couch sleeping with thighs open?.

Moreover a colleague at work can decline your overtures but how many HH can decline?

A married man living in the same house with a hot chic most likely would be tempted, And its best for him to avoid the scene than try to fight the temptation.

Ujujoan:

I keep saying that he failed his wife because in his mind, this girl is now so improtant that he can't even admit to a mere attraction to his wife. But of cos, the attraction is not 'mere'.

Why has he failed his wife, Some women here have even admitted that they would feel bad if their husband should admit something like that. The man knows his wife might be someone like that and he can predict her reaction.

Find example of a female post below where she said she would react in the way the man predicted his wife would.

Abekeade08 (f)
New York City
Posts: 1160

Offline

  Re: She Wants A Maid I Don't Like
« #165 on: Today at 02:33:23 PM » 
@OP,
How can you girls tell him to tell his wife the reason?? SAY WHAT?? Miss cc imagine yourself in the same situation and your husband tells you that honey' we should not take this housegirl in cos my bulge starts growing everytime I look at her' as a woman and a human being how would you feel? Women are emotional creatures and I for one will not take it lightly with him,  It would affect me emotionally and bring down my self esteem and I would throw it in his face everytime we have a fight. Callme childish,  At least I am being honest.

Some wife wont even see anything bad in their husband telling them he branched at an Ashi joint just before coming home while a lot would raise HELL.

Shebi some people have open marriages because both spouses can deal with it, The man knows his wife cant deal with such revelation without repeating it over and over

@ invincible

such a scenario can NEVER happen to me.

We know Uju is superhuman

But if it did, I'll jokingly tell my husband that his driver is cute and might be difficult to resist. If that doesn't do the trick, I'll lie and tell him that the guy was 'cutting eye for me' during the interviw! if that still doesn't do it, I'll find a way to keep my libido in check. I wont let my husband loose someone he truly likes because I'm an ashewo!

We know you are superhuman, We are actually talking about mere mortals who can fall into temptations like most of us.

Ujujoan
Picture your bf as your husband
Picture the barmaid as your housegirl
Picture a day when you're at work and your husband couldn't go to work so it's just him and pretty lady with mutual attraction at home.

It's possible nothing will happen, but,

Welcome to the family section and its two-faced contributors. It is a man's World, especially in Nigeria, so If I was this same decent OP, I would not bother myself, and would employ that girl and let the wifey deal with the consequences, or why did she bother enlisting your help only to start sulking and stop talking to you because you didn't like her choice Pssssffft


This same people criticising the man for having no self-control and lambasting and berrating him for not telling his wife, are the same people, whom if the wife came to open a thread saying her hubby is having or attempting to start an affair, will tell her to be more submissive and start wearing sexy lingerie and start seducing and start cooking and start praying and not allow the devil to destroy her marriage, etc. Na wa oh I am deffo coming as a Naija man next time Seems they have all the fun


@ OP


If you are not man enough to put your foot down, then spin her some cock and bull story about how you prefer elderly women with kids who would be able to impart some of the hands-on experience and real life experience they have garnered on your children, and not a wet behind the ears 18 year old

You should be commended for putting your hands up jare, and acknowledging your own weakness


Here is what your wifey is setting up for herself: culled from here: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-414603.0.html#msg5807300

Fi ori ejo/oka ho imu
Lit Trans: Using the head of snake/cobra/mamba to scratch/pick the nose
Meaning: Playing/trivilaizing something very dangerous/serious/deadly.

Fi ina si orule sun
Lit Trans: Setting the roof ablaze and going to bed (of same house)
Meaning: Being nonchalant/careless about something that can easily get out of hand or cause great harm.

Are you guys saying you are animals and have absolutely no control over your sexual urges

Yes, Yes and yes for the 100th time

Busy_body:

I am deffo coming as a Naija man next time Seems they have all the fun

Come and spend the holidays with me so I can teach you/make you a Naija man

@Ujujoan

I bump into your posts on NL every now and then and i enjoy reading stuff from you but from my view point, you're being way over your head with this one. . .

I am not married (fortunately) but if i were to be married tomorrow and intend remaining faithful to my wife, the last thing i need is unnecessary "temptations". The poster in question intends keeping it 100 with his wife and is doing everything within his power to keep it so. He is a human being and not a block of wood. All this "it's a crying shame he can't keep it in his pants" talk you're spewing all over here is monumental crap (excuse my language but i've read a lil too much from you on this thread). We are all human beings and like a lady (like yourself) said earlier on this thread, being married doesn't make anyone blind.And mind you, the poster indicated that his wife is 34 weeks pregnant! ! ! Picture the guys condition for one sec. . .

All this "21st century/We should all be secure and mature" talk is arrant nonsense. Behind all the "civil facade" we all try to put up, we are all total ANIMALS deep down, so please. . . cut the crap talk! ! !

Okay?

Thanks.

Merry Xmas!

James 1:14 enjoins one to recognize one's tendency toward sin, tempted by our own fleshly desires.

1 Corinthians 10:13. enjoins one to run away from the temptation.

You are doing both, so you are on the right path.

That a married or unmarried man living in a house with a hot chick

little correction.

key words to be noted here are:

man

living in a house

hot chick.

everything else is by the way.

BB, don carry bible lol, how are you

Ujujoan:

You know my BF and I belong to this social club. Actually, he was a member before we started dating and I just recently joined. I noticed that one of the waitresses at the bar has a crush on him. And he kind of favours her too (if you know what I mean). Now I know she's pretty and lots of the club members want to sleep with her, but I trust my bf enough to know that he can't stoop that low. Do you know why? Because he didn't even bother denying it when I accused him of 'liking' her. He said to me, 'of course I find her attractive, she's pretty '!

Kudos to your boyfriend for not stoopin so low in liein to you, but, now, imagine that waitress being your HM, and your boyfriend was at home (day off) and such crush occurs accidentaly while you were out for work, what do you think would happen next? . . .Just like I said before, kudos to your boyfriend for not 'stoopin so low' in liein to you, but, do you think after juicin the waitress/HM, he would stil be stoopin high? . . .How are you sure that he (your bf) is not busy somewhere juicin another gal?

And you said 'such scenario can NEVER happen to you'. Ya, I know, b'cos, it's ACID that runs thru your vain!

Tell you what, it's your type that goes out with cheaters, and you'll think you goin out with a responsible guy!

dayokanu:

Come and spend the holidays with me so I can teach you/make you a Naija man

Er . . .hope I have not put my foot in it . . . er . . . no harm in still trying, so here goes . . . er . . . can we postpone that part where i become a man until i land in yankee . . . as for now i still be Naija woman so you need to send me money for airfare, hotels, money for kabukabu to MMA, money to get my hair done as I nor want make dem think say i be JJC as well as some coins to buy some winter gear please And then its game, set and match

Ha i can't wait, and finally I will hear the last of all those false derogatory talks about naija women's love for money and stop chopping insults for our longthroat and grab grab mentality And ladies hide your daughters too cos I intend living life to the full as a man, i must revenge and conquer

armyofone:

BB, don carry bible lol, how are you

Lol i dey kampe jare Hauwa, I dey jealous you though, infact envy nor dey let me sleep All those sinewy, rippled, toned, tanned, muscled. . . ojigbijigbi God is good But i know there is no point as I would fail all the fitness tests and even if put through would be discharged within weeks for oogling and flirting and shamelessly pursuing all the men

See there is this Pastor Agu Ironsi of Jesus House, a Redeem Church, who was preaching one day about the congregation needing to pray for them due to all the temptations they face from jezebel ladies. He said they use to have problems with some female who visit the office wearing the tightest and miniest of the minis and then proceed to sit down whilst spreading their legs with everything on show to seduce him and make him fall. . . Numerous pleas for these ladies to comport themselves fell on deaf ears and the Church decided to always have someone else in the room to chaperone him and curtail these girls' excesses. This na big time Pastor who recognises that he is flesh oh, talkless of mere mortals.

***rubbing eyes furiously, i must be hallucinating to think I saw LadyT's comment on this thread***

Ranoscky:

Kudos to your boyfriend for not stoopin so low in liein to you, but, now, imagine that waitress being your HM, and your boyfriend was at home (day off) and such crush occurs accidentaly while you were out for work, what do you think would happen next? . . .Just like I said before, kudos to your boyfriend for not 'stoopin so low' in liein to you, but, do you think after juicin the waitress/HM, he would stil be stoopin high? . . .How are you sure that he (your bf) is not busy somewhere juicin another gal?

And you said 'such scenario can NEVER happen to you'. Ya, I know, b'cos, it's ACID that runs thru your vain!

Tell you what, it's your type that goes out with cheaters, and you'll think you goin out with a responsible guy!

Nah, she couldn't have meant "her boyfriend wouldn't stoop low to lie", its either "her boyfriend wouldn't stoop low to cheat on her at all" or "her boyfriend wouldn't stoop low to date that mere waitress inspite of her bangable body and pretty face with come to bed eyes", yeah thats it

So many responses but rome's on page 1 happens to be the most useless IMO

Well, didn't mean it like that, but the truth be told, is there any man born of woman that can boast of having a perfect control of his AP? Learning to control your circumstance, not putting urself in very tempting environment/situation is the best way to control the AP, which is what I do and I'm doing in this situation.

i can truly respect that. you are honest with yourself, which is great. i think your wife should be able to respect that, too. i would tell her.

@CC n all single ladies in her line of thought, 'nkan ti o ye yi poju eyi to ye yi lo'. Like someone said on this thread, we'll wait til u guys get married, u'll know then that Marriage is not big grammar, it's not just all words. Been monitoring the thread and I'd like to tell u all that we've reached a compromise. My wife's reason for earlier insisting I took the maid was not because of her distrust n not just because of my straight 'No'answer, her mum satified the maid, her aunt also told my wife that the maid was the best they could get, saying she's (the aunt)known the maid from childhood. My wife's challenge was going back to her parents without a cogent reason for the maid's rejection. The mum called me on the matter and I still told her the same thing I told my wife (that I don't want the maid). I personally don't know her family's interest, I do know they want our good sha, that's why I've told them to keep searching. For the record, my wife's not lazy, she's 34weeks preg, you know how it is with preg women.

ah, didn't know she was pregnant. then you made the right call.

invisible!:

You didnt answer Dayokanu's question;
If your husband gets a security man, a young male, hansome and well mannered, a hunk of a guy, with well shaped lips, the type that can munch your privates with serious alacrity, and your Gspot gets ticklish each time he passes, worse still he licks his lips as he stares at your cleavage during the introduction.
Do you tell your husby how wet you get when he passes or just ask him to get another security man?

WOW! LMAO

^you no go remove your eyes from that post?


better do so before you jump on your SO because of this thread nah.







@ topic

i can imagine the wife singing "we're both in this togeether, yeah"

meanwhile the man is looking sideways at the maid and going "what's love got to do with it", or "I want it thaat way".

Oh Nigga please!!! What will you tell your wife That the maid set well well? That will be ridiculous because the poor woman will feel the maid is more appealing than she is.

Na wa o! I never saw a sexy maid. We always buy clothes and deodorants for ours. Never found any appealing even when tipsy. I just pass.

invisible!:

If your husband gets a security man, a young male, hansome and well mannered, a hunk of a guy, with  well shaped lips, the type that can munch your privates with serious alacrity, and your Gspot gets ticklish each time he passes, worse still he licks his lips as he stares at your cleavage during the introduction.
Do you tell your husby how wet you get when he passes or just ask him to get another security man?

Your hubby is in trouble. Can't afford to be myopic. You deserve serious spanking at this moment.

Busy_body:

Nah, she couldn't have meant "her boyfriend wouldn't stoop low to lie", its either "her boyfriend wouldn't stoop low to cheat on her at all" or "her boyfriend wouldn't stoop low to date that mere waitress inspite of her bangable body and pretty face with come to bed eyes", yeah thats it

Any guy that can be able to recommend a gal with the statement below:

Ujujoan:

'of course I find her attractive, she's pretty '!

Pls, tell me what would happen if givin a slight opportunity?

Now imagine Ujujoan and her husband wakin up in the mornin and met their housemaid soo damn sexy and Ujujoan jokinly accused her husband of findin the housemaid attractive, and her husband replied; "ofcourse I find her attractive, she's pretty!" And they both laughed off the matter (while Ujujoan was on her way to work). Immediately she leaves, what do you think would happen next?

This is one of those topics that is rather difficult to say this is right or wrong. Both sides have a valid point. At the end of the day the OP knows the sort of wife he has at home and the truths she can handle.
Let's all agree to disagree on this one. Each marriage varies and people see things differently.
I however under no circumstances will employ a good looking young woman to come and live with me. If I were married I'd know my husband will have self constraint but I rather not bring temptation home with me.

HMM

Chika, WHere have you been all these while?

Dayo! How na? Merry Xmas to you o! I have been MIA for a while. I pop in every now and then