I can't even begin to imagine the comments I "might" get but nothing beats a failure but a try.......

So I recently started "dating" a Nigerian man (Yoruba) who lives here in the US (6 years now). I was born and raised here in the states but my family is from Jamaica and I spend a lot of time there and consider it home as America disgusts me. I have chosen to exclusively date Nigerian men because I love and respect the culture and values.

I absolutely have a split personality. There is the American side that works in Corporate America, manages a team of 14, and is very much a BOSS. On the flip side, in my relationships, I very much lean towards my Jamaican side which is perfectly fine with having her "significant other" run the show. I have no issue with it and actually love making sure my partner feels supported and in control. Since I run the show all-day it's nice to let my other personality reign in my personal life.

When we are "in person" he is super chatty and has such amazing energy but he does have an immigrant mentality which means he works A LOT. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand this because I work a lot but my schedule is more traditional. He is also a single father and I always check-in to make sure I am not stealing time from the kids because I want him to be the ABSOLUTE best father.

When we aren't in person his communication via text is short and void of emotion which is the complete opposite of how he presents in person. I have also made mental note of the fact that he has yet to communicate how he sees this (us) going despite the fact that I have been super clear that I am game for almost anything as long as we put it all on the table and keep it real.

I don't ascribe to labels but I am a communicator and super upfront about how I feel when it comes to transparency.

I'm wondering if it would be a complete turn off if I just flat out asked the question. I've "heard" Nigerian men find American women too forward but don't want to assume anything.

I've also "heard" Nigerian men don't really opt for "verbal" communication but again I don't want to assume that is a fact.

The American wants to ask but the Jamaican says BE QUIET.

Any thoughts?

Don’t respond to any mail you receive from nairalanders(men) no matter what the reason is or may be.

Ask in a subtle manner, but I'm sure he wants you because if he wasn't into you he would have stop talking to you a long time ago.

keep it real when it's sure love is real. anything to keep the ember glowing is sure worth it and the effort.
you made mention of something about culture and value it does plays and make the core of tradition.
an average Nigerian man is traditional and conservative no matter how elaborate and extrovert he may seem on all front.
love him for whom he is and bring out the one you that personalty you want about him, no harm is in that.

Ok

@dstseven

You may want to give this time to get to know him better. He probably knows what you want in a partner (i'm guessing since you're great with communication), do you know what he wants in a partner and his expectations for marriage? Can you ask him in a way that doesn't explicitly infer that you're trying to see if you fit in that picture? I am guessing he would want you to have some affinity with his kids as well because this isn't really just about him now. Many Nigerians also do have affinity to their cultures which means things like food, language and interest in things about Nigeria play a large role in developing a bond with a Nigerian man.

When we are "in person" he is super chatty and has such amazing energy but he does have an immigrant mentality which means he works A LOT.

I am not sure if he communicated this explicitly to you, but, working hard is something many Nigerians do in Nigeria as well

I've "heard" Nigerian men find American women too forward

I don't see a need for the label here, some Nigerian ladies can be forward as well so this isn't peculiar to anyone, really . I'd just find out what his expectations are for the woman he wants to get married to, understand his values and see if they match with yours. Talk about sensitive topics like divorce, gender roles, societal issues as well, see if you both share similar values.

I no even understand the question u dey ask.

Khiaa can you advice this young lady? At least you have been around Nigerians long enough

geemailer2019:

You may want to give this time to get to know him better. He probably knows what you want in a partner (i'm guessing since you're great with communication), do you know what he wants in a partner and his expectations for marriage? Can you ask him in a way that doesn't explicitly infer that you're trying to see if you fit in that picture? I am guessing he would want you to have some affinity with his kids as well because this isn't really just about him now. Many Nigerians also do have affinity to their cultures which means things like food, language and interest in things about Nigeria play a large role in developing a bond with a Nigerian man.



I am not sure if he communicated this explicitly to you, but, working hard is something many Nigerians do in Nigeria as well



I don't see a need for the label here, some Nigerian ladies can be forward as well so this isn't peculiar to anyone, really . I'd just find out what his expectations are for the woman he wants to get married to, understand his values and see if they match with yours. Talk about sensitive topics like divorce, gender roles, societal issues as well, see if you both share similar values.

This is great advice and exactly the types of things I would like to get on the table in the beginning, so no one is wasting their time.

I sense that he is not terribly comfortable with "deep" conversation which may be the deal-breaker since I'm pretty forward and transparent.

I am going to give it " a bit" more time to see if anything changes because he is pretty amazing and we have great chemistry. On the other hand, I won't delay for long because I don't really have to. I was single before him and life is GOOD! I can go back to that if necessary.

Thanks!

"Be quiet" sounds just about right.

Atiku:
Don’t respond to any mail you receive from nairalanders(men) no matter what the reason is or may be.

Sly lool... You've cast your people...

dstseven:


This is great advice and exactly the types of things I would like to get on the table in the beginning, so no one is wasting their time.

I sense that he is not terribly comfortable with "deep" conversation which may be the deal-breaker since I'm pretty forward and transparent.

I am going to give it " a bit" more time to see if anything changes because he is pretty amazing and we have great chemistry. On the other hand, I won't delay for long because I don't really have to. I was single before him and life is GOOD! I can go back to that if necessary.

Thanks!

you're welcome.