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How Do I Cope With This Behaviour - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Amanda4life: 11:25pm On Mar 15, 2020
There are men who doesn't value women at all.

They are nightmare
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by PrimadonnaO(f): 4:13am On Mar 16, 2020
proclinician:
Another handicapped lazy unproductive woman. Amidst all the responsibilities confronting local man in this present harsh economic realities he comes home to meet a log of wood begging for money and disturbing for birthday. May God prolong your husband's life.

But she pleaded not to insult her. Why did you have to type so harshly. Her post isn't deserving of insults.

9 Likes

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by PrimadonnaO(f): 4:22am On Mar 16, 2020
But this isn't fair. Everyone is saying it's a trivial issue, but as trivial as it seems, it's very important to her. So why can't her husband make an effort?

Really, what does it take to show some love on your wife's birthday? At the very least, order a cake of 5k... buy her a new watch, dress, perfume, shoes. Get the children to sing for her, say a prayer.

What is this marriage business about if your partner's happiness is not your priority?
If everyone decides to do as they like, will the marriage work?

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Nobody: 6:02am On Mar 16, 2020
Get over yourself and stop crying like a child. The world is imperfect, people have issues, deal with yours. People are dealing with health challenges, domestic abuse, poverty and you are whining over birthday.

Many women are aging and praying day and night to have a partner.
Learn to take people as there are. There are lots of things we would also love from our partners but we must learn to deal with them the way they are.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Godons1: 6:04am On Mar 16, 2020
Missis:
Mods please no front page for privacy reasons, thanks

So yesterday was my birthday and my hubby completely ignored it as usual. Like he always does every year. I don't know why he does this, I told him before that I would like some kind of acknowledgement on my birthdays even if he doesn't take me out or buy expensive gifts he should at least maybe say a prayer for me but he still continues to act like he does not know it's my birthday, since the second year of our marriage he had been doing this.

It's very hurtful because he knows I like to be remembered on my birthday but he just ignores it. We don't go out anywhere, we don't do anything else to bond as a couple because he looks down on things like that, no random gifts, doesnt give me money unless I beg, no acknowledging anniversaries unless I bring it up. So I wanted just that one day to be the day he remembers me or does something special but he ignored it again.

I am trying to overlook his deliberate inconsiderate act because I reminded him two days ago about it and have been telling him for a while.


I know I might sound like I am taking little things serious but I am very hurt he isn't taking me serious about something that means a lot to me........Keeps doing the same thing every year. Is this not wickedness?


Abeg no insult me, am a sensitive person. lipsrsealed


Happy Birthday Madam.

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by cococandy(f): 6:47am On Mar 16, 2020
You’re not too sensitive .You’re absolutely right to feel how you feel.

On your next birthday. Don’t fret. Take yourself out. Go pamper yourself. Make it about yourself.

Let him know you will unavailable as you’ll be having some self time to celebrate yourself since he won’t do it. Let him take care of himself on that day.

12 Likes

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by telemployer: 7:40am On Mar 16, 2020
My dear , don't wait for a man to make you happy, make your self happy , go out and celebrate with your friends or your sister. If you want to be happy , make your husband happy as well

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Sexyliciousbri: 10:49am On Mar 16, 2020
It's not wickedness dear. He wasn't raised in a home full of love where anniversary and birthday means a lot. And he doesn't walk with people that are filled with love. Those things means nothing that's just the way he view life from his own angle. Instead of forcing him to become what he's not just ignore his attitude and start doing them to him, like buying gifts for him, wish him birthdays, surprise him on your wedding anniversary. By doing this your children will be the ones that will show you all these things you wish for because they will surely learn from you and return love to you

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Nobody: 10:54am On Mar 16, 2020
Festive and birth days are mostly meant to give out, and less or not to receive, i.e to visit the widows/widowers, orphans, poor, physically challenged, etc...

Naija girls and entitlement mentality! What will steal and destroy your marital joy is "entitlement." It's a kill-joy and a thief of love. Emancipate yourself from this youthful (childish) entaglement.

If you're not financially capable to the above examples, gift him some cheap things or revitalise the home by first gifting him your happy and joyful self in a new and romantic appearance with garnished foods and soft drinks with a cheap cake as gifts to him and kids, then see him responding to your emotional desires. GIVE! GIVE! GIVE! It's blessed to give than to recieve. Cheap or small things can beautify a nation. Look at the 5 bread and 2 fishes story!

Wise women only builds. Dear, men don't really know how to build, and women are like architects. You should design and build your home wisely that promotes love and joy in all issues. Enjoy!

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by ImaIma1(f): 12:13pm On Mar 16, 2020
kings59:
Birthdays are for kids. A matured being doesn't need to celebrate birthday. The true date you were born can never come back again.

Once you have crossed 18 years, forget birthdays.

Before some religious people quote me, Jesus' birthday is celebrated, but the actual practice is remembrance date.

It would be good to say birth-date.

Leave the innocent man alone. There are many expenses to take care of of which birthday is less important.




Just forgive him and move on.


I don't think she's talking about a party or something like that but just an acknowledgement. One of my birthdays, my husband woke me up around midnight and gave me a card and a rose flower. That alone made my day.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Nobody: 2:02pm On Mar 16, 2020
Are you sure he loves you or he just had to marry you cos you got pregnant for him?

If you think he loves you, then his behaviour might have a lot to do with how he was raised as a boy.

He probably didn't grow up in a warm and loving family.

I'm sure you knew this about him before you married him, probably expecting him to change...

People hardly change. You may have to live with it and celebrate yourself on your birthday.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by SangoOlukosOba: 2:04pm On Mar 16, 2020
[s]
FrLukas:
Are you sure he loves you or he just had to marry you cos you got pregnant for him?

If you think he loves you, then his behaviour might have a lot to do with how he was raised as a boy.

He probably didn't grow up in a warm and loving family.

I'm sure you knew this about him before you married him, probably expecting him to change...

People hardly change. You may have to live with it and celebrate yourself on your birthday.
[/s]
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Tripitaka: 4:06pm On Mar 16, 2020
ahnie:
Hers is even good....
Me and my husband doesn't even remember our birthdays,our anniversary's
Infact we stopped wishing each other happy birthday years ago....and we're cool with it.
It's not a do or die thing!

You have said it all. I would never understand an adult's fascination with trivial things as birthdays. I have never celebrated one because I find it irrelevant. Everyone I've dated also knows I'm totally indifferent about these things.

I understand that choices differ, but is OP willing to sacrifice the peace in her marriage on the altar of birthdays? I would understand if she complained about lack of support, appreciation or acknowledgement from her husband. But birthdays? I would never understand.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Sixfeetbelle: 10:12pm On Mar 16, 2020
crackkhaus:
This your husband that you're always complaining about, time never reach for you to divorce am?

This your devil's advocate behaviour, time never reach for you to stop am? grin cheesy

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by crackkhaus: 11:51pm On Mar 16, 2020
Sixfeetbelle:

This your devil's advocate behaviour, time never reach for you to stop am? grin cheesy

Is my own still not better than the ones up there advising her to treat herself and just celebrate her next birthday on her own without involving her husband? cheesy

At least, I'm suggesting they break up the marriage openly, not pretending to care while offering advise that will only create more tension in the marriage.

3 Likes

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Nobody: 11:56pm On Mar 16, 2020
xcabczyxabczzzz:
[s]It seems you are jobless since you still have to beg him for money, the problem is not entirely about him not acknowledging your birthday but the fact that your mind and life is empty with no amazing things going on.

So pick somethng and pursue it[/s]


Life is too short for meanness, especially uncalled for meanness
It is not only jobless people that beg for money meanwhile
Have you never begged anyone for money?
SMH
And human beings liked the post!
Doubly SMH

4 Likes

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by xcabczyxabczzzz: 7:28am On Mar 17, 2020
merahki:



Life is too short for meanness, especially uncalled for meanness
It is not only jobless people that beg for money meanwhile
Have you never begged anyone for money?
SMH
And human beings liked the post!
Doubly SMH
Don't plan your life, continue begging while saying life is short. Life is short is a lazy and poor man perception of life.

I never said it was only jobless people that beg for money, she is clearly jobless and my point was clearly directed to her. You are also clearly jobless and a begging piece of shit that likes to play the victim.

Nobody owe you nada, if you want to be like get a dog. You have nothing going on, pick a grind and get busy with life and don't give me that life is short bullshit.

Yes I am mean. Fvck off.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Nobody: 1:13pm On Mar 17, 2020
Madam. Please forget about birthday. We are using our brains to hustle and bring home the essentials, you are talking about petty issues. To tell the truth, I don't even remember my wife's birthdate, or our anniversary date; and if not because I am frequently called upon to fill forms with my birthdate, I doubt whether I would have bothered to remember mine. Please move on before we NLers incite you to go and divorce your husband; or at least sow the seed of divorce in your head.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by DateMynd44(m): 3:01pm On Mar 17, 2020
Missis:


No I don't want divorce
you're too immature for marriage.
Immaturity. That's your problem
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by DateMynd44(m): 3:03pm On Mar 17, 2020
SweetCunt97:
You pretend not to understand him na. He's playing smart... Quite d stingy selfish husband you have.
oh shut up and stop giving a conclusion on someone u have no idea of.
This isn't romance section kid.
Don't quote back pls cos I won't dignify ur stupidity with a reply.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by DateMynd44(m): 3:03pm On Mar 17, 2020
travelland:
No love, he doesn't love and appreciate you enough
shut up.
You're too immature to comment on this topic.
Kid
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by DateMynd44(m): 3:06pm On Mar 17, 2020
PrimadonnaO:
But this isn't fair. Everyone is saying it's a trivial issue, but as trivial as it seems, it's very important to her. So why can't her husband make an effort?

Really, what does it take to show some love on your wife's birthday? At the very least, order a cake of 5k... buy her a new watch, dress, perfume, shoes. Get the children to sing for her, say a prayer.

What is this marriage business about if your partner's happiness is not your priority?
If everyone decides to do as they like, will the marriage work?
so an inconsequential issue like birthday should affect one's happiness in marriage?
The OP is too immature for marriage.
Marriage isn't meant for kids.
Slowpoke op
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by SweetCunt97(f): 3:08pm On Mar 17, 2020
DateMynd44:
oh shut up and stop giving a conclusion on someone u have no idea of.
This isn't romance section kid.
Don't quote back pls cos I won't dignify ur stupidity with a reply.
Whatever dude. Asslika

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by SWORD419(m): 8:55am On Mar 18, 2020
My question is have u ever done anything for him during his birthdays?
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by polite2(m): 1:07pm On Mar 18, 2020
Madam pls dont take it personal, Do you kn i was tinking u are actually refering to me not untill i got to that part that u ve to beg him of money.

We men thinks more than petty things. My wife had to keep reminding me of her birthday year in year out over a decade of marriage now. But that dosent stop me from wishing her happy birthday and praying for her, some times i take her out and spend just few thousands.

Your hubby should not be blame for not remebering , but should wish u well and pray for you as soon as it comes to his knowledge that its ur birthday.

However, totally ignoring you even after remindng him is not accepted. And he should work on himself.

Madam just accept him for who he is. Hopefully he will change
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Zara20(f): 12:17pm On Mar 21, 2020
you just need to ignore him,if you continue showing him how displeased or hurt you are then he will definitely continue with his action. Just make yourself happy on your day and show him that it doesn't matter much to you.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Olunmercy56(f): 12:43pm On Mar 21, 2020
I think your communication between you guys is very bad, you need to know his free time and tell him how you feel. He might be facing some challenges at work.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Spechialone(f): 12:52pm On Mar 21, 2020
It's so hurtful when I see comments that tend to say "carry your cross". Pls if u don't have anything soothing to say jejely Waka pass.
Ma'am treat your self the way u like to be treated
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by grafixdon: 2:55pm On Mar 21, 2020
SweetCunt97:
You pretend not to understand him na. He's playing smart... Quite d stingy selfish husband you have.

You and this your insensitive advice again. It's high time mod ban you from giving advices in this forum.

The woman isn't working at the moment, the man foot all the bills, school fees, feeding, accommodation, medical bills etc the man is obviously working himself out to provide for his family, yet to tag him stingy because he forgt to celebrate his wife's birthday... Fear God o.

Op. Don't let this small issue create a bigger one in your home, the next time you wanna celebrate your birthday, post it on nairaland, we'll celebrate you, we're your family too
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by SweetCunt97(f): 3:08pm On Mar 21, 2020
grafixdon:


You and this your insensitive advice again. It's high time mod ban you from giving advices in this forum.

The woman isn't working at the moment, the man foot all the bills, school fees, feeding, accommodation, medical bills etc the man is obviously working himself out to provide for his family, yet to tag him stingy because he forgt to celebrate his wife's birthday... Fear God o.

Op. Don't let this small issue create a bigger one in your home, the next time you wanna celebrate your birthday, post it on nairaland, we'll celebrate you, we're your family too
How? He doesn't celebrate birthdays but is first to ask where is my my share when it looks like there's treat? Oga if na woman get that attitude, u sef go call am selfish plus long throat. If he provides all that like said, her money shouldn't have depleted before One year after losing her job. The man is simply kicking cos her money done finish.. U know this.

1 Like

Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by Nobody: 4:16pm On Mar 21, 2020
He forgot your birthday so you opened a thread.
Re: How Do I Cope With This Behaviour by BluntNigerian: 1:14pm On Sep 23, 2020
Missis:
Mods please no front page for privacy reasons, thanks

So yesterday was my birthday and my hubby completely ignored it as usual. Like he always does every year. I don't know why he does this, I told him before that I would like some kind of acknowledgement on my birthdays even if he doesn't take me out or buy expensive gifts he should at least maybe say a prayer for me but he still continues to act like he does not know it's my birthday, since the second year of our marriage he had been doing this.

It's very hurtful because he knows I like to be remembered on my birthday but he just ignores it. We don't go out anywhere, we don't do anything else to bond as a couple because he looks down on things like that, no random gifts, doesnt give me money unless I beg, no acknowledging anniversaries unless I bring it up. So I wanted just that one day to be the day he remembers me or does something special but he ignored it again.

I am trying to overlook his deliberate inconsiderate act because I reminded him two days ago about it and have been telling him for a while.


I know I might sound like I am taking little things serious but I am very hurt he isn't taking me serious about something that means a lot to me........Keeps doing the same thing every year. Is this not wickedness?


Abeg no insult me, am a sensitive person. lipsrsealed
Like, for how many years now had he done such to you?

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