In Africa, marriage is a serious event. It is not only just a means to secure the bloodline of families but that of companion, friendship, complementary, and others. To this end, parents as well as comunities have roles to play to see that marriages are consummated. Marriage is not one-off as there are interactions between the families of the husband and wife's, that is, it is a union of two families. In foreign lands, a man may get married without the knowledge of their parents but in Africa, it is not so. Even if the man is an orphan, the parents of the girl would want to see the uncles or relatives of the man.
I am a married man and I remember when I presented my wife to my parents, at first my father did not like my wife but I engaged him in a dialogue to find out why. I later found out that my father didnt like her because, though my wife is from my tribe but she isnt from my State of origin. He did quoted the bible how Abraham made his servant swear holding his thigh that he was going to go to the people of Abraham to get him a wife. I quickly but respectfully asked him if he knows why Abraham did that and he could not answer. I told him that it is because where Abraham settled at that time is surrounded by gentiles (that is, those people that do not serve the Living God - Jehovah). I was able to convince him and he agreed.
You should honour your parents but you shouldn't be a MAMA's BOY or DADDY's BOY. You know what you have seen in your spouse but sometimes too, a third party may see areas you are blind to. Anambra men has recently come under fire for being MAMA's BOYS - their mothers' word is law to them, especially in the choice of a wife. No matter how old or rich most Anambrianian men are, their mother's word is law. I dated girls who did tell me that the reason their marriage didn't work out with one of their suitors is because their mother did not like them. One of the girlsis from Enugu, the other is an Anambranian ( the mother of the then suitor wanted the son to marry from their village). The story is the same even in some parts of Yorubaland, Ijawland, hausaland and even Fulani.
Here are Possible 8 things that can make your parents to disapprove your proposed spouse:
1. She is not from your State of origin or kindred: Some parents do not like their children to marry outside their localities. This is especially true in the days of old as people hardly traveled far from home. They see their people as being the best - intra-ethnic discrimination. They may see other people from other tribes as less desirable to marry -inter-ethnic discrimination. Even today, a classic example is Nnewi in Anambra State. They hardly marry outside Nnewi and even if they do, it would be persons from the same Local Government Area, like Nnobi and so on.
2. Religion: This one is sanctioned by several religions. A Christian is not to marry a non-Christian and vice versa but we have seen several marriages that are thriving even when the husband is a muslim and allow the wife to practice her religion. It is good for one to marry someone of one's faith. Note that your faith may not be that of your parents.
3. Sentiments: No matter how good your wife is, your parents may just be sentimental (which can be negative or positive)
4. Jealousy: There is unconscious jealousy mothers have against their daughter-in-laws to be. They think that the girl will steal their son's love away from them and that fear would make them to reject or be skeptical of your partner. They would want want a daughter-in-law they can CONTROL. Sometimes, this is to the detriment of the marriages of their children.
5. So Called Wisdom: They say that what an old man sees sitting, a child may not see it even when he or she climbs a tall tree. This is true. Wisdom comes with age but not all old people are wise. They may have a hunch about your would-be spouse through observation.
6. Spiritual Reason: I always say that most Nigerians have two religion - first one and traditional worship (directly or indirectly). Some parents go to prayer houses or do divination with the names, picture and other items belonging to their would be daughter inlaw or son-in-law. The case is worse with parents of grooms. Upon finding out that their prospective daughter-in-law is not the one, they disapprove of the marriage.
7. Other reasons: Maybe upon doing DUE DILIGENCE (which is a factg finding mission carried out by the families of both prospecting partners on their families), some negative report was discovered (like madness runs in a family, Caste Systems in the Eastern Nigeria, bad character of the mother of the bride and so on), the marriage can be disapproved. It could be, in a worse case scenerio, that the father of the groom has dated the prospective bride (who he saw in a Club), or the prospective bride has child/ren or formerly married.
8. [b]Financial gains: I have seen a man who married a richer girl (not old) and that was the reason that the parents approved of the marriage. Some years into the marriage, the lady had issues in her business and her finances went bad. The family of her husband demanded that their son divorces the lady.
8. Age of the intending spouse: Well, in Africa, it is a norm for a man to be older than the wife but these days, we have seen marriages between older women and younger males. I am not talking of a 63 years old woman marry a 23 year old man type of marriage but if the man is five years or less, this can raise eye brows. Peter Okoye of PSquare married Lola Omatayo-Okoye and Lola is older than Peter but they are living well. There are other countless examples. Let me tell you a secret, if you marry a GOOD older woman, your home would be peaceful and she would hold it, having 'suffered to get hitched'.
The reasons listed above and more may be the reasons they disapprove your prospective spouse BUT you have to find out why they do not approve of your marriage. Here are what you can do if your parents do not approve of your Partner:
1. Both intending spouses should Pray about your spouse and be convinced (if possible, stop sex for some months and pray) that you are making the right choice. This could be after you have observed the intending spouse and find out that he or she has MOST of the qualities you need in a spouse. If you are convinced but there is an obstacle of disapproving from parents, you may go ahead and marry.
2. Discuss with the disapproving parent(s) or family member and objectively try to know why they do not approve of her. If it is just because the proposed bride is not from your place, try to convince them. Give them examples of people from different tribes that are married and are living well. Do you know that Nigeria's former Military Head of State Babangida married a woman from Delta State? What of Atiku Abubakar? He has wives from Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa/Fulani. Even in your localities, they are examples.
3. Get a trusted Elder/ religious leader to talk to your parents. But be careful who you call.
4. If the reason is germane - like history of madness, different religion, caste system (Igbos do not compromise on this), and others, you may reconsider marrying the spouse but if it is based on sentiments, try to talk with them and if they refuse, you MAY go ahead and marry the girl but pray and be sure otherwise, when the marriage hit the rocks, your parents would have the last laugh. But if it works out, they would love your spouse.
5. Pray that God touches the hearts of your parents if it is His Will to marry to the said partner.
6. Tell your parents some of the qualities of the said spouse and tell them how much you love the person. You may tell them how he or she is hardworking, has vision, serves God, how he or she complements you and would help in your family, how marrying him or her would make you happy and so on. Blow the trumpet of your prospective spouse. What do you think I missed? Tell Us by commenting HERE. <<< lalasticlala, dominique, ishilove, mukina2, MissyB3, Seun 1 Share 
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