Dear Nairalanders, on a neutral ground a relative of mine sent this as a text message below to her husband who for some time now has not been in talking terms:


Good morning Sir, Please with the state of economy, I may not be able to contribute for house rent this year as much as I did last year,I suggest we start looking for a cheap but good accommodation in time before expiration of our rent by September this year.Thanks and God bless for your understanding.

And the reply she got from him is:

Better start looking Ma.

I needed to advise my relative but before I do that I would like experienced contributions thanks.

So husband and wife are living together in the same house and are not in speaking terms?

This sounds sadder than anything else!

What pride, ego and stupidity will cause ehn!

Tell her to forgo her ego firsr and right to be offended, if she feels any form of maltreatment from the husband however right you could be and go reconcile issues first, leaving the house issue.


After reconciliation this will automatically sort itself out

Renida:
Tell her to forgo her ego firsr and right to be offended, if she feels any form of maltreatment from the husband however right you could be and go reconcile issues first, leaving the house issue.


After reconciliation this will automatically sort itself out

She has done that severally with her relations trying to resolve all issues. The last one was that she called the attention of some of her husband relative to air out certain things for the sake of peace but that seems not to make any impact. And the earlier a plan is made to secure accomodation the better,mind you she greets the husband regularly but most times he will not answer.

Souqwaqif:



She has done that severally with her relations trying to resolve all issues. The last one was that she called the attention of some of her husband relative to air out certain things for the sake of peace but that seems not to make any impact. And the earlier a plan is made to secure accomodation the better,mind you she greets the husband regularly but most times he will not answer.

You should be posting a thread about this and not even the house.


Do you want a candid advice?

Firstly, it is wrong for both of them not to be in talking terms. Just like the poster above said, let her drop her ego, and go and beg the husband, no matter who wronged who. Then other things will follow suit.

Souqwaqif:



She has done that severally with her relations trying to resolve all issues. The last one was that she called the attention of some of her husband relative to air out certain things for the sake of peace but that seems not to make any impact. And the earlier a plan is made to secure accomodation the better,mind you she greets the husband regularly but most times he will not answer.

Please can you give us details of one or two of the issues they are contending for an informed advice

Advice her to start looking like he suggested.
That's a step in the right direction.

Next thing is to try & establish communication.
Let her submit herself for a dialogue.

Renida:




You should be posting a thread about this and not even the house.


Do you want a candid advice?

Alright go through this:

Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling.
She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reasons,not picking calls when he travels to his village for days, chatting side chicks which has been confirmed on several occasions,leaving house rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife health challenges and her concerns to make peace.
Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual. The last attempt she made was to contact the wife family relations and they called him on phone,but he was rather speaking old issues that has been resolved concerning his wife bringing her relations to the house.

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

Ningen:
It's so sad when two people who once love eachother become strangers and can't even communicate again. Heart breaking really.

Advice her to start looking like he suggested.
That's a step in the right direction.

Next thing is to try & establish communication.
Let her submit herself for a dialogue.

What if she has been doing this?

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace
[/quote]
From this ur statements, it seems the family of the husband do not really like the woman, cos how cld everyone of them be supporting the man? Does it mean that the husband has been right all this while? Was the woman forced into the marriage due to pregnancy? How long have they been married and do they have children?

They have been married for over 12 years now with two kids. If they don't like her they should come out plainly na, that's the essence of this post cos in a multitude of counsel there is safety amongst them

Souqwaqif:




Alright go through this:

Goodmorning all, I will try to make it very brief. This lady has tried and needs urgent counselling.
She seems to be the breadwinner of the family while her husband while a way with I don't care attitude,such as not providing feeding allowances, coming home very late at night often,with no good reasons,not picking calls when he travels to his village for days, chatting side chicks which has been confirmed on several occasions,leaving house rent almost completely for his wife to pay,not allowing his wife siblings to spend the night in his house but his own relations will do,not bothered about the wife health challenges and her concerns to make peace.
Recently the wife family members had a meeting with him to resolve differences but after a while he continued again and this is virtually affecting all areas of the family psychology and mental health even spiritual. The last attempt she made was to contact the wife family relations and they called him on phone,but he was rather speaking old issues that has been resolved concerning his wife bringing her relations to the house.

Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

This story was familiar so I went back to your profile.

I asked some questions on the other thread you have not answered.

Can you bring the wife HERE?

She can open a fresh moniker and deactivate after a while.

There is a leverage the husband has over the wife that she keeps begging and apologizing if you are claiming she has done no wrong.

In this 21st century i don't think is mandatory for hubby's family to like you provided your hubby loves you wholeheartedly his family can't do shit. but in this scenario seems the man is never in love with the woman but got married to her base on one reason or the other. now the man's family dont want her likewise the husband which is bad. is either she stays and be hopeful that one day her strange hubby will change or she leaves for peace. i've always been saying it and i will keep saying it, more than 70% of marriages in naija/africa doesn't favour women, i see them making it more being single or perhaps single mother than staying under the same roof with a man.

4reala:


Please what is best counsel out there we can give this relation of mine,remember she has tried prayers and still praying, she has contacted a few family members of her husband but they are all in support of the man.

Your input is appreciated for sake of peace

From this ur statements, it seems the family of the husband do not really like the woman, cos how cld everyone of them be supporting the man? Does it mean that the husband has been right all this while? Was the woman forced into the marriage due to pregnancy? How long have they been married and do they have children?

The man's family doesn't like her

Souqwaqif:
They have been married for over 12 years now with two kids. If they don't like her they should come out plainly na, that's the essence of this post cos in a multitude of counsel there is safety amongst them

You don't force yourself on people who don't like you, you don't have to wait for them to verbalize what they feel towards you before you realize their perception of you.

From your post, the woman is earning an income while the husband is non-committal. Let her get a smaller accommodation that she can single-handedly afford should the husband refuse to pay for the accommodation and move in by expiration of the tenancy of their present residence. It is now left for the husband to either out of "anger" pay for a bigger place or swallow his "pride" and move in with them which I doubt very much because mentally, he would feel the wife owns the "space".

Mindlog:


You don't force yourself on people who don't like you, you don't have to wait for them to verbalize what they feel towards you before you realize their perception of you.

From your post, the woman is earning an income while the husband is non-committal. Let her get a smaller accommodation that she can single-handedly afford should the husband refuse to pay for the accommodation and move in by expiration of the tenancy of their present residence. It is now left for the husband to either out of "anger" pay for a bigger place or swallow his "pride" and move in with them which I doubt very much because mentally, he would feel the wife owns the "space".

Mindlog I salute your wisdom

bukatyne:


This story was familiar so I went back to your profile.

I asked some questions on the other thread you have not answered.

Can you bring the wife HERE?

She can open a fresh moniker and deactivate after a while.

There is a leverage the husband has over the wife that she keeps begging and apologizing if you are claiming she has done no wrong.

Do you think there is a leverage or it is just the culture of remaining married particularly, when everyone feels she should submit bla bla bla. I think societal expectations is the issue here because if they lived in the West, the advise would be the reverse.

I think we need to teach/learn sincerity as that would help both parties have a truthful discussion as to what the better solution is.

Mindlog:


You don't force yourself on people who don't like you, you don't have to wait for them to verbalize what they feel towards you before you realize their perception of you.

From your post, the woman is earning an income while the husband is non-committal. Let her get a smaller accommodation that she can single-handedly afford should the husband refuse to pay for the accommodation and move in by expiration of the tenancy of their present residence. It is now left for the husband to either out of "anger" pay for a bigger place or swallow his "pride" and move in with them which I doubt very much because mentally, he would feel the wife owns the "space".

Do you think this is a better solution, given that they don't like the woman? She needs thread with caution and discuss with the man to know her best solution in the event of a total crack of the marriage.

GboyegaD:


Do you think this is a better solution, given that they don't like the woman? She needs thread with caution and discuss with the man to know her best solution in the event of a total crack of the marriage.

Not "liking the woman" seem to be the default setting in many family setups in Nigeria, so it is nothing new. The marriage itself is not healthy and if they so desire to heal, they BOTH must put in the work as it is evident the non clear cut conjugal roles is affecting the wellbeing of the family.