MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

crackkhaus:

In 2020, it's very easy please.

Saintmary:

Reading your post, other similar posts on this thread, and MizJaY's previous posts, my head is reconfiguring and recallibrating about marriage.
Ego without money is just bullshit.
Thank you for sharing your experience.

bujebudanu1:
How ladies end up marrying clowns is baffling me...

People don't just like a quiet and peaceful life , na money issue sha

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

faithfull18:

Yinmu, they are always good until you are in it.

spartan117:
[s]


First of all I must state that I don't in anyway support the behavior of your husband, but what I'm interested in is your marital bliss.

Having two strong heads in marriage is a recipe for disaster, from what you wrote it seems your husband has a bruised ego, hence his need to constantly remind you that he is the boss(this is wrong). However the solution to this is not to withdraw or nag him, you need to be the mature one of the two at this point.


If what you really want is for your marriage to blossom then put pride aside and do this:

Firstly you need to get your groove back! Start dressing nice and gain back your beauty. Having a family of six is no excuse, there are people who have gone through worse and still remained beautiful with the little they had. And always wear a smile.

Secondly never argue with him, if he keeps nagging you being unappreciative, just sincerely apologize and remain calm.

When he comes back from work, hug him, kiss him, ask him how was his day. When you wake up in the morning, greet him, call him sweet names like honey,sugar etc.

Always take his side in any argument he has with anyone in public. In private you can respectfully advice him.

When you want to serve him food, go down on your knees and serve him, try to do this not only in private but in front of his friends or visitors nothing else will endear a man to a woman than this.

. ..the list goes on and on, but I trust that you get the gist by now. What I'm simply trying to say in one sentence is Show him love. Love conquers all.

Finally and most importantly, get close to Jesus, he's the only one who can heal a broken home. You need to develop a personal relationship with the holy spirit, if you have this relationship ]every other relationship in your life will be blissful.

I will recommende these two books to you written by Pastor Yonggi Cho and Pastor Benny Hinn. They will help you build a relationship with the holy spirit, and they are available in all Christian bookstores nationwide.
Shalom[/s]

bukatyne:


Hahahahahaha!

crackkhaus:
Wow, so many stories of unhappy women in their marriages.

What must be responsible for this

Is it that the men involved have always been like that, but as expected, they are very good at gaming these women with love and excellent sex... OR is it that the women never really paid attention, got carried away easily, and were quite easy to deceive?

It really has to be one or the other, because I don't believe an adult already set in his/her ways can suddenly change.
They may pretend, adapt, or be able to project a false personality but to change? NEVER.

GboyegaD:


This your number 3 though.... I can't imagine someone apologizing over and over again for a crime not committed and I sure would detest it s a man.

UyaiIncomparabl:

Mizwisdom:
95% of Nigerian marriages are going through similar turmoil. Nigerian men are not raised to be good husbands, even you will still raise your son to punish his wife and cling to your Apron. That's what it is here so whatever you see in your marriage, take it like that

UyaiIncomparabl:
Wahala, wahala here and there. Nawa!

Ladies, marry who know road, come get sense on top. You fit date douchebag o, f*ck am join sef, no quanta, but no make mistake to marry man wey no get sense like this one wey them explain here. E get why!

Men of these days have lost their sense of worth. Na kanda full ground now. Na only God go save we 'good' women.

Madam, if you can, saaaaaave radically, however you wan rugged am, rugged am! Save o! E get why!

That man fit maim you one day, even fit kee you sef. I no wan lose you too early. I still love you.

E go be.

sassysure:

Situations change people.
Maybe u didn't get my analogy.
Let me give you example.
Most if not all married men want a child. Now, if that child is not forthcoming and it happens that the wife has fibroid, as time goes on, such man usually fulfil his quest for a child outside or marry another wife. But before then he has started acting funny.
A man that expects to make it in life and life happens to have dealt a heavy blow with him is usually aggressive and lash out to the next closest person to him as coping mechanism. The two scenarios above were not how the two men originally appeared to be but as a result of change.
The same can be said about women.
This is the deep truth about marital relationship we deny that exist.
When things don't go as you want it, that's when u notice your spouse nags, is extravagant, drinks, keep late nights etc or even dirty. The reason for so high divorce rate is simply spouses not meeting up to expectations.

bukatyne:


When we say look before you leap in, they act like rabid dogs on several threads.

A woman chooses a man: study him, study him, study him.

There are markers and strains of behavior: look well.

That's why I like Ubunjaa's threads and think every young lady should read them well. That way, when you see his apostles, you jump and pass.

These young men that are bad news were mostly trained by their mothers. This now begs the question: if they thought their men bad, why didn't they train their sons to the standard of the ideal man?

No, they train their sons same way so that the next set of wives would complain and repeat the same cycle.

The men that are gentle would also be mocked for been gentle and exploited.

The Nigerian marriage landscape is an enigma.

akinade28:

My sister I agree with your point. They see abnormality as a what makes them the man of the house.
Some of them justify their ego, selfishness and inconsideration by saying " our mothers suffered worse from their husband and yet they endured it". But the question is that "did their mother like or enjoy their father's attitude",was their endurance not because of what the society would say and just to provide for their kids.
Some of these men are just badly raised but their ego would not them see their wrongdoing or agree with you if you are pointing it out. They just believe they are always right and a wife has nothing good to offer them expect to demand from them and spend their money

bukatyne:


When we say look before you leap in, they act like rabid dogs on several threads.

A woman chooses a man: study him, study him, study him.

There are markers and strains of behavior: look well.

That's why I like Ubunjaa's threads and think every young lady should read them well. That way, when you see his apostles, you jump and pass.

These young men that are bad news were mostly trained by their mothers. This now begs the question: if they thought their men bad, why didn't they train their sons to the standard of the ideal man?

No, they train their sons same way so that the next set of wives would complain and repeat the same cycle.

The men that are gentle would also be mocked for been gentle and exploited.

The Nigerian marriage landscape is an enigma.

akinade28:

My sister I agree with your point. They see abnormality as a what makes them the man of the house.
Some of them justify their ego, selfishness and inconsideration by saying " our mothers suffered worse from their husband and yet they endured it". But the question is that "did their mother like or enjoy their father's attitude",was their endurance not because of what the society would say and just to provide for their kids.
Some of these men are just badly raised but their ego would not them see their wrongdoing or agree with you if you are pointing it out. They just believe they are always right and a wife has nothing good to offer them expect to demand from them and spend their money

Dande55:
[s][/s]
Gibberish. You are just a clown.

Mizwisdom:



True talk. But it's not entirely the man's fault. If a man decides to be nice to his wife, help her do domestic chores, cares for his family and makes the wife happy, if his family member visits and sees what he is doing, he/she will quietly retur to his family to give a report that his wife has bewitched him, she's using remote control for him, she has turned him to mumu, etc. People don't expect men to be good husbands, they'll say he's bewitched. So whoever marries a Nigerian man should know what to expect before entering, that's why I'm telling this sister that what she's going through is what society expects her to go through and it's what she will expect to put her son's wife through, so swallow the bitter bill

bukatyne:

These young men that are bad news were mostly trained by their mothers. This now begs the question: if they thought their men bad, why didn't they train their sons to the standard of the ideal man?

No, they train their sons same way so that the next set of wives would complain and repeat the same cycle.

The men that are gentle would also be mocked for been gentle and exploited.

The Nigerian marriage landscape is an enigma.

bukatyne:


Chop kiss jare

And you know the amusing part? It is the WOMEN in the husband's family that will raise the dust.

MizJaY:


Thank every one for their responses I want to reply everyone word for word but my battery and data are very low now. But this particular msg caught my attention and I couldn't help replying this one. I laughed after reading it. e be like say u no want make I no get peace this night or this weekend. Very funny. He will use at least 4 hours to scrutinize, explain, scatter, batter, finish, destroy the message and it will lead to more problems cos oga is always right and am always wrong. i remember one incidence where i gave him my atm card, after using it he apparently forgot where he kept it and i now wanted to use it, oga was 150% sure he gave it to me and i was very sure he did not. This is not matter of he was hiding it to use it later or wanted to steal from me cos theres not a time i say no when he asks to use my atm inshort at times its permanently in d car. We argued back and forth until he reminded me that thats how i am that i need to check myself that i always forget things that i have serious problem bla bla bla. For peace sake i said its alright that i will go to d bank to block it and get a new one even tho I was sure he didn't give me. Lo and behold as we came down from car and i faced him to tell him something atm was facing me from hes front pocket i now showed him and he shamefully gave me after all d bragging that day sweet me well well but guess what, oga said he was giving me one time that I probably didn't collect it so maybe that's how he mistakenly put it back in he's pocket. I just kept quiet cos I felt shame for him

My husband will tell me, if u like dont take care of yourself u Will just die for nothing....mennn

But My mother always tells me, my daughter, u better be taking care of urself, hypertension is not a good thing, if anything happens to you, your husband will marry another woman and move on. Someone else will take care of ur children. I will not be alive forever but I will tell u d truth while I'm still alive...