Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill. In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screens hots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it.

Tasha

Let the man be, He's not cheating on you.


The less you know the better

dz guy only used u to get visa.
his connection with ur family is a strong hold he has on u.
if he is a sincere person, he wouldn't be scared of ur discoveries.
assuming he caught u operating his phone in that bathroom, he would've done what u never expected.
discuss dz issues with him in camera (& observe his reactions & body language).
moreso, discuss it with close persons

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill. In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screens hots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it.

Tasha

Wow your story is touching but you also are feisty. I think you need a way to track him.
I can teach you how TRACK & TAP HIS PHONE and you will be able to know where he is, get recorded audio of his calls, view his chats and pictures he sends and his email. It may be needed, so you do not need to fret but have SURE evidences or complete peace of mind.

So relax. Once you can track him anywhere in the world through his mobile, you will feel safer.

That's where he makes his money....

your man is involved in romance scam

I may not say he's cheating. But keep your composure calm and do your normal duties. Whatever be the case, it will be revealed.

A man who can break down the bathroom door for his phone will probably break your face or even your skull one day. Use your head.

Go to the police.

Does he work? most "scammers" find it hard to stop even when they luckily find themselves in a better environment. Dude is involved in Romance Scam and Business Email Compromise. Confront him, tell him you know, give him an ultimatum to better himself (get a degree, learn a skill, get a job) or leave.

Oops!
you're married to a fraudster, The reason why he is using poor English to communicate is to sieve out his targets. His not interested in those who are highly educated because those ones would see right through him and report his activities, but the less educated ones are easy to manipulate that is why he is communicating poorly with them. His choice of words is intentional. I'm sure you've heard of romance scam, Nigeria prince Scam, email compromise scam etc? you have to be careful with him while you decide on what to do.

You have a good reason to be suspicious. Although you have bought his "his friend" line, it is most likely he is in some scam and you should know that the poor use of English is also part of the MO for scammers.

You truly may not know until the cops show up at your door with a search warrant. He will be away for a long time.

The solution I recommend is to show him this link on Nairaland and let him read for himself the things here. You may also need to let him know you need him to stop his scamming activities, else you will tell people he respects.

More importantly, you need to personally watch out for your safety. Be very careful. The niceties to your mum/family is already an alibi.

Remember, some of us humans are idiots: we have everything going for us but our greed and foolishness will make us get thrown to the dogs.

Be safe Tasha.

That construct documents

nairaland is the wrong place to ask for marital advice. 90% of the suggestion you will get here will poison you to have doubts or leave your marriage and when the real problems come they will say you ought to know how to fix it, most here aren't even married

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill. In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screens hots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it.

Tasha

Romance scam, corporate email scam, those are what they called. They are his source of livelihood and it doesn't mean he has no affection for you. He uses it to feed, earn a living and take care of himself and to an extension, take care of you.

I suggest you find him something genuine and legitimate to do and encourage him to desist from such act else you take him up to the Cops.

But, be careful of having an evidence before taking him to the Cops, else he could sue you. Also discuss this with your family.

Sorry for the betrayal, man must hustle/struggle/survive, whichever word is familiar to you. I'm sure though that it is a lifestyle he adopted in Nigeria and brought over to the Americas.

Few questions

How did you meet your husband

Where and when did you get married

When did he leave Nigeria

And who facilitated his migration

These questions will help you get the answers you seek.

Please try and calm down and don't overreact...

Work it out between yourselves and should you break up your home over mere suspicion, you sure ain't coming to mine.

Has it ever occurred to you that your husband also suspects you? He doesn't want you locking bathroom doors while alone, and you prefer it, asides him sneaking in on you, why? To be quite blunt, maybe he also suspects you of let's say having affairs or playing with yourself. What do you have to say about that. This paragraph might generate some heat but what I want you to see is a clear psychological picture of what might also be going through his mind.

Are you trust worthy? I openly condemn fraudulent acts however, in light of this write-up, it is glaring that your husband doesn't trust you. You need to work on yourself. If he's probably into fraud, his primary fear would likely be your maturity or immaturity in handling the situation in the best possible way that won't affect your home negatively. Should he be into fraud, with wisdom and maturity, you can make him stop it and save your home simultaneously.

The other side of the story which you might or might not know is regarding his job. If your husband is a law enforcement agent or let's say an undercover agent, you don't expect him to be careless with his phone, even with you based on the sensitivity of some information on it.

In short, work it out, not with arrogance but with understanding and loyalty. Where does your loyalty lie? Make him know it.

Well, it's also noteworthy to say that with the screenshots, your hubby is sure into some kind of romance scam or extramarital affairs. Except if like he said, another person used his device.

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill. In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screens hots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it.

Tasha

internet fraud i.e. nigerian letter/email

For him to bust that door open, it is something you would not agree to and something he would rather you not know. In this case I think he is afraid of broken marriage and deportation.



I don't think it is scam but might be something worst like drugs, weapons or pimping. Although I am sincerely skeptical he is a criminal.


Internet scammers would lock their phone and add other apps that let them know who was attempting to view their phone. The inbox of a scammer is mostly REPLYS RE:


As someone who owns a website, he is using a business email (that means he paid for the domain name and hosting, in this case his website was hosted by whogohost). The fact that some starts with Hello means he probably signed up for a dating app... Finally he might just be a business man who doesn't want his wife to know how much he really makes otherwise she might be impatient and want to spend. May be he just having fun chatting other girls on an app.
Remember the way you met? Well, it might just be his hobby to chat up women on the internet.


Anyway, if you can clone his phone, clone it.

No secret there.... Your husband is into romantic or romance scam...

The email says it all. The term " customs" is a format use to collect money from their victim like the goods have been sent but customs is holding it.. U will have to pay 1500$ to bribe....and the lies goes on and on

Afonja you can keep creating more threads

I don't even believe in this shitty story of yours.