Ybaby:

Don’t even allow these sons of Adam give you headache. Else you will turn to a talkative.

God himself asked them a simple question in the garden of Eden and they were talking another thing. Is it now you, a mere mortal, they will give-in to?

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

How is it the reason?l

How do you explain that the mofo hasn't built a house but his younger siblings who

Anni3e:
I am buying the land and investing on myself and kids. Since he does whatever he wants with his money, I will also use my money however I want.

N if he used he's how ever he wants wahala go dey. Especially paying of bills. If him insist una go share am equally nko

Acidosis:


Women exaggerate things a lot. No well-to-do married man will feed his family with 2k per week. Read between the lines

Who says she is exaggerating? Na who dey wear the shoe knows where it pinches o

Where were you when he was in secondary school to start with? How much did you contribute for his university education?
When he sends money to your family, it is good investment but, his family sucks him dry. Keep your money but please, do not poison the mind of the children against their father. An irresponsible wife will always see her husband's younger ones as a threat and rivals. Must you wash the family linen in the public?
The man will live to surpass your expectations, intact, he shall live to train his children and grand children . Amen. Your me and my husband alone European mentality has failed and it will continue to fail.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Good a thing that you have saved enough but don't buy land yet until you have done these, stop paying for anything in the house. If he ask tell him your brother or sister ask for money. Don't even pay for the children school fee, yes don't pay for feeding by any means no matter how little. Let him carry his primary responsibilities fully. Remember, while you take these steps, you have to confuse him by being a very responsible and respectable wife. Cook his food on time, wash his cloth either with washing machine or otherwise. There will be misunderstanding but definitely it won't be as much as the one that will arise when he discover you buy a land without his consent and without his name.
Above all take all the steps having in mind that your sole aim is to get him to build his immediate family first, without any intention to separate him from have reasonable relationship with his siblings

I knew before marriage that women will always have problem with a man financial obligatory to his family. That's why my wife did not know 10% of what I am doing for my family since I didn't not collect money from her.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

you shouldn't dare include his name in any property because his entitled family will claim it should anything happen to him. A man of his age should be wise enough to know how these things works, if he goes broke today they will leave him almost immediately.

He should sort himself out and secure the future of his kids before extending his cheerful fingers.

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

A man that does not have a house or a landed property to his name is not fit to be called a man! Quote me anywhere!

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Sit him down nd have one on one discussion with him

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

Thank God we also have wise women within us

ProfAmaben:

Some men don't love their immediate family, they naturally prefer the one they grew up with, stop paying some of these bills let's see how he would send free cash. Also, have your solid savings because this kind man fit die anytime from pressure.

OP if u don't take this advice, then forget it.

May Allah be pleased with you for your submission.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

See I will advice you to respect your husband decision and way of life. I am also committed to my family save that I pay my children school fees. I don't carry my wife along on what I am doing for my family and friends. If you are patient enough, you will see overwhelming results and you will thank me later.

DBestDoc:
I'm so sorry OP, i think it's too late to fix this. Any action you take towards " fixing" this is going to be counterproductive.

The best time to sort stuffs like this out was before marriage and the solution would have been to RUUUN and never look back.

Now, you can only salvage the situation by being your own security. Think for yourself, save for yourself, invest for yourself and sort yourself out. He's been that way for 9yrs, i don't see him changing soon.

You keep talking, you become an enemy. Can you fight his parasitic family off with him being on their side? i guess not.
If you keep waiting for him to fully take charge of his responsibilities, you'll be waiting for a long time girl.

See ezigbo nwanyi with foreign sense.

Same here bro. I think some men just like their family so much. Anyway the solution is to strike a balance between your siblings and the immediate family.

menix:
OP, the truth is that's how God created us, it's our default setting...


Thou, ain't married yet oo but I don over reach but the love for my brothers is what I don't get

Sometimes I feel like adopting my brothers kid nd train them sef..

Thou I don't joke with investments..

ProfAmaben:

For your husband to say that you are turning him against his family means he's myopic in reasoning. Everyone should be smart to know that their family comes first. What if he loses his job or business goes bad, who would help him? I'm sure he hasn't even built his house, helping is good, not at your detriment

I always remember a statement that's says"be stingy with your money now so u can become a giver in future

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

Is it not enough reason for her lamentation?

Olakunleyakub:
Same here bro. I think some men just like their family so much. Anyway the solution is to strike a balance between your siblings and the immediate family.

If your family help you blow ,I have no problem giving back to them but not when u are the only one doing better than them ,then it's a problem ,
Op husband should just establish the siblings that's the best he can do

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Better don't tell him. I know how such men behave. He will be feeling insecure. For his family to push him around is a sign of weakness and most weak men are insecure.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

What your husband does is cheer stupidity, but Woman, marriage is all about understanding. You should complement him. So, you can start doing those things he is stupidly not doing, if you can afford to do them. e.g. buy land, build house if you can, invest for your kids, take care of the family. only if you can, because crying from now till tomorrow won't change him, rather will bring problem between you and him

ProfAmaben:

Some men don't love their immediate family, they naturally prefer the one they grew up with, stop paying some of these bills let's see how he would send free cash. Also, have your solid savings because this kind man fit die anytime from pressure.

So many advice, because a man helps his own family that's d reason he will die?. d story is not complete, a man give his own brothers who own there various houses money and his own wife had a land am sure with other properties and yet d woman is still complaining. Again, am sure d man has been that way wen they were still dating and she went ahead a married him. The man can't die cos he's not complaining like d woman is doing

The man might be an Abiriba man in Abia state
they considered their siblings as their family they're responsible to more than their children and wife

pocohantas:


Don’t even allow these sons of Adam give you headache. Else you will turn to a talkative.

God himself asked them a simple question in the garden of Eden and they were talking another thing. Is it now you, a mere mortal they will give-in to?

Lol, you will just be looking for trouble you this eve

JohnnyPalmer:


Lol, you will just be looking for trouble you this eve

ihutuluv:
This is the exact same issue I am currently facing. I really regret this marriage. Mine is so bad that they even share his clothes. How can you a married man, you youngest brother every little thing one excuse or the other can I use this cloth?
I feel more terrible because this young man has laboured for over ten years earning well with nothing attached to his name but training children that his parents gave birth to and can not raise. I am always scared because anything happens to him I also don't have savings because I have used everything to take care of the house while he is busy taking care of siblings.

Now the table is reversed you regret ur marriage, what happens to the love u promised him way back? My Elder Brother borrowed to fund his wedding in 2015 (still paying it till today) yet d wife keeps on spending money lavishly on birthday parties, her own siblings and family while my brother slaves away, he had been arrested countless times because of his extravagant wife and her family yet he forges on but when it's a man taking care of his family some of we ladies begin to frown faces. Let us not forget we shall have our sons one day he grows up and ignore u the mother, under d pretext that's he taking care of wife and kids, will you be happy? Answer me!!!!

When a lady truly loves a man, she loves his family too.

My dear shine your eyes well well oooo...
A man's immediate family is his responsibility. After marriage his extended family is secondary. If he has excess he can help them. I am really sorry for your husband. Thank God I learnt this as a man very early in my marriage. I send money when I have it.
Yorubas have it that 'ohun taye ba so e da ooo, won fi bu e bo do la' meaning 'whatever humans turn you will be use against you tomorrow'.
Buy your land and keep. Safe for the raining days.

I think it is time in-laws are given marriage counseling too.

If the reverse is the case (I meant to say: your families are the ones sucking your husband dry ), I am 100% sure that you will not come online and start seeking unnecessary advice.

Obviously a challenging situation. However, as a trained Counsellor, I believe every problem has a solution. Here is my advice:

1. Stop trying to change your husband, especially by combative means. From my experience, about 98% of problems wives have in marriage usually arise from their husbands believing (whether rightly or wrongly) that their wives are disrespectful. And about 98% of problems men have in marriage usually arise from their wives believing (whether rightly or wrongly) that their husbands don't truly love them.

2. The human psyche can be programmed positively or negatively. In your mind, build a picture of how you want your home and your family to become (the type of house you want to build, the type of places you will visit for vacation, the type of loving relationship you'll have with your husband and children, etc). Hold this picture in your mind constantly and let it guide your thoughts, words, and actions.

3. The secret of wealth creation is INVESTMENT. Start giving your husband suggestions on investments you can both make. Whether or not you put your husband's name on your plot of land is really not important at this point. Think of additional investments that will give both of you multiple streams of income. In fact, when your husband sees that you are doing very well, your opinions will carry greater weight with him.

4. Once a man or woman has children, my advice is that they should always think of the long-term best interest of the kids. Whether your husband does the same or not, keep developing yourself and keep investing. Remember, if your husband drops dead today, everything you have experienced and written here becomes HISTORY.

5. The greatest force in the universe is the power of Almighty GOD, and God is love. Because of this, the best that any human being can do for another is to love as oneself. Endeavour to positively focus on your love for your husband, and his love for you. Whenever he does anything for you or the children, show him that you love and appreciate him. Occasionally give him a surprise gift. Love does wonders!

A virtuous woman wins her battles by her godly traits and force of character, not by trying to prove that she is not a fool. Together, you and your husband can overcome the vicissitudes of life and build a loving and prosperous home.

Here's wishing you all the best!

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

icankel:
So many advice, because a man helps his own family that's d reason he will die?. d story is not complete, a man give his own brothers who own there various houses money and his own wife had a land am sure with other properties and yet d woman is still complaining. Again, am sure d man has been that way wen they were still dating and she went ahead a married him. The man can't die cos he's not complaining like d woman is doing

Helping is not bad, but when it is uncontrollable it becomes a nuisance. How can married women in another man's house call their brother at any slightest financial issue to help.
He is helping at the expense of his children's future.
Everyone has his or her life to live I beg. All man for himself lo laye ooo.
Love your neighbor as yourself not more than yourself

adontcare:
Such men only regrets in their grave. After everything, they must kill him

what makes you think a dead man has regrets.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Go ahead and buy the land in your name and let him know later. He will thank you and also give his support in the building . its only a foolish woman that do nothing while the man spent recklessly. Because at the end , she will still bear much of the repercussions.