Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument - Family (8) - Nairaland
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| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by duduspace(m): 3:58pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
@Poster, just 3 general points for you to consider, at the end of the day yu'll need to make yur decisions as you see fit while having at the back of your mind that you and only you will live with those decisions in the future. 1. People who ask for respect and consideration should also actively give such. 2. It takes two to fight, it takes one to dish out a beating. 3. Leadership is taking responsibility for fixing issues and not apportioning blame. Finally, and the most important one in my opinion. 4. If you can't stand the heat, get the hell outta the kitchen. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by chioya(f): 4:05pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
@poster Hi, give me your email or a number i can call u on. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Nobody: 4:34pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
I just don't get it when some women say their man should never hit them 'no matter what'. That is just ridiculous. Every human being has a breaking/boiling point. Aggravating a man with all sorts of despicable behaviour, nagging and verbal abuse and expecting him to remain 'mature' and 'calm', no matter what you do or say to him is impossibly idiotic and selfish. It's easy to say in theory that a man shouldn't hit a lady, true. But a lady has to behave like a lady. No true lady ever puts herself in a position to frustrate a man into physical violence and thats the plain truth. Except a woman has the misfortune of living with a brute who derives sadistic pleasure in beating her for no reason at all, then more often than not acts of wife-battering are due to the woman's sheer stupidity and insufferable behaviour. Even the Bible says that a kind word tames even the heart of brutes while harsh words bring wrath. A wise wife would never earn a slap from her husband because she knows exactly how to pass her message across and get what she wants without abusing her husband verbally, psychologically and mentally - thereby frustrating him into responding in a manner that he wouldn't have ordinarily. Lesson: never ever abuse your man verbally/psychologically/mentally or frustrate him with your implacability. If you insist on doing that then the slaps and physical abuse you might receive in return, while not necessarily justified, would be well deserved. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by obowunmi(m): 4:56pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
What happened to buying a love machine ? If he's tired, satisfy yourself. If your husband, was not working now, you will call him LAZY, now he's gone out there to do business, and tired from work, you here creating a post ---- about your man. Get over yourself please. Get a job, get a life. get a sexxx toy/ddilddo. Buy yourself a darn ddillddo and satisfy yourself. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by niyooo(m): 4:58pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
Can't believe I actually read the whole thread, and that I'm even posting. Women sha, wetin we no go |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by queensmith: 5:00pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
u better just leave the guy before he kills you. he has no right to lay his hands on you are you a dog? kmt use your head! |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by amblors(m): 5:13pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
@unsuregirl THIS is absolute shitte. you date a guy for 5years and ur married for 2months and wanna jump ship? na wa o. even if you didnt sleep with with each other whilst dating: like second poster said: its not a bed of roses, you need to compromise. time changes people, if he doesnt seem the man u got married to. u in ur own way have definitely changed too. stay there and get it to work, wen u start thinking of jumping ship and start liking the idea, God help you. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by zibe(m): 5:20pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
Its obvious you two weren't ready for marriage but its definitely better to stay and work it out. You'll be proud of yourself for doing so in the long run and he'll definitely love you more. You'll probably look back in some years from now and laugh about the whole situation together. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by dayokanu(m): 5:38pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
queensmith: Typical female response. She said she kicked him first but that doesnt count, Is the man a dog or a football to be kicked? its the mans response that counts. SMH What next should she do? Whenever the man is tired, She should stab him and tell us a Man has no right to touch a woman. Some women self  1 Like |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Elpieda: 5:50pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
@OP all i can sya is ehyah, I guessed from the moment i saw ur post that you are not a Nigerian, Cause Nigerian women barely act that way, Our culture teaches us total respect for your husband and total submission in such a way that he may seem like he is the one calling the shots but in actual fact, you are the one calling the shots  I dont expect you to agree with what everyone has said cause clearly your culture teaches you diferently. It like expecting a nigerian to run his/her marriage the way a lot of americans do, That will most likely not happen cause we are all raised differently. But I must tell you CC and some others are so right, As different as our cultures may seem, getting across to your man is as simple as apologizing, this is your marriage and not a competition cause it seems to me like you are competing with your husband for God knows what. Husbands are supposed to love their wives and women are supposed to submit, get rid of whatever feminist theory you may have acquired and go and be the life of your marriage, SUBMIT and apologize. Also I have to le tyou know that since you both married as virgins, sexual fulfillment is not automatic. It takes time patience and a whole lot of experimenting with each other to discover what will make you both tick. So give it time and invest a lot in pre-intimacy. May GOd guide you, Dont leave yet |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Kilode1: 6:01pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
pro01: You used the right adjectives! It is also very sexist! |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by queensmith: 6:03pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
dayokanu: I didnt know she kicked him i was simply responding to the title! in that case- they are both dogs i dont know why shes complaining! |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by hardbody: 6:15pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
Why seek for opinion at all. My suggestion is simple, get da hell outta da house. I promise ya, some lady is waiting to take shelter under that house and warm that bed, this i can betcha. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by obowunmi(m): 6:20pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
hardbody: True dat! There are many women waiting in line for "men" ---- |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Xfactoria: 6:46pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
All: The whole frustration on both sides was brought about by the fact that they were both virgins when they got married. Its not odd or wrong to marry as virgins but such couples must have extreme patience with each other. The poster must have said something that attacks the man's ego. Things that sums up to "you are not man enough". Any man could go mad at that. In my honest opinion, both of them or the guy in particular didn't go for coaching before their marriage on how to overcome the first time sex shockers like premature ejaculation. I tell you, it can be really humiliating for the guy and it can be extremely frustrating for the lady. I overcame mine early enough at 18 and my wife is the better for it now. My advise to the poster is this: Tell your husband to self-service (if you can't give him MouthAction) 30mins before u are set for sex. It would help him overcome the anxiety and help him get used to lasting long enough for you to reach "heaven". Then later, when he has mastered how to control his flows, he can drop the idea of wanking. Please be humble enough to find a way to get this message accross to him. Be calm with him as much as possible, its not an unusual thing. Don't let naija guys catch you o! Cos you will hate your husband immediately you taste black power  |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by tlops(m): 6:55pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
Pathetic, its too early for such complains, 5years is too much for dating or what do u think? |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Iyineda(m): 7:41pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
OP: Last night, we had such an argument over sexual matters where I felt that I can not sleep unless he resolves and does what I needed him to do and hence I kept asking him to make an effort but he kept telling me he is too tired to do anything now and we should wait till morning. So I was shaking him to keep him from sleeping and ended up frustrated enough to force him to have intimacy , the force did not work and he got angry and became more rigid and ignored me endlessly and finally he said he will hit me if i did not let him sleep now. He twisted my arm and that made me angry and I kicked him a few times when he said that he will go out of the house and I told him he should and that his anger is not going to resolve anything, this time his anger will end everything and he is too selfish to consider my feelings. This was when he slapped me and called me some names. I was too shocked and I slept outside and I have been thinking of leaving him ever since, He still does not think he did anything wrong, just keeps saying that I made him slap him by not letting him sleep when he needed to and that he does not enjoy it but has to do it to stop me , I think thats crap since there can be no excuse for slapping somebody, Should I leave the marriage right away?  |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by andyanders: 8:11pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
[b]FOR YOU TO SAY YOU WENT AHEAD TO SLAP HIM THE FIRST TIME HE ABUSED YOU GOES TO SHOW THAT YOU ARE AN AGGRESSIVE PERSON AND NEEDED TO BE DELIVERED SPIRITUALLY. UNDERSTAND THAT IN A MARRIAGE, SEX SHOULD BE SOMETHING THAT CONTRIBUTES TO AT LEAST 70% OF MARRIAGE AND HIS DENYING YOU OF SEX IS NOT GOOD. BUT FOR YOU, YOU MUST LEARN TO UNDERSTAND MARRIAGE FROM THE POINT THAT YOU NEED TO STUDY YOURSELVES. YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN HE IS IN THE MOOD AND ALSO WHEN BEST TO HAVE SEX IS NOT EVERYDAY SOMETHING. I BELIEVE THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS WORKING AND NEEDED TO COOL HIS BRAIN UP MOST TIMES. HAVING MOVED WITH HIM FOR ABOUT 5YRS AND HAD ONLY VERY SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING WHERE HE HAD TO TURN YOUR ARM, GOES TO SHOW THAT HE IS NOT ALL THAT VIOLENT BUT NEEDED TO BE UNDERSTOOD. LISTEN, MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT ENDURANCE AND NOT ALL ABOUT SEX. YOU MUST TRY TO STUDY HIM AND NOW DISCOVER THE TIME HE ACUALLY GETS TURNED ON FOR SEX. THEN TRY AS MUCH AS HAVING TO MKE YOURSELF NEATLY OUTWARDLY AND INWARDLY. MAKE SURE YOU WEAR NICE TURN ON DEODORANTS AND LINGERINS BEFOR GOING TO BE THAT WILL INVITE HIM CLOSER TO YOU. THEN YOU DONT JUST HAVE SEX, YOU JUST MAKE LOVE. WHENEVER HE WANTS TO MAKE LOVE WORK ON HIM TO GET USED TO YOU BY STROKING HIM IN AND OUT. TRY TO TAKE DIFFERENT POSITIONS THAT WILL MAKE HIM WANT TO HAVE AND ENJOY SEX. FIND OUT THE BEST POSITION HE WANTS. IF HE IS A FAITHFUL HUSBAND, TRY AND GIVE HIM Mouth Action, HE MIGHT TURN TO BE VERY ECSTATIC AND WOULD ASK FOR MORE. FIND HIS SENSITIVE AREAS THAT TURNS HIM ON. I HOPE YOU HAVE SMOOTH AND SOFT PALM THAT CAN CARESS A MAN AND SEND HIM TO ECSTASY. IF YOU ARE BIG BREAST,SQUEEZE HIS MANHOOD INBETWEEN YOUR BREAST AND USE ICECREAM OR VASLINE TO LUBRICATE THE SURFACE OF YOUR BODY AND HAVE HIM FU, CK YOU THERE. THEN BOTH OF YOU CAN ENJOY SEX. IF YOU NEED ME GIVE YOU MY NUMBER, I WILL COUNCIL YOU OR BOTH OF YOU OUT OF THIS PROBLEM. YOU CAN GET BACK TO ME. ALSO, BE CLOSER TO GOD AND DON'T BE A NAGGING WIFE. JUST TAKE IT EASY WITH HIM. IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT WITH YOU.[/b] |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Nobody: 9:19pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
^^^ This is CLASSIC. LoooooooooooooooooooL!!!! |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by naijafrend: 9:33pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
Somehow I feel she is not an Indian. Her posts sounds so much like someone who has been on Nairaland for a long time ! And not once she has replied to any of the posts in Indian language. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Image123(m): 11:00pm On Jan 21, 2011 |
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman Proverbs 21v19 0P, you need to change your ways and attitude to your husband if you want the marriage to work smooth. The man also has his own, but you're the one here. So forgive him and try again. It's a smarter option than the lazy divorce thought. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by aloyemeka1: 12:18am On Jan 22, 2011 |
Outstrip: But she is the aggressor here. What do you expect the man to do?. He can't sleep, he can't have peace of mind and upon that he got ra*ped. Will you have the same tune if it was the woman that was treated that way?. I like to fight for women but not in cases like this. Everybody has a threshold and when you push that button beyond the threshold, anything can happen. I suggest she works on her behavior first before blaming the man. Of course you are right that he may break her head the next time or vice versa. I am sure you will go bunkers if your husband pounce on you on your bad day, ra*pe you and verbally abuse you. If the man is an animal, he would have been slapping her black and blue way before the marriage. What happened here is she hid her bad behavior so the man will marry her and then she turns to give it to him. The irony of the whole thing is she knows her behavior is bad and she has no intention of changing it, rather she wants a situation where the man will adjust to yield to her excesses. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Kunbee: 12:21am On Jan 22, 2011 |
Iyineda: Rofl |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by dayokanu(m): 12:32am On Jan 22, 2011 |
aloy/emeka: Funmi, Ori e pe jare. I would immediately add you to my list of wives |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by adconline(m): 1:10am On Jan 22, 2011 |
U guys need to grow up. Marriage is a continuum and dating pales in comparison to living together under one roof. She who wants to stop a fight, should first quench finger pointing. Enough said |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by aminalib(f): 1:49am On Jan 22, 2011 |
you do not put your hands on anyone if you do not think you can handle being hit back, i do not condone a man hitting a woman though, but from what u said , if i were him i would have slapped u too, i feel that u know he is capable of hitting u, that this is not the first time, i somewhat think u might like the arguments also, make ur choice, if u can live with him hitting u then do so, if not then go |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by violent(m): 1:57am On Jan 22, 2011 |
2 months into the marriage and you are already complaining----you are royally screwed! |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Busybody2(f): 2:47am On Jan 22, 2011 |
aloy/emeka: She gets slapped around at will, she has had her arm twisted a few times, and just this one time she lashes out in frustration and annoyance and suddenly she is now the aggressor  And pray tell where did you see this ra*pe you are insinuating happened  @ Jennykadry Barawo, just say you want Genius100 because he wants me and chose me over you, as usual, so quit sniffing around like Bingo, I am in a very very generous mood so i dash you this one gladly as a Christmas   |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by aloyemeka1: 4:32am On Jan 22, 2011 |
Busy_body: Duh, didn't she say it herself that she forced sex on him?. Isn't that ra*pe?. Which sin is greater in this scenario: slapping around or ra*pe?. The only sin in my book that is more than ra*pe is murder. Apparently, you didn't notice the area where she hit him too. If you hit and ra*pe your man, I will not hesitate to advise him to twist your NECK and not simply twisting arm. It is because he twists only her arms that she repeatedly hit and ra*pe him. Mr man, next time, twist her neck or pull the trigger and watch her respect her ugly behind. You think that hitting and ra*ping men is alright or what?. Nonsense. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by Ivynwa(f): 5:38am On Jan 22, 2011 |
Lots of thanks to the compassionate Nairalanders who understood the plight of the poster, really felt for her and advised her rightly. Poster some advise were hard for you to assimilate because you are of a culture different from ours but it's very modest of you to have accepted your mistakes when you had them pointed out to you. While reading your responses you struck me like an intelligent woman who could hold her own at 25 yet you shouldn't overdo things, one thing I have realized that softens the hardest of hearts and brings smiles to others is SOFT WORDS and some modicum of humility. You are right to some extent in standing your ground but this is your marriage, this is your husband too. You shouldn't allow minutes and hours and days to come and pass you two by because you want him to apologise to you. It isn't everybody that offends one that agrees to apologising and if he refuses to apologise should that be the end of the two of you? You have to tone it down a notch, I bet that with some level of humility and tender loving care that you will have him putty in your hand and even apologising in no time, that kind of silence and truce you have right now will not do you guys good at all. You need to quickly and very sweetly initiate a make-up because you are a woman, your home is in your hand to make or mar. Go build up your home before it comes crumbling down sweetheart. You seem very sexually frustrated and it is very honest and open minded of you to lay bare your heart and hurt to us all which also makes it disgusting and reeks of the worst taste on earth for another woman to have the heart to mock, insult and say unprintable things to you here, do ignore such if possible. You have all the advise that you need here already. You need patience to work on the sexual aspect of your marriage and you should be careful and not hit the ego of your husband, which may even tune him out totally from wanting to have intimacy. A person that is not versed on a subject can only learn through careful tutoring and encouragement, not by letting your frustration seep out or venting it. Take the advice you got here on that seriously. Seek avenues that can build up his sexual knowledge practically and otherwise, bring in the intimacy educating movies for you two to watch and initiate discussions (at the appropriate time when he is rested enough to give you attention) that can enable you two communicate your sexual preferences. How about him? Are there sexual stuffs he likes to do that you yourself do not agree to that may be making him unhappy too? You two just got married and are just starting out on a journey to explore and learn how to pleasure yourselves, you need some endurance and tolerance. I also recommend marriage counselling like somebody already mentioned, he will get the message right from the counsellor that it is not right for him to satisfy himself and leave you unfulfilled. He may be thinking that the pleasure of sex is mainly for the man like a lot of people wrongly think. You two should tone down the seeming equal egos with yours some notches down the scale cause you are the woman and he is your man, you have to be respecting him and must never slap him. He must never slap or get physical with you too which is why I understood why you are not finding that funny. If more women make a little effort to send the message home to abusive spouses that they cannot condone violence, lives will be saved really. You did GREAT in standing your ground but you have to still be FEMININE and LOVING while sending across that message and not be BELLIGERENT about it. Some people summarize it all in this simple statement that says that "YOU STOOP TO CONQUER" @all Please is it right for people of other nations who admire the intelligence Nigerians display in this forum to come and share their problem here as well as seek advice and have some people insulting, abusing and making fun of them? What with this habit some people have of throwing some classless weight they think they have on the sensitive threads of others and unfeelingly mocking and throwing words at them. It is very DISTASTEFUL and DISGUSTING. Let us acommodate and even when we must give harsh advise, it can still be done respectfully. We can't advise like adults and behave like malicious and fight-picking primary school children like some are exhibiting here. Where can any human find the heart to be throwing words at somebody that is hurting like this poster. It beats me really. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by vaLasce(m): 5:42am On Jan 22, 2011 |
Unsuregirl,ur so unsure'bout ur relationship,its so hard2blive dat all'f a sudden,ur hubby just started fisically abusin u,just like dat!? he has no rite watsoeva2do so,but i think u shld check urself.U guys gat a long way2go,stop dis chicken fight and njoy ur marriage. |
| Re: Husband Slapped Me Over An Argument by henchmark: 5:57am On Jan 22, 2011 |
vaLasce: did u just read my mind? exactly what i was bout to say. like i will always say, any problem in any relationship is the mans's fault period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if its sex issue i blame him 1000%. yes he is tired, for you to be in that high mood means he's not satisfied you in a while, i had a girlfriend and i can tell you authoritatively that if a woman is well taken of sexually, for days she might not be in the mood for sex cos she is yet to decend from the mountain the guy kept her. please you guys should take it easy with yourselves, your marriage is much younger than your courtship, so guys try and understand urselves. you guys should think more not about satisfying yourself but your partner that way you will have fewer arguments. ALL THE BEST |
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