Good morning Nairalanders, my story is quite long. But please bear with me.

I met my Baby mama Late 2015 via social media (Badoo). We had a great relationship dating. It's almost like we are made for each other. Fast forward a couple of months I felt like I have found my missing rib. I popped the question January 2016 and she said YES. I had plans to settle down before the end of 2016.

I lost my job few months into 2016 and things fell really apart for me. I could not carry-on with the marriage like I planned. Towards the end of 2016 she concluded a business that raised her around 450k. Because of how things were so difficult, she gave me the money to buy a car so I can use it for taxi. I did so. We were managing good. She got pregnant and gave birth to my son in 2017.

Fast forward 2019 I got a job as an assistant manager at a hotel. Thats when we started having issues. Because I had to move out to my place of work in another state.

Honestly I have never been the faithful type of guy. But I have never let that change my feelings for her. Because I really love her.

She knows that I am not really faithful but She had never really felt insecure since we were always together. But when I moved out it became one problem after another. I started making arrangements for the wedding with the little money I have been able to save. At least to get the traditional marriage done. The wedding was supposed to be in November 2019. September 2019 she had an accident. I spent every single dime I had to pay the hospital bills. I even borrowed money. Thanks be to God she is fine today.

So at the end of 2019 I resigned from the job and moved back to the house, so peace would reign and to avoid all the insecurities.

Currently I am job hunting, but yet she has gotten worse. When I go out to make contacts she accuses me of going out with women. I am the kind of guy who has hot temper and she has hot temper too. Many times when complains and scream down the house, I don't say anything because that is how I have trained myself to control my temper. Because if I respond to everything she says I will definitely end up beating her. So I keep quite.

I have always been the one cooking our meals because I am a very good cook. And she loves my cooking. Now she nags about me cooking my meals when she is at home.

I am seriously considering to opt out. But I am considering our son. I came from a polygamous family. She too is from a polygamous home. I am trying hard to make sure that we break that bond. But she is pushing me to quit. She keeps telling me that if I am tired of the relationship, I should let her know and walk away.

Please advise me, how should I handle this situation. I am on the verge of giving up. My son is kinda the only thing keeping us together.

No insults please.
Thank you.

She doesn't trust you around women, I don't blame her though. You have really not tried to build any trust with her on that issue, instead you have given excuses/justifying why you cheat. Not good

Secondly, I think angers are flaring because no source of income for now in the home. We all know how money is a big issue in relationships/marriage. She needs to see you doing something sir. Have you considered driving the cab again, at least for now, while you provide for them. Trust me she'd appreciate every effort. All the talks of being tired of the relationship are just talks of frustration. Get busy, make everyone comfy and happy, then start planning for your wedding

She doesn't cut across as a lazy type, you should be happy to have a gold in your home

This has not gotten to the issue of break up nah..I think your wife loves you for whom you are even without enough moneybut feeling insecure right? My brother you got not problem. What you need to do is to take her and the son out for a treat den use the medium to reassure her that she and her son is your priority and everything you have.
2. Be more prayer
3. Avoid cooking if it will continue causing disagreement between you both
4. Seek for an an advice from a marriage and counselling expert
5. Report her to sum1 she always owe in high regard to talk to her.
Best of luck in ur marriage.

Well, I see you both have issues that could be resolved if only both of you stopped shouting and had a real dialogue.

Both of you have made sacrifices that seemed to have proved your love for one another, and this is what you seem to hold on to.

But if you do not work out your shortcomings, both of you, you—your unfaithfulness and her—her nagging, your sacrifices would soon be forgotten and your child will bear the brunt of it.

So just try to have a real heart to heart.

Bro there is no kind of assurance that I have not given to her. Just recently, I paid for her hair without her knowledge. She was just called to the salon to make her hair. Before she left I still gave her some money to pay for the attachments that will be used as she requested. Only for her to get there and they told her that I have already paid. I still let her know that she is the only woman I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I will try to see a marriage counselor.

Thank you.

Olakunleyakub:
This has not gotten to the issue of break up nah..I think your wife loves you for whom you are even without enough moneybut feeling insecure right? My brother you got not problem. What you need to do is to take her and the son out for a treat den use the medium to reassure her that she and her son is your priority and everything you have.
2. Be more prayer
3. Avoid cooking if it will continue causing disagreement between you both
4. Seek for an an advice from a marriage and counselling expert
5. Report her to sum1 she always owe in high regard to talk to her.
Best of luck in ur marriage.

its gonna be alright..... just secure a job now your at home with her and the baby

No insults intended.

Your past is haunting you. TRUST is very important in business, family, friendship etc. You didn't build trust during the years.
People have been in long distance relationships for years and get to see once or twice a year and they still love each other because they didnt compromise trust along the way.

Secondly, you have finance issues and this is directly propertional to the happiness of most men. If u don't have money, many things will easily irritate you.

nanauju:


She doesn't trust you around women, I don't blame her though. You have really not tried to build any trust with her on that issue, instead you have given excuses/justifying why you cheat. Not good

Secondly, I think angers are flaring because no source of income for now in the home. We all know how money is a big issue in relationships/marriage. She needs to see you doing something sir. Have you considered driving the cab again, at least for now, while you provide for them. Trust me she'd appreciate every effort. All the talks of being tired of the relationship are just talks if frustration. Get busy, make everyone comfy and happy, then start planning for your wedding

She doesn't cut across as a lazy type, you should be happy to have a gold in your home

Why u writing my thoughts na

Please dont.

If not for anything, Stay in the relationship for your son.. Don't start what you can't finish.

If has worked before, it can still work again. She just feels unsecured who h you can always correct.

You are lucky but you don't know. You will realise later.

What makes you think the next girl you will go for will be a saint? Better make do with what you have and package it. I see a good insecured lady from your description. One of the best in modern times.

I pray you never explore options before you realise this.

Honestly Bro, I don't really nag. I don't talk. I am always on the calm end. I have tried several times to have a dialog with her. But it ends up being a fight. She talk really fast and I can't keep up without getting upset. And then I will end the conversation and just walk away. I don't know what to do anymore.

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Well, I see you both have issues that could be resolved if only both of you stopped shouting and had a real dialogue.

Both of you have made sacrifices that seemed to have proved your love for one another, and this is what you seem to hold on to.

But if you do not work out your shortcomings, both of you, you—your unfaithfulness and her—her nagging, your sacrifices would soon be forgotten and your child will bear the brunt of it.

So just try to have a real heart to heart.

yomi007k:

Why u writing my thoughts na

Awwwwnnn

dontammy:
Honestly Bro, I don't really nag. I don't talk. I am always on the calm end. I have tried several times to have a dialog with her. But it ends up being a fight. She talk really fast and I can't keep up without getting upset. And then I will end the conversation and just walk away. I don't know what to do anymore.

All I have to tell you is - Buckle down and try harder to make more money.

Romance is sweeter when there is finance!

dontammy:
Honestly Bro, I don't really nag. I don't talk. I am always on the calm end. I have tried several times to have a dialog with her. But it ends up being a fight. She talk really fast and I can't keep up without getting upset. And then I will end the conversation and just walk away. I don't know what to do anymore.

One person has to put ego aside, and since you are here could be you as well.
You go to her with complete humility and talk gently with her.
Tell her about a particular incident or sacrifice of hers which you really appreciate, then tell her you've noticed things haven't been going well between both of you and you really want to fix that. I suppose you can flow from there.

We sold the car to pay some bills. I still love her and don't want to leave her. But she keeps asking me to leave. And yes I get irritated over every little thing just because I don't have money. But yet I don't let it show. I really really love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. This is the second time I have had to quit my job because of her. First was my DJ job. Now this. Just to make her feel safe that I can do anything to make her happy.

yomi007k:

No insults intended.

Your past is haunting you. TRUST is very important in business, family, friendship etc. You didn't build trust during the years.
People have been in long distance relationships for years and get to see once or twice a year and they still love each other because they didnt compromise trust along the way.

Secondly, you have finance issues and this is directly propertional to the happiness of most men. If u don't have money, many things will easily irritate you.

Bro u don't have any problem at all, the only thing missing in ur relationship is understanding. Plz do have a heart to heart talk with her especially wake her up at night.
My advice.

Try get a job first , give her some time in the kitchen too or u can equally do the cooking together if she is that bad

I see no serious issues here , just continue keeping your cool and get a job first , but if u see it can't work , better u leave with your life intact , cos na u wear the shoe , we just dey try advice u from the story u told us . But if u can just try harder to make things work out for you and your family , get a job . Sometimes money is important in marriage !

If insecurities is her problem , try see if u can open up something both of u can sit there and manage , be seeing yourselves. Change mode of dressing too , dress like adult !

dontammy:
We sold the car to pay some bills. I still love her and don't want to leave her. But she keeps asking me to leave. And yes I get irritated over every little thing just because I don't have money. But yet I don't let it show. I really really love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. This is the second time I have had to quit my job because of her. First was my DJ job. Now this. Just to make her feel safe that I can do anything to make her happy.

You need to love yourself.

We all really love them but the sweetest ones MUST really really love us too.

majamajic:
Try get a job first , give her some time in the kitchen too or u can equally do the cooking together if she is that bad

I see no serious issues here , just continue keeping your cool and get a job first , but if u see it can't work , better u leave with your life intact , cos na u wear the shoe , we just dey try advice u from the story u told us . But if u can just try harder to make things work out for you and your family , get a job . Sometimes money is important in marriage !

Thank you.

I can tell form afar that, that your woman really loves u don't try to leave her despite the challenges you both are facing i believe both of you are matured enough to settle your differences.
but nwanne u gats makes some money to at least make her happy

dontammy:
Good morning Nairalanders, my story is quite long. But please bear with me.

I met my Baby mama Late 2015 via social media (Badoo). We had a great relationship dating. It's almost like we are made for each other. Fast forward a couple of months I felt like I have found my missing rib. I popped the question January 2016 and she said YES. I had plans to settle down before the end of 2016.

I lost my job few months into 2016 and things fell really apart for me. I could not carry-on with the marriage like I planned. Towards the end of 2016 she concluded a business that raised her around 450k. Because of how things were so difficult, she gave me the money to buy a car so I can use it for taxi. I did so. We were managing good. She got pregnant and gave birth to my son in 2017.

Fast forward 2019 I got a job as an assistant manager at a hotel. Thats when we started having issues. Because I had to move out to my place of work in another state.

Honestly I have never been the faithful type of guy. But I have never let that change my feelings for her. Because I really love her.

She knows that I am not really faithful but She had never really felt insecure since we were always together. But when I moved out it became one problem after another. I started making arrangements for the wedding with the little money I have been able to save. At least to get the traditional marriage done. The wedding was supposed to be in November 2019. September 2019 she had an accident. I spent every single dime I had to pay the hospital bills. I even borrowed money. Thanks be to God she is fine today.

So at the end of 2019 I resigned from the job and moved back to the house, so peace would reign and to avoid all the insecurities.

Currently I am job hunting, but yet she has gotten worse. When I go out to make contacts she accuses me of going out with women. I am the kind of guy who has hot temper and she has hot temper too. Many times when complains and scream down the house, I don't say anything because that is how I have trained myself to control my temper. Because if I respond to everything she says I will definitely end up beating her. So I keep quite.

I have always been the one cooking our meals because I am a very good cook. And she loves my cooking. Now she nags about me cooking my meals when she is at home.

I am seriously considering to opt out. But I am considering our son. I came from a polygamous family. She too is from a polygamous home. I am trying hard to make sure that we break that bond. But she is pushing me to quit. She keeps telling me that if I am tired of the relationship, I should let her know and walk away.

Please advise me, how should I handle this situation. I am on the verge of giving up. My son is kinda the only thing keeping us together.

No insults please.
Thank you.

You say you come from a polygamous home but you say you aren’t faithful and she was ok with that. You caused your own problem and made her insecure. As you cheat I just want you to keep in mind there’s a high chance one of the girls you cheat with will become pregnant. Your children will be the one to suffer the consequences of your selfish actions. So many children suffer for the decisions their fathers made to have children with many women. And then you say no insults, it’s because you know what you were doing/did is wrong. I have no sympathy for men like you. You need to pray for deliverance. You really need to hope you don’t come across a woman that prays.

You spoil and hurt your own woman and other women because of a lack of self control. One thing I can tell you is don’t cause your own misfortune in life. If some women cry on your behalf God listens. I don’t know why people think they can hurt people and go back to business as usual. Have you ever thought of why you have difficulty keeping a job and so many events of misfortune? Brothers and Sisters don’t ever forget all decisions and actions have consequences. Be careful how you treat people

HeavenlyCherub:

You say you come from a polygamous home but you say you aren’t faithful and she was ok with that. You caused your own problem and made her insecure. As you cheat I just want you to keep in mind there’s a high chance one of the girls you cheat with will become pregnant. Your children will be the one to suffer the consequences of your selfish actions. So many children suffer for the decisions their fathers made to have children with many women. And then you say no insults, it’s because you know what you were doing/did is wrong. I have no sympathy for men like you. You need to pray for deliverance. You really need to hope you don’t come across a woman that prays.

You spoil and hurt your own woman and other women because of a lack of self control. One thing I can tell you is don’t cause your own misfortune in life. If some women cry on your behalf God listens. I don’t know why people think they can hurt people and go back to business as usual. Have you ever thought of why you have difficulty keeping a job and so many events of misfortune? Brothers and Sisters don’t ever forget all decisions and actions have consequences. Be careful how you treat people

I never had a problem keeping my job. I resigned from my job to keep my family together. So as to keep myself away from cheating on her.

Don't do it . She loves you. She has been there for you. Remember there is God. Relationship is work ............................................. Nonsense . Go to hell.

Guy that lady realy loves you,for a lady to give you that amount of money in these country says it all.she is just been insecured due to your past cheating habit.just try and work things out with her,i belive a long one and one heart talk with her will be ok for both of you.dont lose her please.

dontammy:
Good morning Nairalanders, my story is quite long. But please bear with me.

I met my Baby mama Late 2015 via social media (Badoo). We had a great relationship dating. It's almost like we are made for each other. Fast forward a couple of months I felt like I have found my missing rib. I popped the question January 2016 and she said YES. I had plans to settle down before the end of 2016.

I lost my job few months into 2016 and things fell really apart for me. I could not carry-on with the marriage like I planned. Towards the end of 2016 she concluded a business that raised her around 450k. Because of how things were so difficult, she gave me the money to buy a car so I can use it for taxi. I did so. We were managing good. She got pregnant and gave birth to my son in 2017.

Fast forward 2019 I got a job as an assistant manager at a hotel. Thats when we started having issues. Because I had to move out to my place of work in another state.

Honestly I have never been the faithful type of guy. But I have never let that change my feelings for her. Because I really love her.

She knows that I am not really faithful but She had never really felt insecure since we were always together. But when I moved out it became one problem after another. I started making arrangements for the wedding with the little money I have been able to save. At least to get the traditional marriage done. The wedding was supposed to be in November 2019. September 2019 she had an accident. I spent every single dime I had to pay the hospital bills. I even borrowed money. Thanks be to God she is fine today.

So at the end of 2019 I resigned from the job and moved back to the house, so peace would reign and to avoid all the insecurities.

Currently I am job hunting, but yet she has gotten worse. When I go out to make contacts she accuses me of going out with women. I am the kind of guy who has hot temper and she has hot temper too. Many times when complains and scream down the house, I don't say anything because that is how I have trained myself to control my temper. Because if I respond to everything she says I will definitely end up beating her. So I keep quite.

I have always been the one cooking our meals because I am a very good cook. And she loves my cooking. Now she nags about me cooking my meals when she is at home.

I am seriously considering to opt out. But I am considering our son. I came from a polygamous family. She too is from a polygamous home. I am trying hard to make sure that we break that bond. But she is pushing me to quit. She keeps telling me that if I am tired of the relationship, I should let her know and walk away.

Please advise me, how should I handle this situation. I am on the verge of giving up. My son is kinda the only thing keeping us together.

No insults please.
Thank you.

Do you think your very selfish reactions, towards other women, is the main reason that is triggering this negative attitude from your babymama??

It seems to be all about you, this male chauvinistic attitude of ME ME ME...... You want to go around town, fucking every hole you fancy, but expect her to remain a doormat at home, playing wifey roles!!!!!!!

Change your ways and be honest about this change and watch her return to the woman, you used to know and love.......

PS : An advice from one man to another...... If you're gonna cheat, NEVER throw it to the woman you claim to love face...... NEVER GET CAUGHT......

The marriage will only end in premium tears...sorry to say

OP you are a fool no doubt. Sorry to say. All those telling you she really loves you don't know anything. She loves you, yes but her insecurities will hinder you from going higher places. Take this from me.

nanauju:


She doesn't trust you around women, I don't blame her though. You have really not tried to build any trust with her on that issue, instead you have given excuses/justifying why you cheat. Not good

Secondly, I think angers are flaring because no source of income for now in the home. We all know how money is a big issue in relationships/marriage. She needs to see you doing something sir. Have you considered driving the cab again, at least for now, while you provide for them. Trust me she'd appreciate every effort. All the talks of being tired of the relationship are just talks if frustration. Get busy, make everyone comfy and happy, then start planning for your wedding

She doesn't cut across as a lazy type, you should be happy to have a gold in your home

typical Nigeria lady response....is always the man fault.

No advise to lady? or nagging everytime isn't something condemnable

Bro, I'll give you the same advise I got that made my woman respect me till date.

First, understand that when a woman starts pushing you away, you need to stay away from her till she contacts you.

Right now she's testing your resolve and strength to leave her. Like you can never do without her. The moment you refuse to leave, the disrespect will worsen and eventually lead to either cheating on you or du.ping you to find a man with some spine.

It's bitter but that's the truth. Give her some space and don't contact her till she contacts you first. If she doesn't, then thank your stars and move on.

Your mindset is keeping you in that trap. Your son will be fine. Right now your sanity and happiness matters the most.

Lmao

mofeoluwadassah:
The marriage will only end in premium tears...sorry to say

The problem dates back to 2015 the platform you met her. She thinks the same way you cornered her on baddo that you will corner another. She needs reassurance. Secondly, ladies nag a lot when there no money, don't forget she gave up her dream by handing over her money to you, so build back her confidence take her out, show her off. I pray God locate you with a job soon.