Picture the scene: it’s a first date. You’ve glammed up; teeth buffed to gleaming, skin taut and glowing, eyes a-popping, hair quaffed, doused in alluring scents and… across from you sits your date. They seemed perfectly fine over text, but now they sit before you: slouching like a bag of old spuds, staring seriously at their fingernails, and occasionally twitching. You need to get out. Good lord, you need to get out!

Another ‘bad date’ scenario: It’s your second meeting. You got along nicely the first time, shared a kiss on the doorstep, and now you’re taking a stroll through the park. You’re beginning to get more comfortable. You laugh together watching a squirrel. Maybe there are some swans. And then you mention your holiday plans and they, from nowhere, say something breathtakingly annoying and uncalled for which makes you feel really uncomfortable : time to BAIL!

How about this: third date. You know what this could mean; they’re making eyes, biting their lower lip at you in what they desperately hope is a sexy fashion. They announce they’re just nipping off to uncork the second bottle of wine. They can’t stop talking about themselves or about sex or what they would want to do to you in bed, all of this in a freakish and annoying manner but then you feel it is natural, it is human! However, once they have left the room: no, it is not okay, it is not acceptable to do that and smile and continue the evening. No. You must flee. Only… how?

These points can help you

The ‘Truth’

Okay, we’ll start with this one, because it’s not really a method of escaping bad dates, it’s more… well, just being honest. Yes, beauty is truth and truth is beauty, and it’ll set you free and whatnot, but before it sets you free it’ll require you to stare straight into the vacant mug of your boring date and tell them that they are just rubbish and you’re going home. If you have the stomach for it, be my guest. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The ‘Phone Call’...

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