There is this guy i've known for a long time that has asked me out since. He is very handsome, smart, dresses well, makes money but OMG! his personality sucks for me at least. We could drive around for hours and a word would/might not be spoken till i initiate it and end it. Not adventurious, just movies, stay home chill and the chilling is boring itself. He could just sit at a corner and that's it. Sometimes i try to move him, speak, act funny or have a convo, but i have realized that's who he is. He is still asking me to be his girlfriend even when i show i'm not interested.

Ladies based on his description, would you still go ahead and date him?

This guy fits the description of the "good man" that women are searching for in all the right and wrong places hoping to tie them down for marriage. This is the problem with you ladies. You say want something and when it presents itself to you, you don't recongnise it. To you he might be boring and unexciting probably because you are still young,wild and adventurous (perhaps in your twenties at best) but a time will come when you'll be sick of rolling with the bad boys (trust me on that). By that time, you'll become a "born again sister in the lord" seeking these same kind of "boring unexciting men" who are 100% marriage material without success. All the "born again brothers" in church are nothing but wolves now. My neighbor has slept with at least 10 ladies from one church alone within three months!

Leave him in peace so he can find someone who values him. I'm pretty sure if you noticed other rival ladies competing for him, he wouldn't appear so "boring" to you.

***[s]Women and their issues[/s]***

SMH

I knew there would be someone that would post something negative in relation to my post. No one is judging him or anything. You too picture yourself, having a woman, whether good or bad but very boring. How long can you be compatible with her?
When I say boring, I mean boring! No conversation, nothing mutual etc. Relationship is much more than just presenting a guy or girl as your partner. Ok after that, what next? Also I never said i don't value him.

It is a simple question, if you would date him or not. I never belittled him, i just said his personality is zero. He dresses well, speaks well, drives a good ride so I'm not belittling him. He is just there. As in nothing. Like I said i've known him for a long time.

If everything in the OP is accurate then you shouldn't date him.








The guy deserves better.

He deserves much better.

millco88:

If everything in the OP is accurate then you shouldn't date him.








The guy deserves better.

HaveSense1:

He deserves much better.

Why? please don't criticize me. Just asking.

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Lacrissa

My dear, I think I've once analyzed this before, this guy is a typical lover that admires you,
you think there's a complete man that doesn't have the feelings to dance to a good music,
laugh at a funny joke, or even tell you about a funny experience.

If I were a lady, after reading your thread, I'll look for a way to snatch him from you.

I don't know why some people feel there has to be a conversation while I'm driving them around in my car.

Just sit back, enjoy the music/A.C and let me concentrate on the road. If you need something to "feel active" to, listen to music. It's what car CD players are for.

You're obviously still young though, so I understand your need for spunkiness. You still have a thirst for more of the world.
Please don't date him. If you have to ask, please Leave him for the more deserving women who have seen enough of the world and just want and can appreciate something "dependable".

Fact is, if you date him, you'll just end up cheating on him. . . which is worse.

Sometimes, some of you just talk like you talk from "     " or just feel like criticizing or fighting. What did you not understand by my post?

2buff:

I don't know why some people feel there has to be a conversation while I'm driving them around in my car.

Just sit back, enjoy the music/A.C and let me concentrate on the road. If you need something to "feel active" to, listen to music. It's what car CD players are for.

You're obviously still young though, so I understand your need for spunkiness. You still have a thirst for more of the world.
Please don't date him. If you have to ask, please Leave him for the more deserving women who have seen enough of the world and just want and can appreciate  something "dependable".

Fact is, if you date him, you'll just end up cheating on him. . . which is worse.

First of all, no one is saying there must be a conversation, that is an example. Understand my point logically and not basically. It has nothing to do with being young or old, at least, let me watch before leaping. So because I said he is boring, he is now automatically a good guy? What if he was a killer, you guys would not criticize me right?
Let him have more deserving woman now just as i would have more deserving men!
I came here to ask questions. Who are the deserving women?

vertexroya:

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Lacrissa

My dear, I think I've once analyzed this before, this guy is a typical lover that admires you,
you think there's a complete man that doesn't have the feelings to dance to a good music,
laugh at a funny joke, or even tell you about a funny experience.

If I were a lady, after reading your thread, I'll look for a way to snatch him from you.

He admires me yes, so because he does, i have to be with him? I tried to but the chemistry is zero. What attracts you to your partner? We cannot even stay home together and have fun. We could be home alone, tv on, that's it. The place would be as quiet as a mortuary. Not even conversation about career, future. he would just sit and it's not like we are in a relationship so if i say yes, what next? That's what we would be doing all our lives? serious?

Love em or leave em. Why not let him know your reservations. Talking about it with him might be like a trigger to make him an exciting companion. Still waters run deep though. Try to learn more about him.

@Lacrissa
I'll go wit 2buff on dis 1 , especially his last statement.
I shd tink he has interest bt ua nt seein dem. I personally tink ua self centred & only tink bout ur own interest. If u cant cope wit his personality move on & let him knw its final , in tym u'll com 2 realise wat u had. Go catch ur fun , dis is bout d only tym u can.
Sory 4 usin txt shorthand had 2 reply tru my fone

@Lacrissa
I'll go wit 2buff on dis 1 , especially his last statement.
I shd tink he has interest bt ua nt seein dem. I personally tink ua self centred & only tink bout ur own interest. If u cant cope wit his personality move on & let him knw its final , in tym u'll com 2 realise wat u had. Go catch ur fun , dis is bout d only tym u can.
Sory 4 usin txt shorthand had 2 reply tru my fone

That's my kind of person. I don't talk much, don't joke much, don't attend too much party. This kind of people are always intelligent and calm, he needs someone like you someone that can cheer him up someone that can make him laugh and lively most times and I belive he will love you more if only you can be patient and learn new ways to follow him.

desertboom:

That's my kind of person. I don't talk much, don't joke much, don't attend too much party. This kind of people are always intelligent and calm, he needs someone like you someone that can cheer him up someone that can make him laugh and lively most times and I belive he will love you more if only you can be patient and learn new ways to follow him.

Ok let me direct this question to you if you have a girl. What are the things you do or she does that make you compatible with her and vice versa?

@lacrissa. Since I know that I am a quite type of personality I also realize that being with a girl that has thesame kind of my personality will make me even more dull and quite. To be compatible; I'll like you more if you're a social type of personality, I will love you more if you can always make me warm like making me laugh more, crack more jokes with me and don't feel shy about anything. If you can do the above for me it makes you qualify to be my wife. Please, I'm only using myself as an example to enable you understand more.

Lacrissa:

Sometimes, some of you just talk like you talk from "     " or just feel like criticizing or fighting. What did you not understand by my post?

First of all, no one is saying there must be a conversation, that is an example. Understand my point logically and not basically. It has nothing to do with being young or old, at least, let me watch before leaping. So because I said he is boring, he is now automatically a good guy? What if he was a killer, you guys would not criticize me right?
Let him have more deserving woman now just as i would have more deserving men!
I came here to ask questions. Who are the deserving women?



He admires me yes, so because he does, i have to be with him? I tried to but the chemistry is zero. What attracts you to your partner? We cannot even stay home together and have fun. We could be home alone, tv on, that's it. The place would be as quiet as a mortuary. Not even conversation about career, future. he would just sit and it's not like we are in a relationship so if i say yes, what next? That's what we would be doing all our lives? serious?

You've not even agreed to date this guy and already you want to be having conversations about the 'future'?   

What you seek is empty conversations and obviously, the guy is not one to engage in such. If you want to have something to discuss with him, then stop judging him and try to show real interest in his life. Then maybe he can see the need to start confiding in you . . .  and I'm sure you won't be so bored anymore! 

Rome was not built in a day my dear!

Personally, on my first, second, third, even fourth date with a guy, I could pass for shy, quiet and to an extent timid. But give me time and you can barely keep up with my conversations!      

vertexroya:

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Lacrissa

My dear, I think I've once analyzed this before, this guy is a typical lover that admires you,
you think there's a complete man that doesn't have the feelings to dance to a good music,
laugh at a funny joke, or even tell you about a funny experience.

If I were a lady, after reading your thread, I'll look for a way to snatch him from you.

Thats quite deep. i see sense in all u wrote vertex.

@ poster i understand you.most replies i ve read here were posted by people who dont know how u really feel.i had a girl i loved(and still do) but our communication was zero as she always kept quiet (as in driving from ibadan to lagos without a word) and i started imagining how life will be with someone with such personality who never initiates a discussion(and even when i start up with one,she kills it with monosyllabic answers and an "i dont feel like talking responses").she never saw a big deal in being too introverted(being introverted is not bad but then too much of everything is bad).
The truth is such takes the shine off life- u should be able to look back when u grow old and be happy u lived a free,happy and fulfilled life.It could make ur partner look stupid when some people are having an intelligent discussion in which he should be involved but all he does is keep mum.he might have all the money but that really makes him a nobody because his circle of influence is zero.u could overlook this the first few times but then when it becomes a habit it removes that " this is my soul mate" feeling.If i were u i would talk to him over it in a manner he can relate to while holding him.it s a habit he has been with since childhood and i guess and he doesnt see as a big deal.if u make him concious of what he s doing to himself and his future home(with or without u) there ll be some improvement cos life is passing him by.

Behind bobo:

@ poster i understand you.most replies i ve read here were posted by people who dont know how u really feel.i had a girl i loved(and still do) but our communication was zero as she always kept quiet (as in driving from ibadan to lagos without a word) and i started imagining how life will be with someone with such personality who never initiates a discussion(and even when i start up with one,she kills it with monosyllabic answers and an "i dont feel like talking responses".she never saw a big deal in being too introverted(being introverted is not bad but then too much of everything is bad).
The truth is such takes the shine off life- u should be able to look back when u grow old and be happy u lived a free,happy and fulfilled life.It could make your partner look silly when some people are having an intelligent discussion in which he should be involved but all he does is keep mum.he might have all the money but that really makes him a nobody because his circle of influence is zero.u could overlook this the first few times but then when it becomes a habit it removes that " this is my soul mate" feeling.If i were u i would talk to him over it in a manner he can relate to while holding him.it s a habit he has been with since childhood and i guess and he doesnt see as a big deal.if u make him concious of what he s doing to himself and his future home(with or without u) there ll be some improvement cos life is passing him by.

Thank you for understand me perfectly. I can't believe people are saying some of what I'm seeing. I bet if it was the other way round, they would also be here posting seeking advice. There is a difference between being quiet but one could still enjoy your company and just being quiet all the time even when you are alone with your girlfriend. Nothing to say, do, play together etc? Just sit far apart and be looking at the ceiling or tv all your lives? Kidding?

Ujujoan:

You've not even agreed to date this guy and already you want to be having conversations about the 'future'?   

What you seek is empty conversations and obviously, the guy is not one to engage in such. If you want to have something to discuss with him, then stop judging him and try to show real interest in his life. Then maybe he can see the need to start confiding in you . . .  and I'm sure you won't be so bored anymore! 

Rome was not built in a day my dear!

Personally, on my first, second, third, even fourth date with a guy, I could pass for shy, quiet and to an extent timid. But give me time and you can barely keep up with my conversations!      

We have been dating but more like friendship type and getting to know him, though sometimes he assumes girlfriend or have been asking me to officially be his girl.No one is judging anyone, as i said before there is a difference between being quiet because that's your personality but at least you could be fun to your partner not just quiet and boring all the time. Even when you are alone with you partner NOTHING. Just sit, tv is on, no matter how long, then you would ask me to kiss you or have sex? Like that's how to create chemistry? nah!

desertboom:

@lacrissa. Since I know that I am a quite type of personality I also realize that being with a girl that has thesame kind of my personality will make me even more dull and quite. To be compatible; I'll like you more if you're a social type of personality, I will love you more if you can always make me warm like making me laugh more, crack more jokes with me and don't feel shy about anything. If you can do the above for me it makes you qualify to be my wife. Please, I'm only using myself as an example to enable you understand more.

I think i understand you but for how long? If you are looking long term? He does not initiate anything and to think about it a man? You want to marry someone, when the world deserts you, you are still happy regardless because u are with that one person. Sometimes I feel bad because i know he does like me but how do i suffer just to please him? i have initiated things, told him to just talk more to me but still the same for years. what type of relationship would this be?

Evidently you are not compatible, accept that and move on, both of you deserve somebody better than you can offer to each other - unless of course you are still attracted to his good looks & money or wondering that he may have some hidden assets/talent that may help tilt the balance in his favour, e.g. a 9 incher that by chance could do all the conversation you need for the both of you.

Bottom line, follow your heart, do what makes you happy. Good luck.

i know what you are going through cos i have been in a relationship with such a person for a long time( still dont know what i am doing in that relationship).
His lethargy kills me, but am so in love

lacrissa, lacrissa, u never learn, ok so u have a good man who is quiet and stays out of trouble and WANTS YOU, yet he is boring, yet u on here wanting advise about how to get ur friend who is still in love with his ex, girl get a grip on life.

Those 1's you can't change them o, please o run fast before he starts pointing accusations that u were toying with his emotions!

I am the guy this poster's talking about. Cause we act same way. Nikki, why?

If you will get to read this, long time ago when i was in school, i was like that my first year and i lost a lady i really fell for to a less deserving guy in my dept. in my second and third year, i changed to a more confident and sociable guy, i met my old love on campus one day and she could not believe the new met, therefore, my advice is that, this guy can change, but pray he does not change to the extreme. you could direct him to me, i will help him

@poster
Am d quiet type bt nt to d point of nt initiating a conversation bt i dnt talk unnecessary issues. My ideal woman must nt be a quiet type like me bt i cnt tolerate a talkative,jus a little humourous type.
So,i think he's d type that fits u since u cn initiate d conversation bt it depends on d kind of topics ur bringing up to him.

You know what, i actually know a guy similiar to this one, but he has a 'girlfriend' so i guess it's slightly different.

Poster is clearly a YOUNG girl looking for fun. Go catch your fun and go back to him when you are done

DAMN @Lacrissa, bring this guy here and let me show you what you do with a man like that, only you cant have him back once he's in my chambers girl. This guy is simply saying "Love me best way you can" and you cant do that?

Tell us what do you bring in this relationship? he brought his bit, bring yours too by making this relationship a bit more exciting. He sounds like a complete man who needs somebody to bring a bit of spark in his life, C'mon girl light up his fire. What are you doing?

Since you think his personality sucks.Dont date him.