After few months in marriage, i have decided to file for divorce. Your are probably asking yourselves these questions....why so soon? Don't you know what you were signing for when you got married? Did you rush into marriage? How old are you self! I could give you one hundrend and one excuses but that won't be reason enough to or not to get a divorce.
I chose to walk away (even though the man doesn't want me to) because my perspective about marriage has changed and I am writing this to share my view with you.
So many men and women didn't bother to understand themselves before going into marriage but i didn't make that mistake . I know myself (I am sure you are laughing already), i actually do. I married very late mind you, so I had taken my time to analyse the main values I wanted in a man. At least those things I felt were important to me. All I thought I wanted in marriage/relationship was love, loyalty and a very gentleman, cause i know me, I am too independent for my own good . But do you know that my strengths became my doom! I never wanted money from a guy cause i didn't grow up with the so called 'average naija babe' mentality. I was taught to make my own money but what happened? I ended up with a lazy ass man who dream big and have nothing to show for it. Do I blame him for all that went wrong? Definitely not! It takes two to tangle. Anyways, I am not here to talk about my failed marriage but setting the right goals in relationship/marriage.
However if you haven't taken time to analyse yourself, you better do. Know thyself! Know what you want in a partner and that's the beginning.
The important question I never asked myself before getting married is WHAT HAS THIS MAN GOT TO CONTRIBUTE TO MY LIFE? I didn't ask this question because I thought, I don't need him adding value(s) to my life. I thought I have got it all covered but i was wrong. Trust me, It is not selfish of you to ask yourself WHAT IS THIS MAN/WOMAN BRINGING TO THE TABLE! It doesn't matter that you have everything you wanted, Your partner should be that which add value(s) to your life. Now, don't think the value(s) I am talking about is that she/he is a prayer warriors and the spiritual front of the home is secure, my wife/husband support every of my ambition and she/he is good with the children, she/he has got the physique I want in a partner and she/he is fantastic in bed.....etc. oh Pls! Those are not values a partner needs to possess. The right question is, DOES THIS WOMAN/MAN HAVE ANYTHING TO CONTRIBUTE TO/IN MY LIFE VISION? WILL SHE/HE MAKES A BETTER WOMAN/MAN OUT OF ME? I guessed by now you are nodding your heads.
However, you can't ask such question when you don't even know your vision or haven't even thought about the basic question that every young man and woman should have asked themselves. WHAT'S MY DREAM(S) OR PURPOSE IN LIFE? It is only when you know what your life is all about that you can know what you NEED in a partner.
So I have highlighted very few points which I feel we all need to ask ourselves when setting out marital/relationship goals
●What's my vision in life?
●What are the things I need to put in place to achieve this vision?
●What is my partner bringing to the table i.e, does she/he have those qualities that are important to me in life?
●How can my partner help improve my life vision?
●Would I have anything to regret if I lose this WOMAN/MAN?
● Does she/he have the principles I want my children to live by i.e, can she/he be a role model to the children?

It is a pity that i didn't ask myself the last FOUR questions before venturing into marriage. I know some might say but this isnt enough reason to end a marriage. It is good enough for me, i am only speaking for myself though. I won't be saddle with a man who will keep depleting me rather than contribute to my life. I will not stay in a marriage where the husband can't be a good role model for my children. Principles means alot to me, it is what I live by and its what i want in a marriage. By the way, I am a christian, i know what the bible says about divorce and I still want to divorce. I would rather spend just 10years of happiness than spend 30 years of sorrow and regret.
Don't forget that this trend isn't about me though, I have made my mistake but for those who haven't, please ask yourself these questions and if you know that your woman/man doesnt have those values you want. You will do yourselves lots of good, if you walk away. However THE CHOICE IS YOURS and don't forget to prayer about you vision and marriage.#theranters#

.

U are a perfectionist. Nobody has everything all figured out. Trust God and be with a hardworking person. No one knows everything.
Just leave urlife one step at a time and keep moving forward. U will not see any partner who knows everything or has everything. But be with someone whos willing to put an effort and be with u and grow together with u.

Theranters:
After few months in marriage, i have decided to file for divorce. Your are probably asking yourselves these questions....why so soon? Don't you know what you were signing for when you got married? Did you rush into marriage? How old are you self! I could give you one hundrend and one excuses but that won't be reason enough to or not to get a divorce.
I chose to walk away (even though the man doesn't want me to) because my perspective about marriage has changed and I am writing this to share my view with you.
So many men and women didn't bother to understand themselves before going into marriage but i didn't make that mistake . I know myself (I am sure you are laughing already), i actually do. I married very late mind you, so I had taken my time to analyse the main values I wanted in a man. At least those things I felt were important to me. All I thought I wanted in marriage/relationship was love, loyalty and a very gentleman, cause i know me, I am too independent for my own good . But do you know that my strengths became my doom! I never wanted money from a guy cause i didn't grow up with the so called 'average naija babe' mentality. I was taught to make my own money but what happened? I ended up with a lazy ass man who dream big and have nothing to show for it. Do I blame him for all that went wrong? Definitely not! It takes two to tangle. Anyways, I am not here to talk about my failed marriage but setting the right goals in relationship/marriage.
However if you haven't taken time to analyse yourself, you better do. Know thyself! Know what you want in a partner and that's the beginning.
The important question I never asked myself before getting married is WHAT HAS THIS MAN GOT TO CONTRIBUTE TO MY LIFE? I didn't ask this question because I thought, I don't need him adding value(s) to my life. I thought I have got it all covered but i was wrong. Trust me, It is not selfish of you to ask yourself WHAT IS THIS MAN/WOMAN BRINGING TO THE TABLE! It doesn't matter that you have everything you wanted, Your partner should be that which add value(s) to your life. Now, don't think the value(s) I am talking about is that she/he is a prayer warriors and the spiritual front of the home is secure, my wife/husband support every of my ambition and she/he is good with the children, she/he has got the physique I want in a partner and she/he is fantastic in bed.....etc. oh Pls! Those are not values a partner needs to possess. The right question is, DOES THIS WOMAN/MAN HAVE ANYTHING TO CONTRIBUTE TO/IN MY LIFE VISION? WILL SHE/HE MAKES A BETTER WOMAN/MAN OUT OF ME? I guessed by now you are nodding your heads.
However, you can't ask such question when you don't even know your vision or haven't even thought about the basic question that every young man and woman should have asked themselves. WHAT'S MY DREAM(S) OR PURPOSE IN LIFE? It is only when you know what your life is all about that you can know what you NEED in a partner.
So I have highlighted very few points which I feel we all need to ask ourselves when setting out marital/relationship goals
●What's my vision in life?
●What are the things I need to put in place to achieve this vision?
●What is my partner bringing to the table i.e, does she/he have those qualities that are important to me in life?
●How can my partner help improve my life vision?
●Would I have anything to regret if I lose this WOMAN/MAN?
● Does she/he have the principles I want my children to live by i.e, can she/he be a role model to the children?

It is a pity that i didn't ask myself the last FOUR questions before venturing into marriage. I know some might say but this isnt enough reason to end a marriage. It is good enough for me, i am only speaking for myself though. I won't be saddle with a man who will keep depleting me rather than contribute to my life. I will not stay in a marriage where the husband can't be a good role model for my children. Principles means alot to me, it is what I live by and its what i want in a marriage. By the way, I am a christian, i know what the bible says about divorce and I still want to divorce. I would rather spend just 10years of happiness than spend 30 years of sorrow and regret.
Don't forget that this trend isn't about me though, I have made my mistake but for those who haven't, please ask yourself these questions and if you know that your woman/man doesnt have those values you want. You will do yourselves lots of good, if you walk away. However THE CHOICE IS YOURS and don't forget to prayer about you vision and marriage.#theranters#

true talk. I agree.

tobechi20:
true talk. I agree.

Yes but if someone is to go with all those things she wrote then getting a lady to marry go hard small o. Mothers did a bad job on ladies from 1990 till date, if only you know what those girls have upstairs then you'll know what am talking about.
I don't even know where to get a wife. Just last month one was trying to pin someone else's pregnancy on me

Hollasmall:



Yes but if someone is to go with all those things she wrote then getting a lady to marry go hard small o. Mothers did a bad job on ladies from 1990 till date, if only you know what those girls have upstairs then you'll know what am talking about.
I don't even know where to get a wife. Just last month one was trying to pin someone else's pregnancy on me

My brother you have a point but the truth is it goes both ways. Parenting is the key and I planned on going a series on parenting. Most of the problem in our society is because of poor parenting. So many children were not brought up the right way and they didn't even know it.How will they?
I saw a post yesterday about a guy putting a stop to his wedding plans because of his fiance lack of integrity. You would be surprise that some will think he is stupid for doing so. But he isn't, Godly values or principles is the best gift you can give your children and parents can't give what they don't have. If you get it right with the choice of a spouse you are likely to get it right with your children.

bebeto94:
U are a perfectionist. Nobody has everything all figured out. Trust God and be with a hardworking person. No one knows everything.
Just leave urlife one step at a time and keep moving forward. U will not see any partner who knows everything or has everything. But be with someone whos willing to put an effort and be with u and grow together with u.

I am not a perfectionist, I know better than to be looking for perfection in any man. None of us is, the only perfect being is God and some people will still argue that God himself isn't perfect.
I didn't go into marriage believing it all gonna be rossy, I am flawed and so is my partner, I expected the bumps along the way but sometimes you have to do what is right by you and that's what i did. Anyways, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You're very correct and i agree with you totally.

Now i understand the main reason why relationships and marriages do not last and the very reason why there'll continue to be unhealthy marriages and relationships.

Both males and females, we do not figure out what our visions are, and seek people with same vision or people who'll help you achieve that vision. I've been there, multiple break ups and in all, i discovered that's the issue. Everyone working in opposite direction so with time, everything will definitely crumble.

Hmmmm

I dated my wife for five years... She was in university 2nd year and I was already working we married after her service.
It wasn't rosy... I changed jobs... Her friends who were runs girls married before her... But we both wanted to be sure and when we got married, it was d best we both ever had.
One thing I can say about our journey is that WE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE TOGETHER.
YES we had challenges, she had suitors, I had girls...
But we were always our best friends and it was never the same with other people.
No matter what we faced... We always wanted to be with each other

Hmmmmm, kontinu

fykes:
I dated my wife for five years... She was in university 2nd year and I was already working we married after her service.
It wasn't rosy... I changed jobs... Her friends who were runs girls married before her... But we both wanted to be sure and when we got married, it was d best we both ever had.
One thing I can say about our journey is that WE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE TOGETHER.
YES we had challenges, she had suitors, I had girls...
But we were always our best friends and it was never the same with other people.
No matter what we faced... We always wanted to be with each other

This is good. I pray that God continue to sustain your marriage.

Thatlong9:
Hmmmmm, kontinu

Continue right? This depicts you have mixed feelings about this. I would appreciate if you are specific about your view.

tobechi20:
true talk. I agree.

Thanks

bebeto94:
U are a perfectionist. Nobody has everything all figured out. Trust God and be with a hardworking person. No one knows everything.
Just leave urlife one step at a time and keep moving forward. U will not see any partner who knows everything or has everything. But be with someone whos willing to put an effort and be with u and grow together with u.

This is thought provoking! Thanks sis