My parent divorced when i was so little. My mother took me to her brother and his family place for a better life as she claimed. She left me with them. I grew up calling my Uncle and his wife, dad and mum and my cousins, brothers and sisters. Even though i was always aware that they not my real parent. All through my growing up my real parent did not call to talk to me for once. To be honest, my new family wasnt rich at the time but i grew up believing they took good care of me. I was given food, normal amount of chores like their real children and good education only different was when the real children were sent to private school and i was sent to a public boarding school. But growing up, that wasnt a problem for me. However, as i turned into adult, I realized that while they took care of me physical. I was turtured emotionally, in there eyes, im never good enough, any achievement i attained was met with dont be too happy abt it, you not the first to achieve that. It got so bad that i was hardly wanted around so i tried staying away as much as i could. Somehow i became a man who believes he is not good enough for the best things in life. I became a man that believe my place is always in second place. Believing there is nothing special about me. This is not to blame a family that took care of me, far from it. I am always appreciative of them. They could have turned me to a slave and torture me everyday but they didnt. So i owed them a bunch of gratitude. This post is to see if anybody here have an idea of how i can break from this mental prison i am. And i later find out that my real dad has long remarried and his own family now. My real mum also reached out not long ago, she also have remarried and have her own family.

Sorry about that, consult a psychologist, a therapist will be in the best position to help out.

Sorry about your experiences. My advice for you is never to get married unless you're 100% sure you're getting married to the right person.

Now that you understand what children go through when people (including Nairalanders) stupidly prescribe divorce like paracetamol as solution to any marital issue, you wouldn't want to put your children in that situation. Do not let your children pay for avoidable mistakes and decisions. It is well.

Waoooh Waoooh
Op please allow the God of the Past & Present heal your heart. His name is Jesus. He's still in the business of amending and healing broken hearts...


Join Pastor David Ogbueli Live this morning

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Acidosis:
Sorry about your experiences. My advice for you is never to get married unless you're 100% sure you're getting married to the right person.

Now that you understand what children go through when people (including Nairalanders) stupidly prescribe divorce like paracetamol as solution to any marital issue, you wouldn't want to put your children in that situation. Do not let your children pay for avoidable mistakes and decisions. It is well.

It's a bit complicated dear, reason I recommend a therapist for him.

Some emotional disorders are innate, childhood and environmental factors might just trigger these disorders in people.

When his guardian says dont be too happy abt it, you not the first to achieve that. they were only trying to let him push further than the better. They wanted the best for him, it's not too much to say (that might be how they address their children too, he stays in boarding house, so he might not really know how they address their kids too), but his own neurotransmitters might have transmitted those information in a different way to him.

There are different creatures according to nature, nurture only triggers what's in nature sometimes. That's why you wonder why siblings trained by same parents behave differently. He might have developed the same issue, if he stayed with his parents as well.

It's more than the mere things we see. For him to get help, the best thing to do is to consult a therapist.

sherylbakky:
It's a bit complicated dear, reason I recommend a therapist for him.

Some emotional disorders are innate, childhood and environmental factors might just trigger these disorders in people.

When his guardian says dont be too happy abt it, you not the first to achieve that. they were only trying to let him push further than the better. They wanted the best for him, it's not too much to say (that might be how they address their children too, he stays in boarding house, so he might not really know how they address their kids too), but his own neurotransmitters might have transmitted those information in a different way to him.

There are different creatures according to nature, nurture only triggers what's in nature sometimes. That's why you wonder why siblings trained by same parents behave differently. He might have developed the same issue, if he stayed with his parents as well.

It's more than the mere things we see. For him to get help, the best thing to do is to consult a therapist.

Thank you. I will try get a therapist when i can afford one. I understand ur view but u wrong. This aint my intrepretation of things. This is just d case of u will never do better or be at par with my own children. Its a lot more complicated than this

Riset:

Thank you. I will try get a therapist when i can afford one. I understand ur view but u wrong. This aint my intrepretation of things. This is just d case of u will never do better or be at par with my own children. Its a lot more complicated than this

Ok, u sud av explained further tho...I pray u find help.

Hmmmm...I'm glad you appreciate the people that nurtured you although I totally understand your feelings. The truth is, your natural family could have said worse without leaving you feeling so bad. You would have addressed those talks and long left them resolved.

Anyways, you're good enough....keep telling yourself, surround yourself with those that believe in you and you would soon start living it. Cheers.

Just try to be positive at all times as it starts from the mind. Each time you see yourself not being the best, just tell yourself you are your own best.

Telling you that you can still do better is what many biological parents tell their children too and I understand how it can affect their self-esteem. What I find more interesting about your story is that you have not mentioned your biological parents' complete absence as a key factor in the development of your self-esteem.

.

Klass99:
I hear Lanre Olushola is a really good therapist but he doesn't come cheap either. Perhaps, in a covid era he may have promo rates.

I'm touched by your story and childhood experience. Your biological parents shouldn't be having children at all. Considering the way they both abandoned then neglected you, moving on to start new lives and new families, as if you never even existed - that part actually stung and I am not even you.

I'm reading a book by Dr Joseph Murphy, it came highly recommended by a close friend, so far it's been a good read. I think it may help you, it's titled 'The Power of Your Subconscious Mind' do check it out.

The audio version can be downloaded for free from YouTube. You'll have to download via the site savefrom.net

Sending you good wishes and hoping you overcome your dilemma.

Same here.

Riset:

Thank you. I will try get a therapist when i can afford one. I understand ur view but u wrong. This aint my intrepretation of things. This is just d case of u will never do better or be at par with my own children. Its a lot more complicated than this

I can't say I relate with, but I understand how you feel.
Children who grow up in adopted families tend to have less confidence even among their age mates than those who grow up with their real families.
Also, they're likely to be bullied by other kids because of their lack of confidence which other kids have a way of knowing and tend to take advantage of.
I have always wondered if they ever outgrow that feeling of being a "second class citizen" later in life.
I believe you'll outgrow that feeling eventually, especially when you begin to have your own children.
Having your own children will help you heal.
They will come with automatic love for you, which will fill that void and bring you healing. It'll also be refreshing to your soul.
They'll give you that feeling of belonging and being needed.
When you give your children what your biological parents couldn't give you by being there for them, they will in turn give you what you never had the chance to give your biological parents - love.

Do av a mentor? try get one nw. We have alot of life coaches that u can download their message nd play it in your car, on ur phone etc and before u know it you er renewed positively before depression sets in cos thats where it starts from.

You can download Sam Adeyemi' messages, Lanre Olusola, Teju babyface nd a whole lot of inspiring messages dat will keep u goin and gradually format those toxic words been said to u.

And dont forget d imporatance of prayer.

I went through the same thing only difference is my mom died when i was a baby and my dad remarried, so I lived with with my mom's siblings.
They tried but that wasn't without emotional abuse, sometimes i feel so alone in the midst of everyone.
Couldn't talk to anyone not even my own father. It was like a competition between me and their children, who succeeds more, who dresses more better, they'd always try to make u feel inferior to them.
I have this auntie who would make me clean the table after my me and my cousin's who I'm older than with several years, are done eating.
But u know what, i stopped sulking and stopped giving a Bleep in a bid to give myself an emotional balance.
I just live my life, be myself, make myself happy.
Whenever they start I just laugh and walk away.
Jus live ur life do the things that make you happy.