A naughty boy was asked "what is the difference between a man and a woman"? And he said " A man we urinate in a mug perfectly while a woman's urine flows like a vandalized water pipeline, it will be impossible to fill up a mug perfectly.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?".

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck".

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer".

"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!

Ben-10 nice Jokes keep them coming thumbs up!!

Phate 07, well done!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ZcHoGOZMw

A junior officer dialed his boss' number with the office phone mistakenly;

Junior officer: Hey you! Send a cup of coffee to my cabin in two minutes!

Boss: (Shouting) Do you know who you are talking to?

Junior officer: No!

Boss: This is Chief Superintendent Ashanti!

Now the junior officer knew he's in hot waters but spoke confidently;

Junior officer: And you! Do you also know whom you're talking to?

Boss: No!

Junior officer: Whew! THANK GOD!

. . .and he quickly hang up the phone.

a young businessman intending to grow his business into an empire over time went for a seminar and was taught a keyword to tell customers after any sale for customer care and effective marketing strategy.
'ITS NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU, PLS COME AGAIN.'
He immediately put the phrase into action d very next day when a CUSTOMER came to buy his product (COFFINS)
'Its nice doing business with you, please come again'
If you be customer, wetin you go do?

^

And people are supposed to laff at that?

simplymee:

a young businessman intending to grow his business into an empire over time went for a seminar and was taught a keyword to tell customers after any sale for customer care and effective marketing strategy.
'ITS NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU, PLS COME AGAIN.'
He immediately put the phrase into action d very next day when a CUSTOMER came to buy his product (COFFINS)
'Its nice doing business with you, please come again'
If you be customer, wetin you go do?

dunno - tell me, what d'you suggest?

nice jokes

Am tgqajmd latmvging

- Airplanes usually kill you quickly – a woman takes her time.
- Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
- Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a “touch and go”.
- Airplanes don’t object to a preflight inspection.
- Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
- Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
- Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
- Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.
- Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you’ve flown before.
- Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
- Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes.
- Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.
- Airplanes don’t comment on your piloting skills.
- Airplanes don’t whine unless something is really wrong.

However, they have cockpits just like women and when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it’s usually not good.

Wetin Concern naija with winter?
wetin concern Lesbian wit condom?
wetin concern Aeroplane with traffic light?
wetin concern ghadafi wit democracy?
wetin concern Obasanjo with beauty pagaent?
wetin concern poor man wit Range sport?
wetin concern dreadlocks with comb?
wetin concern Super eagles and world cup??
wetin concern Pig with swimming pool? #
wetin concern President Jonathan EBELE with WORLD PEOPLE?

lol

"Quoted" Gov. Akala was interviewed on air and a lady called in, she showered praises and sang encomium of his accomplishments. She asked about τ̣̣ђё renovation of AGODI prison in Ibadan, τ̣̣ђё gov answer with a smile saying work is in progress. she reply "please do it well cause that where Ɣø̲̣U will be spending τ̣̣ђё rest of Ɣø̲̣̣UЯ life". τ̣̣ђё Gov. cursed and cursed till they went off air. Nah wah o

simplymee:

If you be customer, wetin you go do?

Give u fifty stokes of cane
Though it make sense

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother:"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick, a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST!Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake! Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go, I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel, I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats, they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet. "Mother fainted."

Hubby & wyf agreed dat anytym they want sex they’ll call it “fone call” so tht their kids wont understand. One day a hubby was Hot. He told his son 2 tel his mom tht he wants 2 make a “fone call”. Mama replied, “tel ur dad tht the network is bad 2day”. Dad responded, tel ur mom dat if there’s no network at home I’ll go for a public fone. Wyf replied, tel ur dad tht if he dares to go 4 a public fone then I’ll open a call center…, LOL

Kids when very young are honest & innocent. We had  visitors & at dinner our youngest daughter offered to lead her family in prayer thus: “dear  God, I thank u 4 giving me such lovable  parents, Thank u 4 d visitors & their children who ate all my cookies & ice cream. Bless them so dat they shall never have 2 come 2 our home 4 supper. Forgive d boy who was wrestling naked with my sister on her bed & dis naughty girl 4 eating the sausage in my brother’s pants as he slept on de settee. Dis winter pls send clothes to all those poor naked ladies in my daddy’s cellphone & build shelter to d homeless men who sleep with mum wen dad is at work … Amen. “.

^^^

So you don snatch ballot boxes for Lagos based on NASS and Presidential elections and don return abi? Well done!

We know say you get one more trip by 26th and I hope say dem nor go shoot you by then when you carry the boxes dey run.

Goodluck but not Jonathan.

Ben-10:

Question of the day, IF MY AUNTY's BROTHER IS NOT MY UNCLE, THEN WHO IS HE?

umm. . .your father

Ben-10:

Question of the day, IF MY AUNTY's BROTHER IS NOT MY UNCLE, THEN WHO IS HE?

Ur father

1 ibo man had an accident & die he went 2 D heavens gate & was told his sin was 2much & was goin 2 hell.D IBO MAN REPL

cristen:

1 ibo man had an accident & die he went 2 D heavens gate & was told his sin was 2much & was goin 2 hell.D IBO MAN REPL

Abeg make na change dis words 2 good english. HE DON TE WAY DAY BREAK. to all poster.

Its bin a while since dawn.

As boring as a learning inian language!
Exit $ slams door angrily.

Bright it's nothing just to get every body cracking their brains