My girl and I have been dating for quite a reasonable amount of time. Finally, I engaged her and then proceeded to see her parents. After the marriage introduction, things began to unfold and it appears our relationship is tearing apart.

I do hear about this obnoxious practice or ritual in her tribe. In my tribe, you don’t have to perform any sacrifice before you get married to a woman. We are all from the same state. Now, the practice is such that if any man is getting married to a first or third daughter, the man must perform a certain sacrifice to appease the gods of their community so that her mother can eat whatever comes from the girl child during and after marriage.

My girl is not the first daughter of her father but her mom. Earlier, I asked her about this practice and she told me she’s not a first daughter. I asked her again to go and find out from her people in the village if I’d have to perform the sacrifice. She went to them, came back, and said, “You won’t have to do it.” I was happy about that because I wasn’t ready to do it. Today, she’s telling me everyone was misinformed.

Eventually, I went for her introduction with my people. They welcomed us, served us with food and drinks. We talked at length and then closed the event. No one talked about this ritual and we left. Unknown to me, my girl’s mom never opened the drink I gave to her during the introduction. She kept the drink, went around the village, and sought counsel if indeed I’m not supposed to perform the sacrifice because my girl is her first daughter. I’m not sure she ate the food she cooked for us. After all, the marriage had started.

Finally, the woman got the ‘right’ counseling. They told her that I’d have to come forward and perform the sacrifice or pay for it to be performed on my behalf. Still, none of my girl’s parents talked to me about it until I started buying things from the list they gave to me.

Recently, I went for burial in the state because I don’t stay there. After the burial, I went to see my girl’s father to argue some things on the list. There and then, the man called the wife to sit, and then they started discussing this thing. They said I’d have to do it. My girl’s mom said if I don’t perform the ritual and she eats from my girl, she’ll die. Gosh! Death? I told them point-blank that I won’t perform the ritual. “Do you want me to die before my time? She asked. I said, “No ma. You won’t die for any reason before your time.” Later, I left.

My girl was planning to use her money to pay for the ritual on my behalf. She told me about it and I said to her not to try it else at any time I find out in the future, I’d send her out of my life. In the course of this whole thing, her dad, mom, a close relative, extended relatives, and youths have given their list of things for me to buy—harmonized in one long list. Now, the gods of their community want to bring their list. My girl further told me that if I don't do it, her sister automatically can't do it and her mom would only have her second daughter to look after her from now until she grow old and die. She also said her mom suffered so much for her and she wouldn't bear I don't perform or pay for the sacrifice so she can take care of her. I've been very weak and unmotivated to do anything.

I’m a Christian and I’ve never consulted any fetish priest or a traditionalist to do anything for me. I’ve always worked with God and where I do my best and God doesn’t crown it, I just know it wasn’t meant for me. I’m not a man without sin but I know the limit I can go. Today, I’m faced with a choice to make between satisfying an odious culture and keeping my relationship with God. It touches me a lot because I’ve gone through a lot with my girl and it appears I’m about to disappoint her.

Ever faced this kind of thing in your culture, how did you overcome it? Do you think there are implications? For those that have performed a similar ritual, would you advise me to do the same?

excellence44:
oboy ur geh n ar famili don corna u 4 Tite corna. If your believe is strong you better jakpa or just follow love.

Zzor:
what sort of rubbish advice is this?somebodys future husband smh

excellence44:

Have sense. Don't be too emotional.

Zzor:
You didn't say anything about what the sacrifice is all about.People jump on each other these days without proper background check only to meet this type of things later.Dont do what you are not comfortable with,some tribes are very fetish especially south south part of Nigeria.You should inform your parents as well,also tell your pastor about it.

Zzor:
if you had any sense,you won't spew such trash as an advice

NobleSeed:
Two side of a coin.........
I thought I read when you clearly stated that your wife is not the first daughter? So why the so called ritual of a thing? You told her to go and ask and she did, she came with a positive reply that's no need to perform the sacrifice .Later she said everyone was misinformed who is deciving who? Misinform as how?
You don't want to indulge in such practices right?
So what's your family stand on that?
Don't do that crap bro
There is more to this you are not divulging to us ,probably they have not told you the real reason for the sacrifice..
Bro go and dig deep about this stuff if nobody wants to give you any fallible answer concerning this stuff. Don't be supprise what you will gana see.

Perform the sacrifice at your own peril
Don't. Don't. Don't.don't try it!!!!!

Zzor:
You didn't say anything about what the sacrifice is all about.People jump on each other these days without proper background check only to meet this type of things later. Don't do what you are not comfortable with, some tribes are very fetish especially south south part of Nigeria.You should inform your parents as well,also tell your pastor about it.

Tajbol4splend:
21st century, people are still in this cage, o sad

MrKoi:


Yes. She's not the first to the father but first to the mom. Of course, I don't feel like doing it. I've not talked to my people about it. Most likely, they'll ask me not to do it because it's not done in my place. I've said all I know sir. This is just a forum and there'd be no point keeping a part of the whole thing to myself after all, I'm seeking counsel on how to cross the hurdle. I'm just tired. To say the least, since I got the news, I'm not excited about the whole thing again. I just feel bad.

MrKoi:


I don't know the details of the sacrifice because I'm not from their tribe. But what I know is that they'd bring a list and you'd buy the things there and be led to perform the sacrifice. Indeed, it's in the South South part of Nigeria but I just want to keep the state and tribe in particular off. I'm yet to inform my parents and the church.

excellence44:

I encountered the same challenge in 2014. She refused to tell me the truth until it was too late to turn back. My folks asked me to ditch but I said no because of love. No regrets. If she had told me earlier, I bet you I will just put an end to the relationship.
Reason for my advice above.
Girls should stop deceiving men into marriage because she and her family pretend all through to the last moment.

MrKoi:


I'm speechless.

BareFacedLies:


Before the whitemen came with their Christianity we Africans had our own traditions.

Doing the ceremony will not remove anything from your body!

foxxydude:
They are trying to extort cash from you
That is why they gave you the option to pay for the sacrifice
Guy if the cash is not much pay for it and forget about it.

MrKoi:


If only they come forward and say the truth plainly, I'd settle them and walk away. Now they've succeeded to put the woman in total fear of dying if she eats anything from my hand or that of the daughter. She in turn is pressuring the daughter while the daughter is pressuring me, I think that won't work.

Zzor:
Dont do it ooo, never involve yourself in such without informing your parents,im very sure they are hiding more from you now till you are fully in. It will not pass Delta State,that state and fetish things are like 5$6.Tell us the state and tribe,dont be afraid of anybody here,its a faceless forum and if they insult you,i will reply them on your behalf

Zzor:
Dont do it ooo, never involve yourself in such without informing your parents,im very sure they are hiding more from you now till you are fully in. It will not pass Delta State,that state and fetish things are like 5$6.Tell us the state and tribe,dont be afraid of anybody here,its a faceless forum and if they insult you,i will reply them on your behalf

MrKoi:


I'm still wondering why her mom didn't do this when my girl told them I'd be coming for introduction. Why now that we've gone far into preparation for the marriage?

MrKoi:


Well, it's the Ibibio people in Akwa Ibom state.

...My girl was planning to use her money to pay for the ritual on my behalf. She told me about it and I said to her not to try it else at any time I find out in the future, I’d send her out of my life...

Ygrette:

Lol you're very funny and you seem to be well informed.

Kobicove:


How come is it that you're from the same tribe yet you don't know of this cultural practice?

Anyway I would advise you do it