toye440:
Bae the truth is u knew about his slushed lifestyle before u married him. But as they say " Love is blind, marriage na eye opener".

He's phlegmatic, and i pray it doesnt degenerate to physical abuse. well its ur cross and the only way out is to find those he respects or listen to, like his father to wade in or u stylishly invite his mother to come visit even for a day.

Seriously i salute ur courage and patience, cos the present 9ja babe would hv checked out or filed for divorce. He's lucky to hv u.

for one hundred and one million time he never showed those signs when we were dating if you read earlier I mentioned he only gets drunk when he sees free drinks mostly in occasion and when we were dating we do go out but I never went to an event with him

noblebaba:
hmm, I was once in this situation but not to the extent of bed-wetting, my sister you're the only one that can change him, mine started when the company I was working with folded up and couldn't get another job because of my age, though not too old but Nigeria company hardly employ above 40yrs i was so frustrated and became a drunkard and my wife did not help matters the more she's hostile the more I drink I was so depressed the more she reports me to my family the more I drink and what I always tell people is that she's the only one that can make me change, if you talk to him and show him love I bet you he not only change you will know why he behaves like that, men will like to be respected pray over it and God will take control, today I hardly go out talkless of drinking my health is sound now compared to then let him know the implications on his health, I changed because my wife shows love and i don't want to hurt her. nothing is impossible for God.

did you drink to stupor when you see free drinks or you drink to stupor with your money

lilmax:


And God doesn't hate drunkenness?

You are right boss, but don't use evil to conquer evil,it's doesn't pay!

I like the way you think. Oil dey your head.

To the OP, this is one of the best advice you can get here. God will see you through.

UDUJ:


That's serious alcohol addiction then. And this needs to be treated with utmost care because of the withdrawal symptoms which most times can be violent. Please have a sit down with him and have a heart to heart chat with him on how this his addiction is causing a strain on your marriage and making him a laughing stock as well. You can take him to a rehab center that deals with addictions, I know we don't have triple A centers in Nigeria but we have some good rehab centers in Lagos. And act fast because apart from family strains it will also affect his job performance and relationship with other people as well. Please don't abandon him, try and help him get through this addiction. I wish you well.

Righteousness89:
Launch yourself Fully into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home and Husband In Prayers.
At midnight call call on the GOD of Heaven
Prayers Changes things..
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..

Stand in which gap?? As d leader or what?? D Man is d spiritual leader of any home, what re u talking about? she should get away from such a man since he would not seek help.

HRMK:
he wasnt doing this before getting married to him?or u were blinded with money!nawa for una!!

what is ur problem is it that you don't know how to read or you don't understand after reading

lilmax:
Start cheating, coming home late, stop cooking


Just lose yourself and see your husband start focusing again

Your husband lacks self control because you tolerate it


My opinion

Walayi! His eyes will clear straight.

UDUJ:


Just imagine the type of advice you are giving the lady? So she should start cheating? Are you sane?

yes he is very correct. Because he comes home to someone who tolerate such excesses that's y he is still in it.

newdawn2017:
Walayi! His eyes will clear straight.

newdawn2017:
Walayi! His eyes will clear straight.

2 wrongs don't make a right.
You cannot correct him by being nasty yourself.

What if in his drunkenness/addiction, he gets angry and just kills you?
-
Help him positively. Don't make yourself an object of his errors.

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

If he’s the type that passes out when drunk, just take him to the mortuary one day and tell the attendant not to release him but address him as a dead man trying to reincarnate.

virtuouswoman77:
if he buys drink fr himself he goes fr his gauge 3 bottles [b]but when he goes to an event [/b]where there is excess drink, my God he will be feeling like getting all the drinks into his mouth that's where the lack of self control comes in

It seems its only when he goes to an event that there's enough drinks that he gets drunk...
If that's the case,
Why don't you find a way from restricting him from events, what if you come up with a story(maybe spiritual) that for the main time you've been told he'd not go to any event or party or try and frame any situation that will make him not likely attend events for the main time ,he will be forced to buying drinks himself and he'll drink around 3 bottles like you said,if its mostly on weekends that he gets drunk from outings you'll have to fill family outings to weekends to restrain him from going to where he'll get drunk

In everything you do
You have to find why,when,where he most likely gets those excess drinks and you can start the control method from there

Praying too would help

OcVoice:


I'm seeing this late and it has gotten to page 12. I hope you see and read my submission.

Do not mind anybody condemning you about not seeing the signs while dating or courting! Human beings are very deceptive. People show their real self after marriage, which you don't see during courtship. It is not your fault and No marriage is ever perfect!

Now, you have to be proactive. Take charge. Be his guide! When he wants to go out to drink, follow him. Sit beside him. Don't let him take above normal. If he's going out the next day, lock the door, don't let him go. Cry if you have to! Kneel and plead with him, if need be caress him and take him to bed! The urge for alcohol would die that moment and maybe come up the next day, about same time. Don't let him drink everyday. Any day you choose to allow him go, then follow him there and control the amount he takes.

You need to fight this through together. You should also pray hard. Though prayers without work will yield nothing. The work is what I explained above. With time, he will adjust. He might not stop, but he needs to control it.

The reason for wetting the bed is because he drinks late. Adults are advised to take in less liquid or none at night. My aged mom doesn't take any liquid as from 6pm.

In all, take charge! Be the man! Carry the cross! You will win!

Sorry!!

thanks

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

What does he drink, is it whisky, beer or ogogoro?

If its whisky or beer, buy it and drink with him at home responsibly, make sure you bring food immidiately after guaging his limit. If he cant drink at home, over feed him before he steps out make sure he eats excessively before stepping out. When a man eats too much, beer will not be interesting. If its ogogoro, sorry there is nothing you can do than fasting and prayers or rehabilitation.

IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.

You said it all.

����

tripplephi:


1) find the root cause of the problem.... he may have other deep issues that you have not cared to consider and his only escape is alcohol

2) be very prayerful (so he does not loose his life in such debauchery, and also so he changes his bad association or friends)

3) you both need COUNSELING.... a happy home will not be like this.... obviously he does not COMMUNICATE with you, he only TALKS TO YOU. So you are not his confidant.

4) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, talk with him and let him open up to you... it won't be easy but it would help

5) HONOR AND RESPECT HIM, no matter what happens, do not loose respect for your man, he is all you've got

6) PROTECT his image the best way you can, and you can also ask his family for help.

7) Read Books, Blogs and attend conferences on FAMILY, HOME, RELATIONSHIPS


Heed these 7 instructions and things will begin to change

Wise, very wise advice

virtuouswoman77:
for one hundred and one million time he never showed those signs when we were dating if you read earlier I mentioned he only gets drunk when he sees free drinks mostly in occasion and when we were dating we do go out but I never went to an event with him

I get, he probably must be going through something or friends. Pls what you need is simply talk, dont get tired of it, its all you need not a third party.
You are no doubt a good wife and a blessing to him.

He's an alcohol addict. He needs to see a psychiatrist. There is no shame in it. Admitting that he needs it is the first major step. In case you don't know, Alcohol addiction is worse than Marijuana addiction. get your pastor/imam and older family member wey get sense involved. Good luck. You will need it

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

JIMMY1393:


Which one is psychiatric therapy na? The husband is not mad nor insane...it's psychological therapy/rehab he needs

You don't think there could be some mental health issues here?

He should wear adult pampers. Unamikot.

I don't agree to this. I suffer from depression and I've never opted for acohol. I think from the Op, he's hubby so much into acohol of which he might been indulging in it even before marriage. Habits take strong moments to quench**

UDUJ:
Did he just start drinking alcohol or this has been happening for a longtime now? Majority of times when a man is depressed he turns to alcohol.

Do you know the source of his depression? Is it lack of finance, being out of a job or are you also contributing through constant nagging and belittling the man? Give us honest answers if you need our help.

Grateful02:
I don't agree to this. I suffer from depression and I've never opted for acohol. I think from the Op, he's hubby so much into acohol of which he might been indulging in it even before marriage. Habits take strong moments to quench**

So sorry to hear this. I hope you are taking your anti depressants or at least minimising or totally eradicating all manner of stress in your life? It's tough I know but be strong.

Unfortunately I don't take anti depressants either. music and love from loved ones keeps me going. It only gets better �

UDUJ:


So sorry to hear this. I hope you are taking your anti depressants or at least minimising or totally eradicating all manner of stress in your life? It's tough I know but be strong.

Let us Be More Concerned about Getting people on the Aircraft that is Loading...

Let Us be More Concerned about Ensuring that Everyone Knows and Accepts JESUS CHRIST before they leave this World..

Let us be more Concerned with Depoluating Hell and Populating Heaven..

Let us be More Concerned with Preparing ourselves for Eternity than preparing ourselves against what's on the News..

Let Us be more Concerned with Searching ourselves to see that there is Nothing that will hinder us From Heaven at Death or at Rapture!

Let us be Concerned with Making Peace..

Let's be Concerned with What GOD has done and Can do than what Corona Virus can do

The Aircraft is Loading ...
We Fly soon

virtuouswoman77:
that practical solution is what I really need cos even if am angry and keep malice with him anything he does so he will never ask fr forgiveness and we look fr a better way forward what he will say is " getting drunk is the sweetness of drink

" Getting drunk is the sweetness of drink" that's some dope drinking line.
Your hubby has gone passed the "God help me" stage.

At this stage nothing matters to him anyone, but his bottles.

The advice I will give you might seem difficult or impossible, but if you can carry it out... It works.

Don't try to stop a drunkard from drinking, else you'll only end up fueling him more.
Human by nature don't like being told not to do something. Remember God, Moses and the children of Israel. The moment commandments was given that was when they started misbehaving the most.

(I don't know if you have any adult that can look after your kids)

Instead of trying to stop him, join him. There's a reasons they said *to catch monkey you need to act like money " apply this philosophy.

By joining him, I don't mean you should start drinking alcohol along with him. No!...
Just lovely insist on following him to his joint, do it with love.
Follow him all the time and guide him from 5 bottles to 4, from 4 to 3 and so on till 1 bottle.

always do this...
When you guys are back home, go heart to heart with him at late night.

When he's not drunk, show him some medical effects alcohol it could have on him. Do all these with love, and smile.
Make it a like a friend to friend chat.

If you apply this, believe me in 3 months time you should see a drastic change.

Righteousness89:
Launch yourself Fully into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home and Husband In Prayers.
At midnight call call on the GOD of Heaven
Prayers Changes things..
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..

Dont listen to this fool or things will get worst.
The man need counselling not any uselessness Jesus prayers

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

Make videos of him. Whenever he is normal and sober, play these to him and let him know that he wouldn't like himself to appear like this again. If he still continue, na confirmed werey from village dey im head be that!

Sixfeetbelle:


What is your exact aim with this comment?

You see what she pointed out play out everyday on this forum and yet you chose to act ignorant?

My dear some people on Nairaland have serious mental problems it's best to ignore them.

virtuouswoman77:
Pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol?

He drinks too much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine.

I have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him.

Search on Google and show him the harmful effects of alcohol when consumed excessively. How it destroys the liver etc. Tell him that he will die soon if he doesn't stop. It might help. Good luck