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Aged Parents Matter - Family - Nairaland

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Where Would You Prefer To Bury Your Aged Parents After Death? / If U Need Somebody To Look After Ur Aged Parents. / What's Your Experience With Taking Care Of Aged Parents? (2) (3) (4)

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Aged Parents Matter by Ruthia(f): 8:15am On Oct 07, 2020
AGED PARENTS. One Parent Can Readily/ Happily Take Care Of 5 Kids, But at Old Age, 5 Kids Can't Take Care of their 1 Parent. Why?

1 Like

Re: Aged Parents Matter by chatinent(m): 8:22am On Oct 07, 2020
It depends on circumstances.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by ImaIma1(f): 8:48am On Oct 07, 2020
Ruthia:
AGED PARENTS.
One Parent Can Readily/
Happily Take Care Of 5 Kids,
But at Old Age, 5 Kids Can't Take Care of their 1 Parent. Why?


Is it based of no funds available or unwillingness to take care if the parent?
Re: Aged Parents Matter by Klass99(f): 12:24pm On Oct 07, 2020
This is a very intriguing topic and a thought provoking question too. It makes me wonder why and I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts on this.

A NLander shared the story of a woman with 7 or was it 9 children who sold her house, shared the profit amongst themselves and started tossing her about when a more suitable accommodation became necessary for the 80 something year old woman. I felt bad for that woman and I was like, what a host of useless children.

I think children are incapable of making sacrifices for parents, the way parents do or did for them. It's simply not in their DNA, but when they grow up and have kids of their own, they make the kind of sacrifices typical of parents.

Sometimes, it's just plain selfishness on the part of children. You hear things like "my parents have lived their lives, I have mine to live" and this may translate to buying an expensive house or car at a huge cost, when perhaps mama or baba only needed a fraction of that sum for surgery or some other thing.

There's also the popular excuse of, I have my own wife & kids to take care of now (another angle of selfishness if you ask me) As a married man or woman with kids, nothing should stop you and your siblings from combining forces to look after your parents, while you and your spouse care for your children.

Aged parents and young children are a vulnerable group of people who should never be neglected.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by Klass99(f): 12:32pm On Oct 07, 2020
ImaIma1:


Is it based of no funds available or unwillingness to take care if the parent?

It's usually a case of both, from the situations I have seen.

So, there are certain kids who genuinely want to help but lack the means.

There's another set who have the means but are unwilling and too selfish to be bothered with their parents' needs.

Meanwhile, the kids in scenario 1 & 2 may all be siblings, so the parents end up suffering real bad.

It's a heart breaking something.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by Nobody: 12:47pm On Oct 07, 2020
Klass99:


It's usually a case of both, from the situations I have seen.

So, there are certain kids who genuinely want to help but lack the means.

There's another set who have the means but are unwilling and too selfish to be bothered with their parents' needs.

Meanwhile, the kids in scenario 1 & 2 may all be siblings, so the parents end up suffering real bad.

It's a heart breaking something.

Same here, it's quite disheartening
Re: Aged Parents Matter by crackhaus: 12:48pm On Oct 07, 2020
Ruthia:
AGED PARENTS.
One Parent Can Readily/
Happily Take Care Of 5 Kids,
But at Old Age, 5 Kids Can't Take Care of their 1 Parent. Why?
It's witchcraft.
All five of them should go for special prayers to be delivered from the spirit of wickedness and ungratefulness.

This is me assuming of course, that the parent isn't a witch/wizard, and the children are simply paying them back for a life of misery.
If this is not the case however, then revert to my opinion in the first paragraph. cool

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by ImaIma1(f): 12:54pm On Oct 07, 2020
Some children can be selfish and self-centered and allow their parents suffer. These days, some people are just looking for means to get rich while they neglect their parents. That why children can sell their family house and leave their mother stranded.

But thank God, it is not general. There are still people who take good care of their parents till the end. My colleague was telling me yesterday about how she and her father had a disagreement over her paying for a surgery for him. He told her to save the money for something else but she insisted on paying till he passed on.

My parents were cared for till they passed on. Just visiting my mum and probably and weaving her hair and gisting with her went a long way. Sometimes we would all pack ourselves there and go and make noise with grandkids running around. Such things make them happy.

People need to be more humane and selfless especially to family. It's true that we did not ask to be born but we need to care for our parents.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by TransAtlanticEx(m): 12:56pm On Oct 07, 2020
I would never sacrifice for a parent that never sacrificed for me.Never!!!
I love my mama die,not because she gave birth to me or some biological connection rubbish,nah...
I do because of the sacrifices she made for me,support(financial,spiritual,physical,mental...),infact my whole backbone to how I have and is continuing to survive on earth till now.
Even when I went bankrupt and indebted as an adult,she threw her weight around and is the reason I never went to prison,started again and bounced back and did better sef.
So I can't play with such a person's demands,no excuses at all whatsoever!
So i really doubt if i would yield to the request of my own kids and wife sef before my mom's, i really doubt that honestly.
If you are a responsible parent,your kids will never forget you,never.
Don't just birth kids and let them roam,find headway in life and you start making demands and expect them to obey,because if you try that shit with me you go know say you fùck up.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by SteveOfu: 1:07pm On Oct 07, 2020
Most careless about their aged parents
Ruthia:
AGED PARENTS.
One Parent Can Readily/
Happily Take Care Of 5 Kids,
But at Old Age, 5 Kids Can't Take Care of their 1 Parent. Why?
Re: Aged Parents Matter by RightToReject(m): 1:15pm On Oct 07, 2020
Only an outrightly irresponsible offspring neglects their parents at old age - not even self-absorbing people, in their small-mindedness, do such.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by Liposure: 1:57pm On Oct 07, 2020
Its hypocritical to look after your immediate family and neglect your parent. Blood is thicker than water
Re: Aged Parents Matter by AIlahuAkbar: 2:23pm On Oct 07, 2020
Ruthia:
AGED PARENTS.
One Parent Can Readily/
Happily Take Care Of 5 Kids,
But at Old Age, 5 Kids Can't Take Care of their 1 Parent. Why?

Klass99:


It's usually a case of both, from the situations I have seen.

So, there are certain kids who genuinely want to help but lack the means.

There's another set who have the means but are unwilling and too selfish to be bothered with their parents' needs.

Meanwhile, the kids in scenario 1 & 2 may all be siblings, so the parents end up suffering real bad.

It's a heart breaking something.
sounds like you're referring to my own situation.
I've been literally weeping since morning, depressed and don't have anyone to talk to because of what my aged parents passed through while raising 5 kids, sponsoring them in the University and gave them federal jobs but none has been able to visit them or take care of them and they've grown so old without anyone taking care of them but I'm still in school embarassed
The onus is on me now embarassed

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by Klass99(f): 3:01pm On Oct 07, 2020
AIlahuAkbar:


sounds like you're referring to my own situation.
I've been literally weeping since morning, depressed and don't have anyone to talk to because of what my aged parents passed through while raising 5 kids, sponsoring them in the University and gave them federal jobs but none has been able to visit them or take care of them and they've grown so old without anyone taking care of them but I'm still in school embarassed
The onus is on me now embarassed

Your story is so sad and when you think of all our parents have done to give us a meaningful life, it really hurts to hear or see the way some of us (children) treat them at the end of.

Do your siblings at least send money on a consistent basis to your parents, for their upkeep, food stuffs etc?

If you are still in school, are you still living at home with your parents? If you are, pls be as helpful as you can around the house and make time to just sit and gist with them.

PS: I'm reminded of that popular saying, children are a blessing. They are not a blessing, they are simply a gift from God like other gifts he gives us, such as talents/abilities, money/wealth, how we treat the gift or use the gift, determines if it becomes a blessing or not. You can treat the gift right sometimes (like your folks have) and it may still not be a blessing. Meaning no offense to you, I'm just speaking generally.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by ImaIma1(f): 3:22pm On Oct 07, 2020
Klass99:


It's usually a case of both, from the situations I have seen.

So, there are certain kids who genuinely want to help but lack the means.

There's another set who have the means but are unwilling and too selfish to be bothered with their parents' needs.

Meanwhile, the kids in scenario 1 & 2 may all be siblings, so the parents end up suffering real bad.

It's a heart breaking something.


There has to be some effort from the children no matter how small it is.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by AIlahuAkbar: 3:23pm On Oct 07, 2020
Klass99:



Do your siblings at least send money on a consistent basis to your parents, for their upkeep, food stuffs etc?
They don't send any upkeep, the last time one of them visited was during November last year and since then she hasn't even called, I recently called her to inform her that NEPA is about to disconnect our light and the meagre pension my parents receives barely reaches them to feed talkless of bills especially now that there's a hike in electricity bill, when I called and informed her to help, she said she doesn't have money, meanwhile she just received salary last week and as a Federal worker she's earning close to 120k, doesn't have responsibilities cos she is in her mid 30's, she isn't even married nor has kids, she's staying alone but doesn't remember she has parents at home.
Same goes to my other siblings too, they don't send any kobo to parents, nor send foodstuffs nor visits. they don't even call but surprisingly they're all federal workers and earning very well
If you are still in school, are you still living at home with your parents? If you are, pls be as helpful as you can around the house and make time to just sit and gist with them.
I'm studying far away from home (University of Ibadan) while my parents are based in Delta, I only come home during vacation and I've been here with them since March, I go out and engage on hard labour jobs just to fetch a lil income to support them and make them smile cos you only have your parents once and when they're gone you'll never have the chance to see them again.
Just can't wait to fuccking graduate and start hustling for a legit business and income.
My parents are getting old (dad early 70's mum late 60's) and I pray God keeps them alive so I reciprocate their good gestures and take good care of 'em.
Meanwhile God punish ASUU and federal government join together for delaying the progress of my destiny embarassed

1 Like

Re: Aged Parents Matter by thorpido(m): 3:51pm On Oct 07, 2020
Only irresponsible children don't take care of their aged parents.Whatever,they earn,a percentage should go to the parents.My mom is on a salary from me.
I partly blame parents if children turn out that way too.Perhaps the parents were not there for them Some parents even think paying fees is enough,you have to be there for them physically,spiritually and emotionally.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by bukatyne(f): 4:12pm On Oct 07, 2020
Liposure:
Its hypocritical to look after your immediate family and neglect your parent. Blood is thicker than water

The full proverb is actually:

“the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”

And your immediate family is also your 'blood'

2 Likes

Re: Aged Parents Matter by bukatyne(f): 4:14pm On Oct 07, 2020
AIlahuAkbar:

They don't send any upkeep, the last time one of them visited was during November last year and since then she hasn't even called, I recently called her to inform her that NEPA is about to disconnect our light and the meagre pension my parents receives barely reaches them to feed talkless of bills especially now that there's a hike in electricity bill, when I called and informed her to help, she said she doesn't have money, meanwhile she just received salary last week and as a Federal worker she's earning close to 120k, doesn't have responsibilities cos she is in her mid 30's, she isn't even married nor has kids, she's staying alone but doesn't remember she has parents at home.
Same goes to my other siblings too, they don't send any kobo to parents, nor send foodstuffs nor visits. they don't even call but surprisingly they're all federal workers and earning very well

I'm studying far away from home (University of Ibadan) while my parents are based in Delta, I only come home during vacation and I've been here with them since March, I go out and engage on hard labour jobs just to fetch a lil income to support them and make them smile cos you only have your parents once and when they're gone you'll never have the chance to see them again.
Just can't wait to fuccking graduate and start hustling for a legit business and income.
My parents are getting old (dad early 70's mum late 60's) and I pray God keeps them alive so I reciprocate their good gestures and take good care of 'em.
Meanwhile God punish ASUU and federal government join together for delaying the progress of my destiny embarassed

Have you engaged your siblings as to why they don't care for your parents especially as they no longer work/earn?
Re: Aged Parents Matter by Klass99(f): 5:03pm On Oct 07, 2020
AIlahuAkbar:

They don't send any upkeep, the last time one of them visited was during embarassed

To give your siblings, factory reset back hand slap dey sweet me I swear.

I don't doubt you at all because I have seen this kind of selfishness in action.

Lol @ God punish ASUU & the FGN, I feel your pain on that too.

In fact ehn I am gingered by your situation to even do more for my own parents. God bless good parents o!
Re: Aged Parents Matter by pozehnani(f): 6:48am On Oct 08, 2020
This is based on the way these children were raised, Without a sense of responsibility. which is also affecting marriages today where people can no longer manage or cater for their immediate families.

The will to push harder like our parents did is no longer in today's generation. Reason we have slangs and songs like " I can't kill myself" yes! During our aged parents days, there were no such mentality. But rather you'll hear songs like " money no dey fall from heaven, do better thing money go come" which had positive vibes and was a huge push that drove our parents to become responsible. what you constantly hear or listen to contributes to affecting your mindset and shaping your life. And the list goes on.

This is just the reason behind your concerns, OP.

3 Likes

Re: Aged Parents Matter by tensazangetsu20(m): 8:11am On Oct 08, 2020
Aside the fact that they exist some ungrateful adults, you have to consider that the present generation is the poorest generation ever. People don't even have jobs and the few that do have jobs earn between 30k to 50k. A bulk of their salaries go one transportation and food and nothing else. Isn't it just like 8 percent of working class Nigerians that earn over 100k.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by ABOVEDELAW: 8:52am On Oct 08, 2020
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THE VALUE OF YOUR PARENTS UNTILL YOU LOSE THEM.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by frozen70(f): 3:41pm On Oct 08, 2020
Ruthia:
AGED PARENTS.
One Parent Can Readily/
Happily Take Care Of 5 Kids,
But at Old Age, 5 Kids Can't Take Care of their 1 Parent. Why?

Your observations are true but some situations brought that, though its not a pleasant experience

Among the five children, four may be living from hand to mouth and are not just happy and the only one among them who is doing well is very stingy

At a stage in the five of their lives, they already have their respective families but can't even help matters talk more of helping their old parents

Old people have challenges and we must follow their system rather than expecting them to be as good as we younger ones

Lastly, every parent is better of wje care ith they daughters than their sons all their sister needs are money to take care of them

Unless were their are only boys
Re: Aged Parents Matter by Nobody: 4:32pm On Oct 08, 2020
Wickedness on the part of the children. Repaying parents for being bad to them as children.
These are the two scenario I have seen
Re: Aged Parents Matter by Gerrard59(m): 1:34pm On Oct 09, 2020
tensazangetsu20:
Aside the fact that they exist some ungrateful adults, you have to consider that the present generation is the poorest generation ever. People don't even have jobs and the few that do have jobs earn between 30k to 50k. A bulk of their salaries go one transportation and food and nothing else. Isn't it just like 8 percent of working class Nigerians that earn over 100k.

Honestly, this is the major reason rather than some mumbo-jumbo emotional reasons. The GDP growth rate has been below 3% for the past five years, people graduate and cannot get a befitting job with a take home salary that can do something reasonable. Unfortunately, economic policies by the government coupled with multiple yet punitive taxes have rendered businesses weak. Also, some of these families have children way above a certain threshold that they can handle.

While it is a good and humane thing to take care of one's parents, please consider the economy. It is from that same economy money would come from not some imaginary tree. This is also a lesson for the present generation (25-35), give birth to the number of children you and your partner can adequately take care of. The economy hasn't grown past 5%, unemployment rate ditto underemployment rate are above 50%, oil which generates more than 70% of Nigeria's forex is selling way below the benchmark price, you have stoopid and cretinous rulers masquerading as politicians etc. Don't procreate with the mindset of "go ye into the world and multiply" - the Bible did not preach irresponsibility.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by crackhaus: 1:49pm On Oct 09, 2020
Gerrard59:

Honestly, this is the major reason rather than some mumbo-jumbo emotional reasons. The GDP growth rate has been below 3% for the past five years, people graduate and cannot get a befitting job with a take home salary that can do something reasonable. Unfortunately, economic policies by the government coupled with multiple yet punitive taxes have rendered businesses weak. Also, some of these families have children way above a certain threshold that they can handle.

While it is a good and humane thing to take care of one's parents, please consider the economy. It is from that same economy money would come from not some imaginary tree. This is also a lesson for the present generation (25-35), give birth to the number of children you and your partner can adequately take care of. The economy hasn't grown past 5%, unemployment rate ditto underemployment rate are above 50%, oil which generates more than 70% of Nigeria's forex is selling way below the benchmark price, you have stoopid and cretinous rulers masquerading as politicians etc. Don't procreate with the mindset of "go ye into the world and multiply" - the Bible did not preach irresponsibility.
All this is besides the point honestly...

When it comes to being there for aged parents, what matters is EFFORT.

If everyone starts using the economy as an excuse, or waiting till they blow before they can show concern for their aged parents (or even other people generally), then very few people will render assistance to others on earth.
Even Dangote sef still dey find money...

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by Chimpretty(f): 4:28pm On Oct 09, 2020
Lets not be too quick to judge the children, some parents neglected their children while growing up,they didnt show them love,some even didnt send their wards to school talk more of providing basic things of life for them,some bark and curse their kids at slightest provaction,so at old age they will be reaping what they sowed.i know of people who are running away from their aged parents because in their own words" s/he is troublesome ". As for the children that were well nurtured but chose to turn away when their parents needs them , they always regret it when the parents are dead and they will stay with that guilt for the rest of their lives.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by DontBullshitMe: 11:59pm On Oct 09, 2020
Children are not pension plan.

Invest heavily in diverse investment portfolios, own several income generating assets and have a house of your own.

At this point, you won't give a fuçk about whatever your child(ren) chooses to do when you are old.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by joseph1832(m): 6:25am On Oct 10, 2020
DontBullshitMe:
Children are not pension plan.

Invest heavily in diverse investment portfolios, own several income generating assets and have a house of your own.

At this point, you won't give a fuçk about whatever your child(ren) chooses to do when you are old.
True that. The bolded is one very big mistake many Nigerian parents make. They readily have this muddled up mentality that having children who will take care of them when they're old is the way to go.
Re: Aged Parents Matter by DontBullshitMe: 8:03am On Oct 10, 2020
joseph1832:
True that. The bolded is one very big mistake many Nigerian parents make. They readily have this muddled up mentality that having children who will take care of them when they're old is the way to go.
Exactly mahn.

Considering the messed up state of the economy, unreliability of humans and other factors, this is clearly a huge gamble.

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Re: Aged Parents Matter by joseph1832(m): 8:44am On Oct 10, 2020
DontBullshitMe:

Exactly mahn.

Considering the messed up state of the economy, unreliability of humans and other factors, this is clearly a huge gamble.
need I say parents who are not readily well to do are the ones who have this abysmal mindset?

Go to areas that are densely populated by the so called masses and see how they breed like pigs. It's as if they're gambling and hoping if they have 3 to 6 or 7 kids, one of them will make it big and take care of them.

What I find irritating with this very foolish mindset is, they fail to even get it that the kids who they can't even afford to take care of, will make it in life and take care of them. Ask them why they're so sure about this and their stupid reply is: "if I no born am shey him go make am".

It's now becoming a standard fact that a whole lot of Nigerians aren't fit to be called parents. This people think putting food on the table and clothes on the back of a child is what parenting is all about.

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