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My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 3:29pm On Dec 03, 2020
I saw a thread on front page yesterday and marvel at how men repeatedly said they'd choose their mother over their wife, this isn't the first or 6th time I'm seeing this and it's becoming a norm among our men. I just feel to shed some lights on this issue.

Firstly, this has become like a 'hand-down' whatever on the side of men, and this can be traced to how our dads treated our mums. Whichever man chooses his mum over his wife is doing so to put up with his father's failure. Your father failed in his husband duties and you obviously saw it growing up, rather than learn your lessons and try to be a better man for your wife you choose to be like your dad all over again, and the chain continues with your sons.

How much is heard of a wife choosing her dad over her husband?? I don't think I've heard it before, and it has never been an issue to discuss because women don't do this. We don't do it because our mothers were sufficient in their duties towards our fathers, we saw this and have no need to fill an emotional gap that our mothers could have probably failed in.

It doesn't make sense and will not make sense when you relegate your wife because you want to act like the husband she never had, I am not saying don't treat your mother nicely, but not at the expense of you wife! "she suffered on top of my head" that's her duty as a mum and it has absolutely nothing to do with your wife. A man must be able to find the balance between both women, don't cause unnecessary emnity between the two of them.

Put up a statistics of 50 men and 50 women. You'd realize at the end of your survey that more men will choose to marry a woman like their mum compared to the number of women that would choose to have a husband like their daddy.
Have you thought about WHY? it is because these guys sees the kind of I'll treatment their mums went through in marriages, but she still stayed anyways, whether our father was a cheat, drunkard, womaniser, financially unintelligent... Who wouldn't want a woman that can handle all their excesses wink
For women, reverse is the case, women learn their lessons from their mothers and simply move on. That is why a modern wife will hardly take half of the bvllshit her mother endured in marriage. And you begin to wonder why these men are surprised when a woman says she cannot stay with a man like their fathers? They're surprised cos their mothers took it all in cheesy

8 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by At10tion: 3:45pm On Dec 03, 2020
The Two shall become One
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Nobody: 3:46pm On Dec 03, 2020
My mom before any other woman

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Amanee(f): 4:11pm On Dec 03, 2020
Spot on op
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 4:12pm On Dec 03, 2020
It's all well and good until the wife becomes a mother-in-law.



Husband, wife, mother or whatever, we all should know our place.

4 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Blakjewelry(m): 4:13pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:
I saw a thread on front page yesterday and marvel at how men repeatedly said they'd choose their mother over their wife, this isn't the first or 6th time I'm seeing this and it's becoming a norm among our men. I just feel to shed some lights on this issue.

Firstly, this has become like a 'hand-down' whatever on the side of men, and this can be traced to how our dads treated our mums. Whichever man chooses his mum over his wife is doing so to put up with his father's failure. Your father failed in his husband duties and you obviously saw it growing up, rather than learn your lessons and try to be a better man for your wife you choose to be like your dad all over again, and the chain continues with your sons.

How much is heard of a wife choosing her dad over her husband?? I don't think I've heard it before, and it has never been an issue to discuss because women don't do this. We don't do it because our mothers were sufficient in their duties towards our fathers, we saw this and have no need to fill an emotional gap that our mothers could have probably failed in.

It doesn't make sense and will not make sense when you relegate your wife because you want to act like the husband she never had, I am not saying don't treat your mother nicely, but not at the expense of you wife! "she suffered on top of my head" that's her duty as a mum and it has absolutely nothing to do with your wife. A man must be able to find the balance between both women, don't cause unnecessary emnity between the two of them.

Put up a statistics of 50 men and 50 women. You'd realize at the end of your survey that more men will choose to marry a woman like their mum compared to the number of women that would choose to have a husband like their daddy.
Have you thought about WHY? it is because these guys sees the kind of I'll treatment their mums went through in marriages, but she still stayed anyways, whether our father was a cheat, drunkard, womaniser, financially unintelligent... Who wouldn't want a woman that can handle all their excesses wink
For women, reverse is the case, women learn their lessons from their mothers and simply move on. That is why a modern wife will hardly take half of the bvllshit her mother endured in marriage. And you begin to wonder why these men are surprised when a woman says she cannot stay with a man like their fathers? They're surprised cos their mothers took it all in cheesy
You might be missing the point why this is now a popular issue. Most guys say that because most of today's ladies feels they are too exposed to give their all in a relationship, like always looking for already made guys and will easily dump your ass when the money is gone.
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 4:13pm On Dec 03, 2020
Mabizela:
My mom before any other woman
Reason why your children will choose their mum over you

5 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 4:16pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:

Reason why your children will choose their mum over you

This does not follow.

The comparison is between a man, his wife and his mother.

Besides, there is nothing wrong if a child prefer a parent to the other. We all have our favorites.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 4:17pm On Dec 03, 2020
Karleb:
It's all well and good until the wife becomes a mother-in-law.



Husband, wife, mother or whatever, we all should know our place.
I feel mother-in-law that is troublesome is one that didn't enjoy her own marriage. "how will you enjoy my son when I didn't enjoy his father" these women seek out security from their sons cos they lacked it from their own husband. Hardly will you see a fulfilled wife turn mother-in-law trouble her son's or daughter's marriage.
It takes special grace to see your daughter-in-law enjoy all the privileges that you didn't and not feel threatened

6 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 4:20pm On Dec 03, 2020
Karleb:


This does not follow.

The comparison is between a man, his wife and his mother.

Besides, there is nothing wrong if a child prefer a parent to the other. We all have our favorites.
Having a healthy favorite is different from outrighly treating one of your parents better than the other, due to upbringing and all sort. Children see the way you treat their mums, and this will largely determine how they treat you back when the power falls in their hands. It goes both ways tho...

4 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 4:20pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:

I feel mother-in-law that is troublesome is one that didn't enjoy her own marriage. "how will you enjoy my son when I didn't enjoy his father" these women seek out security from their sons cos they lacked it from their own husband. Hardly will you see a fulfilled wife turn mother-in-law trouble her son's or daughter's marriage.
It takes special grace to see your daughter-in-law enjoy all the privileges that you didn't and not feel threatened

What?!

You are typing like a typical Nigerian daughter-in-law.
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 4:23pm On Dec 03, 2020
undecided
What is it with women and rivalry sef? undecided

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by mariahAngel: 4:25pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:

I feel mother-in-law that is troublesome is one that didn't enjoy her own marriage. "how will you enjoy my son when I didn't enjoy his father" these women seek out security from their sons cos they lacked it from their own husband. Hardly will you see a fulfilled wife turn mother-in-law trouble her son's or daughter's marriage.
It takes special grace to see your daughter-in-law enjoy all the privileges that you didn't and not feel threatened

Are you (going to be) the selfish kind of daughter in-law who's very possessive of her husband?
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by tidalstorm(m): 4:26pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:


I am not saying don't treat your mother nicely, but not at the expense of you wife! "she suffered on top of my head"
that's her duty as a mum and it has absolutely nothing to do with your wife. A man must be able to find the balance between both women, don't cause unnecessary emnity between the two of them.


It's never a must and a duty for your mum to take care of you. You must know by the amount of abortions and babies that women dump and runaway.
Your mother took care of you because she loved you and a wife's love can never surpass that.

Where was the wife when the mom was suffering on top of my head. She for don leave me tay tay say i broke.

@OP, if you give birth, teach your son to choose his wife over you.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by mariahAngel: 4:27pm On Dec 03, 2020
Karleb:
undecided

What is it with women and rivalry sef? undecided




Truth be told, no man would like his wife putting her father before him.
It is in human nature to be selfish.

3 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 4:32pm On Dec 03, 2020
tidalstorm:


It's never a must and a duty for your mum to take care of you. You must know by the amount of abortions and babies that women dump and runaway.
Your mother took care of you because she loved you and a wife's love can never surpass that.

Where was the wife when the mom was suffering on top of my head. She for don leave me tay tay say i broke.

@OP, if you give birth, teach your son to choose his wife over you.

gringringringringringrin

Bros you wan start fight for market square.

These days, daughter-in-laws want to be in full control but when the become mother-in-laws, they still want to be in full control.

It's like trying to go backwards while going forwards.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 4:34pm On Dec 03, 2020
tidalstorm:


It never a must and a duty for your mum to take care of you. You must know by the amount of abortions and babies that women dump and runaway.
Your mother took care of you because she loved you and a wife's love can never surpass that.
Women sometimes abort and dump babies because the man responsible turned out to be irresponsible. And when a woman chose to have the baby the gets called names "baby mama" that doesn't deserve the love of a single man. There are so many elements to this topic.
You're trying to get all emotional. "my mum loves me more than my wife so she deserves more..."
It's funny how only men play this card. "my dad loves me more than my husband so he deserves more..." this is something women don't do.
The reason why there will always be feuds between mother and daughter in laws is because men do not know how to balance the equation. Women know this and that is why there is hardly ever a competition between the father-in-law and a husband.

6 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by mrblessed(m): 4:43pm On Dec 03, 2020
Another failed attempt to hoodwink men with a shaky, fautly, and non-convincing theory. Men don't need women to lecture us on how to show love to our mothers, wivies, etc. No matter how you bleat about it, majority of men will continue to choose their mothers over their wives. It is not based on some pedestrian, hocus-pocus tales as you have already convinced yourself, it is based on lived experience, sacrifices, and undiluted affections, which majority of wivies are not capable of giving to their husbands.

Note that it doesn't portray you as an intelligent person if you use your family experience to extrapolate on what happens or happened in other families. The claim that the male child internalises the suffering endured by their mothers and tend to "compensate" them when they become adults is as subjective as it is disturbing. This is the sort of junk narrowminded daughters-in-law feed themselves with to provide the much-needed platform to carryout "war" on their mothers-in-law. What majority of mothers do - which does not including enduring ugly and unpleasant treatments from their husbands - is to sacrifice their pleasure and focus completely on the wellbeing of their children.

A wife can be good, loving, and adorable and becomes a recipient of an undying love from their husband. That is just great. But when a mother has given her all to her children, it is unjust to rank or measure her with someone who might look the other way if some, or all her boxes, were not ticked.

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Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by bukatyne(f): 4:46pm On Dec 03, 2020
If Nigerian Christians know what marriage is about, this topic would not be an issue for them.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by tidalstorm(m): 4:51pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:

Women sometimes abort and dump babies because the man responsible turned out to be irresponsible. And when a woman chose to have the baby the gets called names "baby mama" that doesn't deserve the love of a single man. There are so many elements to this topic.

So the ones that kept the pregnancy nko?
And you expect their child to love the wife more.

You're trying to get all emotional. "my mum loves me more than my wife so she deserves more..."
It's funny how only men play this card. "my dad loves me more than my husband so he deserves more..." this is something women don't do.

It's plainly logical, to whom much is given, much is expected. If the mom no give love she no expect to recieve am more.
Dad no dey show love the Stoicly provide as an obligation. Na why women dey also hustle providers.

The reason why there will always be feuds between mother and daughter in laws is because men do not know how to balance the equation. Women know this and that is why there is hardly ever a competition between the father-in-law and a husband.
The reason is because women need more attention and feel threatened of losing love. Not knowing that love can be shared.
Na women and competition.
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by tidalstorm(m): 4:55pm On Dec 03, 2020
Karleb:


gringringringringringrin

Bros you wan start fight for market square.

These days, daughter-in-laws want to be in full control but when the become mother-in-laws, they still want to be in full control.

It's like trying to go backwards while going forwards.




No mind them.
The day things start dey bad for person, dem go japa.
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by mariahAngel: 4:56pm On Dec 03, 2020
mrblessed:
Another failed attempt to hoodwink men with a shaky, fautly, and non-convincing theory. Men don't need women to lecture us on how to show love to our mothers, wivies, etc. No matter how you bleat about it, majority of men will continue to choose their mothers over their wives. It is not based on some pedestrian, hocus-pocus tales as you have already convinced yourself, it is based on lived experience, sacrifices, and undiluted affections, which majority of wivies are not capable of giving to their husbands.

Note that it doesn't portray you as an intelligent person if you use your family experience to extrapolate on what happens or happened in other families. The claim that the male child internalises the suffering endured by their mothers and tend to "compensate" them when they become adults is as subjective as it is disturbing. This is the sort of junk narrowminded daughters-in-law feed themselves with to provide the much-needed platform to carryout "war" on their mothers-in-law. What majority of mothers do - which does not including enduring ugly and unpleasant treatments from their husbands - is to sacrifice their pleasure and focus completely on the wellbeing of their children.

A wife can be good, loving, and adorable and becomes a recipient of an undying love from their husband. That is just great. But when a mother has given her all to her children, it is unjust to rank or measure her with someone who might look the other way if some, or all her boxes, were not ticked.

I hope you feel the same way if your wife puts her father before you.

4 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 5:03pm On Dec 03, 2020
mariahAngel:


I hope you feel the same way if your wife puts her father before you.

I swear, women will always be women.

Why would a man want to drag his wife's attention with his father-in-law?

Attention and care for a lady's father and husband are two different things.

Besides, in Africa a lady is supposed to be married into her husband family.
We the (potential) father-in-laws know this cool and we respect that.
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Karleb(m): 5:03pm On Dec 03, 2020
...
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by mariahAngel: 5:09pm On Dec 03, 2020
Karleb:


I swear, women will always be women.

Why would a man want to drag his wife's attention with his father-in-law?

Attention and care for a lady's father and husband are two different things.

Besides, in Africa a lady is supposed to be married into her husband family.
We the (potential) father-in-law know this cool and we respect that.

Women will be women of course! I mean, what else can we be apart from what God created us to be?

Do you think women don't know that men get jealous when their wives give more attention to even their own children? Now, let's not even go to the father in-law... cheesy

1 Like

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 5:10pm On Dec 03, 2020
mrblessed:
Another failed attempt to hoodwink men with a shaky, fautly, and non-convincing theory. Men don't need women to lecture us on how to show love to our mothers, wivies, etc. No matter how you bleat about it, majority of men will continue to choose their mothers over their wives. It is not based on some pedestrian, hocus-pocus tales as you have already convinced yourself, it is based on lived experience, sacrifices, and undiluted affections, which majority of wivies are not capable of giving to their husbands.

Note that it doesn't portray you as an intelligent person if you use your family experience to extrapolate on what happens or happened in other families. The claim that the male child internalises the suffering endured by their mothers and tend to "compensate" them when they become adults is as subjective as it is disturbing. This is the sort of junk narrowminded daughters-in-law feed themselves with to provide the much-needed platform to carryout "war" on their mothers-in-law. What majority of mothers do - which does not including enduring ugly and unpleasant treatments from their husbands - is to sacrifice their pleasure and focus completely on the wellbeing of their children.

A wife can be good, loving, and adorable and becomes a recipient of an undying love from their husband. That is just great. But when a mother has given her all to her children, it is unjust to rank or measure her with someone who might look the other way if some, or all her boxes, were not ticked.
I like your view because it points out my main issue. Why do men place their mothers above their wives and not their fathers? I mean where is the place of your father in all these? Why don't men priotize their fathers in their own marriages? Why always the mothers? Exactly! Because their fathers failed cheesy you talked about affections and sacrifices mostly from a mother and not the father, and so men are mentally wired to want to treat the mother that went through all of these better.
And this isn't me painting a personal narrative, this is reality. Our mothers have always and will always sacrifice for their children, even in this time some women will stay in an abusive marriage bacuse of their children. All these are sacrifices.
At the end of the day, a man raised in a completely healthy family will most likely not have a reason to sow seed of discord between his wife and mother, simply because his father was sufficient enough has a husband for her.

5 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 5:11pm On Dec 03, 2020
mariahAngel:


Women will be women of course! I mean, what else can we be apart from what God created us to be?

Do you think women don't know that men get jealous when their wives give more attention to even their own children? Now, let's not even go to the father in-law... cheesy
Men can't take half of all these, they are just whyning

1 Like

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by LordKO(m): 5:54pm On Dec 03, 2020
There are men who don't believe in the idea of placing their mothers above their wives - I'm one - this doesn't mean that men in this category love their mothers less, no. There can't be a healthy marriage where there's no oneness between the couple. A conscientious proponent and practitioner won't find it hard balancing things like this.

Next time employ the use of the word "some." In fact, the way you and your ilk in this act of using yourselves and what happens around you all as a standard for every other person irritates me knows no bounds - you aren't better than men who are of the opinion that their wives don't deserve to share oneness with them. Stop being hypocritically sententious and haughty. Most of us are from responsible families or have responsible families.

Of course, only a conscientious woman who has an altruistic interest for her husband is worth called and treated as a wife. She's the only kind of wife who deserves the sacrifice of oneness, not the self-absorbing and opportunistic ones that abound.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Juliusdaughter: 6:05pm On Dec 03, 2020
LordKO:
There are men who don't believe in the idea of placing their mothers above their wives - I'm one - this doesn't mean that men in this category love their mothers less, no. There can't be a healthy marriage where there's no oneness between the couple. A conscientious proponent and practitioner won't find it hard balancing things like this.

Next time employ the use of the word "some." In fact, the way you and your ilk in this act of using yourselves and what happens around you all as a standard for every other person irritates me knows no bounds - you aren't better than men who are of the opinion that their wives don't deserve to share oneness with them. Stop being hypocritically sententious and haughty. Most of us are from responsible families or have responsible families.

Of course, only a conscientious woman who has an altruistic interest for her husband is worth called and treated as a wife. She's the only kind of wife who deserves the sacrifice of oneness, not the self-absorbing and opportunistic ones that abound.
Your last paragraph goes both ways. I know there are people from responsible and healthy family, and that's why I didn't generalize
Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by lahizak: 6:17pm On Dec 03, 2020
Juliusdaughter:

I like your view because it points out my main issue. Why do men place their mothers above their wives and not their fathers? I mean where is the place of your father in all these? Why don't men priotize their fathers in their own marriages? Why always the mothers? Exactly! Because their fathers failed cheesy you talked about affections and sacrifices mostly from a mother and not the father, and so men are mentally wired to want to treat the mother that went through all of these better.
And this isn't me painting a personal narrative, this is reality. Our mothers have always and will always sacrifice for their children, even in this time some women will stay in an abusive marriage bacuse of their children. All these are sacrifices.
At the end of the day, a man raised in a completely healthy family will most likely not have a reason to sow seed of discord between his wife and mother, simply because his father was sufficient enough has a husband for her.
U d one that mention mothers, most men will always put their parents over their wives and then their children over their wives, although there are some men that will put their wives over anybody if and only if the wife has done enough to prove her loyalty to him over d course of time. We all know who is most likely to run when things goes sideways in a marriage. My loving gf of 6 years dumped me for another man because ever since I graduate 3years ago I haven't secure a good job, I understood her and I wished her well but my mother is always calling, forcing money on me, trying to get loans for me and never give up on me 4 a sec. A wife love will always be different from a mother's love and as a man u handle each differently and in such a way that it will never come to a situation where u have to chose btw them but if it cones to that, my wife have no chance, none at all

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Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by Richy4(m): 6:36pm On Dec 03, 2020
In this world, everyone have got choice ... so Op if you decide to place your wife before your mum, it's up to you... and if a wife decides to put her dad before her husband, it's up to her...

If I wasn't born and she was not there during those fever days, teething, sleepless nights, when I got measles @ 6 etc.. just maybe i would have died in my infancy and probably reincarnated.. smiley

U have to be alive first, grow up before marriage... Assuming she gave birth to me and dump me in a pit toilet, I will not be here arguing with u on who men should put first, So do not crucify anyone that have different OPINION... we have freedom of choice..

2 Likes

Re: My Opinion: Reason Why A Man Should Not Choose His Mother Above His Wife by olorunyomi25149: 7:38pm On Dec 03, 2020
: What is it with women and rivalry sef? Truth be told, no man would like his wife putting her father before him.It is in human nature to be selfish.

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