one issue confronting marriages in Nigeria today is polygyny.

Polygyny spreads because of the preponderance of women in the society, men seeking economic advantage in their trades, men seeking to enhance their status, childlessness of first wife, desire for a son, desire for a large progeny, constancy of sex urge, and desire for variety.

Covert polygyny, she argued, has become the order of the day in most Nigerian families. This is a situation whereby a married man still has other “wives” outside the official wife. These “wives” may or may not be known by the official wife. Consequently, this has serious implications for parental responsibility, in that the father will not be available to cater for the psychological needs of his children scattered over the place. Other problems confronting marriages in Nigeria include intrusion by extended family members and domestic violence.

Sex Frequency

Infrequent sex is perhaps the most common marital problem. Married couples periodically stop having sex for all kinds of reasons: resentment, exhaustion, stress, you name it. The ironic thing is that having sex is a great way to relieve all the stress that is preventing you from having sex. If a lack of sex becomes an additional source of stress, it actually compounds the problem. To break a sex slump, try eliminating all the sources of stress in your wife’s life. Do the dishes, clean the bathroom and send the kids to Grandma’s. You’ll be surprised by the effect a clean and quiet house has on your partner.

Division of Household Responsibilities

Gone are the days when we can consider men’s work and women’s work clearly delineated categories. Men are just as likely to be captains of the kitchen and lords of the laundry room as women are. Problematically, this flexibility has left us in a nebulous space in which either partner could be doing any chore at any given moment, and by extension, neither of you thinks of any chore as your “job.” Be reasonable: Don’t let one person do all the work. Divvy up the chores. Try bargaining: If you hate doing laundry, ask her to do it, and in exchange pledge to keep the bathroom looking spic and span.

Unwillingness to Have Kids

Many women (and some men) see children as a necessary consequence of marriage. Whether or not to have kids is a major decision, perhaps the biggest you’ll ever make, so some hesitation on the baby-making front is understandable. That said, persistently putting off procreation can introduce a lot of stress into your marriage and is one of the most common marital problems. If you’re the one putting the breaks on baby plans because you’re nervous about having kids, you might want to start doing some math. If you wait three or four years, how old will you be when your hypothetical future kids graduate from high school or university? Thinking in those terms might help you sympathize a bit with your spouse, who feels these time pressures on a biological level.

Difference in Parenting Philosophies

Once you have kids, of course, they introduce 18 years worth of excitement and turbulence into your marriage. Kids spill stuff, break stuff and often steal stuff. The life of a parent can often feel like a constant struggle to get your children to eat their vegetables and, for God’s sake, put their pants back on! So what’s your parenting strategy going to be? Are you going to be cool, fun dad or the “just-wait-until-your-mother-gets-home” guy? Difference in parenting philosophies is another one of our top 10 common marital problems. The most important thing is to recognize that so long as you love your kids, they’ll probably turn out OK. You’ll quickly learn that presenting a united front on rules and punishments is more important than just about anything else

The in-laws

Whether it’s your nosy mother, or her mooch of a younger brother, in-laws can introduce some serious tension into your relationship. Recognize that it’s very easy for you to be critical of her in-laws, but not as easy to see the stress your family causes her. Yes, it’s entirely possible that your family is totally normal and hers is completely insane, but the more likely scenario is that your family is nuts too and you’ve just built up an immunity to their particular brand of craziness. Just try to remember before you make a fuss about going to her aunt’s for dinner, that your cousin comes over every Saturday to watch the game. Be respectful of her family time and she’ll be respectful of yours.

House Stress

Getting married often means buying a house, and houses come with all manner of hassles. First and foremost, houses are expensive. Besides the mortgage you have to think about property taxes and maintenance costs. Before you even think about buying your dream home, make absolutely sure you can afford it. Saddle yourselves with an unmanageable debt and you might doom your marriage to failure.

Financial Stresses

Speaking of financial stresses, you don’t need to own property to worry about money. The source of your money woes could be almost anything, from the fact that you always have to pick up the check at dinner to the fact that she’s helping pay off your debts. Money may be the thing married couples fight about the most. The biggest solution to money problems is to talk about them. Be forthright and honest about things like your debt and adopt a policy of transparency when it comes to purchases

Boredom

Spending almost every waking moment with the same person for the rest of your life may alternately seem comforting and terrifying. Probably the thing you worry most about is getting sick of one another. It’s to be expected that every so often your marriage will fall victim to boredom. But boredom isn’t as hard to beat as you might think. You can keep things fresh by taking up new hobbies, travelling to new places together and — especially — by trying new things in the bedroom. Now that doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

Chai...