Please advice me on this.

There is a girl we have been dating for 3 years now, and we seem to be in a good term wrh each other, so I introduced her to my Mum which she welcomed her nicely. And I have got to know her Mum too (not her Dad yet).
She has been visiting my Mum for a greet even without both of use go together. I will just be notified by her that she went there.

So, both of us went there yesterday (Sunday) for a greet. I saw my Mum attitude against her, not so nicely like before. I then begin to observe tightly but noting to hold up on.

That night, my Mum called me that she needs to speak with me (I realized that she's about to talk based the girl).

Mum: Good evening son, I so much love you but that's why I will not kept quiet.

Mum: Your fiancee disrespect me so much. The last time she came, we were washing clothes. She sat down a bit and stood up later to wash, but she didn't even eash it well.

Me: Ah,

Mum: Likewise today (Sunday), she saw me washing clothes and can't even collect it, what if there is a visitor in between?

Mum: Just Incase you see me not so nicely with her next time. You should know that that's the cause. She disrespect me a lot!

Me: Mum, am s sorry, I will talk with her

Mum: No, don't say anything to her concerning this. I will change against her whenever she comes, till she ask that "Why" and I will tell her.

PLEASE, advice me, I so much love my Mum. But I want this girl to be a wife she proves to be.

Please what can I do?

What an elder sees sitting down , a child cannot see even if he climbs mount Everest.


Follow your heart, don't allow anyone make you go contrary to your wish. If you think the girl is good for you, go ahead, marry her. But have it in mind that you've drawn the battle line between your wife to be and your mum.

Our mother's mentality,must a daughter in-law to be collect the chores that are meant to be done by them, it's your chores nit theirs to do

Ur mom should kukuma employ her as the house girl nah.
All this una mama sef. I no no where una dey pack them come

Hmm yes.

But I have 4 sister and 2 brothers still leaving with my Mum.

I don't believe that my Mum supposed to be saying such.

Or maybe she don't want me to just continue with her?

Nawa for your mummy sef.. Wife wey u never marry, she Wan turn to house help..
If u come marry her nko, she go become slave

MickzyDonald:
Our mother's mentality,must a daughter in-law to be collect the chores that are meant to be done by them, it's your chores nit theirs to do

It sounds so ridiculous bro, but again, the girl didn't try at all. She should atleast try and help in the washing. Those are the things our mothers looked out for in a girl. Some will deliberately go to kitchen and start cooking, just to observe and see the girl's reaction, if she'll join them there to help. Failure for the girl to do so, they instantly mark her X . All these things are simple test, if the girl knows it, she'll just be playing along.

There is no amount of advice to give you here that will change your mom perception towards your girl..

I think our parents especially mom's need to understand the world has changed totally and it's very hard to see young girls with utmost respect these days. Not that they are bad generally but most of them were carried away with instagram and snapchat lifestyle hence they forget our culture.
Even me sometimes forgot to great ederly people whenever i pass by them in my area which some of them would tag as disrespectful act of which my mind do not pay attention to that and I don't even see it as big deal but to them, it may be offensive.

I was discussing with a friend after we finished watching this football match then a young girl and one small boy like that just came to join us( the boy should be 17 yo and the girl should be 15 cuz she nah one tiny bobs deh her chest .. so small like my pinky finger ) it's just like a open space with bench for anyone to sit and do whatever. Nah so dem start to deh romance for our pressense oo .. kai! I was shocked!
Where everyone was just passing and dis small things just deh kiss deh press their sef anyhow .

I vex my head come deh swell but my other guy just deh laugh me say watin concern me.. e deh strange to me cuz I never for get mind to toast woman at that age not to talk of kissing ah.
That's just to tell you this life don spoil so make our parents no deh take anything we do at heart.

Father's no too deh get problem but you see al this our mama ehn.... Nah protocol over protocol.

woman are the problem of themselves.
we always take our female like slave all in the name of marriage.

let me ask you if are the one that visit her will you do anything there.....the answer is no because they will take as visitor,cook nice meal for you and serve you.

person you never marry,your mom don complain unnecessary.
I love the girl way never start what you can not finished.
let your mom understand that she is a visitor,she suppose to treat as a visitor and stop this our Africa mentality

Keenly following

Princessogaraya:
woman are the problem of themselves.
we always take our female like slave all in the name of marriage.

let me ask you if are the one that visit her will you do anything there.....the answer is no because they will take as visitor,cook nice meal for you and serve you.

person you never marry,your mom don complain unnecessary.
I love the girl way never start what you can not finished.
let your mom understand that she is a visitor,she suppose to treat as a visitor and stop this our Africa mentality

God bless you jare, the mother can't be satisfied with her attitude. I can wash my mother's in-law things but you can't mandate it for me. It's a choice. Don't start what you can't continue ladies because of a relationship

Your mum is overreacting, if washing of clothes for her is the only reason why she changed her attitude towards your fiancee, then she's so wrong.

Some female children grew up with maids doing all the washing and cooking for them, does that make them disrespectful...of course not.

Your mum being an elder should look beyond her awful house chores skills and draw closer to her to know if she has a good heart, if she's hardworking, respectful...etc. Cos there are girls out there who will clean her whole house when they come visiting but are worse than the devil himself.

Princessogaraya:
woman are the problem of themselves.
we always take our female like slave all in the name of marriage.

let me ask you if are the one that visit her will you do anything there.....the answer is no because they will take as visitor,cook nice meal for you and serve you.

person you never marry,your mom don complain unnecessary.
I love the girl way never start what you can not finished.
let your mom understand that she is a visitor,she suppose to treat as a visitor and stop this our Africa mentality

Don't talk nonsense for here o, because na small thing the vex me.


The woman want the best for her son, and not some lazy ass bone girl.

All these new generation girls think they know so much, when they're actually empty.

Na this type go visit the mother inlaw, and the mother inlaw serve her, after she finish eating, she go wait make de mother inlaw come pack the plate, because to her she's not a slave in the name of marriage.

Nazgul

Exactly bro.

There was a girl I was dating sometimes ago.

Whenever she came to my Mum. She'll wash clothes, buy things and all that's. Yet, she is worst inside which I don't even know. I don't want to say what that one did anyway. Bur worst

Anigreat

In a wilderness of confusion now.

She helps me a lot, both financial and advices. Maybe my Mum has yet to know her heart. Or please enlighten me more please!

Syntaxbyte:
Please advice me on this.

There is a girl we have been dating for 3 years now, and we seem to be in a good term wrh each other, so I introduced her to my Mum which she welcomed her nicely. And I have got to know her Mum too (not her Dad yet).
She has been visiting my Mum for a greet even without both of use go together. I will just be notified by her that she went there.

So, both of us went there yesterday (Sunday) for a greet. I saw my Mum attitude against her, not so nicely like before. I then begin to observe tightly but noting to hold up on.

That night, my Mum called me that she needs to speak with me (I realized that she's about to talk based the girl).

Mum: Good evening son, I so much love you but that's why I will not kept quiet.

Mum: Your fiancee disrespect me so much. The last time she came, we were washing clothes. She sat down a bit and stood up later to wash, but she didn't even eash it well.

Me: Ah,

Mum: Likewise today (Sunday), she saw me washing clothes and can't even collect it, what if there is a visitor in between?

Mum: Just Incase you see me not so nicely with her next time. You should know that that's the cause. She disrespect me a lot!

Me: Mum, am s sorry, I will talk with her

Mum: No, don't say anything to her concerning this. I will change against her whenever she comes, till she ask that "Why" and I will tell her.

PLEASE, advice me, I so much love my Mum. But I want this girl to be a wife she proves to be.

Please what can I do?

Remember that your Mum has being washing her clothes by herself jejely for years without any help but what she's trying to let you see is that the girl doesn't have any courtesy (home training) whatsoever even at this stage of your relationship . These are some ways African mothers get to detect a would be ''Good and respecfull future wives/husbands'' because she believe that household chores should come naturally to her. If she ask your mum to help wash the clothes ofcourse she will definetly refused because she's a visitor. Its a testing stage in which she failed and your Mum being a good women draws your attention to this future headaches so that after marriage she will cook and not give your mama because she would be expecting her to go and prepare her own food.
Bros. the ball is in your court.

MY2CENT

Anigreat:






Don't talk nonsense for here o, because na small thing the vex me.


The woman want the best for her son, and not some lazy ass bone girl.

All these new generation girls think they knew so much, when they're actually empty.

Oga shut up, want best for her son by washing cloth for her,does that qualify one to know who will be good wife or not.
I saw one thread that guy refused to give his girlfriend money to buy chicken for her mummy,men on nairaland all most crucify this girl that she is after his money.... person never marry

Honestly, is she suppose to be washing your mom's clothes? Assisting to dry maybe but it shouldn't be a most.

I beg let your girl be.

It wouldn't make sense if she pretends to do them now and change later after marriage.

Your mother clearly views your impending marriage to your woman as a threat to her authority, your fiancée not being participatory enough during the washing is just an excuse.

What are your siblings, 4 sisters and 2 brothers who are still living with your mother doing that makes your mother excuse them from doing the laundry and expects a visitor (she is still one as you are not yet married to her) to assist in doing it? That is how it starts, next is to expect her to go clean up the kitchen all in the name of assessing her suitability as a daughter-in-law.

You seem to still be unindividuated from your mother nor have the psychological energy to draw the line.

You're yet to marry her and your mom's already turning her to her domestic servant with so much entitlement. I wonder what she will do to her after marriage.

Na wah for some mama o.

Shebi your girlfriend should have just sat down in her own house jeje. Now your mother is expecting her to wash her clothes to show that she's a wife material. Meanwhile you have younger ones.

What are the younger ones doing when your mum is washing? Why can't she call them to come and wash the clothes. Should your mum even be washing when she has children there. But she is not calling her own children disrespectful. It is your fiancée she wants to drag.

Let your fiancée to make herself scarce to avoid see finish.

Buy your mother a washing machine. Your fiancee is NOT a dry cleaner.

Syntaxbyte:
Please advice me on this.

There is a girl we have been dating for 3 years now, and we seem to be in a good term wrh each other, so I introduced her to my Mum which she welcomed her nicely. And I have got to know her Mum too (not her Dad yet).
She has been visiting my Mum for a greet even without both of use go together. I will just be notified by her that she went there.

So, both of us went there yesterday (Sunday) for a greet. I saw my Mum attitude against her, not so nicely like before. I then begin to observe tightly but noting to hold up on.

That night, my Mum called me that she needs to speak with me (I realized that she's about to talk based the girl).

Mum: Good evening son, I so much love you but that's why I will not kept quiet.

Mum: Your fiancee disrespect me so much. The last time she came, we were washing clothes. She sat down a bit and stood up later to wash, but she didn't even eash it well.

Me: Ah,

Mum: Likewise today (Sunday), she saw me washing clothes and can't even collect it, what if there is a visitor in between?

Mum: Just Incase you see me not so nicely with her next time. You should know that that's the cause. She disrespect me a lot!

Me: Mum, am s sorry, I will talk with her

Mum: No, don't say anything to her concerning this. I will change against her whenever she comes, till she ask that "Why" and I will tell her.

PLEASE, advice me, I so much love my Mum. But I want this girl to be a wife she proves to be.

Please what can I do?

Listen to me Mr Son. You and your mum should stop that nonsense you hear. A girl you have not even done introduction or even paid her dowry all of a sudden, you want to turn to your house girl. Immature people......

MickzyDonald:
Our mother's mentality,must a daughter in-law to be collect the chores that are meant to be done by them, it's your chores nit theirs to do

That is how it has always been. Our traditional ways of life is not cast in iron,if a lady in a relationship finds it demeaning or stressful, she needs not to give an helping hand

Like seriously. Your mother of all people ought to know that not all clothe washers end up as good wives. Yes, first impression matters but not in the long run as people change.

Cleanworld:


Remember that your Mum has being washing her clothes by herself jejely for years without any help but what she's trying to let you see is that the girl doesn't have any courtesy (home training) whatsoever even at this stage of your relationship . These are some ways African mothers get to detect a would be ''Good and respecfull future wives/husbands'' because she believe that household chores should come naturally to her. If she ask your mum to help wash the clothes ofcourse she will definetly refused because she's a visitor. Its a testing stage in which she failed and your Mum being a good women draws your attention to this future headaches so that after marriage she will cook and not give your mama because she would be expecting her to go and prepare her own food.
Bros. the ball is in your court.

MY2CENT

I know you won't repeat same if the fiancée happens to be a Caucasian (white) lady, how would the OP's mother test the oyibo woman to detect good and respecfull future wife?

I know the kind of elderly women I don’t like and she’s acting like one of them.

Bola146:



God bless you jare, the mother can't be satisfied with her attitude. I can wash my mother's in-law things but you can't mandate it for me. It's a choice. Don't start what you can't continue ladies because of a relationship

The only crime the babe commit here na because she went to greet her.
Assuming the girl didn't make out time to go and greet her the mom won't be complaining.
If by mistake the op decided to part ways with the lady, he should advise the next gf against visiting or visit once in a year (there won't be all these complain).

Syntaxbyte:
Please advice me on this.

There is a girl we have been dating for 3 years now, and we seem to be in a good term wrh each other, so I introduced her to my Mum which she welcomed her nicely. And I have got to know her Mum too (not her Dad yet).
She has been visiting my Mum for a greet even without both of use go together. I will just be notified by her that she went there.

So, both of us went there yesterday (Sunday) for a greet. I saw my Mum attitude against her, not so nicely like before. I then begin to observe tightly but noting to hold up on.

That night, my Mum called me that she needs to speak with me (I realized that she's about to talk based the girl).

Mum: Good evening son, I so much love you but that's why I will not kept quiet.

Mum: Your fiancee disrespect me so much. The last time she came, we were washing clothes. She sat down a bit and stood up later to wash, but she didn't even eash it well.

Me: Ah,

Mum: Likewise today (Sunday), she saw me washing clothes and can't even collect it, what if there is a visitor in between?

Mum: Just Incase you see me not so nicely with her next time. You should know that that's the cause. She disrespect me a lot!

Me: Mum, am s sorry, I will talk with her

Mum: No, don't say anything to her concerning this. I will change against her whenever she comes, till she ask that "Why" and I will tell her.

PLEASE, advice me, I so much love my Mum. But I want this girl to be a wife she proves to be.

Please what can I do?

Are you Yoruba?

Even though your mum told you not to, go ahead and have a talk with your girlfriend concerning the issue to hear her side and know what she thinks.
This is nothing communication and understanding won't solve.

Also, your mum might be a bit jealous, and that could be the reason she's beginning to find faults.
Just be patient with her...she'll get over it by the time you both give her grandchildren

Cleanworld:


Remember that your Mum has being washing her clothes by herself jejely for years without any help but what she's trying to let you see is that the girl doesn't have any courtesy (home training) whatsoever even at this stage of your relationship . These are some ways African mothers get to detect a would be ''Good and respecfull future wives/husbands'' because she believe that household chores should come naturally to her. If she ask your mum to help wash the clothes ofcourse she will definetly refused because she's a visitor. Its a testing stage in which she failed and your Mum being a good women draws your attention to this future headaches so that after marriage she will cook and not give your mama because she would be expecting her to go and prepare her own food.
Bros. the ball is in your court.

MY2CENT

Is like you didn't see where he said she helped her to wash once after waiting for some time, and she doesn't know how to wash ?

Anigreat:









It sounds so ridiculous bro, but again, the girl didn't try at all. She should atleast try and help in the washing. Those are the things our mothers looked out for in a girl. Some will deliberately go to kitchen and start cooking, just to observe and see the girl's reaction, if she'll join them there to help. Failure for the girl to do so, they instantly mark her X . All these things are simple test, if the girl knows it, she'll just be playing along.

Yeah that's true sha, it part of tradition also, but they shouldn't turn her to slave at the same time also