mengi:

^^^^^

She did mention that the names aint real.

OKON & OLATINWO are real names. Smith & Williams are not my name. Made them up for privacy's sake.

SA Goddess:

OP, I also had to decide what name my son would carry and I decided his father's last name would be just fine, I had no issues with it.  It is my son's family name whether I am married to his dad or not, it is his lineage, my decision was also based on the fact that boys tend to change their last names later on to that of their fathers so why delay the inevitable,  . . . . . .I searched my heart and made sure I was absolutely ok with this decision and I am.  This was never about the father but my son so I am at peace with the decision. . . . . . .

Not sure how this would affect you and your child but you might need "sperm donor's permission" to do things like get your child a passport and other things, research this and make sure giving your child the father's name will not impact negatively on you.

Good luck with everything. . . .

I agree that this issue is more about my son than his father. But what if I name him after his father's family, and then in the future none of them want him?? Or treat him as less than because of the circumstances of his birth In that case, have I done right to expose him to hatred and negativity?

Everyone has the right to know their lineage -- I can never deny my son that right. But if his father denies him from birth, at least I want my child to have THE OPTION of choosing whether or not he wants to identify with his father's family. I wont have a problem if my son chooses to go by his father's last name in the future.

The States is a much freer country than Nigeria. I don't think I have to give away his father's name on his BC or other official documents. But if I HAVE TO, then I'll just use the man's initials.

ifyalways:

Is there chances of reconciliation and comeback for u and Mr Sperm donor or that door is locked permanently?Wud it be easy to correct and change the name in future when and If he comes back or if need be?

If truly,the pregnancy is for this man,why not let the child keep and bear the name?It's not the child's choice that things turned sour . . .s/he atleast deserves a piece of the man's identity,when s/he is of change he can then make the best choice for her/himself.

Like I said above, I want my son to have the freedom of choice. I mentioned that my legal name is not my family name. It is not that difficult to change names. If he wants a name change, he can have it when he's old enough to have the clarity of mind and thought to make that decision himself.

I don't know what the future holds in terms of reconciliation.

As I speak, I struggle not to hate Mr. Sperm Donor or to have bitterness against him. (Who wouldn't) But a situation like this hurts and is painful. Since he left for Nigeria, he has not called or texted me. Not even to say "I have arrived o!" or "I had a safe trip" or anything else for that matter. There was a good 4wks of silence because I had no way to contact him initially. Then I e-mail him that I'm pregnant and all he can think of is his own life.

Tell me, is that the kind of man YOU would ever consider reconciling with?? Especially when he tells you your child is illegitimate? Abeg jare. . . .    

Let sleeping dogs lie where they are. Some of them are rabid.

//

1 step at a time
why don't you have the child first then worry about something that's going to be meaningless for the first few years of the child.

BabyOkon:


OKON & OLATINWO are real names. Smith & Williams are not my name. Made them up for privacy's sake.


I agree that this issue is more about my son than his father. But what if I name him after his father's family, and then in the future none of them want him?? Or treat him as less than because of the circumstances of his birth In that case, have I done right to expose him to hatred and negativity?

Everyone has the right to know their lineage -- I can never deny my son that right. But if his father denies him from birth, at least I want my child to have THE OPTION of choosing whether or not he wants to identify with his father's family. I wont have a problem if my son chooses to go by his father's last name in the future.

The States is a much freer country than Nigeria. I don't think I have to give away his father's name on his BC or other official documents. But if I HAVE TO, then I'll just use the man's initials.


Like I said above, I want my son to have the freedom of choice. I mentioned that my legal name is not my family name. It is not that difficult to change names. If he wants a name change, he can have it when he's old enough to have the clarity of mind and thought to make that decision himself.

I don't know what the future holds in terms of reconciliation.

As I speak, I struggle not to hate Mr. Sperm Donor or to have bitterness against him. (Who wouldn't) But a situation like this hurts and is painful. Since he left for Nigeria, he has not called or texted me. Not even to say "I have arrived o!" or "I had a safe trip" or anything else for that matter. There was a good 4wks of silence because I had no way to contact him initially. Then I e-mail him that I'm pregnant and all he can think of is his own life.

Tell me, is that the kind of man YOU would ever consider reconciling with?? Especially when he tells you your child is illegitimate? Abeg jare. . . .    

Let sleeping dogs lie where they are. Some of them are rabid.

Some men, why then would he not use a condom if he did  not want an illegitimate child, don't mind him at all. . . . he will be back one day to claim his child. . . . .

As for the negativity you don't want your child to be exposed to later on in life, I guess then it would make sense for you to give your son your name now and let him change it later if he wants to, at least you are open to that.

Family support is important during this time, keep them close because you will need them as your load gets heavy    also try to stay positive, I believe babies in our bellies feel our emotions so it is vital to remain positive so the baby can feed on your positive energy.

BabyOkon:


OKON & OLATINWO are real names. Smith & Williams are not my name. Made them up for privacy's sake.


I agree that this issue is more about my son than his father. But what if I name him after his father's family, and then in the future none of them want him?? Or treat him as less than because of the circumstances of his birth In that case, have I done right to expose him to hatred and negativity?

Everyone has the right to know their lineage -- I can never deny my son that right. But if his father denies him from birth, at least I want my child to have THE OPTION of choosing whether or not he wants to identify with his father's family. I wont have a problem if my son chooses to go by his father's last name in the future.

The States is a much freer country than Nigeria. I don't think I have to give away his father's name on his BC or other official documents. But if I HAVE TO, then I'll just use the man's initials.


Like I said above, I want my son to have the freedom of choice. I mentioned that my legal name is not my family name. It is not that difficult to change names. If he wants a name change, he can have it when he's old enough to have the clarity of mind and thought to make that decision himself.

I don't know what the future holds in terms of reconciliation.

As I speak, I struggle not to hate Mr. Sperm Donor or to have bitterness against him. (Who wouldn't) But a situation like this hurts and is painful. Since he left for Nigeria, he has not called or texted me. Not even to say "I have arrived o!" or "I had a safe trip" or anything else for that matter. There was a good 4wks of silence because I had no way to contact him initially. Then I e-mail him that I'm pregnant and all he can think of is his own life.

Tell me, is that the kind of man YOU would ever consider reconciling with?? Especially when he tells you your child is illegitimate? Abeg jare. . . .     

Let sleeping dogs lie where they are. Some of them are rabid.

Like my mother always told me.
If you [b]choose[/b] to get pregnant for a man who has NOT married you. . .you don't need a bride price.
The child is your responsibility.
Please, the man is not interested and has long left for Nigeria. He has moved on.
Enjoy the memories, get a job and take care of yourself and the baby.


Next time. . .treat every man like you are gonna have a one-night stand.
Enjoy the consequences.
Life goes on. . . and the best is yet to come with or without the 'sperm donor'!

Move on dearie. . . that ship has sailed.

Are you sure you are an American-born lady?
Only Nigerian women sing these kinds of "swan songs"of romantic lamentation.


If na real Ameri-dudu babe. . . she would have been on her 5th pregnancy with the 7th man on The Jerry Springer Show cussing all the prospective baby daddies out with another pregancy . . . .WITH GOLDEN TEETH AND ALL. . . LOOKING DAMN GOOD!

God bless the Black American!

You will not even catch a Mexicana typing all these. . . na club she for don land since with the pregancy dey shack 'Tequilla'.

Ma'am, pleaaaaaaase move on. Enrol in school and find you a decent man! No need chasing after a loser of a dude to feel relevant in life. He has given you the greatest gift of life. . .creating another human being. . .with HALF your DNA.

What the phock do you need him for if he is NOT interested in you or the child.

Look at Shaquille O'neal? Did his father not abandon him?
Did Barack Obama's dad not abandon him?
Look where they are today.

Any man not interested in you and YOUR child. . .please close the chapter on his arzzzzze.

Gosh, I need to introduce you to some of my girlfriends.
If the man wants to have a relationship with his child. . .he knows where to find him or her. . . MOVE ON!

Blazay at it again --- well said ma'am.

obowunmi:

Blazay at it again --- well said ma'am.

Blazay is a ma'am?

obowunmi:

Blazay at it again --- well said ma'am.

Really, thought it was rough/insensitive and repetitive. . . . . .but hey. . . . .that's just me!!!

Blazay:


Like my mother always told me.
If you [b]choose[/b] to get pregnant for a man who has NOT married you. . .you don't need a bride price.
The child is your responsibility.
Please, the man is not interested and has long left for Nigeria. He has moved on.
Enjoy the memories, get a job and take care of yourself and the baby.


Next time. . .treat every man like you are gonna have a one-night stand.
Enjoy the consequences.
Life goes on. . . and the best is yet to come with or without the 'sperm donor'!

Move on dearie. . . that ship has sailed.

Are you sure you are an American-born lady?
Only Nigerian women sing these kinds of "swan songs"of romantic lamentation.


If na real Ameri-dudu babe. . . she would have been on her 5th pregnancy with the 7th man on The Jerry Springer Show cussing all the prospective baby daddies out with another pregancy . . . .WITH GOLDEN TEETH AND ALL. . . LOOKING DAMN GOOD!

God bless the Black American!

You will not even catch a Mexicana typing all these. . . na club she for don land since with the pregancy dey shack 'Tequilla'.

Ma'am, pleaaaaaaase move on. Enrol in school and find you a decent man! No need chasing after a loser of a dude to feel relevant in life. He has given you the greatest gift of life. . .creating another human being. . .with HALF your DNA.

What the phock do you need him for if he is NOT interested in you or the child.

Look at Shaquille O'neal? Did his father not abandon him?
Did Barack Obama's dad not abandon him?
Look where they are today.

Any man not interested in you and YOUR child. . .please close the chapter on his arzzzzze.

Gosh, I need to introduce you to some of my girlfriends.
If the man wants to have a relationship with his child. . .he knows where to find him or her. . . MOVE ON!

Awesome post by blazay.

If you are indeed in Coppel why not sneak out when your husband is not around and lets have a quickie.

I am not Yoruba or Ibo I am from Aghenebode

Bawss1:

Blazay is a ma'am?

Yes, she uses her husband's ID to post.

SA Goddess:

Really, thought it was rough/insensitive and repetitive. . . . . .but hey. . . . .that's just me!!!

Sorry, but I think there's some ounce of truth in her statement --- you are probably still in your overtly sensitive stage or what do you think ? Politicians have sweet mouth and he got to open and spread your legs for him --- you have no choice but to move on babe. You have to find another man and move on --- Goodluck!

obowunmi:

Sorry, but I think there's some ounce of truth in her statement --- you are probably still in your overtly sensitive stage or what do you think ? Politicians have sweet mouth and he got to open and spread your legs for him --- you have no choice but to move on babe. You have to find another man and move on --- Goodluck!

LOL, I am fine, trust me. . . . . .truth to what she said, I agree but one can be tactful while addressing such sensitive issues. . . . .

^^^ if you've followed her posts, you'll know that's how she talks. Don't take it too personal. All the best with your baby.

^^^ My boy and I are fine, he is four already so we are good, he does have a relationship with his dad though I am not with the father. . . .I am not the OP by the way. . . . .

aaah ok. Are you single and searching ?

Single yes, looking yes, would be nice to find a life partner, we all long for that. . . . .