Ever since my adult life, I've had a non conventional way I approach females and relationships.
Even though I'm fairly good looking and most of the time easily get a girls attention. in recent times, I've had an ample opportunity to start a relationship with a few ladies but I no longer feel the need or the urge to make it happen.

I can categorically say I haven't been with or had sex with a woman upwards of a year and even at the last encounter, it was nothing to write home about. We just slept together after convincing her to spend the night with me, ofcourse with money. I could hardly have an erection talk less of sustaining it.

Now, this to me is not an issue because I believe sex starts from the brain and my mindset isn't wired that way anymore. It seems I can't bring myself to do it if I don't feel any deep emotional connection with that person.

That emotional connection is the problem because mostly these days, girls really don't care about that. All they mostly care about is what you're bringing to the table or what you provide financially and materially. Seems to me like love and sex is merely a transaction not different from paying a prostitute for sex.

Can someone help me put this into perspective. Maybe I'm getting it all wrong because this is costing me a lot of relationships I'm very reluctant to pursue even after the first contact and exchanging numbers. I no longer feel the urge to ask them on dates and all that.

Nothing is wrong with you.


You're only being prudent with your funds and heart. You're on the right track.



Shalom.

My brother I understand jare

Take your time to be friends.

Romanoff:
Take your time to be friends.

At the expense of his pocket

Kriss216:
Nothing is wrong with you.


You're only being prudent with your funds and heart. You're on the right track.



Shalom.

Dear Op, just like my brother said, "You're on the right track"

Relax.

Half of your lifes problems is solved man,rejoice for you are special among men. You should be glad that you unique bruh many men would love to be like you including me,channel all those sexual energies into pursuing your goals because you've overcame a major source of distraction.

Romanoff:
Take your time to be friends.

That's the point. I don't pursue any friendships. I hardly call, maybe once in a blue moon when I feel like.

Like kiriss216 said, I believe he understands me perfectly but then how long will I stay without them before everyone believes there's something wrong with me.

First off, I hardly come about my spec and when I do, I actually don't feel like putting an effort.

Dliquidmetal:
Half of your lifes problems is solved man,rejoice for you are special among men. You should be glad that you unique bruh many men would love to be like you including me,channel all those sexual energies into pursuing your goals because you've overcame a major source of distraction.

You're a real nigga bro

OP take this advice and rejoice forever more. I'm working to being ur typa nigga but I still got more hearts to break bfr I lock up

Contact me let's talk. My number is on my signature, I can assure you that this will be a thing of the past

Kriss216:

At the expense of his pocket

Is friendship expensive?

Bigbeard:


That's the point. I don't pursue any friendships. I hardly call, maybe once in a blue moon when I feel like.

Like kiriss216 said, I believe he understands me perfectly but then how long will I stay without them before everyone believes there's something wrong with me.

First off, I hardly come about my spec and when I do, I actually don't feel like putting an effort.

To be honest, I can't be with someone I'm not friends with. The companionship comes first before any yeye feelings.

I might be wrong sha.

Romanoff:


Is friendship expensive?

I'm surprised you just asked this question. Do you actually know what it takes to sustain friendship?

Going on a date
Birthdays
Calls
Texts
Time
Miscellaneous expenses.
etc


All these are monetary.

Friendship with a Nigerian girl is a useless venture. I can't even advice my enemy to venture into that.

U just saved yourself at least wasting close to 20k a month trying to flex one useless girl. Its been 1 year 2 months I've not sexed,normal soapy twice a week. Naija girls are all useless and relationships to them is investment especially from poor ghetto kids

Kriss216:

I'm surprised you just asked this question. Do you actually know what it takes to sustain friendship?

Going on a date
Birthdays
Calls
Texts
Time
Miscellaneous expenses.
etc


All these are monetary.

Friendship with a Nigerian girl is a useless venture. I can't even advice my enemy to venture into that.

Must we monetise everything?

Asides time, call and text, birthday wishes or gifts which can be on your own budget.

If you care about your friends, why will all these be an issue?

Me that is praying for me and my friends to make it big so we can be going on yearly vacations and have kids who are also friends.

If money is everything to you, you won't have genuine friendships.

Bigbeard:
Ever since my adult life, I've had a non conventional way I approach females and relationships.
Even though I'm fairly good looking and most of the time easily get a girls attention. in recent times, I've had an ample opportunity to start a relationship with a few ladies but I no longer feel the need or the urge to make it happen.

I can categorically say I haven't been with or had sex with a woman upwards of a year and even at the last encounter, it was nothing to write home about. We just slept together after convincing her to spend the night with me, ofcourse with money. I could hardly have an erection talk less of sustaining it.

Now, this to me is not an issue because I believe sex starts from the brain and my mindset isn't wired that way anymore. It seems I can't bring myself to do it if I don't feel any deep emotional connection with that person.

That emotional connection is the problem because mostly these days, girls really don't care about that. All they mostly care about is what you're bringing to the table or what you provide financially and materially. Seems to me like love and sex is merely a transaction not different from paying a prostitute for sex.

Can someone help me put this into perspective. Maybe I'm getting it all wrong because this is costing me a lot of relationships I'm very reluctant to pursue even after the first contact and exchanging numbers. I no longer feel the urge to ask them on dates and all that.

Same here ..

Romanoff:


Is friendship expensive?

Dates cost money.

Would a girl start off her friendship with you by visiting your house?
Even at that, there would be something at stake.

Even that time you spend together costs something because you could have spent it on something more financially worthwhile.

Talk less of the long throats who would start demanding getaways , lunch and dinner in some fancy restaurant that would cost upwards of 20k to 30k just based in friendship.

Romanoff:


Must we monetise everything?

Asides time, call and text, birthday wishes or gifts which can be on your own budget.

If you care about your friends, why will all these be an issue?

Me that is praying for me and my friends to make it big so we can be going on yearly vacations and have kids who are also friends.

If money is everything to you, you won't have genuine friendships.

I'll choose a thousand Naira over any friendship with a Nigerian girl.

Money might not be everything but Friendship with a Nigerian girl is USELESS!

In addition, I'm not against all those things I mentioned above. They actually make such relationship beautiful but not when it's one sided.

A guy could be bouyant today and decide to spoil his girl with all these things but what happens when he's having challenges, would this same girl have his back. ofcourse not because often times this same girl needs backup herself 90% of the time.

It's totally different if this same girl is your partner, like real partner who is involved in what you do. That gives her the automatic right to your funds. You're both entitled to the trips and dates because she's on your team. That's basically the foundation to a good marriage, but when everything is one sided, you two might be together but it won't work because someone is leaching on the other. That's how I see things and what is preventing me from pursuing one.

Sad all these are coming from guys. Nigerian girls have a whole lot of work to be done. Thanks

Bigbeard:


Dates cost money.

Would a girl start off her friendship with you by visiting your house?
Even at that, there would be something at stake.

Even that time you spend together costs something because you could have spent it on something more financially worthwhile.

Talk less of the long throats who would start demanding getaways , lunch and dinner in some fancy restaurant that would cost upwards of 20k to 30k just based in friendship.

Me I feel a no strings attached friendship shouldn't cost you. If y'all met in church, hike trips or social gathering, your activities or meetings can be centred around that.

You're on the right path. Keep that up, channel that time into productive things and watch yourself grow. Nigerian girls are playing their own games well coz they are very ruthless and it's all(relationship&friendship) hustle to most of them, keep playing your own game well too and don't let them have even a token of your hard earned resources even if you have it in abundance coz there's a great percentage that they will call you a fool for it. Not that you don't put effort in getting your spec, you're not getting your spec because your specs are busy chasing ballers that will only pump and dump them... that's naija girls for you as we already know. A lot of guys should adapt this style lately tho coz these girls don't care about any of you.

Kriss216:

I'll choose a thousand Naira over any friendship with a Nigerian girl.

Money might not be everything but Friendship with a Nigerian girl is USELESS!

I no know say na una.

No vex.

I think the pains of women is a necessary pain of life

When you're fund stable just find one for marriage and have your children

NB: make sure your love is blind because open eyes will make you hate those imps

and i think the social responsibleness of men is primarily gauged by their ability to endure women venoms under same roof

Sex don’t start from the brain though, I can tell you that.

If you’re sexually fit, you will randomly pop boners for no reason. And I mean strong ones. You’ll just be honey despite not even looking at anything erotic.

That’s how a normal adult should be. Sounds like you have low sex drive or you’re depressed.

SenecaTheYonger:
Sex don’t start from the brain though, I can tell you that.

If you’re sexually fit, you will randomly pop boners for no reason. And I mean strong ones. You’ll just be honey despite not even looking at anything erotic.

That’s how a normal adult should be. Sounds like you have low sex drive or you’re depressed.

Maybe a combination of both

I wasn't like that though, and what would be a valid explanation for an abrupt boner without any form of stimulation if not your brain doing the magic.

And for that, I think I found a way to train myself not to ever have that in public because it could be embarrassing. I'm a fairly tall guy and that means I have a fairly long dick so an abrupt boner in public cannot go unnoticed.
.
So I've found a way to avoid that and it hasn't happened in a long time. I believe I'm healthy and I believe I could be fairly sexually active if I was in an emotionally healthy relationship with the opposite sex.

At least I've had a relationship with someone who happens to be a Nairaland member and we had bomb sex. Took me a while to connect but when we started we were having four rounds of sex twice every weekend. Initially, each session would last for hours. So I'm wondering what is wrong with me now. On the flip side, I'm thinking maybe I exhausted all my appetite for sex.

Angrygoat:
U just saved yourself at least wasting close to 20k a month trying to flex one useless girl. Its been 1 year 2 months I've not sexed,normal soapy twice a week. Naija girls are all useless and relationships to them is investment especially from poor ghetto kids

You are indeed what you say you are.

real nigga

Bigbeard:
Ever since my adult life, I've had a non conventional way I approach females and relationships.
Even though I'm fairly good looking and most of the time easily get a girls attention. in recent times, I've had an ample opportunity to start a relationship with a few ladies but I no longer feel the need or the urge to make it happen.

I can categorically say I haven't been with or had sex with a woman upwards of a year and even at the last encounter, it was nothing to write home about. We just slept together after convincing her to spend the night with me, ofcourse with money. I could hardly have an erection talk less of sustaining it.

Now, this to me is not an issue because I believe sex starts from the brain and my mindset isn't wired that way anymore. It seems I can't bring myself to do it if I don't feel any deep emotional connection with that person.

That emotional connection is the problem because mostly these days, girls really don't care about that. All they mostly care about is what you're bringing to the table or what you provide financially and materially. Seems to me like love and sex is merely a transaction not different from paying a prostitute for sex.

Can someone help me put this into perspective. Maybe I'm getting it all wrong because this is costing me a lot of relationships I'm very reluctant to pursue even after the first contact and exchanging numbers. I no longer feel the urge to ask them on dates and all that.

I believe you've just defined your mindset and not necessarily that of the girls you're dating.

Okay, forget for a second about what you "think" the girl is angling for and ask yourself this, "what do I really want, both from her and this relationship?" I think most guys go into relationships and they don't even know what they want.. so they end up picking faults at every of the girl's bad behaviors, they start whining and going crazy.

Understand, you have to define what you want right from the start and hold her to a certain degree of standard.

You have to be making your demands very clear otherwise she'll never take the initiative and behave accordingly. Once she's on her best behavior and things are going on your terms, trust me your urges will ignite with passion.

Bigbeard:


Maybe a combination of both

I wasn't like that though, and what would be a valid explanation for an abrupt boner without any form of stimulation if not your brain doing the magic.

I don’t think it’s the brain. It starts from the stomach to the brain then heart then penis. There’s certain foods I’ll eat and my boner will drill through my bed, happens with fruits too.

Having a healthy stomach (and I don’t mean flat tummy) could change your life.

Bigbeard:
In addition, I'm not against all those things I mentioned above. They actually make such relationship beautiful but not when it's one sided.

A guy could be bouyant today and decide to spoil his girl with all these things but what happens when he's having challenges, would this same girl have his back. ofcourse not because often times this same girl needs backup herself 90% of the time.

It's totally different if this same girl is your partner, like real partner who is involved in what you do. That gives her the automatic right to your funds. You're both entitled to the trips and dates because she's on your team. That's basically the foundation to a good marriage, but when everything is one sided, you two might be together but it won't work because someone is leaching on the other. That's how I see things and what is preventing me from pursuing one.

Apt and well said, since the last relationship I was into ended, I had to evaluate my life and all what you put here were my concerns and I have decided to focus on me cos issues Gara gan, have a lady I chat with once in a while who is okay and could possibly be a different from what I feared about some ladies, but I just dey chill make I stay on my own for now gather myself wella and if she is still very much available all good if not, the search goes on,she has been good and even helping with a better job option, hopefully it clicks.