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Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? - Family - Nairaland

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Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Rocktation(f): 9:52am On Apr 21, 2021
The Director and owner of my kids' school just passed on and pretty much everybody, who's never had an opinion to express, but has been present since the inception of the online PTA platform, swivelled into typing tributes, RIP-s and ish-s.

I for one, have never been big on even sending congratulatory messages or wishing every single parent's child that I do not know, a Happy Birthday, simply because one - People are so many, that someone celebrates a birthday, everyday. I take my wishes pretty seriously and would really like to always mean them.

- I don't necessarily feel obligated to exude niceties, on top the tuition that I pay for. I don't seek to offend but business should be business, I believe.

- I really really detest that herd mentality of do-as-I-do.

Which makes me wonder if my views are bizarre to others, when the Head Teacher accosted me to ask why I did not submit nothing to the platform, upon hearing of the man's demise...

Should I really have done differently?
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by anthonyuncle(m): 10:00am On Apr 21, 2021
in this case, action or inaction, there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to gain.
do as you please
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by TripleDdotcom: 10:34am On Apr 21, 2021
I think this is one of such cases where not doing something isn't necessarily a crime but doing it brings about great benefit.

It may not have been wrong for you not to extend condolences but at same time, extending it could have achieved a better impression and impact upon the souls of the people affected and your relationship with them.

It's someone who has died here. It's only part of good manners and a sweet, loving heart that you show condolences and sympathy towards the bereaved and others. You never know how much your words or gesture could keep them strong during hard times.

Another thing is, the fact that the head teacher approached and confronted you could be because she was disappointed based on how much of an high esteem they held you in. Maybe they regarded you with great impression but it seemed to them like you didn't reciprocate such regard when you had the chance to.

So, it may not be a crime but at same time, it breeds a good impact. Next time, you see the head teacher, (if you wish) call her, hold her hand and look into her eyes and tell her you're sorry and extend your condolences. If it's a man, maintain a little distance while you do it before it turns to something else. grin

Good luck my daughter.....


.....

Kindly check my signature and patronize us for data. Na beg I dey beg. Thank you

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Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Nobody: 11:47am On Apr 21, 2021
Yes
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Rocktation(f): 1:22pm On Apr 21, 2021
Thanks so much, people. I mean to show empathy to those who are grieving, alright. Only, I did not feel like they were part of the PTA. But as someone has tacitly suggested, it might be out of place to assume that the only people that should be truly bereaved are family members, who probably, do not have access to the online association.

My empathy as I know it, comes from a deep place and I put myself right in the "mind space" of the grieving person, so I may sense their feelings and emotions. I wasn't making that connection with the RIP posters, so showing empathy on the forum, was kind of deprived of pragmatic significance.

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Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Rocktation(f): 1:27pm On Apr 21, 2021
@TripleDdotcom---I did console her at the time we had the conversation, since she could be bothered to call my attention to it.

Thank you, papa . smiley
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by nautybride: 1:59pm On Apr 21, 2021
People just want others to notice them in some cases, in others; join the bandwagon!
It depends on your personality.
You would have offered your condolences by mouth when she complained and end matters.
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Rocktation(f): 2:21pm On Apr 21, 2021
^^There is that, yes. And I did end the start of something, maybe, with her. But then, there is the case of consciously trying to improve oneself...which is why I still came here, I guess.
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by CrazyMan(m): 2:28pm On Apr 21, 2021
TripleDdotcom has hit the nail on the head...so I have very little words to contribute here.

But nevertheless, I feel you should have at least sent a condolence message, it won't cost anything. Deaths isn't as regular as birthdays, weddings, dedications... etc. So when it comes in its unexpected manner the least one can do is to show that you're grieving with the family of the deceased by airing your voice.

Sometimes people just want you to be there for them in their grieving moments, they want you to stand by them, if you fail to do that, why should they maintain any kind of friendship with you?

You didn't do well.
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Rocktation(f): 2:39pm On Apr 21, 2021
CrazyMan:
TripleDdotcom has hit the nail on the head...so I have very little words to contribute here.

But nevertheless, I feel you should have at least sent a condolence message, it won't cost anything. Deaths isn't as regular as birthdays, weddings, dedications... etc. So when it comes in its unexpected manner the least one can do is to show that you're grieving with the family of the deceased by airing your voice.

Sometimes people just want you to be there for them in their grieving moments, they want you to stand by them, if you fail to do that, why should they maintain any kind of friendship with you?

You didn't do well.

Alright. But do you really feel that I should have done that on the online PTA? As in, prove to other people, that I am empathetic to other people?
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Saintmary(f): 3:30pm On Apr 21, 2021
Rocktation:


Alright. But do you really feel that I should have done that on the online PTA? As in, prove to other people, that I am empathetic to other people?

Yes, you should have.
As a parent, if you prove your empathy, or even pretend to be nice in school settings, it will help your child with his/her own interactions with her classmates and teachers.
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Rocktation(f): 3:55pm On Apr 21, 2021
Saintmary:


Yes, you should have.
As a parent, if you prove your empathy, or even pretend to be nice in school settings, it will help your child with his/her own interactions with her classmates and teachers.

Interesting point to note, with thanks.
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by CrazyMan(m): 6:53pm On Apr 21, 2021
Rocktation:


Alright. But do you really feel that I should have done that on the online PTA? As in, prove to other people, that I am empathetic to other people?
Yes cos it's the right thing to do.
Re: Was It Necessary To Express Condolence? by Haakeem(m): 5:49pm On Jan 26, 2022
Rocktation thanks alot.

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