Hello everyone

I have an issue and I want you guys to be as brutally honest with me. Problems cannot be solved alone and as much as I’ve discussed this with close family, I need to get unbiased opinions from strangers. Please feel free to pm me with advise as I’m just so down about this situation.

I’m 25 years old and I live in the USA. I’m Yoruba and he’s Igbo, was born here but have also lived in naija at one point. I’ve been in a relationship with this guys for 5 years but I’m at the point where I’m seriously unhappy. Unfortunately we have a daughter together and we got engaged when I was pregnant But things are just not Looking good.

I’m going to first start off by pointing out My flaws so things can be two sided. I will say my shortcomings are

I’m extremely introverted so I don’t like to go out at all, I don’t have friends so I can be very dependent on him emotionally, and I’m not extremely jovial with his family....(he comes from a very jovial background ) because it’s not my personality but I’m friendly and respectful as much as i can be. And none of his family or friends can say they dislike me, they probably just think I’m too quiet.

When I’m upset I can say some really hurtful things.

I also allow things to get to me, and I’m not very forgiving.

I will say I’m aware of these flaws that i have and I’m actively working on them and have tried to adjust over the years with these issues.

Now with my fiancé I’m trying to be as patient as I can but I’m becoming extremely miserable in the process. He’s been doing fraudulent things for over a decade,(which I thought I could initially change him when I first met him) but I’ve realised it may not be possible. He is in his mid 30s. He blamed it on not having his documents, which I understood. He got his documents through our daughter a few months ago so I’m hopeful things will change but with the company he keeps and the amount of years he’s been doing it, I’m a little bit worried that he’s stuck in his ways.

I’m concerned about his smoking and drinking habits.

Earlier this year I found that he was looking for women to sleep with as I saw the history on our computer. He later put all the blame on his cousin then slightly admitted it but denied that he actually slept with one that he was just looking.

I can’t talk to him without him flaring up. He has this huge pride and ego. He will never ever apologise even when he is wrong I’m always the one to surrender and apologise.

At this point I don’t trust this man at all. I find he is very sneaky and deceptive. In public you will think he is a God fearing man , but doing all these things behind behind closed doors without having any conviction to change I don’t know what exactly to do.

These are just the main things as I don’t want to type too much.

Please let me know what you think I should do in this situation or if you think I have no reason to try and leave I need pure honesty.
Also ask me am further question needed.

We are also not married right now as he’s still processing his divorce that he did strictly for document that didn’t work out in his favour

No front page please!!!

You are in a very toxic relationship my dear,learn to put God first in everything you do in life(your man is so unGodly and unremorseful as well),learn to always make happiness a priority and in this case your daughter's as well.If his presence in your life brings you nothing but pain then take a quick decision whether to stay or leave(enduring him for the rest of your life),nothing great was ever done without a "decision" and some decision taken early could save a life.I'm also wondering why a lady with the attributes you ascribed to yourself would be entangled with such a man(pardon me for this,just being curious).All the same take a decision devoid of emotions and make sure you put your brains at work.Have a wonderful or a miserable life,this boils down to whatever decision you end up taking.Shalom

Ma nigga is an embosser man.

Aunty, first and foremost, your dude will probably get arrested soon by this expose you've given him. This is a popular site and US immigration scrutinises posts relating to them a lot.

Secondly, I honestly do not have any advice but wish you good luck. Cheers.

sisisioge:
Aunty, first and foremost, your dude will probably get arrested soon by this expose you've given him. This is a popular site and US immigration scrutinises posts relating to them a lot.

Secondly, I honestly do not have any advice but wish you good luck. Cheers.

lol how can some one get arrested over a story that might even be fiction? Legal system doesn’t work like that.

olabrinks:
lol how can some one get arrested over a story that might even be fiction? Legal system doesn’t work like that.

Awww...they will start by tracing her IP address to find that out. Hopefully, its fake

@Op; as highlighted in red below; you clearly see all of this and you are still asking for opinion/s? Huh!!!

Giftlola:
Hello everyone

I have an issue and I want you guys to be as brutally honest with me. Problems cannot be solved alone and as much as I’ve discussed this with close family, I need to get unbiased opinions from strangers. Please feel free to pm me with advise as I’m just so down about this situation.

I’m 25 years old and I live in the USA. I’m Yoruba and he’s Igbo, was born here but have also lived in naija at one point. I’ve been in a relationship with this guys for 5 years but I’m at the point where I’m seriously unhappy. Unfortunately we have a daughter together and we got engaged when I was pregnant But things are just not Looking good.

I’m going to first start off by pointing out My flaws so things can be two sided. I will say my shortcomings are

I’m extremely introverted so I don’t like to go out at all, I don’t have friends so I can be very dependent on him emotionally, and I’m not extremely jovial with his family....(he comes from a very jovial background ) because it’s not my personality but I’m friendly and respectful as much as i can be. And none of his family or friends can say they dislike me, they probably just think I’m too quiet.

When I’m upset I can say some really hurtful things.

I also allow things to get to me, and I’m not very forgiving.

I will say I’m aware of these flaws that i have and I’m actively working on them and have tried to adjust over the years with these issues.

Now with my fiancé I’m trying to be as patient as I can but I’m becoming extremely miserable in the process. He’s been doing fraudulent things for over a decade,(which I thought I could initially change him when I first met him) but I’ve realised it may not be possible. He is in his mid 30s. He blamed it on not having his documents, which I understood. He got his documents through our daughter a few months ago so I’m hopeful things will change but with the company he keeps and the amount of years he’s been doing it, I’m a little bit worried that he’s stuck in his ways.

I’m concerned about his smoking and drinking habits.

Earlier this year I found that he was looking for women to sleep with as I saw the history on our computer. He later put all the blame on his cousin then slightly admitted it but denied that he actually slept with one that he was just looking.

I can’t talk to him without him flaring up. He has this huge pride and ego. He will never ever apologise even when he is wrong I’m always the one to surrender and apologise.

At this point I don’t trust this man at all. I find he is very sneaky and deceptive. In public you will think he is a God fearing man , but doing all these things behind behind closed doors without having any conviction to change I don’t know what exactly to do.

These are just the main things as I don’t want to type too much.

Please let me know what you think I should do in this situation or if you think I have no reason to try and leave I need pure honesty.
Also ask me am further question needed.

We are also not married right now as he’s still processing his divorce that he did strictly for document that didn’t work out in his favour

No front page please!!!

Giftlola:
Hello everyone

I have an issue and I want you guys to be as brutally honest with me. Problems cannot be solved alone and as much as I’ve discussed this with close family, I need to get unbiased opinions from strangers. Please feel free to pm me with advise as I’m just so down about this situation.

I’m 25 years old and I live in the USA. I’m Yoruba and he’s Igbo, was born here but have also lived in naija at one point. I’ve been in a relationship with this guys for 5 years but I’m at the point where I’m seriously unhappy. Unfortunately we have a daughter together and we got engaged when I was pregnant But things are just not Looking good.

I’m going to first start off by pointing out My flaws so things can be two sided. I will say my shortcomings are

I’m extremely introverted so I don’t like to go out at all, I don’t have friends so I can be very dependent on him emotionally, and I’m not extremely jovial with his family....(he comes from a very jovial background ) because it’s not my personality but I’m friendly and respectful as much as i can be. And none of his family or friends can say they dislike me, they probably just think I’m too quiet.

When I’m upset I can say some really hurtful things.

I also allow things to get to me, and I’m not very forgiving.

I will say I’m aware of these flaws that i have and I’m actively working on them and have tried to adjust over the years with these issues.

Now with my fiancé I’m trying to be as patient as I can but I’m becoming extremely miserable in the process. He’s been doing fraudulent things for over a decade,(which I thought I could initially change him when I first met him) but I’ve realised it may not be possible. He is in his mid 30s. He blamed it on not having his documents, which I understood. He got his documents through our daughter a few months ago so I’m hopeful things will change but with the company he keeps and the amount of years he’s been doing it, I’m a little bit worried that he’s stuck in his ways.

I’m concerned about his smoking and drinking habits.

Earlier this year I found that he was looking for women to sleep with as I saw the history on our computer. He later put all the blame on his cousin then slightly admitted it but denied that he actually slept with one that he was just looking.

I can’t talk to him without him flaring up. He has this huge pride and ego. He will never ever apologise even when he is wrong I’m always the one to surrender and apologise.

At this point I don’t trust this man at all. I find he is very sneaky and deceptive. In public you will think he is a God fearing man , but doing all these things behind behind closed doors without having any conviction to change I don’t know what exactly to do.

These are just the main things as I don’t want to type too much.

Please let me know what you think I should do in this situation or if you think I have no reason to try and leave I need pure honesty.
Also ask me am further question needed.

We are also not married right now as he’s still processing his divorce that he did strictly for document that didn’t work out in his favour

No front page please!!!

Your relationship sounds very toxic and I think the fault is with both of you to varying degrees. However, no blame game.

There is a saying that:

"Love is like a fart, if you have to force it it's probably shit".

For your good and his and your daughter's you guys should probably split.

When I read" ... At this point I don’t trust this man at all. I find he is very sneaky and deceptive. In public you will think he is a God fearing man , but doing all these things behind behind closed doors without having any conviction to change I don’t know what exactly to do...."

I believe you know what to do... Just do that thing on your mind....

How some people comfortably stays with people that derived joy in hurting other people's finances is what I don't understand...How do they sleep at night knowing that someone somewhere is crying because of them... especially the elderly ones when they realized that they have been scammed. and defrauded of their hard earned money... probably pension money reserved for old age... I believe karma have all their address... and will pay each an every one of them a courtesy visit...

Must you marry him?

Hes into something shady - possibly scamming
He's processing a divorce -once married for papers
Has a huge ego
Sneaky deceptive.


Can you cope with all this?

Still processing his divorce which he did for the papers.

He got his papers through your daughter.

Do you av to wait for him to use for something first before u know what to do.

More opinions will be appreciated thanks so much everyone

Giftlola:

Now with my fiancé I’m trying to be as patient as I can but I’m becoming extremely miserable in the process.

If you're "miserable" with him now, marriage with him won't be any different, especially with the numerous issues you've relayed (e.g. his lifestyle /the fraudulent activities he has been doing for over a decade) still at large.

Giftlola:

He’s been doing fraudulent things for over a decade ,(which I thought I could initially change him when I first met him) but I’ve realised it may not be possible.

Giftlola:
He got his documents through our daughter a few months ago so I’m hopeful things will change but with the company he keeps and the amount of years he’s been doing it, I’m a little bit worried that he’s stuck in his ways.

Your attempt to change him has been to no avail because the change must start with him. You can't force anyone to change, definitely not a grown man that's set in his ways and blames others for his actions. You can tailor your concerns to him, to his family, or to someone he respects, but he himself has to be willing to change and be a better man. If having a child for him hasn't changed him and getting engaged to him hasn't moved him to change his ways, I doubt marriage will. All in all, make the best decision for you and your daughter.

If he is into fraudulent activities and keeps bad friends, please leave him now for your safety. He can get into some serious trouble someday which may cause you and your kid harm or result in your name being dragged in the mud.

Your man is cheating on you now that you are just 25, what will happen when your body slacks with age and after giving birth to more kids? Well it's your choice to make.

This is my opinion with what I've seen. A Nigerian young father married or not, living in America who drinks often especially outside his home, smokes, and keeps too many friends is not a responsible man.

Nevertheless, work on your flaws too especially the non forgiving attitude, it can make a man feel justified to cheat on you.

Shalom.

Only Jesus can solve this issue. My dear Your flaws as a human, can only be taken away by Jesus Christ. Since your guy was married b4, marrying him is a sin. Christianity don't permit marrying someone else after divorce. I know over where you are, it's a norm. But I tell you. It's not right. As such my dear. Don't marry him. Thanks.

Many of you always put the cart before the horse.
You have a baby with him already before thinking if the relationship is worth it.

A man who has been into fraud for about a decade is already set in his ways.Even if he gets a white collar job,he still won't leave scamming especially with the company he keeps.

He drinks and smokes and is deceptive.He's got a huge pride and won't apologize when wrong......what were you enjoying in the relationship?....oh the bump..

If you really want to be happy in life,let this relationship go.This man won't give you the happiness you want.

You asked for brutal honesty. I'll give you as much as I can:
1. Do you know that things are only going to get worse if you get married to him?

2.Have you ever told yourself the truth, that you both aren't compatible?

3. Have you ever considered the possibility that you might have been used to complete his documents after the first failed attempt?

4. Why haven't you left? A Mid 30s man won't change for nobody. Don't be sucked into a future you can't bear because you gave into the sunken cost fallacy. The fact that you have invested so much be it financially, emotionally or physically doesn't mean squat if the hope for appropriate returns is weak. Pull out before you end up investing what you can't afford to lose.

Just start your journey to single motherhood. If he's into crime, it's just a matter of time before he gets caught. If you don't have already, please look for a support system that is not a single man.

Maybe the D is so good as to blind you from the glaring red flags. So good that you're willing to bet the rest of your life and that of your innocent daughter. I'm just a random internet stranger. What do I know?