Today’s subject on Abroad Life is a 56-year-old woman who left Nigeria in 2008 because of marital problems. She talks about her marriage, leaving suddenly, settling in Ireland and why she can’t wait to return home.

When did you first decide that you wanted to leave Nigeria?
I decided that I wanted to leave when it became the only option to escape my bad marriage. I’d lived in Lagos all my life and I was a nurse approaching the pinnacle of my career. But I had to run away.

What happened?
I became a second wife. I had a child for the first person I was in love with and he ran away, so I started losing hope that I could ever get married especially since I was a single mother. When a suitor approached me asking me to be his second wife, I thought it was a good idea. My friends tried to persuade me not to marry him. They even tried to persuade him not to marry me, but we eventually got married.

In ten years, I had two children with him, but he never really loved me. I found out that he just wanted to tick the box that he’d married a second wife because there was pressure on him to do so. His family also didn’t treat me well.

When his health started deteriorating, I became the person who took care of the family’s needs. He was retired and didn’t have any savings, his first wife had depended on him financially too and she had four children. I started taking care of a diabetic man, his wife and their four children in a home where I wasn’t loved or appreciated. It was too much.

Damn. When did you finally leave?
Before I left Nigeria, I already got a job in Ireland as a nurse. It was in 2008 and I was 42. A former colleague of mine had left Nigeria for Ireland, gotten a job as a nurse and saw the opportunity for others to join him, so he sent forms to whoever was interested. I filled the forms, sent them back and he helped with the rest of the process.

The only people that knew were my sister and very few friends. When I was leaving, I told my husband that I was going on vacation in Ireland. It was from here I had my divorce papers sent to him.

How did that go?
It went very smoothly. No hassles.

Wait. Did you leave with your children?
No, I didn’t. They stayed with a relative until 2010 when they joined me. There was still some uncertainty in my mind when I was leaving, and I didn’t want to take them with me until I was sure that it was the place where I was going to settle. I spoke with them on the phone a lot and visited Nigeria in 2008 and in 2009, so it wasn’t like I was totally cut off from them.

That makes sense. What was settling in Ireland like?
Before I left, even though I already had a job, I had to pass my IELTS. When I got here, I had to do seven weeks of something they call adaptation. It’s a period where you’re monitored to see if you have the skills to be a nurse here. If you pass, you stay. If you fail, you have to go back.

I always like to tell people, if you are not a lazy nurse in Nigeria, working here will be easy for you. The first time I was told that breaks were compulsory, I was shocked. You could burn out easily in Lagos, but here, there are processes for everything. Sometimes, the processes can be overt, because right now I can’t remember the last time I gave injections. You have to get special training for that. You have to get special training for everything.

What’s Ireland like now, 13 years later?
It’s very boring and lonely. There are a lot of people here that want to return to Nigeria very badly but don’t want to be in a place where there’s no security, the economy is bad and there’s no proper infrastructure in place. I’m looking forward to returning to Nigeria at some point and settling there. I miss home so much.

Another person might have a different view of this though. There are a lot of people here that take advantage of Ireland’s social welfare system. People, even Nigerians, come here and make up stories about threats to their lives so they can seek asylum. Those people don’t want to leave. The government houses them and sorts them out, gives them everything they need.

It’s crazy that the more you work, the more you’re taxed, but people can just claim unemployment and have the government take care of them. It happens way more than you’d imagine.

Wow.
My Irish friends complain about it a lot. They say the government encourages laziness and I agree. People weigh the options: have a job and pay tax or be unemployed and have the government take care of you, and they choose the latter. I work three jobs, and I’m taxed heavily.

How do you cope with the loneliness?
I watch Netflix, play a lot of competitive Scrabble against random people online and go on walks. Occasionally, I visit my friends in other cities.

Continue reading: https://www.zikoko.com/citizen/im-in-ireland-because-i-ran-away-from-my-marriage-abroad-life/

Coming back home is one of the ideas you need to cancel

To u can come back home but not now or not finally.

Fake. The babbling about government assistance, fake asylum claims, and how she copes make that clear. Sounds like a massive load of b*******.

You had a child with someone you weren't married to, and he ran away according to you. In your tiny mind you expected a single man with a clear mindset to pick up your baggage and wife you up.

You finally found someone willing to take you with your baggage but you were still uncomfortable with his own baggage ( a first wife) then to go on a rant on why you feel you deserved a better outcome and wasn't happy.

When his health deteriorated, you ran away (exactly what your first boyfriend) to Ireland but after all these tales you are somehow the perpetual victim of a bad marriage/relationship and you "feel" and "think" you deserve better.

Accountability is Kryptonite to some of you delusional people
Enjoy your life in Ireland and if you decide go back, good luck to you

Tired of all these nollywood stories written by @bigcabal. One is about a 23 years old student in Canada who is lonely. This one is about another Nigerian one who is home sick

It’s kinda true. Dublin used to be so boring because of the lockdown but now that the government is lifting the lockdown, more people are coming out. This summer is gonna be lit!