dare i say African ,  men very detached.

whats your opinion ?

You want to bash Naija guys? I wish you luck in your new found hubby

firstly i am not "bashing" i am simply asking a question

and

secondly he is not my *new* husband

lol@ new hubby! I wanted to type hobby, sorry!

That behaviour is not perculiar to Nigerian men,it's an individual's thing. Anybody can behave like that depending on his personality.

well baby.me why respond with an insult ? odd

have a lovely day

The are ALL like that. . . including the fake ones you see writing 'turenchi' on the www.
If you want 'attachment', please go to another race.
Black peeps are NOT capable of 'attachment'.
I have learned to 'attach' myself. . .the best attachment kpa kpa.
I nor need am!

No who get heart. . . na im others fit break.
Not this woman.
Please, they can keep the attachment. . . I only want the dee-k!
Thank God for open marriages.
If you can't get what you want. . . go 'shopping'.
Thank God for my "ashewo" NOKIA!

hmmm , interesting response Blazay

i have been married for almost 5 years and courted for two years, i have always found my husband to be very detached emotionally.  what i mean is he (makes me feel) like he isn't part of our unit.  sure he is a great provider but on an emotional level hes very into himself.  hes not very good at one on one time and Ive never been able to discuss things with him at a deep level, i mean i have but he hasn't got what i have meant.  i have been looking into this on-line and found that others too find Nigerian ,  dare i say African ,  men very detached.

My dear, you are married for 5 years and courted for 2 years which is 7 years and you are asking our opinion on

why your husband is emotionally detached?  

You should have known the answer by now because it is no longer new to you. Please, do not draw conclusion

based on what you read from this forum. Women equally withdraw to themselves depending on the situation. It is

not a man thing or related to Nija men only.

However, my opinion is try and findout why your husband is behaving like that and address the problem, since you

said he is a good provider.  Again, why do you find it difficult discussing with your husband ? You can prepare his

favourite dish, then try to chat with him after the meal. Goodluck

waybaloo:

well baby.me why respond with an insult ? odd

have a lovely day

Did i insult you? Where?

I'm sure you knew he was detached before you married him. Deal with it.

baby.me:

Did i insult you? Where?

The poster was obviously looking for your sympathy and not your reasoning hence the antagonism.
@op
That behaviour is not perculiar to Nigerian men,it's an individual's thing. Anybody can behave like that depending on his personality or the off-putting attitude of his wife

7 years and you are just noticing,complaining and seeking solution now?One should expect that by now you are very well used-to and attached to his detached self

Some people are born as introverts,You hardly can change them.

I am tempted to agree with Nerd, that something transcend individuality and may be connected with race, i said may.
@ waybaloo
Most African men are that way, detached, i believe it has to do with their nature or should i say their environment. Many Nigerian men feel "Great" about themselves in as much as they can adequately provide for their family and often feel "what more can she ask for" . they rather want their wives to come out clean with what is bothering them rather than them to waste "valuable " time probing what she wants.

Thanks for your responses, its interesting to hear other opinions. Hence my question here today. Of course it is something I have been aware of for a long time I just wondered if it was something akin to his culture. Maybe it is maybe it isnt, but I have noticed similar behaviours in other male members of his family. Of whom I have spent the last few years getting to know really well.

Your responses are interesting nevertheless and food for thought.

baby.me:

lol@ new hubby! I wanted to type hobby, sorry!

[quote][/quote]



my husband is not my "hobby" thank you very much

The ego is the main difference I see compared to western men. A western man may have an ego but of the ones I know it isnt determined by their material wealth.

It is not in an African man's nature to show and express love outwardly to their spouse. So that you dont take them for granted or feel you have them in your pocket and turn them into woman wrapper. But they are different when it comes to their children. Although most may not say they "love" the child, but they show it . Only the really emotionally weak men behave like your husband, and go out of their way to be detached. I am sure you can break his type down easily.

What in the name of all that is typed on the www, made the poster open this thread?

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

What have we here, what is the reason for the hullabaloo, let's see, oh its only a thread about the sacred Nigerian man's ego. So far so good, phew.

2mch:

It is not in an African man's nature to show and express love outwardly to their spouse. So that you dont take them for granted or feel you have them in your pocket and turn them into woman wrapper. But they are different when it comes to their children. Although most may not say they "love" the child, but they show it . Only the really emotionally weak men behave like your husband, and go out of their way to be detached. I am sure you can break his type down easily.

harakiri:

First of all, i'm dead sick of all these "Nigerian this" and "Nigerian that" threads. We are humans like you and not "brand names". Secondly, this behavior has nothing to do with race. Some men (including myself) protect ourselves with a shell to avoid certain embarassments that occur when a man opens up 100% to a woman e.g putting his private life and affairs in the open JUST AS YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE! Call me a mysognist if you prefer (like i give a damn) but you women talk a lot and a lot of times,what you talk about are things the "victims" would rather be kept secret. Woe betide any man who bares his entire soul to a woman. Finally, you women are drama addicts. Even when your home is peaceful,blessed and stress free, you always look out for something to nag about e.g he doesn't think i'm the most beautiful woman anymore/he thinks i'm fat/he works too much/he doesn't work hard enough/he spends all his time in the office "abandoning" me and the kids. . .bla bla bla. No wonder men die mostly from heart related illness these days!

As has already been said certain cultures are defined by certain behaviours and I have observed that african men are indeed not outwardly affectionate, I know that from our friends. Saying that Africa is a big place! I too am a very private person, extremely private and discreet. I rarely write on forums, that said there is nothing wrong with the limited information I have divulged. If more men opened up then women wouldnt be left wondering what the As for the "nigerian" element of the question despite our years together I am still learning about my husband and his culture and he is a nigerian man. In any event dont be bitter.

Poster are you on any type of medication?

tpia

YAWN

^I dont think you're alright upstairs, that's all.

Anyway, no be my own wahala nah.

Eni a wi fun oba je o gbo on loro awon okunrin yi.

I don't think the poster wants to insult nigerian men or need advise as to how to get her hubby out of his shell.I think she just wants us to discuss male introverts.She only used her hubby as an example

eyah.

@topic

some men not all are like that. I have no communication probs with my man but they are dayz I sometimes let him be for a while if I notice there is something bothering him and would always go back to find out what it was and yea he just let it all out.
Don't mind people insulting you jare, them no get work.

It was a crime before to see some african men cry, lol thank goodness for women that have learnt to break some of them.

//

@tpia - why the need to be bitchy

@chaircover thank you dear, wise words

@waybaloo, can you define what you mean by "emotionally detached". Do you mean any of these:

-He seems or does not take your worries seriously.

-He does not share his dreams and plans with you.

-He is not very good at telling you and showing you how much he loves you in creative ways.

-He does not talk much to you without you initiating the discussion

-He seems not to be concentrating when you discuss with him.

Or a combination of all of these. If we cannot define the problem, I very much doubt we can analyze it effectively.