roteblomen: All around me, I see eligible decent folks that are single and ready to mingle, you'll find them going on dates, talking to someone, are on dating networks and more but somehow, they are single and have been so for a long time.
What is the cause? Are young people gradually loosing compatibility with each other? Opinions are highly welcome.
Different reasons why, but I think one I noticed is that some people believe there is a particular kind/level of partner that is deserving of them and as such, until they meet such a person then, they prefer to remain single or so. Not that it is bad thing in itself to have value in yourself and not just settle, but most folks are not honest about who they really are so their expectations are somewhat of a 'cindenrella" dream...
You have answered a part of your question. It is a compatibility issue in some instances, for example why the hell would you want to get hitched or attached to someone who;
1. Is a messy and untidy individual 2. Has a poor attitude to bills, as in, they can owe for Africa when it’s time to pay bills like electricity, service charge etc 3. Is unreliable and rarely follows through on what they said they would do and……… 4. Has a host of other issues.
On another hand, some singles value their independence, the freedom and peace of mind that comes with it and they genuinely struggle with giving it up.
It is not freedom to fuucck around or sample different diicks like fools often assume, but it is the freedom to create your daily life routine the way you want it, the freedom to pursue goals unencumbered like a Masters or Ph.D, freedom to take crazy risks with your career/work life and other risks worth taking, without hesitation or a second thought - just to test your capabilities and see where it all leads to.
The peace of mind which comes from not having to deal with troublesome in-laws. Peace of mind from not worrying about kids when they’ve gone off to boarding school and peace of mind from not worrying about what hubby or wifey is doing behind your back, when your instincts keep screaming, I can’t trust this person.
Let me try and explain this further;
1. Aisha for instance has lived on her own for 8 years or more, works a good job, is able to pay her bills without drama, is used to a daily routine she cherishes and dreads having that routine up ended by others.
2. It’s a simple routine of when she wakes up, she has her quiet time/bible study, does her affirmations, works-out, showers and hits the road for work. She can sleep in, on weekends and wake up when she feels like, can choose to cook or not cook, have her girl-friends over for a weekend stay etc.
3. Aisha also has a warm/caring family and a wonderful circle of friends in her life, she feels blessed, content and pleased with life. She is not in a hurry to give up a life she is reasonably happy with for the unknown.
Well said {claps in affirmation}.
But there are other complimentary persons out there that shares this your perspective. Wouldn't it be better to put an effort in finding such person ? Not sure if your post implies a recommendation for singlehood . In the longterm, will it be sustainable?
Also, relationship is a place of sacrifice, a part of oneself is sacrifices for the greater good, but of course, if the bargain worths the trade off. Hence, why communication, understanding, compromise and tolerance are key attributes to its succession. Which begs the question, does the "voluntary singles' knows this?
roteblomen: All around me, I see eligible decent folks that are single and ready to mingle, you'll find them going on dates, talking to someone, are on dating networks and more but somehow, they are single and have been so for a long time.
What is the cause? Are young people gradually loosing compatibility with each other? Opinions are highly welcome.
So many factors
Infact they are uncountable
But the truth remains that we all must manage the situation, no marriage is sweeter the all have bitter taste
A guy without an income may not be willing to humble himself to marry a woman with steady income
But the wide ones amongs them knows that they have to and those that are already in it have gone far
It calls to question when no one out there can meet an individual's standards, don't you think so? still, does it suffice to call such people decent?
Actually there may be people who can meet those standards, it could be that they haven't found "the one" orrr for some reasons best known to them, they just ain't looking..
Ofcourse they(he/she) could be decent in the real sense of the word.. They look great, they are morally upright, they're doing well for themselves financially, they're witty & smart, yeah they can be all that and still not know what being in a love relationship is truly all about & as such cannot sustain one; I like that you've touched on some key attributes instrumental to sustainable healthy love relationships.. On one side, there are those that do not know how instrumental those key attributes are while on the other side, there are those that know all about it but are either not ready for such commitment or really do not want to.
You have answered a part of your question. It is a compatibility issue in some instances, for example why the hell would you want to get hitched or attached to someone who;
1. Is a messy and untidy individual 2. Has a poor attitude to bills, as in, they can owe for Africa when it’s time to pay bills like electricity, service charge etc 3. Is unreliable and rarely follows through on what they said they would do and……… 4. Has a host of other issues.
On another hand, some singles value their independence, the freedom and peace of mind that comes with it and they genuinely struggle with giving it up.
It is not freedom to fuucck around or sample different diicks like fools often assume, but it is the freedom to create your daily life routine the way you want it, the freedom to pursue goals unencumbered like a Masters or Ph.D, freedom to take crazy risks with your career/work life and other risks worth taking, without hesitation or a second thought - just to test your capabilities and see where it all leads to.
The peace of mind which comes from not having to deal with troublesome in-laws. Peace of mind from not worrying about kids when they’ve gone off to boarding school and peace of mind from not worrying about what hubby or wifey is doing behind your back, when your instincts keep screaming, I can’t trust this person.
Let me try and explain this further;
1. Aisha for instance has lived on her own for 8 years or more, works a good job, is able to pay her bills without drama, is used to a daily routine she cherishes and dreads having that routine up ended by others.
2. It’s a simple routine of when she wakes up, she has her quiet time/bible study, does her affirmations, works-out, showers and hits the road for work. She can sleep in, on weekends and wake up when she feels like, can choose to cook or not cook, have her girl-friends over for a weekend stay etc.
3. Aisha also has a warm/caring family and a wonderful circle of friends in her life, she feels blessed, content and pleased with life. She is not in a hurry to give up a life she is reasonably happy with for the unknown.
[In davido voice] baby you dey blow my mind, blow my mind.
It's because they can't find someone who's equally decent like them. Incompatibility.
So the indecent ones see themselves and click easily and they seem to be more than the decent ones hence the higher chances they have getting married more frequently than the decenct who seem to be more reserved.
So many bad energies in relationships and marriages today as a result of the type of people rushing into it for the wrong reasons.
Here's the right answer. No decent lady will just marry an indecent man and vice versa. Indecent people are in the majority, by the way.
My post was not a recommendation for singlehood, but a statement of fact as a single person.
I love my independence and the freedom to make my own rules as I go along in this life, for instance tomorrow is Saturday and my heart is already merry at my thoughts/plans. l intend to sleep in as late as 10am, when I wake up I will turn on the TV, flip through channels until I find an interesting documentary or movie to watch, then I will order a meal as well (cooking is my least favourite chore, even though I can cook) while I continue to laze around and just relax. We both know if I was married with kids, the plan for tomorrow will be mere wishful thinking on my part, right?
The African society we live in, constantly postulates that a mature single man or woman, is irresponsible, must have a spirit wife or spirit husband some where preventing them from getting hitched, must have a bad attitude, etcetera
It even goes further to assume that without marriage and children an individual can never be happy in this life. Meanwhile, having lived on this earth for some time and had life experiences of my own, I realize these are just myths/fallacies and not the reality of every single person out there.
Some singles may feel unhappy because they are not married and have no kids yet, but there are exceptions to this erroneous assumption and rare individuals who are happy and doing just fine without them.
I am aware that relationships (a marriage relationship in particular) requires sacrifice, compromise, trade offs and all. But, you know that portion of scripture which says - count the cost, take up your cross and follow me, right? When it comes to marriage/kids, I have counted the cost and mostly decided I'm good all by myself. As in, these things are not a do or die affair for me because there are certain sacrifices I am simply not willing to make for the sake of them.
roteblomen: All around me, I see eligible decent folks that are single and ready to mingle, you'll find them going on dates, talking to someone, are on dating networks and more but somehow, they are single and have been so for a long time.
What is the cause? Are young people gradually loosing compatibility with each other? Opinions are highly welcome.
We are just mindful of getting into the wrong hands,once you made that mistake it will linger on for generations yet unborn. Choosing a partner is not something anyone should joke,play and careless with,its a life time stuff.
In Addition to what many other Nairalanders have said.
I think Life in general is getting harder for Men and relationships are getting tougher on women. With world population growing and resources thinning, this will get worse.
Also, women have evolved. Women have become more educated, financially ok, female rights. And men have not adapted to this. Women expectation have also gone up. Social media has not helped kinda.
Sometimes, we complicate relationships and marriage. Some men have no energy and resources for trad wedding, white wedding, court wedding, introduction, registry and still have no guarantee that they will find happiness there.
Rozcol: We are just mindful of getting into the wrong hands,once you made that mistake it will linger on for generations yet unborn. Choosing a partner is not something anyone should joke,play and careless with,its a life time stuff.
Well said.
I won't lie to you, that fear has kept lots of Men and women happily single. If marrying someone does not gurantee peace of mind. Why rush in?
@roteblomen decent people remain single because indecent people are abundant...there are more men who won't mind sleeping with their wives' sisters if the act can be concealed and there are more women who can get pregnant for a random stranger and dump the child on the unsuspecting husband...if before the 21st century, for good men and good women, getting a good spouse was like finding a pin in a haystack, well in the 21st century getting a good spouse is like finding a pin in a stack of pins...
Smile4mee01: In Addition to what many other Nairalanders have said.
I think Life in general is getting harder for Men and relationships are getting tougher on women. With world population growing and resources thinning, this will get worse.
Also, women have evolved. Women have become more educated, financially ok, female rights. And men have not adapted to this. Women expectation have also gone up. Social media has not helped kinda.
Sometimes, we complicate relationships and marriage. Some men have no energy and resources for trad wedding, white wedding, court wedding, introduction, registry and still have no guarantee that they will find happiness there.
The matter deep
Which growing world population? In China, Canada, Japan, US and many other countries they are complaining of ageing population...as Elon Musk claims that one of the existential threats facing the human race is population collapse! The main problem with relationships and marriage is the evil nature of humans. A couple would profess undying love before they get married when they are both still deceiving themselves but 6 months into the marriage both partners no longer feel the need to pretend so they unleash the darkness in them until the divorce happens! Hear from Elon on population collapse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44Klhl81K7g
My post was not a recommendation for singlehood, but a statement of fact as a single person.
I love my independence and the freedom to make my own rules as I go along in this life, for instance tomorrow is Saturday and my heart is already merry at my thoughts/plans. l intend to sleep in as late as 10am, when I wake up I will turn on the TV, flip through channels until I find an interesting documentary or movie to watch, then I will order a meal as well (cooking is my least favourite chore, even though I can cook) while I continue to laze around and just relax. We both know if I was married with kids, the plan for tomorrow will be mere wishful thinking on my part, right?
The African society we live in, constantly postulates that a mature single man or woman, is irresponsible, must have a spirit wife or spirit husband some where preventing them from getting hitched, must have a bad attitude, etcetera
It even goes further to assume that without marriage and children an individual can never be happy in this life. Meanwhile, having lived on this earth for some time and had life experiences of my own, I realize these are just myths/fallacies and not the reality of every single person out there.
Some singles may feel unhappy because they are not married and have no kids yet, but there are exceptions to this erroneous assumption and rare individuals who are happy and doing just fine without them.
I am aware that relationships (a marriage relationship in particular) requires sacrifice, compromise, trade offs and all. But, you know that portion of scripture which says - count the cost, take up your cross and follow me, right? When it comes to marriage/kids, I have counted the cost and mostly decided I'm good all by myself. As in, these things are not a do or die affair for me because there are certain sacrifices I am simply not willing to make for the sake of them.
You made some valid points..
But messed it up (imo) with the view that you're not willing to make sacrifice for your future children.. I think your selfish.. I know it's your body and time etc.. Am also referring to sweet innocent, freshly created creatures.. Imagine for a minute the people who build and take care of orphans.. People who adopt even when they have biological kids etc..
If you said you don't want to sacrifice for a partner its fair and makes some sense.. But this one.. Note that one of the or if not the greatest giver of joy in this life is, the joy of giving or sacrifice.
Which growing world population? In China, Canada, Japan, US and many other countries they are complaining of ageing population...as Elon Musk claims that one of the existential threats facing the human race is population collapse! The main problem with relationships and marriage is the evil nature of humans. A couple would profess undying love before they get married when they are both still deceiving themselves but 6 months into the marriage both partners no longer feel the need to pretend so they unleash the darkness in them until the divorce happens! Hear from Elon on population collapse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44Klhl81K7g
True. And if you put a cleavage exposing big boobs/bumbum girl dressed skimpy and seductively and place side by side with a decent looking simply dressed, covered from head to toe, a lot of guys will go for the boobs.
Financial reasons and too many bad marriages. Look how the Internet is filled with marriages of less than three months which has gone under. Marriage is now seen as more of a burden than blessing.
The rise of baby mama has not helped. So instead of getting a partner, you could just impregnate a babe and send her upkeep. Also, there are too many indecent people abeg, the way I see married people visiting hotels with strangers amaze me. If this is how marriage is, what is the point?
Things won't get better(no be curse), the world is getting hard, people's love for money and material things is very high. Ladies will prefer a Yahoo boy than a 80k'decent' salary earner.
Our lives are short (highest 100) let's just make the best use of our time and enjoy ourselves. No one wants to be alone forever, however Peace should not be jettisoned
1. Sandra, called me on Thursday about a personal saga and needed money. I gave her the money I put aside for the repainting of my crib which was scheduled to happen this weekend. I figured it could wait her issue is more pressing, by the way it is not a loan I know her life challenges and chose to give the money as a gift.
2. I don't joke with my weekends because it's practically the only time I get to relax, do my chores, shop, etc but Kelly's maid didn't show up for work one weekend, she needed to go to the market and do other things as well. I didn't mind baby sitting her child until she returned, she didn't return on time either because of traffic and other issues. I played with her baby, fed her, bathed her and put her to sleep until mama came for her.
3. Last month Linda called about her own personal saga, I put off my spa treatment, manicure and pedicure plans to give her the money.
4. I heard Kadiri (a former neighbour's steward) had gotten admission into school and was having difficulty paying school fees. I chipped in to help because he was a hard-working, humble, helpful and decent young man I liked. His attributes alone gingered me to contribute towards his education.
Ogbeni, if this is not sacrifice and giving then I don't know what else is or does giving/sacrifice mean something different in your dictionary of life? I hope you are not one of these shallow minded individuals who abound on this forum, because I hate engaging with such people on this platform I end up experiencing massive brain drain. I decided to engage back because you weren't toxic or insulting in your post.
Unlike you, I don't believe I have to create a new human being with the help of God before I can experience love, joy, giving or sacrifice. I'm experiencing all these, giving to and receiving from others as well, without a child of my own. I am happy to leave the procreating to the rest of you 'multiply and be fruitful crew'. In my book of life, there already exist enough human beings I can relate with and share things with, without procreating my own.
I also experience secondary motherhood as an aunt and baby sitter, without the added stress and strain of every day motherhood which works just fine for me. I smiled when you called me selfish, I get that a lot and it doesn't bother me one bit. But, what you call selfish I call self love, I love myself too much to put myself through things I have figured will stress and drain me, without necessarily making me happy sef.
It's funny how folks with kids or those who want kinds, call folks like me selfish. Meanwhile some of the most selfish people I have encountered in my life are folks with kids. Because for you guys, everything is about your children, before you spare a thought for others or even give someone money to help them you would have calculated a million and one things your kids need or you could do for them. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with putting your kids first but you all need to chill and stop acting like the most selfless saints on God's earth because you chose to have children and some of us are choosing not to.
Marriage and children are life choices, not goals or achievements we all have to meet in order to unlock happiness or the adult phase of our lives. I'm a well adjusted and responsible adult even without them.
There's nothing noble about your choice nor mine, it's just that - a choice. This is EOD for me I won't engage beyond this.
